A look behind to look ahead

words to describe last year-
new
track season-
winning medals
good times
a year without being in the unit (well until October)
amazing teachers
summer vacation- awesome
growing
tested
trials
hopeless
hopeful
helpless
emotionally drained
thankful
grateful
humbled
traveling
family
tired
triumphant
diligent-
my word for the year was to thrive- and not just survive- not sure it was thriving
hurt
isolated
loved
finally realized it was time
thankful for those who care so much
glad I am not alone
heard
safe vs not safe
numb

I leave 2010 knowing 2011 has other hurdles to go over but what I came away with from 2010 more then any other year is the fact I am not alone and realize how much we are loved and cared about- how much when you ask for help- need a shoulder to cry on- a hug- someone to vent to or scream at they will be there. When you need someone to push you to make a decision that you do not want to do but know you have to do it for the best interest of your child and yourself they will help you along the way-
my heart was ripped out and thrown on the ground but certain things had to be done this year for my child - no one clearly understands what I have been through- they just understand I need my family and friends to be there for me- this year coming will be another year of trials- but yet I know I have the most amazing people in my life to help us get through and I serve the most amazing God to give me strength and wisdom

Happy New Year my friends

Hope

I received a special gift from a very dear friend of mine yesterday - it was a bracelet with the word Hope all around it and I also received a photo frame with Marcus and I in it with the word Hope on it. I really did not think about the word til today when I was at work looking at the frame with those words on it-
It made me think even tonight what this word really means- here is the dictionary definition

hope (hp)
v. hoped, hop·ing, hopes
v.intr.
1. To wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment.
2. Archaic To have confidence; trust.
v.tr.
1. To look forward to with confidence or expectation: We hope that our children will be successful.
2. To expect and desire. See Synonyms at expect.
n.
1. A wish or desire accompanied by confident expectation of its fulfillment.
2. Something that is hoped for or desired: Success is our hope.
3. One that is a source of or reason for hope: the team's only hope for victory.
4. often Hope Christianity The theological virtue defined as the desire and search for a future good, difficult but not impossible to attain with God's help.
5. Archaic Trust; confidence.

I thought to myself I lost hope or it was not there over the last month or so or I just can not imagine but I guess I felt hopeless - not looking or expecting a positive outcome- not looking forward to what was ahead-why because I do not know what is ahead I still do not - and yet today I can be full of hope- why because there is a plan a plan to help Marcus and myself- God has a plan - and I need to continue to be confident in what He has planned- I know I may not always feel hopeful or full of hope and yet I know my friends will be there to remind me-

Thank you my dear friend for the reminder of the Hope that I have in Christ through all circumstances-

Home Alone

well Marcus spent last night and tonight with the Cole Family- not too bad with behavior - nothing but kid behavior -which is good-
today was a quick day at work- in fact all week is- since the university is shut down-
just working half days this week and then off the following week-

Today after work went for my first tea with amazing friends- I love these ladies so much- they have been my source of strength and comfort- I do not think they know how much they mean to me- words can never say-

Now home to a quiet home- snuggled in my blanket watching tv- aww ( of course it would be better if my headache would go away)

Merry Christmas!

As I sit listening to the Gaither's Christmas on TV- I am reflecting on the day and the last few days- and how thankful I am for good days-I hold them close- just because you never know when the tide will turn- I take each day as a gift now more then ever- and so blessed and thankful when they are as good as they have been over the last few days
So highlights- well Marcus asked Santa for a bell from Rudolph's neck- because he wanted to believe he was real- he wanted proof- well if you could have seen the look on his face ( I think Lori got a picture) it was truly priceless when he found the bell at the bottom of his stocking- who would have thought a small bell would bring a child that much delight.
Marcus got a football from grannie and papaw and played with that most of the afternoon with papaw and Dakota.
My son only asked for a few things and one was a bible word search- in which Santa had found and he was thrilled with that as well- it is apretty good one- I like it - not just words but the meaning of them- bible verses etc- Santa did good :)

Honestly - I was not looking forward to celebrating this year cause I truly did not know what the day would bring- but I had to trust in God today more then ever - for wisdom and guidance. More then ever I have had to rely on Him - because of not knowing which way to turn- God has His hand on Marcus- I dedicated him 5 years ago when I adopted him and need to trust God with him- He has amazing plans for him- the times we are going through now just means God has an amazing testimony for him on the other side-
So today was amazing- truly blessed by the day- I was smiling as I was driving home with tears in my eyes as I listened to Marcus play Bop it for an hour and half- it was truly a delight

TODAY

today was a great day- some issues first thing this morning but afterwards we were good to go- Marcus went with Uncle Adam this morning while I went to work and then I got him and we ran around for last minute things and he was a joy to be around we laughed and laughed- skipped across the parking lot at the stores ate- he took a nap- he did his chores with out issue we went for a walk - I cooked dinner and then we ended the night with special friends watching the Steelers. He crashed before we got to the main road from their house.
Today is a victory and I will take it -

It Christmastime

Yes it is Christmastime but why am I not rejoicing - just have not felt like it- Oh I know the reason for the season is Jesus and so thankful for Him- I would be nothing with out him.
I am trying to be positive and all and that at times I am just so tired of the dealings of a very defiant aggressive child-very demanding child- it wears you down. ok enough of not so happy discussion cause my son seems to be the topic of most of my blogs lately and how rough it has been- which it is all true- but on ward to Christmastime (okay after the last few minutes there is a twist )

Christmastime is a time for family and friends to celebrate the birth of Christ- and yet at the same time you can not trust when your son will flip the switch- and turns the day into a nightmare for all involved even though they may not say it.

