Goals for 2010- updated 12-31-09

I am not writing resolutions but goals for the new year- what are they?

1. Depend more on God
2. Read more of the bible and study it more in detail
3. Focus on what I can do and not what I can't
4. Pray more-
5. Learn to cook a new dish each month
6. Persevere -Flourish
7. Keep losing weight-
8. No trips to the CSU
9. To enjoy life - Choose joy
10. Cancel the worries and anxieties that I dwell on- God has it under control

I am sure I will have more but this is a start and fresh in my mind

Weekend in Review

Read below pictures- for the review of the weekend-pictures all have captions

(Marcus and I sitting on the jetty rocks with surfers behind us)

(Marcus reading the story of Jesus birth)

( opening a soccer ball for grannie and papaw's house)

(watching something)

(this is Molly Moo- she is loving on me after I gave her an orange)

( my new executive chef)

(mi madre and padre)

(Marcus opening a Santa gift)

(mom and dad's tree)

My weekend started Thursday after work when I headed south for Christmas- so I will let you know what happened.

We had a Christmas Eve dinner with our family and some of mom and dad's friends - it was very nice. Enjoyed it so much

Then that night Santa came very late cause 4 children did not want to sleep- Christmas day was very nice we took the whole day to open gifts- just spread it through out the day- this was a new thing but I really liked it- I made sweeyt rolls- yes I did- I know a Christmas Miracle- yes Shrodes' Family (the kids) Coach cooked- :)

Saturday we tok the kids out away from mom and dad to give them peace and quiet- we went to the Jetties which they have never been - it was very windy and the surfers were surfing-the kids loved it and it was so nice to go there after so many years not going.

Then we went shopping- I got 2 new outfits and my sister and mom both loved them- Marcus said I look soooooooooooo pretty. Had the 7 layer salad on this day and it was sooooooooo good- I think that is all I ate.

We got home and dealt with an hour meltdown-which included Marcus telling Papaw he was not his grandfather- I really do not like it when he uses words like that in his anger.

he finally settled down and peace came upon the house around 8 when all the kids were in bed-

We got up this morning and I took the kids to church and they saw Aunt Bekah- Miss Christy, Miss Rhonda and Pastor Gray- they love it there- it is a home away from home-

Then a meltdown occurred on the way home a very unsafe one- one in which I called in reinforcements to get others home safely.

So there were consequences inforced and then all was quiet- I was not a happy camper with this meltdown.

One of the highlights of my weekends was church this morning- why you ask because it was like God speaking to me all over again with the same words Pastor Larry preached about holding on to the promises of God a couple of weeks ago- Pastor Gray preached a very very similar message- I am wondering if they talk to each other and say what they are preaching on- seriously they do not - I know that is God using them to speak to me in both of th churches I love so dearly- God is truly amazing!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!!!

I want to give it all away just like the song

these were the words my son spoke to me Tuesday as I drove him to grannies' and papaw's. Marcus said I want to give mommy cause that is what we are suppose to do. He was so excited to give- and it tickled me to know he was starting to understand-

Listen to the song-

Christmas service 2009

Christmas Miracles- Marcus raised his hand again to accept Jesus as his savior- and he also wants a miracle for his behavior to get better.

I Corinthians 13:4-8

4 Marcus is patient, Marcus is kind. He does not envy, he does not boast, it is not proud. 5 Marcus is not rude, he is not self-seeking, he is not easily angered, Marcus keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Marcus does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 he always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Marcus never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away

Speaking out the miracle- speaking life into a miracle

Busy Day

today was a busy day but I enjoyed it so much-
Life coaching began the day and we were sharing different things God has done in our life and reflecting on our words for the year- remember mine was perseverance-
I have persevered this year - shall I recap a little
change in job location and yet with the same division- learning the functions of the new facility
and all the changes that have occurred-
2 trips to the CSU for Marcus - stabilization unit- not fun but needed to go through it-
Now Marcus can be daily issues and sometimes hourly- so persevering through each day
I am so thankful for my Savior- and giving me strength when my was so depleted

Sometimes we look at our adversary so different after we go through it and that is what I do- how I have grown from each struggle or tribulation- it allows me to realize how much I need to allow God to run my life and trust Him- He does have it all in control and if I just listen and be obedient and pray with out ceasing he turns it all around

Some of the good that has happened- my passion for God has grown and I love to worship Him even when the days are so bad- I have great friends- which they mean more to me then friendship they are family- they lift me up and hold me up when I need it - God sure knew who I needed in my life for this season. I have learned to stand even when I do not feel like it- I have learned to pray even when I have no words to say-
in the midst of all the trials - one good and amazing thing is I have lost weight and in a size that I was in high school- now to keep it off the right way. this is truly a blessing cause I have been wanting to lose weight of course not exactly how i planned it but now I am going to keep it off.

God is good and I just love Him so much- God knows the plans for me it was written even before I was born- okay God show me what you have planned in 2010. I know it i will be amazing

Hey mommy do you know...

what caroling is? yes I do- we did it today at school- great I said
You know 4 years ago was Marcus' first Christmas ever-and each year I get tickled when he comes up with these things he does- this year he is so into Christmas songs-
We were at publix last night ad he was singing Jingle Bells- and a few others- he said mommy do you know any- so I started singing with him- he got a big grin- you know these type of moments so so so lovely and take away the meltdown moments- I just pray for more of these precious moments-
He is into the Gaithers Christmas CD and sings some of the songs so beautifully - I love to hear him sing- this is one of his favorites- turn off the music at the bottom of the blog so you can hear it - I love it

Soon...

I will be on vacation - after the Christmas and New Years I will be taking off for a week- yeah- sleeping in and not doing a whole lot- I do plan on going to church one day and work around there - not sure which day though.

I have not been feeling too great- got a cold or something and when you have a cold and deal with a challenging child it is very tiring even more so- Sunday Night was an example- Marcus got mad cause he lost playing a video game and I had no energy to deal with him- Pastor Larry and Tom stepped in and helped so much- then last night he got mad cause we had to leave practice why because it was past time to leave - we were in the car on the way home when that meltdown occurred-
just worn out and need this vacation to sleep -
this time oof year tends to bring out more of the ugly in Marcus- hopefully it will be over quickly- work has been busy and hopefully will start to smooth over a little more-it has been better.

I am hoping to get a good nights sleep tonight- pray I do and sleep all night

Do you want to see what it is like in my house

I am not one to watch Dr Phil (Child ) but oh my it was like he was filming in my house- you can see this couple and you see my house on an almost daily basis- I know it is by God's grace, love and strenght I get through each day. This was just a clip from the show- I recommend you viewing the entire episode to truly understand what a parent goes through with a child with behavioral and emotional issue.