Christmastime is a time for laughter and having a good time- until your son takes it to the extreme and goes wackadoodle

Christmastime is a time to travel and look at the lights around town - until your son gets upset and angry about something said in the car and begins screaming and punching the doors-

Christmastime is a time to relax and chill out and get rest- however you think about what may happen- and the relaxation goes out the window-

Christmastime I love it when it works out the way we think it should but in reality I never know what the next day will bring- what will cause a set off or what will make him calm-

My gift this year for Christmas will be the help my son needs- I hope it comes soon

What a great day yesterday

It was a great day at church yesterday- From the start to the finish was great- My favorite part was when the teens came up to hear the story - that was my part to read and talk to Marty the puppet- we have a good time :) ( talking to the puppet helps keep my sanity- i enjoy it so much)

Marcus is in the pictures too- singing (marcus is all the way to the right)

We have such a good group of kids- we that work with them love what we do

My days consist of listening

My days tend to be days that I listen to a lot of praise and worship- why cause it gets me through the days- reminding me I am not alone and God is always with me in the good time and bad- He is on His throne and is there helping me through

You are God Alone- Phillips Craig and Dean

You are not a God
Created by human hands
You are not a God
Dependant on any mortal man
You are not a God
In need of anything we can give
By Your plan, that's just the way it is

[chorus]
You are God alone
From before time began
You were on Your throne
You are God alone
And right now
In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone

You're the only God
Whose power none can contend
You're the only God
Whose name and praise will never end
You're the only God
Who's worthy of everything we can give
You are God
And that's just the way it is

How the last week panned out

Monday- released and home-
Tuesday returned to school - however the morning was extremely rough
Wednesday - rough morning - had to be picked up at school do to wrong behaviors on the bus
Thursday- better morning- odd behavior- had to pick up because of being suspended from bus- the evening was ok- went over to dinner at Gig and Mo's (love these people- they are awesome)
Friday- odd behaviors in the am- evening was ok and then the bottom fell out and he lost control- fortunately I was not alone-
Saturday - good day- helped feed the homeless at church this morning- I do have to say Marcus loves to help.

Why am I sharing this brief synopsis- well you see the days are often not known of what could happen-the slightest of comments could alter the day to catastrophic proportions (i know that is to the extreme) but it feels that way at times- its a roller coaster ride- of good days and not so good days- it is like you never know what switch will be turned on as you wake him up- we are walking on eggshells

Praying for openings sooner rather then later- I know there is protocol but I serve a God who can open doors like no other

The things you learn- that make you think

So many of you may have known Marcus had returned to the Crisis unit on December 1st and stayed til this past Monday-
Well Marcus and I talk a lot-and so I asked him what they talk about in group- not pressing just asking- he volunteered information- He was telling me why some of the kids /teenagers were doing there- my heart sank my heart broke- for what he was telling me-

Some of the teenagers we had repeatedly seen when we were there-
He had told me the majority of them were there because they were cutters- and when he said that I was like oh really do you know what that is - he said yes- ok the things you learn- he explained it and he even said that one of them showed the marks to him- Marcus said he would never do it-which I was like good.
The one Marcus was talking about said they cut because her grandmother had died.

Most of the kids never saw visitors- some I connected with - and they were like you are Marcus' mom- I am like yep- they would give me a hug or draw me a picture-
I know we are going through a lot but if those kids just needed a hug from me - then so be it
or if the parents just needed to know they were not alone then great-if I could be a source of encouragement to others at my time of stress then fine - it helps me through

Anyway- back to the teenagers- I just pray for them - what has the world come to that teenagers have to cut themselves to feel better. I do not get it- my heart goes out to them

Wish I could bring them all home- I know then I would really go crazy - lol
Keeping them in my thoughts and prayers- God can do amazing things in their lives

If you know us

If you know us and want to know what it is all about - this blog link will tell you how life is for us http://www.storinguptreasures.com/2010/02/why-cant-i-love-my-adopted-child.html


Read it - you will get such an understanding- how I feel-

Happy Wednesday

Well- it was a very long day yesterday but a very good one- so I am happy about that - this morning we woke up a bit tired and have a bit of a tude- but hopefully he can work it out before the ride into child care- I know he will definately have a rest time before church tonight-
The moment is past and now to go to the rest of the day- praying for a good one all the way around

Home Again Home Again

Well Home Again- a little bit of a bumpy evening when it came to brushing his teeth- with a little bit of disrespect and getting an ugly attititude- but I was told bedtime is the toughest so I am trying to fiugre out how not to have attitude during this time-
That was frustrating for me -
This morning - so far so good- better then before with no weird out moments- a little sassy attitude but we will figure it all out-
One day at a time-he needs to get back in the groove of school again so we shall see what happens

Fires

We had a fire near the house last week or so- I love to watch and smell the fire- not closely - fires are relaxing to me-
so as I was walking with the dog we passed by the area - I was listening to my ipod and my praise and worship songs were on- and I stopped for a moment to look at the burnt area. As a biology major I had to take ecology and this is what I had learned from that class

Immediately after a large-scale fire, some places will have no vegetation at all and no living trees left. If the fire occurs during the growing season, some plants will re-emerge within days after the fire. After a year, a tremendous amount of new forb and grass growth occurs. Within 4-5 years, woody plants become more evident such as bushes and sapling trees. This is a successional forest, and it is an extremely important type of habitat for plants and animals - additional sunlight fosters diverse plant growth and therefore more food sources for plant-eating animals.

In essence the forest regrows thicker and lusher better then before. Why am I telling you this?

Well as I was looking - I was praying and it was like God telling me you may be going through the fire right now and things need to die (Marcus' past) so he can have a fresh - and better life ahead-I need to take more walks and have quiet time-

PTSD in parents- FYI

Marcus' Dr had mentioned parents developing PTSD when dealing with children with emotional and behavioral issues - I found this article and how it relates to children with reactive attachment disorder (not what Marcus has been diagnosed with) but those of us who deal with a child like Marcus can have the same type of struggles- read the article hmm it is so what I go through-so this is just FYI -

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
in Parents of
Reactive Attachment Disordered Children

by Jody Swarbrick

Many foster and adoptive families of Reactive Attachment Disordered children live in a home that has become a battleground. In the beginning, the daily struggles can be expected, after all, we knew that problems would occur. Initially, stress can be so subtle that we lose sight of a war which others do not realize is occurring. We honestly believe that we can work through the problems. Outbursts, rages, and strife become a way of life. An emotionally unhealthy way of life. We set aside our own needs and focus on the needs of our children. But what does it cost us?

The majority of the population does not understand the dynamics of parenting a RAD child. Family and friends may think that you -- the parent are the one with the problem. Families are frequently turned in on false abuse allegations. Support is non-existent, because outsiders can't even begin to imagine that children can be so destructive.

It is a known fact, that kids diagnosed with RAD tend to target their Moms, play it cool around their Dads, and charm strangers. Where does that leave a parent? Without strong support and understanding, the parent will become isolated, demoralized, hurt, confused, and often held accountable for the actions of their child.

Families are simply not prepared for the profound anger that lives in the heart and soul of our RAD children. It's heartbreaking, frustrating, mindboggling, and extremely stressful. In essence, we're fighting to teach our children how to love and trust. Intimacy frightens our children; they have lost the ability to love, to trust, and to feel remorse for hurtful actions. They see us as the enemy. Small expectations on our part can set our children off in ways that are not only indescribable, but also often unbelievable.

Your home becomes a war zone and you feel totally inadequate. You begin to question your parenting abilities, and your own sanity. You know that your child has been hurt beyond words, you ache for them. Despite your loving intentions and actions, it's thrown in your face. Your heart's desire is to provide your child with untold opportunities, a future, and all the love in the world. You want to soothe your child. You want your child to have a fulfilling childhood and to grow up to be a responsible adult. Yet, you are met with hatred and fierce anger.

In war, the battle lines are drawn; an antagonism exists between two enemies. In our homes, we are not drawing battle lines; we are not prepared for war. We are prepared for parenting. Consequently, the ongoing stress can result in disastrous affects on our well-being literally causing our emotional and physical health to deteriorate.

The primary symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder include:

Avoidance -- refusing to recognize the thoughts and feelings associated with the trauma, this further includes avoiding activities, individuals, and places associated with the trauma.
Intense distress -- when certain cues or "triggers" set off memories of the traumatic event. You may have trouble concentrating, along with feelings of irritability, and frustration over trivial events that never bothered you in the past.
Nightmares and flashbacks -- insomnia or oversleeping may occur. You may exhibit symptoms such as heightened alertness and startle easily.
A loss of interest in your life -- detaching yourself from loved ones. Losing all hope for the future and a lack of loving feelings.
Secondary symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can include:

The realization that you are no longer the person you once were. Relationships have changed by alienating yourself from loved ones. Loneliness and a feeling of helplessness prevail in your daily life.
Depression, which can lead to a negative self-image, lowered self-esteem, along with feeling out of control of your life and environment. You may become a workaholic and physical problems may develop.
You become overly cautious and insecure. Angry outbursts may occur putting stress on significant relationships.
If you are parenting a child diagnosed with Reactive Attachment disorder, you will not escape adverse effects. It is essential to recognize that your feelings are typical under stressful conditions. It is just as essential to accept the fact that extensive stress is unhealthy. By recognizing the symptoms and seeking support, you will strengthen your abilities to cope. Counseling is readily available to families and individuals. Take advantage of resources that will help you put the traumatic experiences into perspective, enabling you to let go of past feelings by replacing them with positive skills for recovery.

Wheres the Line to See Jesus -- Official Music Video - Music Videos.mp4

This is the meaning of Christmas- Let us remember Jesus's birth- Have you made the choice to be in line to see Jesus?

These are the words that sum up the last month

stressed
lonely
uplifted
thankful
thankful
thankful
loved
tired
worn out
what more
crazy
thoughts running
3 trips
communication
texting and more texting
caring
thoughtful
reality
decisions
quiet time
such love such support such concern
the next step
one day at a time
faith
strength
the right decision
peace
friends
family
health care providers (awesome)
rescue
small light at the end of the tunnel
this is not the way it was suppose to be
this is how it has to be
listening to the ramblings of a mom
thankful ( in know I said that) for those who have been there the last month
shoulders to cry on
friends to laugh with
hugs
Awesome school personnel
encouragement
waiting
roller coaster
standing on the word for the miracle that waits
love
caring

I really need to read my own blogs-

I actually wrote take one day at a time- what was I thinking- yep a little stressed out today- I need to get some paperwork done and praying it all comes together by Friday- I am sure it will I have amazing people helping me-just need to chill out about it- ok Michele (telling myself) one day at a time and breathe

I need to keep reminding myself

I need to remind myself one day at a time-I like to get it all done -now-but that is not how things work- so backing up a little and then regrouping- I just have a myriad of thoughts I need to get done-(not really) just feeling a little overwhelmed and need to ask questions- as they come and figure out each step- which is part of the problem- I am not sure what the next step is- so it is time to go and ask questions today in which I plan on doing-and will continue to do- never done this before - so many questions
ok breathe and take each day - one at a time

Followed the advice of friends

Ok with a couple of my friends highly suggesting to go to B and N and read a book and just relax- I did that last night - of course finding a seat was next to impossible but one opened up a few minutes into me being there-

Got out one of my books I have been needing to get through - which I did- people watched- got on the computer- looked at some music- it was actually nice- yes I was by myself- stayed there for a couple hours (my battery died on the computer)

honestly not worrying if there was going to be an outburst or such was nice- quiet time for me-

and I took a nap as well in the afternoon- which I do not normally do but it was nice just to chill out and get the rest I need-

Thanks friends!

Journey Ahead

Marcus and I have a journey ahead and for me it is uncharted waters- well this whole single parent adoptive family has been uncharted waters- I learn and grow as we go

Not going into detail what the journey ahead is for us but just know it is something that needs to be done- well that is what I keep telling myself- and many others tell me too- in reality it is true it needs to be done- I know I am not making sense.

Knowing what needs to be done does not make it any easier - honestly a piece of my heart is being ripped a part- for those of you who know me understand what I am saying and why.

So the journey is just barely beginning and it may be a long one- and a tough one for both of us. so many thoughts go through my mind-
and I know when I have questions about the journey I have those around me who can help with the answers

Photos for our 5 year Familiversary-

We had some photos taken for our 5 year Familiversary
Photos taken by Lourdes Manners

Our God Is In Control

the first few words to this song is so true right now- this is not how it was plan to be-
I know I know God is in control- so thankful right now for those who know all that is going on- what would we do with out you all

What Faith Can Do by Kutless

This is the song I posted yesterday- just wanted you to hear it too- I have been listening to it a lot lately-

A reminder from a friend

Joe- a friend I have known for a long time- gave his testimony at church in Venice yesterday- powerful- and he sang this when he was done- it was a reminder to me- cause I hold on to this song- and have not listened to the words and heard what is was saying for a little while- I have put my thoughts next to some of the lyrics