I think God is really trying to tell me something

Never give up on praying- that was one of Pastor Larry's points yesterday- I keep hearing this of not giving up- that keep holding on that God is going to do something great through it all- whatever you are going through-


Let me just explain some may think oh your tribulation or trial is nothing- no it is something it truly is- dealing with a child that has anger issues and hanging on to the past - holding bitterness in his heart- these are not small tantrums and he is not a weakling child- these are full blown screaming pushing kicking and hitting tantrums- from a very strong young man- he becomes like the hulk when he gets mad-they get overwhelming and tiring to deal with and when he does not want to work through it the way he has been taught the point is why even try anymore- why not just give up on trying to work with him- and honestly that is really how I have felt- over the past few weeks off and on. I put all this energy and time into helping him and he is not even putting any effort into changing his actions or reactions.



Last night I am hoping was the beginning of a breakthrough- we talked for about an hour on anger and the "man" Marcus shared some more things he is remembering and I asked him how he felt towards him- he could ot verbalize it- so I had him write a letter to the "man".

Dear Bob (not real name)

I am angry, I am mad, I am sad, I hate you that you did ..... to me

To Bob

From Marcus




I also had hiim close his eyes and think about what the man did to him and then I had him scream at the man ad get out all the feelings he had toward him- (the dog did not like it) but I think it helped Marcus-


We talked about forgiveness and how Marcus needed to get to the point of forgiving the man- I said you do not have to like him and he should pray for him. it was a very good converastion and I think the start of a breakthrough for him- Dont Give Up- keep praying

Deck the halls with ....

Well today was not as productive as I wanted to be - well I got all the downstairs done- got the wreath on the door and reindeer out front ( i love my reindeer I have had it since I was a sophmore i high school).and snow man flag out- I wanted to get the tree up- may still we shall see-
tomorrow hopefully will be a more productive day after a great day at church.

Busy day tomorrow though as well - work- church and then who knows what- else hopefully it will be a good day

Never Give Up

This was the message at church this morning to me- it was amazing- the speaker was so on target and the fact the his points were very similar to Pastor Larry's message a couple weeks ago is truly amazing- and that is how God works-
Many people did not realize how so this was what I was saying a few weeks ago-Truly I was - I wanted to give up so much on everything I was tired and exhausted and did not want to deal with aything anymore- I wanted to give up- and then God spoke through several instances to me and then again today -The break through is coming right around the corner- hold on and do not give up.

Shopping and Such

Oh I will not do that again - shopping long lines and crowds sorry- not for me regardless of the savings-

anyway-had a very enjoyable evening with the kiddos last night- oh normal kid attitudes but all good- we danced to oldies and country music which was so much fun- I have more rhythm then my son which is very funny to me. They had a good time-

(quality is not too good but had to share)

We did not do thanksgiving dinner last night ours will be celebrated Saturday- We did go around the table though about what we are thankful for and Marcus said he was thankful for his mommy- aww so proud and then we got to Ainsley and she said she was thankful for her Aunt Chele' before her parents - Got to love it :)

Happy Thanksgiving

Today is a day of Thanks- I am thankful for:

God- He supplies All my needs

My family- My friends

Our therapist/Baycare

Our teachers

Thankful for trials and tribulations- Thankful they do not last forever- thankful to become stronger from each one-

Home with the boy today

Marcus is home sick today so I am getting some things accomplished while he sleeps- poor love I should have known last night when he looked like this he was not feeling well- nausea- belly ache etc will not go into more detailed then that- hopefully it will pass quickly got him some gingerale and pedialyte and much sleep

Strongholds be Gone

Well PD spoke on strongholds on Wednesday night and we prayed for them and I continue to pray for ours- I do not believe the stronghold is Marcus' anger I believe the stronghold is his past- God spoke that stop praying for his actions to change but pray for the strongholds of his past to be broken- so that is exactly what I have been doing

And a couple of things have happened- hmm he has finally said why he does not tell what he is feeling - because he was told it was a secret to tell how he was feeling - I was like huh- I said it is so ok to share what you are feeling it is how we get help. No mommy I am not supposed to share- I said yes it is fine God gave us our feelings and it is ok to tell when we are said angry happy etc. he said ok - so that is a step of why he does not share

and then the other day after 4 years he finally used his words to ask for help when he was angry and could not calm himself down -

Thank you God for breaking strongholds- I will keep praying for the stronghold of the past to be broken entirely - what will happen next when that happens? It will be amazing!!!

The day that changed my life

Today marks our 4th year anniversary as a forever family- How do I feel well- when the days are good they are good when the days are bad they are so oh bad.
If you would have asked me last night I would have said please take him-
I do love him and would do anything for him -it is just so hard- very tiring and very overwhelming at times-
We are family- forever- through the good the bad and ugly- and sometimes family needs extra help. and that is what we are doing-help for him and me-

National Adoption Month

November 21, 2009, will mark the 10th year for National Adoption Day. Through the help of adoption professionals, child advocates, judges, and attorneys, thousands of children in foster care will finalize adoption and become part of a permanent home and family.
The History of National Adoption Day
2000 - National Adoption Day began with the Alliance for Children's Rights and support from the Freddie Mac Foundation, the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, and others. Hundreds of adoptions were finalized in 9 jurisdictions.
2001 - The number of jurisdictions increased to 17.
2002 - Assistance from Casey Family Services, Children's Action Network, the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute and Target. This support brought 34 jurisdictions to National Adoption Day and 1,350 adoptions were finalized.
2003 - 3,100 adoptions were finalized and 120 jurisdictions participated in the event.
2004 - 3,400 adoptions finalized at 200 events in 37 states.

2005 - The largest number of coast-to-coast celebrations for National Adoption Day! More than 3,300 children's adoptions were finalized from foster care in 227 events in 45 states and the District of Columbia. This was the year that we were apart of - Marcus was one of the 3300 and his finalization was on National Adoption Day- November 18

2006 - The largest of number of coast-to-coast celebrations with more than 250 events in all fifty states including the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico! More than 3,300 adoption were finalized.
2007 - More than 300 events were held in all fifty states including the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico.
2008 - More than 4,000 children across all 50 states found loving, permanent homes.
Each year, more and more children are being adopted on National Adoption Day and the events are becoming more widespread. In total more than 25,000 children have been adopted from foster care on National Adoption Day.