What Faith Can Do Lyrics

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise sometimes it is hard for me to find strength but I know God provides
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take there are days where I am not sure how much I can
But you're stronger, stronger than you know God has given me more strength then I could ever imagine
Don’t you give up now Never will give up- always pressing in-He sends those to help
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining God's plan is so much bigger then the time we are going through- He has is all in control

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen God will use this for a miracle -
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new My son's heart and mind will become brand new I know
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word I know all things are possible- sometimes it is hard to believe-when you are going through
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing I will keep believing I will keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains God has ways of moving the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end Let my hope never end even when it seems like there is no way
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered Thank you for answering those silent prayers of mine that only You have heard
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Faith to move mountains- Faith to believe in miracles- God give my son that miracle that you know he needs-

Home

Well I am home- and tomorrow begins a new week- I was sharing with a friend-I feel like I am relearning how to parent- why cause Marcus is going through a time where he is remembering more from his past and I have no idea how to handle it and may mess up in the process- live and learn as I say it-so we had a bit of a battle Thursday and Friday but was able to work through that and the bedtimes have been good- not going to go into detail but just pray for him at bedtime for being afraid and knowing he is safe- I know why now he is afraid of the dark and did not know- he would just always tell me just cause-so he has a dolphin friend to sleep with at night and music if needed and also nightlights- and of course I am just a few feet away.
Pray for me for wisdom and understanding if you think about it- this is a process and a day to day process - and yet as a reminder from a friend today- Praise Him through whatever you are going through- and remember that your circumstance is small compared to how BIG God is.

Raising a child with issues

Ok well Marcus came home on Wednesday - and I would like to say all is smooth sailing- but not so much- the days have been wonderful and the nights not so fun- apparently flash backs are occurring and he is scared to go to bed-because someone might get him- he has monsters in his dreams and is afraid of the dark- so we are trying to combat this with getting him a friend to sleep with and nightlights and prayers and soft music at night- I so much love PTSD- it is a blast to deal with.
Keep praying - I do see a difference during the day- which is great and time will tell with the new meds and such-

Its a day to day learning process and I just continue to pray for wisdom as we work through it- God has his hand on it all -

Thanksgiving Miracle

Marcus came home today-Thankful for that- now the whole family can get together

Potpourri of thoughts

ok so I have kinda left you hanging with what has been going on around here-well on the 17th Marcus went back to the crisis unit and has been there ever since- oh I know I wrote about the familiversary but I was trying not to focus on what a stinky weekend it was and it was-

I have been biking and walking which has been good- blasting my ipod with songs of praise and worship

trying to occupy my mind even did some crafty things for the Christmas Tree ( and this was stretching me cause I am not crafty).

What have I been feeling- not so sure- I just know Marcus is there to get help and he is where he needs to be. Do I miss him- more then you could ever know- do I miss the aggression and anger and outbursts no not at all-

This past weekend was to be a time of celebration between our Family Anniversary through the weekend to our church's Thanksgiving Dinner (this was M and I's first holiday dinner 5 years ago) it is very dear to me- so much to say the weekend was an emotional one for me in which I was unable to spend these times with him- Ended up staying with the Tobias' which was helpful - although Adam can drive a person to craziness (LOL)

I am doing ok and appreciate all those that are concerned for me- even though this has been tough being apart from him for almost 20 days- God has given me opportunities once again-

As I prayed Thursday before I got the phone call from the Dr - I wanted wisdom and understanding and my prayer was for that as well as for him to be taken off all meds- I know I am crazy or just bring him off the majority-

I received the call from the Dr and he explained so much more then ever- everything I was seeing as far as behaviors he had seen with him and could explain what the causes of it could be- no exact science but more of an explanation- it gave me an understanding. He then told me they were taking him off all but 2 meds- I can not tell u how much of a relief and a comfort this was for me- they had to adjust them slightly since Thursday so it is still not exact science- of which I wish it was

Saturday was a little bit of an odd moment- Kris (Mr Madley- Marcus teacher) was able to visit him and Marcus was so excited he about knocked me over - of course he did get angry because he did not have his books and then was able to calm himself with the help of Kris- did I mention how awesome Lake Myrtle Staff is- yes I have but not in this blog- thanks Kris for visiting

Sunday was an interesting time- a piece of me was missing at church- I miss him when he is not there cause I so enjoy watching him sing during praise and worship

I went for the visit and talked with one of the technicians for a few minutes- it is pretty sad when they stop asking for your ID since they know you so well. Anyway- he was like the staff here has talked about you and I was like oh- We think you are awesome and how you handle Marcus- he loves you a lot. We enjoy you coming to visit him- I was like I like you all too but I really do not want to come back

It is funny though cause parents who have never been for a visit are like where are they? it is visiting time- and I say well there must be something going on in the back and they need to tend to it- they will be here and we will get our full time- I get strange looks- at least I can comfort others and show them the way-

I want him to be ok- and honestly that is all I want- unfortunately I was not there in the beginning of his life to prevent things that happened to him- however I am here now and will continue to let him know he is loved- that we care about him and NO ONE will ever hurt him again-I will keep being consistent- keep seeking help when needed-

Keep persevering so he can be successful

Family Tree

I was taking my bike ride early Friday morning- when I came across a beautiful tree- I love to look at trees- it had a full canopy and I am not quite sure of what it was - it reminded me of a tree we had in one of our pastures in Venice- huge -

Well it got me thinking of a family tree- well you have your genealogy family tree but you also have another family tree - one that is significant in changing your lives on a daily basis. I love my genealogy family and they are awesome-they make up the other family tree as well- its those people who pour into your lives daily -weekly etc- I know I have been talking a lot about the people in our lives a lot lately - well- its been a bit of a rough month for us so I just want to let those who touch our lives know how much I appreciate them and their support for us and love for us.

We’ve added to our family tree
A stronger one to make
A child from another plant
Has become our new namesake.
Just as a limb is grafted
From one tree to another,
It alters and improves the plant
Making it, uniquely, like no other.
Our family tree has been improved
Adoption made this so.
For love, much more than bloodlines,
Makes us thrive and grow.
We chose to share our life and love
And all the joys to come
Our “family tree” has blossomed
With the arrival of our cherished one.

Happy Familiversary

5 years ago today marks the day my life- our life would change forever- the good the bad the ugly

what has happened in 5 years- patience I have gained a lot of patience- Marcus has a mom that loves him no matter what and know he can do all things in Christ- and he can make the good choices - I have learned so much about behavioral and mental health- more then I thought I would ever need to know or want to know-

that it is tiring and rewarding raising a child with needs-

that I have met some of the best people in our lives- I would never have met them if it were not for adopting Marcus- would have never met the best staff at LMES- never been a part of a spectacular track family-never would have support at Baycare-

these people go above and beyond in which I am truly thankful

never knew how much I could love a child even though at times I ask what in the world was I thinking-

I learn to laugh when I really wanted to cry-

I have learned to keep trying and keep trying- not to give up

I learned there is power in prayer

I have been through first bday parties, first Christmases- teaching a child the meaning of it all-

priceless-

at times I have thought our we going to make it to thinking of we are so making it-

I love you Bubbaman and that will never ever change-thanks for showing me so much

Broken and Spilled out- Steve Green

VERSE 1
One day a plain village woman
Driven by love for her Lord
Recklessly poured out a valuable essence
Disregarding the scorn
And once it was broken and spilled out
A fragrance filled all the room
Like a pris'ner released from his shackles
Like a spirit set free from the tomb
CHORUS 1
Broken and spilled out
Just for love of you Jesus
My most precious treasure
Lavished on Thee
Broken and spilled out
And poured at Your feet
In sweet abandon
Let me be spilled out
And used up for Thee
VERSE 2
Lord You were God's precious treasure
His loved and His own perfect Son
Sent here to show me
The love of the Father
Just for love it was done
And though You were perfect and holy
You gave up Yourself willingly
You spared no expense for my pardon
You were used up and wasted for me
CHORUS 2
Broken and spilled out
Just for love of me Jesus
God's most precious treasure
Lavished on me
You were broken and spilled out
And poured at my feet
In sweet abandon Lord
You were spilled out and used up for Me
TAG
In sweet abandon, let me be spilled out
And used up for Thee

One Day at a TIme

I am learning this slowly- hmm- its only taken me 5 years-

so we had a bump as I call it yesterday AM- but the rest of the day went well- and Marcus was like but I messed up in the morning - yes you did- and you had a consequence for it- done and over with. Can't change what happened in the past but you learn from it grow from it.


Well I started this in the AM- but ran into another bump- it appears my child does not want to brush his teeth- ook well another bump- well crater- happened as I was typing this this evening
no respect for me- and he did not want to do his HW so there was issues

when it subsided his concern was if I still loved him- but of course- I do- do not like the choices do not like how I feel but I love you!- ok sorry mommy I know you love me-

this day is done and so glad- tomorrow is a new one

Out of the mouth of a child

We were talking in the car and out of the blue our conversation took this turn:

Marcus: I want a dad

Me: Great I would love for you to have a dad-

Marcus: Really?

Me: Yes I really would- Why do you want a dad?

Marcus: So you are not alone and have someone to help you with me- cause it is not fair that you handle me by yourself.

Me: I would love that

Marcus: Me too

Sometimes you never know what he will say next - he had the sweetest tone in his voice through this conversation- Like he knew he can be a handful when he gets in his aggressive modes and just wants me to have help- gotta love it- or maybe it is the new meds talking- lol- either way gotta love it

6000

6000 children in the state of Florida need forever homes - it is National Adoption Month- I almost forgot but was pleasantly reminded this morning as the news brought a story of National Adoption Day-
National Adoption Day- was this week- 5 years ago National Adoption Day was November 18th
(he was in foster care for 4 and half years before he got his forever family)


Are you doing your part? Educate yourself- on how many children are in foster care in your county- you would be surprised how many of them need forever homes-

I know this incredible family in Tn that have adopted children (I believe 8 - Jill- Andy- correct me if I am wrong)- amazing amazing family- you should hear there story.

We all know there are thousands of children overseas that need loving homes but there are thousands of children in these United States that need loving homes.

He's like a light switch and you never know when he will flip

yes I know what a strange title- but several of the nurses told me that when Marcus was getting the help he needed- I have taken a look back in the last 13 days of what transpired- and give you a little of my perspective and things I should have changed-

What happened:

1. I probably should have rested so much more- for those of you who told me I know I know-but I am a momma and missed my youngen- let me explain- you see normally when a child goes into the hospital- you able to spend time with them more- when they are in a crisis unit you get 1 hour a day that is it and if your child wants you there great if not not so hot. I am learning with each time this happens- rest is important-and the last several days he was there I did rest more- another problem this was - the fact you never knew when he was coming home and I had to make the phone calls to check in and see where we were at for the day. I was able to usually relax a little more once I knew for the day if he was staying or not. so yes rest more will be worked on

2. Average stay is normally 2-3 days. Marcus was there 13-why? God knows why- I believe it was for the following reasons:

1. able to minister and help parents who had never been in the situation and remind them they were not alone - yes I used my words that I was often reminded of during the process.

2. let the parents know that they need to be the child's advocate but also speak the truth of what is going on with their behaviors-

3. the last few days - I saw my son speaking up and letting the others know (even the older ones) that he needs to listen to what his mom says and he was stepping up and saying he was not allowed to watch certain shows on tv-

4. I was able to speak briefly into some teens life

5. Drs were able to evaluate Marcus more thoroughly and see what I go through- only certain people have seen a glimpse- and possible have a better diagnosis

3. I learned I need to get out more with my girlfriends- so need that more in my life-the time was priceless and so needed- laughing and staying out late -it did not get much better

4. people have no idea what its like to go through something like this - my best advice to those if you who may have someone going through this - is simply be there - be there to hold there hand- to offer a hug- to just sit and cry with them if they need it- they will get through it and be stronger for it- just allow them to ramble - allow them to yell at you- do not take it personal it has nothing to do with you its just a way for them to work through it- allow them to laugh cry and laugh and cry some more. if you ask them what they need and they tell you- follow through with it. ASK them how they can help- some of us our stubborn- they may not know themselves what they need but they will just be prepared.

5. Sometimes we do not want to talk about it either- we will eventually though-when we are ready- do not pry it out of us. and sometimes you may ask us questions of what the next step is and we may not know at that time- so we will deliver news as we know it and when we want to share- be patient with us- I know it is frustrating-well it is frustrating to not know what is going on with your son and what the outcome will be either.