The love of Friends ad Family

This past week I have been so blessed- I absolutely love my friends- well they are more the friends they are family-
And I would do anything for them - that I can- from patchin up wounds- to moving them to whatever- giving rides-to just calling ad checking on how I am doing.- yes this past week I realized how much I need them in my life- they have helped me so in the process of having Marcus ad learning and growing with him- there are days where I just sit and thank God over and over for them.

I know I brag on them all the time my family- they have been so essential in helping me keep my sanity-

I have figured out that being with family over the last week- that additional person or persons has helped so much- and Marcus behaving this week has helped so much-

I also have started retaking my vitamins and looking into starting some excercise - steps to success and looking after me- if I am not doing well then I can not help him

better week then last - however

I am having a better week then before- oh everything has not changed- well somethings slightly changed- I have refocused at work- and realize I need to change a few things- somehow-
Somehow Ineed time for me -time for me to chill- and this does not mean be alone and Marcus be with others- I realized over this past week- my anxiety level was much decreased when we were with others- I made an appointment with our EAP department at work - to get that added help-
when you are in the thick of things sometimes you lose sight of reality and what is going on around you-
so I have a long way to go- but with being honest with friends and family and seeking out additional help I will make it through- God is right here with me -wrapping His arms around me

My therapy

Dogs are amazing- this is Maddie Shrodes ( my pastor's dog) she was hit by a car on Saturday and she has been my therapy- how you ask- well if you read my last post - it has not been a pretty weekend for me- and yet through my family and wonderful praying friends it is a new day and a new season. Maddie has allowed me to focus on something other then what I deal with on a daily basis - she has allowed me to focus on helping her heal and mending to her wounds-something I truly I have been blessed with by God - mending His creation -our friends and companions
Oh I have a ways to go and so does Maddie Moo- but we both will survive and thrive- it is just going to take time to heal-
I am truly sad Maddie got hit- accidents happen- and yet so thankful this happened in just the right timing-

Wake up Call

Well Friday was a wake up call for me at work and home- I reallized with the help of my boss my focus has not been at work and I am not meeting their expectations- so it is a reality check and I have dug deep inside to see where the problem lies- well I have been so focused on family life and concerned with Marcus and not knowing when he will have issues- I have allowed it to seep it to my work and that is not good- so my boss and I talked- and there are a couple option she gave me-and we will talk some more I am sure. I am going to have to refocus - how seek out additional help for me- pray more - talk to someone -not just family and friends- we have EAP at work I am going to go talk with them- it will be a good thing- why cause I am not functioning as I should- how?
Not focusing- just going through the motions- sleep what is that? I go to bed but usually up at 2 or 3 and then wide awake- house chores are done when I feel like it or when it gets bad -although this I am doing better at- just at the end of my rope and that is not good and I need to not be there- How can I continually help him if I am not helping me-it has effected me my work my home-
One thing that keeps me going is teaching Sunday School and the love of God to the kids- one thing that keeps me going is using my skills in helping animals- and helping others- it felt good to help Maddie last night - even though I do not wish that on anyone (MAddie is our pastors dog and was hit by a car)

What can you do- pray and pray and pray - believe when I can't
I will make it - I am too stubborn not too- just a real rough time- however I serve and AWESOME God and He will help me through- and I have loving family and friends who will help me through.
This is my prayer in the desert And all that's within me feels dry This is my prayer in the hunger in me My God is a God who provides Verse 2:And this is my prayer in the fire In weakness or trial or pain There is a faith provedOf more worth than gold So refine me Lord through the flames Chorus:And I will bring praise I will bring praise No weapon forged against me shall remainI will rejoice I will declare God is my victory and He is here Verse 3:And this is my prayer in the battle And triumph is still on it's way I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ So firm on His promise I'll stand Bridge:All of my life In every seasonYou are still GodI have a reason to singI have a reason to worshipVerse 4: This is my prayer in the harvest When favor and providence flowI know I'm filled to be empited again The seed I've recieved I will sow

God's promise to us- My promise to Marcus

Before you listen make sure you shut off or put pause on the player at the bottom of my blog

Its a New Month

today is November first - a new month a new beginning- time for renewal- time for change- time to fall away from the past and focus on the now and tomorrow- trying not to be concerned with the days to come but focus on the day at hand-what can I do different today that can impact and change a life for tomorrow-

this is with home and where ever I go- specifically at home though

what things do I need to change to have an impact- there are a few- and we will see how it goes-

Marcus said he was ready to come home and he was ready to behave- and he was ready to do the things he knows how to do-I hope this is true- he seemed a little different last night- very resepectful and very obedient- today is a new day- How will I handle it- God only knows- God I pray for wisdom each new day and help me see him the way you do-

yes today is a new day - a new month a new beginning

Thank you God

Just Fix Him

that has been my thought all week-- or should I say since Wednesday no I can say all week-

I know that is maybe easier said then done but it is how I am feeling-

its been a long week and I just would like things to be semi normal- regrouping reassessing not just him but me as well- I know I have done what I need to do- and yet feel there is always room for improvement in my parenting skills- more education of what I need to know of his diagnosis - what other steps are there etc-

How to get the rest I need- how to get time to myself and recoup- I will admit I do not do that enough-sooooo get ready may be asking some of you for an hour or 2 of your time -

I trust in the God I serve- As I was praying yesterday God just told me you are still the right choice- the song Here I am came on the radio and there are few lines in it that jumped out at me

When setbacks and failures, and upset plans,Test my faith and leave me with empty hands,Are you not the closest when it's hardest to stand?I know that you will finish what you began.These broken parts you redeem,Become the song, that I can sing

Overwhelmed by the thought of my weakness,And the fear that I'll fail you in the end,In this mess, I'm just one of the pieces,I can't put this together but you can

Here I am, Lord send me,I wanna live my life as an offeringHere I am, Lord send me,Somehow my story, Is part of your plan,Here I am

New day same story

I know my blogs have not been the most up beat lately-and let me say I apologize -I try to be positive in every avenue of life and want what God has for me- and yet the past month is taking a toll- now it is taking a real toll- I try my hardest not to and yet I am just so tired - physically and mentally drained on a daily basis- I wish I had a little scope to go inside his brain and see what is going on- I wish I could fix him like that- I am ready for God to completely heal him-I have learned a lot over the past 4 and half years and right now I am truly at a loss of what to do with him-

The I do not wants toos- the I do not cares- the refusal to do things- i can understand if it was just at home and it was a me thing - however it is at school- church and home-at others houses
I continually question myself of how I can do things different- so I try new ways and guess what it is the same response as above- he also gets angry and throws a meltdown too-
I keep persevering I keep trying I keep standing and yet I feel like my knees are about to crumble and not allow me to stand anymore.

And yet again I hear the same song everytime when I first I get in the car- I will rise by Chris Tomlin-
I will not give up- I will not give up- may need to call on some friends more often so I can have down time for me- it is a needed with any parent- single parent- and especially a special needs parent

Pressing on - Pressing through-

ITs a Celebration

First I was able to celebrate our pastors by speaking from the platform and sharing where they are going-

Here is what I said - I wrote it down because I would have not gotten through it-

As I begin to think about what I was going to say today- I have been thinking about this for weeks-no words came to my mind on how to express how our pastors mean to me.
What do you say to 2 people who pour into your life?
That challenge you to reach your potential in what God has for you
That hears from God and brings His word to you every week-
That cries when you cry and rejoices when you rejoices-
What do you say to 2 people that have such a heart such a compassion to reach the lost?
I came up with just a couple of things to say to you PL and PD
Always remember you are not alone- we are here to lift you up - we are here to pray with you- we are here to move forward and celebrate with you in all that God has for His church
And one finally word I want to say before I share what we have planned for you is:
I love you and your kids from the depth of my heart- you all mean so much to me.

Then I was able to tell them where they were going - finally a month we had to keep it hushed

Here is where they are going

So then we are relaunching our church in January- a name change and all - its a celebration-Our church is a place where you belong- where you believe and where you become all the Christ has for you -

So what is our new name

Celebration Church

In time and with patience

In time and with patience - those words were commented to me by my good friend Cathy - She said to hold on to this promise from God.
I have learned much patience and still am learning much patience- sometimes I pray God fix him and make it all good- I know such a profound statement-
Last night I was telling a friend of mine- I just hope for one day with no meltdowns- we have had too many over this past month-

Yesterday was probably on eof the best days in a while- we still had a meltdown or 2 and yet they were not so bad.

The song I will rise seems to be on whenever I get in the car and turn it on-as if to tell me - Michele you will rise- one day there is going to be no more pain no more tears-to hang on and persevere- did I pick the word for me this year - wowzers- so I am persevering-I am hangin on-sometimes by the knot at the end of the rope but I am still hanging on- sometimes I feel lke the knot is slipping and then there are those of you who I love -who say a word - send an email and yes sometimes slap me around (not really- well maybe - no) and have me get a reality check- each person has been knowing what to say at the right time-
the bonfire with the youth - came at just the right time- sitting in the fire ok not really in the fire by the fire- and watching it was so very relaxing and just what I needed- so I think I need a fire place :)

In time and patience- IN time and patience- IN TIME and Patience- IN TIME and PATIENCE

Youth at the parents house

So the youth traveled to Venice last night- and let me tell you - I had such a good time with them- we do have awesome group- I do hope they had a nice time-

Mom made her chili - which is one of my favorites- I get to bring some home - yeah!- they ate and played football in the pasture - hung with the horses- played some soccer- went on a hayride (dad drove)- then hung about an hour around the bonfire- for me that was so relaxing and I could have fallen asleep there-

Thanks mom and dad for all the hard work you put into that night for them- I appreciate it so much-

It was nice that I got to spend time with both of my families- how awesome is that-

I am Trying trying trying

I am so trying to keep my thoughts positive- so trying- oh they are- church is unbelievable and can not wait til Sunday- Work is going well- tiring but well. Our group is teaming together to make things work.
God is helping me through this trial or tribulation or what ever you want to call it- I know I am standing cause I am being held by Him-
The only road block I am having is the major regression Marcus is having - so it is tiring- emotionally- physically-
Hoping to see the light at the end of the tunnel- trying so hard for not to let this get me down- so keep praying I do- keep perservering I do

The words of Marcus' therapist keep ringing in my ears- do not give up you are making a difference- do not give up- you have changed his life
Then God speaks to me- DO not give up- I made him in my image- keep reminding him of that- I know you are tired and I will give you rest - Just do not give up I am here holding you -

So I am not giving up I refuse to - in this fashion I am stubborn- We will get through this regression phase - we will move on in one way or another-

Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)

( info taken from helpguide)

Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is a clinically recognized form of extreme insecure attachment. Common causes of RAD include severe child abuse and neglect. Children may have been removed from the home and placed in the foster care system. RAD also frequently occurs in internationally adopted children who were living in orphanages.

Signs and Symptoms of RAD
Children with RAD are so neurologically disrupted that they have extreme difficulty attaching to a primary caregiver, attaining normal developmental milestones or establishing normal relationships with other people. They show strong symptoms of attachment disruption. These children may be difficult or impossible to soothe, accepting comfort from no one, even the primary caregiver, and preferring to play alone. On the other hand, they may seem superficially friendly to everyone, inappropriately approaching and interacting with strangers as if they were the primary caregiver. What can be especially hard to bear for those who care for these children is that the child might not seem to be bonded to them at all, despite their attempts to show love and affection. Many of these children may be incorrectly diagnosed with severe emotional and behavioral disturbances ranging from bipolar disorder to depression. Families caring for children with RAD will benefit from treatment and therapeutic parenting skills. In time and with patience, even severe attachment disorders can be repaired.

Adoptive and foster parents
Adoptive and foster parents open their hearts and homes to children who have sometimes been severely abused and neglected. These parents might not have expected the challenges that come with children with attachment difficulties. Even if these challenges are known, anger, lashing out and difficult behaviors can be frustrating and hard to handle. Remember that the child is not acting out because of lack of love for you. They are acting out because their brain development has actually progressed differently. Your stability in the child’s life is giving him or her a tremendous chance to repair insecure attachments and have a much better start in life. Be sure to seek support from organizations and support groups that specialize in your situation, and don’t be afraid to seek help for yourself if you are feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.

Interactions with others, self-esteem, self-control, learning, and optimum mental and physical health are affected. Symptoms of insecure attachment may be similar to common developmental and mental problems including ADHD, spectrum autism, depression, and anxiety disorders.

Symptoms of insecure attachment
Emotional Problems
low self-esteem, needy, clingy or pseudo-independent behavior, inability to deal with stress and adversity, depressed, unresponsive, resists comforting.
Physical problems
susceptibility to chronic illness, obsession with food – may hoard food, gorge, refuse to eat, eat strange things, may be developmentally delayed
Social Problems
lack of self-control, inability to develop and maintain friendships, alienation from parents, caregivers, and other authority figures, overly friendly and treating strangers like the primary caregiver, aggression and violence, difficulty with genuine trust, intimacy, and affection, lack of empathy, compassion and remorse, negative, hopeless, pessimistic view of self, family and society
Learning problems
behavioral problems at school; speech and language problems; incessant chatter and questions; difficulty learning- brain development has actually progressed differently.