6. Parents who have children who are aggressive - get tired- they need their batteries recharged- offer to help even if for a couple of hours-a week or month- sometimes we do not know when they will flip the light switch and sometimes it take all are energy to work with them.

7. I have learned I need to adjust how I do things as a parent to enable Marcus to function better-its always something to learn- if I have adjusted something with him- and you watch him for me- please help by doing and following through- consistency is so key to helping him through

8. and as always- I have the best support people in our life- family- (I say just family cause this encompasses normal family, extended family, church family. track family, and school family) you all are so vital in our life and how successful Marcus will become- I love you all bunches

I saw...

the sparkle in his eyes- and the awesome smile he has- for the first time in 11 days- my heart rejoiced tonight when I saw this in Marcus-

this stinks

the visits I have with M- especially tonight- stunk- anything I said to try and encourage him or talk was all wrong- he is mad he is still there and wants to come home- he can once he makes the right choice- I asked him how I can help - he said no one can help him- no drs no nurse no one- but uncle adam-

well....

this past week or so my emotions have gone all over the place- and really I am the only one who really knows- so let me share it with so you get a better understanding
the first couple of days it went from having part of my heart ripped out and feeling a lone- the house was empty
then that feeling went to being defeated (a few days he did not want to see me) - this was the same time where I kept questioning what else do I need to do or could have done- how much better of a parent could I have been and how can I become better- to feeling like a failure-
oh I have friends telling me otherwise but you know sometimes you hear the words until you keep pressing in and praying - for God to help you through-
so I had a mini breakthrough ( which was good) for me- when I spoke to the nurse yesterday and she said he flips ike a light switch and you never know when it is going to happen- I went yes finally someone gets it someone sees it-and it is not just me-
you see- he is broke (for lack of better words) and no matter how hard I try to fix him- I can't - I can not fix my son from the past from the present and from the future- how he chooses to control himself is so up to him. How he is made up was not my choice and that I can not change it

What can I do- I can trust God with wisdom on how to handle him- trust God with the resources he has allowed us to have. Keep asking -for friends just to give me a hug and let me know they are there- oh they may not know what to say or do- but knowing I can count on a hug is powerful. I can ask my friends to help me laugh -it does wonders- I can ask friends to help me stay grounded and have their perspective- some may not get it but another view is sometimes good.
I do ask my friends not to tell me they know how I feel- because again they truly do not- and my close friends they do not cause they get it. Even if you been in my similar shoes you still do not know how I feel and you will never cause my situation may be similar to yours but not the exact same-

You know we go through things in life for reasons- I still believe I am going through all for reasons far beyond my understanding- for I know I am not alone and I know someone else is going through something similar as I am (not exactly) but similar-

I am not alone- I have friends family school staff (awesome as always) who are there lending a hand trying their best to let me know I am not alone
I know these are ramblings of a crazy woman :) lol

Its been a long week

Well- the week has been long- been going through some difficulties but will make it through-
I have been through all types of emotions- what do I feel right now as I type- that I am glad Marcus is getting the help he needs- and where he is at- I am glad they are seeing what is going on-
How am I doing? well- I am still ok- to tell you all is great would just not be truth-
the best thing anyone can do for me through this is to just give me a hug and let me know you are there- that is it- I will tell you how I feel when I am ready-
No one truly knows what I am going through- except for God- cause honestly at times I do not know-
I do know this - I pray and ask God to give me wisdom- I ask God to strengthen me for difficult decisions if they should come-

I often question what more could I have done- and many of those that know us well have said you have done more then any of us- or you have done above and beyond- thank you for those words-

So its a day to day process- one day at a time - that is how I take things lately- do I feel like doing a whole lot - no not really- especially at the house- but tonight after my visit I must get the house in order.
thanks for your love and support

The last couple days

Well I will not go into of what the last 2 days have been just know that Marcus is getting help-and is not home right now- thinking he will be home on Monday- well that is what he told me last night.

so my state of mind has been running and my emotions a little off- what do I mean- I know many of you may not even have the slightest of clue what I am going through and sometimes I can not even explain it- I go from I know where he is and he is getting help to what else could I have done- to when is he going to get it or if he is ever going to get it- I am sad cause I miss him- its too quiet at the house (I know call me crazy)- too this is a good time to catch up on cleaning to I just want to rest. I also just feel like throwing in the towel giving up on the whole mom thing- oh do not worry I won't. Just a moment- I know this time will pass- until... we will take it one day one moment at a time-

So PD sent me an article to read- and here it is for you to read whenyouwanttoquit

let me just take some items from it that stood out for me though
"It is the same choice we have all faced when circumstances have brought us to a place of giving up. We know that if we give up, we will be relieved of the pressure of the moment. And if we press on, we will continue to face all the obstacles that brought us to that point.
The problem with giving up is that you have already chosen the outcome of your situation. Failure is always the result of quitting. You trade possible victory for momentary relief."

"It is often the tedious, day-to-day situations that seem never to change that make you want to give up. The Bible says that hope deferred makes the heart sick. Discouragement develops into despair, and we lose our hope.

The loss of hope is a deadly condition for the believer. Without hope faith cannot operate. "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" (Heb. 11:1, emphasis added).

The nature of faith is to believe the impossible and see the invisible. We give up because we put our faith in what we know and see in the natural."

"The enemy of your soul has an assignment to wear you out--to make you so tired you lose your motivation to fight! The intimidation of the enemy is specifically designed to overwhelm you and stop you from making forward progress"

for me this is the most I have been feeling -especially Thursday night-FEELING ALONE

Keep seeking the word "I do not know what you are facing today, but I can promise you that God has something to say about it. I want to encourage you to go to His Word and come into agreement with it.

If, when you do this, the opposition increases, remember that when Jesus was in the wilderness He faced much opposition and discouragement. But the Bible says that as He continued to speak the Word of God, agreement was established, and after a season Satan departed from Him."

"We all face moments when we want to give up. As believers we must be willing to face these moments with courage, faith and utmost trust in God's ability to bring us to victory."