Conflict, boundaries, and repair in secure attachment
No matter how much we love our children, there comes a point where we are not in agreement with them, a point when we have to set limits, and say “no.” This conflict temporally ruptures the relationship as the child angrily protests. Such protest is to be expected. The key to strengthening the attachment bond of trust is to be consistently available when the child is ready to reconnect. It is also important to initiate repair when we have done something to hurt, disrespect, or shame a child. Parents aren’t perfect. From time to time, we are the cause of the disconnection. Again, our willingness to initiate repair can strengthen the attachment bond.
For children with insecure attachments and attachment disorders, this conflict can be especially disturbing and scary—for both the children and the primary caregiver. The child may overreact, having a wild tantrum, or rapidly withdraw. They may temporarily show developmentally regressive behaviors, like rocking or trouble with toileting. Don’t be afraid to set limits and boundaries with insecurely attached children. Consistent, loving boundaries will help them develop the sense of trust they need that their caregiver will be with them through thick and thin. These children also need to learn that no matter what they do, they will be loved and respected. Repairing insecure attachments and attachment disorders
Sadly, insecure attachment can be a vicious cycle. Due to problems with social relationships, insecurely attached children may become even more isolated and withdrawn from their primary caregivers, family and friends. They may be seen as “bratty” or “bullies”, making it hard for them to form relationships that may mitigate the effects of insecure attachment. However, it is never too late to work on forming secure attachments. While the brain is most pliable in infancy and early childhood, it is responsive to changes all of our lives. Relationships with relatives, teachers and childcare providers can also supply an important source of connection and strength for a child’s developing mind.

Here are some tips on repairing an insecure attachment:
Learn what creates a secure attachment. Attachment is an interactive process that requires both verbal and nonverbal skills. Emotional intelligence is critical to building a secure attachment, since even verbal children are sensing our moods and watching everything we do. Every child is unique and will have different ways to be soothed.
Provide support for the primary caregiver. The primary caregiver needs to be emotionally healthy, have adequate time, and the right skills to be attuned and responsive to the child’s needs. In some cases, the caregiver may simply be overwhelmed, and help with household or work responsibilities allows them to focus. Other caregivers may need more help, such as parenting classes, alcohol or drug treatment, or therapy for mental disorders such as emotional trauma or depression.
Help the child express his or her needs. Children with attachment problems will need extra help in learning to express their needs. They may have learned not to cry if in pain or frightened, for example, or not associate touch with being soothed. They may revert to developmentally inappropriate behaviors if stressed or scared. It might take extra creativity and diligence on the caregiver’s part to help the child express needs safely and appropriately.
Time, consistency and predictability is key. Problems in attachment result from problems with trust. By this very definition, repairing an attachment disruption takes time, consistency and patience. It will take time for a child to realize that they can trust and rely on their primary caregiver and other important people in their lives. Children with attachment disruptions may be more sensitive to life changes and situations like travel, returning to school or holidays. Caregivers should be aware and as attuned to this as possible, helping to keep a normal schedule during unpredictable times.

3 little words and then some

Have you ever heard these words - I HATE YOU- well I have many many times- and let me tell you those words cut to the heart- well they did for me for a bit- and now- they don't so much- I do not like to hear them but they do not cut to the heart so much-they are just words spoken when a young man is angry. I simply tell him I love him and say it over and over again until he stops saying he hates me-

It is an amazing way -to have his attitude change.

I know I may have concerned some of you with my last post- let me reassure you - I am ok- just tired-when it is a constant thing of calming and angry child that could get volatile it does get you tired-especially when it is daily- dealing with a child with emotional and behavioral baggage is no easy task-I do not recommend this type of life for the weak- honestly it takes guts and perserverance and determination- sometimes strength from others and just the caring of others to help you through to know You ARE NOT ALONE- I wonder at times how in the world I was chosen for this incredible life- I am not losing out hope-he just is going through some regression. We will overcome though-

Many have told me I am doing an amazing job- yes yes I am - I am doing an amazing job- we have come so far in this journey of only 4 years November 18th. I am doing everything possible to help him- it is up to him what he does with the help- these are not my choices they are his-

I continously learn how to deal with him and what I need to change- It is a constant learning curve.

So do not worry- I am ok- just need some rest and down time for me- to recoup to regenerate- Things will change-Keep praying for us- God is doing a great thing- I just need to keep my eye focused on Him even during all seasons.

Mark 9:37 (New International Version)
37 "Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me."

I have not wanted to write

Sorry everyone - just not feeling like writing lately- work has been a little difficult - because of me and my malfunction of time management and now I am working it out and seems to be smoother.

On another note- the last several weeks have been extremely difficult extremely difficult- with non other Marcus- it seems he has spiraled out of control again- oh not to be hospitalized but he gets angry because he can not find a sock or someone will not show a picture- so I asked him why he is not working on his goals or doing his work at school- he plainly says he does not want to- my repsonse probably was not the greatest but it is truly how I felt- then how can I help you if you do not want to do these things or you do not want to do your goals or what you are asked to do.

Thankfully we have 3 appts this week so- we shall see what happens

On the upside of the many days I have not written-I have met a wonderful person who knows exactly what this life is all about with special needs adopted children- so blessed to get to know her and realize we are not alone in this world- I was introduced to her by PD and so thankful for her introduction . We already gelled in the short time of know ing each other

So thankful for you Jill- She has so many more children then I do and deals with so much of what I do with one child- Her children are so blessed to have her as a mom.

God protects us

We were on our way home Saturday from my sister's house- going home one of several ways that I go- nothing abnormal until we get to a turn in a road where what do I see a huge pick up truck in my lane - heading for us straight on- and for some reason I was not scared actually calm-which was was very weird-(lack of better words). and with in inches (seemed like it) more like a couple of feet- it was like God pushed the huge truck out of the way- Marcus was oblivious to what was going on-

Had the truck hit us we would have been squished like a bug- I have a Focus- but God provided his protection-

Thank you God!

His Strength is Perfect

Hanging on...

and knowing I am not forgotten.

sometimes I need that reminder. last night I was reminded in a big way by God- He spoke with me about upcoming changes and to hang on cause it is going to happen quick- all good-
Not ready to share it yet but I know this is going to happen- I sense it in my spirit- and my heart.
Before I could really say what God spoke to me to Melissa she told me exactly what He told me - I was like okay God this is you and not me.