I will not give up- I will press on- I know my limits and will continue to seek help before it gets to the point of no return- God has chosen me to be his mom for a reason- I continue to grow and learn each step of this journey of being a mom-

Thinking on how to help him with what God has given me already plus all the other resources- people in our lives- we are truly blessed by amazing people-

Oh right now I am not all chipper and wahoo mode - it is a process I am working through so honestly if you ask me right now - I am just ok- not good not great not fabulous just ok- but I will get through and move to fabulous :)

I was going to write...

what has transpired in the last 24 hours- but I really do not feel like it- so I will just write- I am up and pressing through the day- trying to stay focused on the day at hand.

I have survived

that is the feeling after the last few days between work and home life-
Work we can now begin to relax a little today our walk through is done-
Home not so sure- I am not having a good feeling about M and is actions- is it mother's instinct - maybe.
Just this morning- He needed to get his trash from the bedroom and I was greeted with a grrr and hmmp from his mouth-simple request- so I gave him choices fortunately he made the right choice- Anything I say to him it appears turns into an attitude- its making me very weary.
Consequences are a joke to him- and if he gets them it turns into a nightmare-not sure-
I will keep praying- keep pressing on- keep asking for help-
Which the help I am forever grateful for.
His emotions go from anger to whistling a happy tune- which is what he just did. Hoping the med change will begin to take effect soon.

these times the old saying keeps coming to mind- if it does not kill me it will make me stronger- well I should be the strongest woman right now - don't you think- well not feeling that way at the moment - just being honest

Living with a child with a roller coaster of emotions and outbursts is not so fun

hoping for a good day- i choose to have a good day

I am tired and weary but i choose to have a good day- the last 2 days have been crazy between work and home- I am hoping both calm down soon- today at work it will-
just praying all goes well- I need to read the prayer today- I have it posted at work-
I know this blog is a ramble of thoughts-
hoping Marcus' increase in meds will have a postive outcome-

A Law which is crazy

ok who voted for a law that requires more of our behavior specialists and other staff more time- taken away from the kids-
Article in Orlando Sentinel
End restraint, seclusion of disabled kids, say advocates (and bills to be considered by state lawmakers) Disabled students, Florida Legislature, Leslie Postal — posted by lesliepostal on March, 1 2010 12:25 PM
One of the hot education issues this coming legislative session ( the Florida Legislature convenes Tuesday) will be whether to impose rules about if and when disabled students can be physically restrained or put in seclusion.

A Senate bill filed recently (by Rep. Andy Gardiner, R-Orlando) would prohibit restraining disabled students except in emergencies and prohibit putting them in seclusion.

Parents and disabled rights advocates — ones who have been pushing for the past several years for Florida to do more to curtail the practice of physically restraining kids with disabilities — are eager to get this bill passed.

They say too many students are hurt because staff too often resort to physical restraint with disabled students’ sometimes challenging behavior.

But school officials are worried the bills are too far reaching and don’t recognize the difficult job faced by teachers working with sometimes aggressive, out-of-control children.

The issue is the subject of a recent federal lawsuit in which a family is suing Princeton House Charter School (which specializes in educating children with autism) for alleged abuse of their son. You can find the Orlando Sentinel story on that case here.

Florida currently has no statewide rules or laws about restraint and seclusion, though the State Board of Education is still developing such a rule (that has been going on for a few years).

The issue of “restraint and seclusion” has become a national one. This past summer, U.S. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan asked state education leaders to develop, review or revise their policies so that to help ensure that “no child is subjected to the abusive or potentially deadly use of seclusion or restraint in a school.”

The U.S. DOE also pulled together a summary of current state rules on restraint and seclusion.

there is a law that has been passed in which staff have to fill out a pleothara of paperwork- trust me I know I receive it- why because my child is one who needs secured seclusion or restraint- I live it daily-
How many of you can say you have been punched or scratched by a child- I know my son has done it - today in fact- he has also try to bite teachers and behavioral specialists - punch them as well- because he gets aggressive and has to be secured this what works for him- if you do not agree with me come handle my son for a week- it will change your mind-
Staff is required to fill out an incident report within 24 hours- well in the 4 years I have been at Marcus's school I always get one plus a phone call or email-
Now on top of this they have to fill out a printed form within 3 days of incident and I get it in the mail- do we really need all this-
I understand there may be issues with forced restraint etc- and parents not being informed- well how involved are the parents in their child's education and behavioral issues-
I am a single mom- by choice- you know I adopted my son- I am up in his business a lot- I inform the school of any changes and they contact me with any issues- I can contact his teachers and behavioral specialist in an instant if needed- do not blame the teachers for restraining an out of control child they are protecting other students and the students themself-
Sit in a classroom of behavioral challenged children for a week - ok 1 day- you will get an idea of what these amazing educators do in their lives

excessive restraint - nope I do not think so- have you ever been punched or scratched - or threatened by a behavioral challenged child- do not knock the seclusion or restraint- just make sure you are informed and see if the teachers are trained- GET INVOLVED

Prayer of Release-

I cast all my cares upon You-all my worries, all my fears.
Father, calm my restless spirit, quiet my anxious heart, still my troubling thoughts with the assurance that You are in control. I let go of my grip upon the things I have been hanging onto, with opened hands I come to You.I thank You for Your promise to sustain me, preserve me, and guard all that I have entrusted to Your keeping. Protect my heart and mind with Your peace, the peace that passes all understanding. Father, may Your will be done in my life, in Your time, and in Your way.
By Roy Lessin, DaySpring co-founder and writer.

This was timely for me- God you are so good

here to tell you a story of sacrifice

I have these incredible people in my life- who almost 10 years left there home - left their life as they knew it- packed up with their family and moved to a city called Tampa- they sacrificed their comfort- why because they were meeting the calling on their life.

They have sacrificed a lot over the years- I mean a lot- for what purpose- the purpose to do what God has called them to do.

They have been in the ups and downs of their calling - why do they do it because they want to see lives changed for Jesus-

I have the upmost respect for them- and would do anything for them- who are they- they are my dear pastors and friends- Pastor Larry and Deanna Shrodes- they pastor at a wonderful church, Celebration Church.

They have a heart of compassion, they draw out the best in you- they challenge you to be where God wants you to be- they are very real- very honest and very loving

Marcus and I are truly blessed and words can never amount to how much they mean to us.They have been there through the ups and downs of our family life- praying encouraging and yes at times offering guidance in how to make me a better parent. They have shown me how to show grace when grace was hard to give.