So I am hanging on and know I am not forgotten.
And so excited about what God has for me - for us. Thanks Cathy and Candy for praying with me- you all are gems

The week did not get much better

after he got suspended from the bus- wednesday afternoon and evening was disaterous- he became out of control at church and it shook me for a bit- plus i think i began to come down with a sinus cold- so thursday I get a phone call saying Marcus hit a child on the bus and was getting another referral- ugh and then when asked about it he did not take responsibility for it- this week has been a very rough one for him and taken a toll on me- hoping this weekend turns around.

I have Ainsley and Daskota today and Marcus has soccer pictures then grocery shopping with the 3 people- this should be interesting.

not sure what the rest of the day holds- pool- park - sleep- etc

Suspended

Yes you read the title correctly-Marcus got suspended from the bus today-it could have been worse- you see when a child acts out in an aggressive manner on the bus (which he did) also was running up and down the aisle- the bus drivers are instructed to call the police- well Mr. Carini and Mr Madley-told them he would meet the bus and see what was going on - Mr Carini is the behavioral specialist at Marcus' school and is truly plays a significant role in Marcus' success-

Fortunately all this happened after work and I was actually on my way to pick him up- instead I met him where the bus was-

Let me back up though cause when I got the message I was like oh no- what now- cause I did not know how bad it was- So my simple pray was Help me Jesus all the way to pick him up- I did not want to be angry although I was upset- My simple words were Help me Jesus and as I was driving God said he was provoked and that is when I knew I needed to be calm and find out what happened- never provoke someone who has anger issues it could get ugly- which it did.

I get there and he is calm - he got off the bus when asked by Mr Carini- he saw me and went a little wack a doodle but we assured him I was not angry I just wanted to find out what happened- and he was provoked -and yet forgot about what he learned to do-so we talked and talked on the way home and he wrote a apology letter to the bus driver

Mr Carini called and said he was suspended from the bus today- and he said if you need to pick him up a little late fine etc- he knows single mom working and they work so well with me - which I am thankful for- so I did not freak out ( I am getting better too) I called my wonderful friend Cathy and she said she could take him in this morning- THANK YOU

I told Marcus this is a referral and no referral party this month- he was sad - he even broke down cried and said he was a better person then this type of behavior and he did not like the choices he made-

I told him I do not want to see another referral- yes maam- I said you a r a better person then this type of behavior I know you can behave better-He said to me I am a good person - my response was do you believe that? Yes I am a good person mommy - I said yes yes you are. This was HUGE step because he for so long would always say he was a bad person. This is progress and yes it did bring tears to my eyes.

Customer Service

I was in a store yesterday and was at the check out lane and not one word came from the lady she was too busy with the other employee- no thank you for shopping - have a nice day etc. Her concern was with her fellow coworker which had just arrived. For me this rubbed me the wrong way - I got my stuff and thanked her - what was her response nothing.rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Which of course that got me thinking-

Do we respond with nothing when our heavenly Father asks us something or tells us something? How does that make Him feel- rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr like me or they will get it next time. What if there is not a next time thought? Why do we not respond to God right then and there-


I myself this week had a perfect opportunity to respond and did not why? I am not sure. I am hoping God will give me another chance this week to respond with this person.

So what I have learned and continue to learn is respond to what God is asking of you- do not leave Him hanging waiting for your response- let Him know you heard Him.

I hear you God and will be responding even more

Marveling

Last night on the way home from church, I was marveling at what an awesome God we serve and how He is always there no matter what we go through. I have looked over the past year, the past six months, the past month and just marvel. Even looked at the past half hour I was at church, Marcus had a meltdown and we handled it together in a matter of minutes instead of many minutes. I did not need to call in the extra troops, that I know would come in an instant if needed. We worked together to make it through. I am telling you God is doing something in my boy's life and I am so excited about it. For so long we have dealt with a past, the past is being wiped away and we are pretty much dealing with just kid things.

God is working in me- I am trying my best to improve as a manager to see and work through things at work with His guidance, with His touch. Last night was a duh moment in service and it really had nothing to do with what PD was talking about and at the same time it did. I have not been speaking with God about work and just a simple thing PD said last night was take time to be quiet and listen to Him. So I made a list of what I needed to begin to pray about for work and every morning this will be prayed about until breakthrough happens. I believe it will happen sooner rather then later.

We had open house on Tuesday, Marcus is doing very well in school. He received a B on his math test . Which I am so proud of, he is in mainstream math. He leaves his classroom everyday and walks by himself with no other person going with him (this is new from last year) He is being more responsible at school. His behavior specialist even said we may work on mainstreaming him even more. He must have seen my look of anxiety on my face because he said we will take baby steps for you mom so you become adjusted. We laughed. Yes in the now almost 3 years of him being at Lake Myrtle we have come so far, from the many days of having outburst and being secured in timeout room , to him (Marcus) now putting himself in their when he needs to calm himself down. AMAZING - Marveling.

(Gayle - I tried my best- this one was for you and hopefully the sentence structure was better then normal- LOVE YOU)

new and refreshed insight

well- spoke with a wonderful person on the phone last night-Kathryn you may have heard of her from one of PDs blogs- she had some great insight and we discovered a lot of the tools I use for Marcus I need to tranfer them over to work- wow who knew I had it already- She gave me many new ideas to begin to utilize and I can not believe how fast the hour went- I wrote fast and furious and today will sit down and decipher and digest all she said. a fe wbooks to read - which are ordered and on their way.

yesterday was a good day- long day at work and my back is sore from it but we had to essentially get 2 days of work into 1 because of things going on with the building-so today will be a day to work on things and get things done that usually is put on the wayside- it is a day of catch up

oh and remember yesterday when i said I need a mini vacation well- i took Friday off- and I am going ot sleep in an extra hour ( still need to get Marcus to school) then have a list of projects to get done around here

~~ different topic- ever since we lost our friend Bernd- Marcus talks about where he is and how you get to heaven and if you do not have Jesus in your heart you will not go - and I am like yep you got it-everyday it is a new question which is good- I love to answer his questions

What has beenth going on

i know it has been over a week- this past week has been crazy- i am wondering if things will ever calm down-
over the past week- we have had our caseworker come in which is a monthly visit- and love her- she is great- then we got some very sad news about a very dear person who passed away on Wednesday- which was very interesting cause Marcus has never had to deal with a death so for me it was a little bit different explaining to him- i think he got it- thursday was a busy day with soccer and such- was a special soccer game- coach Gig came and (his track coach) and watched i thought that was great-love our track family.
friday we went to tobias house with the dog because we had to get up to go to Venice fo the memorial service for Bernd- it was a very heart warming service- he touched many lives while here on this earth- then we came back and i heade to the St Pete time forum for a girls night out with Ainsley and my sister to watch the princesses ice skate. it was very good and the skater were very talented.
then Sunday was service - it was off the chain as PD would put it- God moved in a mighty way and all I can say is if you live in the Tampa Bay area you need to come to Northside to see what God is doing.

that was a run down - a quick run down of last weeks events-
for me- i am worn out- just want time to rest- but find myself having things to do and not getting them done. not sure why i am ususally pretty organized - i guess i am just tired of doing it all and do not wan to do anymore- oh i know that sound horrible but dealig with behavior issues household issues work issues etc gets to you- no i am not overwhelmed and i am not complaining- just would like to catch up on things that need a accomomplish hmm- maybe I need to take a mini vacation from work and get the things done-
work is improving - i need to improve- i just need more knowledge in my manager skills-i know God will help me with this- he has already provided some help- i have a meeting tonight so i know it will be a good one

Greetings from the land of the Danielsons

its been a little while since i wrote- this week has been a bumpy one- not horrible- just bumpy and it was not all Marcus- working on things from work and trying to figure out things there- and solving personnel issues (still working on this one- pray for wisdom for me) - at times working with multiple personalities and seeing they all mesh together has its difficulties- and i have a small staff so i can not imagine what others do when they are in management with many more then i have.
so i am in a funk- i know the house needs cleaned but do not feel like doing it- oh I have kept up sorta on it - not too horrible - but there are things that need to be done and i am so very lazy by the time i get home and cook dinner and get the HW done- soccer if it is that day and then church if it is Wednesday- the stress of work is not overwhelming but it has taken a toll on me over the last week-from managing people to managing the facility itself- if it is not the building its the people-and this week it has been both-there are days where for me wish I could snap my fingers and at least the house would be reorganized and back together again-stuff gone through- etc- the walls repainted- just little thing that are adding up- ok enough of me on a tangent

Marcus has had a really good start to this year- this past week he earned 500 points out of 500 yeah for him- the teacher says he is really doing well- he is doing well at home minus some issues - and finally i am learning the issues tend to pop up when he is tired - so i am learning how to deal with it better-had counseling yesterday and the counselor was very positive- said Marcus is a good boy and has come so far in the last 6 months- i am like i know i can not believe it - oh yes I can i serve an AWESOME GOD-

i think this week because of some incidences with Marcus had me a little nervous too-you see this week a year ago Marcus was in a crisis unit -for not being safe and being a threat to others-he had a few moments of not doing the right thing and it was like gulp are we going there again- no we were not just my moment for reliving that week. all is well and i really do not think we will need to go back - in fact his counselor said we may soon drop back on the times we do see him- i was like are you sure you want to do that- he laughed.

today is Saturday what am i doing- my plans are to get my house in order today- i was going to sleep in but i was up at 5:30 am- i have an internal alarm clock and a dog in my face saying he had to go- so up i was -

What a difference a year makes

a year ago Tuesday will mark a day in my life that was changed forever- you can read about it here.

but what I take from that day and who I have become because of that day I will write today.

to this day i remember most clearly-there are some things that stand out so much and impacted me greatly- like the words from Pastor Larry when I called and then again when I spoke to him later that night- "this has no reflection on you as a mom" powerful words that i think of often- however i use those words as a positive impact and how i am being a mom and how i react as a mom- it is all good. knowing that family and friends were there to lift me up in the darkest time in my life- which i can say now just lifted back in March yes it took that long and dark moments have come since then but had not stayed around as long-and how i handle things have changed- with the right healthcare workers and constant prayer life is good.

this day has been so much on my mind lately cause i know we have come so far- being a mom over the last few months has been so different from a year ago-so what have i learned over the year?- let me tell you

* you are not alone- yes PD I learned this as well over the course of last year- i have family and friends to help me walk me through and even carry me through- not just friends though - I serve an awesome God who has been through this year with me every step of the way -

* trust God trust God- hand life over to Him- stop handling things yourself

* give love give love give love- even when it is hard

* spend time-even if it si biking walking - grocery shopping-

* fill positiveness - encourage encourage encourage

* listen to the therapist- talk and share and be honest so you can get the help you need

* realize your strength comes from God

* it is good to do something for yourself and not feel guilty

* it is ok to say please take him i need time

* sports are a good thing

* God has always had his hand on our lives and knew we would survive

* through the misery of what i was going through i was able to minister to others

* sometimes a good cry is so needed just to get through

* good friends - are always always there -they know just what to do- listen or give hugs

* God is doing a great work through Marcus and it is coming through

* thankful for the storms in life

* i want to help others with a child with behavior issues and let them know they are not alone and they will make it

*we were able to come off one of the meds he was on

* he is a funny kid and life is so enjoyable with him now- God you created him in your image and it is beginning to shine through- THANK YOU!

*i have become more confidant in my parenting skills- i am proud of how i handle the difficult times - trial and error- learning learning learning

no matter what comes our way I know through God's guidance and relying on Him I can make it through anything- I know many may not completely understand - like oh your child has behavior issues so what child does not- well no not like what we have been through- if you would like to know in detail i would love to share my testimony with you - God is truly awesome

Here I am

ok I have not fallen of the face of the earth- sorry Gayle no capitalizing and no punctuation (LOL)
I will write more later on just wanted to stop in and say the first week of school is going by well- Marcus is adjusting back to the schedule- will post pictures soon- can you believe he is in 3rd grade? where has the time gone

Truly Blessed

I have the best son- I know many are saying what- no seriously God is working on him so much-

I keep instilling in him - he was created in God's image and just speaking life into him through the scripture- Marcus' faith has increased so much- I love it- so let me share with you somethings he has said be prepared your name may be mentioned - he loves you so much that is why I am sharing.

SO yesterday Marcus was a little off I found out yesterday he had a headache all day- I asked him why he did not tell me- He said he was believing for God to heal it- I was like I am so glad you have that much faith honey however God gave us Drs that he has giving the ability to give us medicine to help get rid of those headaches so He is healing you through the medicine - oh he says -I love Marcus faith he has truly touched my life with his belief in God for everything-

Ok get ready cause this is for someone special to us-he loves you-

we were talking about how our bodies should be kept clean and pure before God (our body is a temple of the Holy Spirit)and how nothing bad should be put in our body like drugs or alcohol, etc. and he said what is alcohol so I explained what it was and he was like Fred(not real name) drinks that and I was like yes yes .Fred does. Well does Fred have Jesus in his heart- I said next time you speak to Fred you ask him- Can I pray with Fred? absolutely! Can I pray with Fred to ask Jesus in his heart- Yes yes you can

Marcus truly has a tender heart and it is shining through more and more- my days with him have been awesome and I am thankful for God teaching me- showing me and allowing me to be Marcus' mom my life will never be the same

Hopeful for Someday-

I am hopeful for someday- and he does not need to be a prince-been thinking lately of God sending the man He has for me

Marcus first soccer game 2009

Here is a quick video of Marcus' first soccer game- he scored the only goal for his team- he is talented. hmm can someone go to the olympics for multi sports- gotta love it- he enjoys it- hope to see some of you there

3rd grade here we come

well school starts Monday for us- yeah! We will have the same team of teachers as we have had in the past- yeah!! This year will be better then the last - I know it will be better - anything will be better from last year-

why - well for those of you reading this last year was one of the worst school years for us- Marcus was baker acted ( he was a threat to others-me) twice in the school year- and let me tell you I have learned so much over this past year- we talked about trying again last night at fusion and wow if I did not try again with Marcus where would we both be- oh I was close in throwing in the towel for him and giving up that is how serious it got- but I pressed in - with the love of God- with the strength of God with family and friends to be my strength when I could not go on anymore- God is good and so ever faithful

So we have a new year to look forward to and so excited about what is to come-

SO we will perservere- this is my word for the year and the sign on Marcus' hall at school- so fitting for us.

Blindsided by my own reaction

wow is all I can say- I just did not realize how I would react to the unfolding of yesterday events- I will not go into a great detail here on what happened just know I struggled yesterday for unknown reasons and today some residual effects but it will all get better- why cause our God is a great big God-He truly is-

There is a few people who know and I know they will diligently pray- as I told the few I feel it was selfish and each one of them said no no - you just have a desire in your heart and you are ok-

I think my reaction shocked me cause I had not felt this way in a very long time many many years- I know I am talking in circles too many of you- my point really is of today's writing is to help me work through it and I will overcome it- will not change the desire of my heart just a matter of getting through the weak moment.

I will keep pressing in- and seeking God- in this area of my life-

No soccer game last night

Why you ask - because soccer is a privilage and when you do not work on your goals of self control then you do not get to do what you want- was he happy no- but he realizes I mean waht I say-
hopefully he will be able to do it next week
glad it is Friday - I need some rest tonight - I am worn out

worn out

yesterday afternoon - I had a great workout- I wrestled and won with an 8 year old not getting his way- we had yelling and screaming and running away- wish I could say that about me- no it was ok - I kept my cool and just let people know if I needed them- Thanks Jordan for snatchin the boy-
we "hugged" for about 30 minutes before we were able to go into service- he just was wack a doodle all over me- need some wisdom on this type of situation cause it usually happens a day after soccer - church- etc when he gets tired - trying to figure out how to handle it all better -
I am very proud of how I am handling things- I look back and say wow I have come a long way-(yes I am starting to see it)
oh it takes a physical toll on me just because he is so strong however God gives me strength (physical too) when I need it- I truly believe this
he went to service with me last night and did a great job- thanks Candy for helping and taking him under your wing-
He sang he sat and he even participated in fusion - hmmm maybe need to bring him in more often-
the ride home was pleasant and all is quiet this morning- thank goodness- now it is up to him whether he plays soccer tonight or not- by the choices he makes- Help me Jesus to help him

Another season

OK this is the start of a crazy couple of months- we try to keep Marcus active in sports to help curb the anger outbursts- so today we begin to have soccer practice-amist picking up Isaac from the vet. The good thing- soccer practice is 5 miutes away- yes!

He loves it however it is a privelage and he knows I mean business- you can behave and do your goals and anger control- and calm down- and be able to play or you can not work on your goals and anger control and sit and watch everyone else play.

ok so breathing -

BELIEVE HE SAID NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE

Christmas in July- what a wonderful night and I know I know it is August what is she talking about Listening more to Him- Trusting Him- Relying on Him- Giving it all to Him- All of which I have done but really needed and still need to do it more. Constantly growing in Him.

Ok what exactly am I talking about.

Well the message on that Friday night forever changed me along with another message that will be talked about below- - well my life was changed so much and even since then I have been changing drawing closer to Him and him-

Believe- I have to believe -that if He can move mountains He can move my mountain- I must believe- I must believe- oh I had said I believed but in all reality I did not think or believe- I believed He could move every ones mountain but mine- well not any longer I believe.

He said- God said He said he can take care of all our needs- finances- emotional- physical- children- work- all of our needs He said HE SAID- why am I not believing He said well I do believe HE Said he Can and we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us HE said

Nothing is Impossible for God- lame men walk he touched those with leprosy healed the blind- touched an ear that Peter cut off- walked on water- ROSE from the dead. so Nothing is Impossible for God- and my need my son is so important to him but I must believe I must -

so BELIEVE HE SAID NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE

Then on Sunday PDs part of the message just gripped me and I have not let go of the words she said- Stop Complaining stop complaining about your children you did not need to have them (paraphrasing) you are so right ok God what are you really telling me-So He spoke to me big time- God said you keep complaining about Marcus and all the junk you are going through- however I chose him for you and you for him not to be complained about but to be poured into positively -you are his biggest advocate yet you complain too-you need to pour into him - just you and him- trust me BELIEVE I SAID Nothing is Impossible- ok I am listening to you God and Believing~really Believing

So that week I was on vacation- poured into my son and not complained- we found a child care with Marcus help and prayerful consideration- a teacher who is male and "brown" like Marcus ( as he would say) and the teacher and his siblings are adopted- Believing- smaller environment - everything I have been looking for yet had never thought to look there- Believe Nothing is Impossible for God ( this past week was his first week and it was a little bumpy-but successful)

it was just him and I full of little surprises daily nothing extravagant but poured ito and we talked and laughed and it was the best week I have had with him- we went Tuesday we had Drs appts all day so I thought well we have to eat so we went to CHanelside and ate at Bennigans by the window and he had a big ole smile on his face the whole time- special- Thursday we went to Homassaa Springs( Embracing) and had a wonderful time we took a boat and it was priceless simply priceless times- Friday we were tired ok he was so we layed around the house watching movies all day and then Saturday we went to the Bucs practice ( bucs) he was all big eyed- he was great fun

I have come a long way over the last couple of weeks really trusting God with Marcus and me pouring positive into is life - so if you start to pick on him - make fun of him- be negative about him just stop complaining about him and pour positive into him- it is changing him so traumatically - Believe He said Nothing is Impossible