Pastor Larry and Deanna Shrodes are real people- their words are heartfelt and the compassion they have is contagious

They often sacrifice their time and energy to be with others to encourage- to pray- to uplift.

Why am telling you this- well they are important to me and I thought I would let you know.

I tell you this - to pray for your pastors daily - to be loyal to them even when you do not know the whole story (there are 2 sides) - love them- be there for them- lend them a hand-- Your pastors sacrifice a lot for you and your family - take a few minutes a day for them.

I am taking the time- I love my pastors and their family- here for you always!

Coaching

What does this mean well- we are doing a new thing at work and it is coaching-on different areas- I am already am in Life coaching at church and love it and have grown from it-
SO work should be an added benefit of this coaching- we are reading a book- just started - read the introduction - and just something that stood out- was a simple line- Even the best athletes - the ones that know all about what they need to know still need a coach- which means to me they always have things to work on and things to improve on-
So take a coaching class whether it be life coaching- or coaching for your work - you always will be learning and growing. With that in mind- it takes you to change and you to take what you learn from coaching and apply it to your life- do not stay the same or else you are just waisting your time as well as those who are leading the coaching, time.

Long week

Well its been a long week-
meetings at work- Marcus getting braces- Marcus sick on Monday- so glad its Friday- I actually woke up this morning thinking it was Saturday- and looking forward to not waking up at 5- oh well the alarm did go off at 5 and it is Friday- busy day at work but it will be a good one-why - Choose for it to be - stressful at times but it is a choice on how we handle things

Feeling Isolated

I posted this on my other site as well- just reminding us all we are not alone- even though at times we feel like it - yes I feel like I am isolated at times - especially during times of regression with Marcus- why cause people do not see him like I do and do not understand- we are in a bumpy time right now and hoping it will improve with diligence- consistency and the strength of God

Feeling Isolated
When friends and family are distant during the greatest time of need
by Cindi Ferrini
Feeling Isolated - Focus on the Family

Our son Joey was almost 3, our daughter Kristina was a newborn, and my post-partum hormones were out of kilter. My husband, Joe, and I had just learned the extent of Joey's diagnosis and were feeling alone; I remember spending the better part of two weeks crying. I was saddened that he might never walk, talk, or be able to learn and longed for someone to listen, give hope and not give the "pat" answer that was easy to say but hard to hear.

Caring for our special needs son required a lot of time and effort, and I had to deal with Joey's illnesses, allergies (requiring hospital visits), seizures (that we didn't yet recognize as such), multiple therapies, trips downtown, never-ending questions and life with a toddler who couldn't walk or make his needs known.

Lonely beginnings
Much of the time my husband and I felt alone. We were physically worn out, emotionally isolated and spiritually depleted. We had great help from Joey's grandparents, who loved him deeply and accepted him fully, but in other circles we often felt people didn't know what to do or say. Occasionally, people asked, "How's Joey?" but they seldom, if ever, asked what life was like for him or us.

We were rarely asked to others' homes. Joey was never asked to come to someone's home to play. He didn't fit in with others his age, and we sensed that kept us from being included in some social gatherings. We wondered whether others thought they'd have to "get involved" if they got too close to us. In fact, we remember only one time we were all invited to someone's house for visiting and dinner. We were so excited!

Behavioral challenges
Joey could not tolerate noise and commotion. Very sensitive to sudden noises and movement, he would start screaming, hanging all over us and generally making going out not worth our effort, much less worth someone else's effort to invite us! We didn't blame others, and no one ever said we were excluded; but for whatever reason, we often felt left out. Joey's needs diminished our desire to go into those social settings, and when we did, we were often embarrassed about the way he acted, thinking others would consider us bad parents, unable to control our child. He couldn't help the behavior caused by brain malfunction, but we had difficulty separating his behavior from how we felt about it.

When Joey was young, we lacked the freedom to do some of the things our friends and their families did. Now that he is an adult, we still cannot simply pick up with our "empty nester" friends for dinner together or accept other impromptu invitations. We've never been able to go out unless we had someone we trusted to come and care for Joey. His care is different from what our girls ever needed. Sometimes we felt trapped. We didn't feel the freedom to talk about it either because we didn't want to hurt others' feelings. We didn't want others to feel obligated to invite us over or to include us, knowing we would likely have Joey with us.

Developing relationships
If we could change one thing about how we handled the challenges with our son and our parents, we would have been more vocal. We would have expressed to others exactly what was happening to our loved ones and to us as we cared for them. As our friends had grandchildren with special needs and cared for their aging parents, we discovered that they were shocked to know we had gone through the same things they were going through. Some friends were good listeners, but in looking back, we can see that we tried not to overdo it and perhaps "underdid" it.

Others will not understand what we are going through unless we tell them. Even close friends are shocked that we still shower and shave Joey as a grown man, that he can't stay home alone, that he continues to have severe behavioral issues from time to time and that we still experience times of great frustration in trying to deal with him in a positive and Christ-honoring way. As a result, we realize we should express ourselves more clearly and thoroughly, and probably should reach out to ask for help and even continue to do so. And when others offer to help, we need to be honest and practical in allowing them the privilege.

Here are some of the ways we have reached out to develop relationships:

•Invited teachers to our home for dinner to get to know them
•Chaperoned field trips when additional help was needed
•Answered calls and notes promptly so people knew we were caring individuals
•Wrote notes of encouragement to others in challenging places in life
•Thanked people who helped us at church as well as family members who reached out at various times showing concern and/or compassion
•Tried never to make people feel as if they should help us
•Allowed others to help us
•Asked for help when needed (We're still learning this one!)
•Tried to stay connected to those we love in our lives
•Shared our joys and struggles only with those willing to listen
•Desired to be transparent in our struggles so that others didn't think we had it all together
•Did not take advantage of others' help
•Took chances in building relationships by learning with whom we could share, what we could share and with whom we could or couldn't cry
•Prayed with and for others, including doctors, teachers, family and friends
•Provided meals for others as we were able
•Watched others' children when needed
•Helped others in practical ways when needed
•Accepted advice and counsel from our parents, friends, doctors, teachers, aides and even our children
•Accepted meals with gratitude and always wrote a note of thanks
•Tried to show appreciation without criticism, expectation, whining or complaining about how those who helped did things differently from us
•When someone offered some service, wrote down their name so we could ask them for help when we had need (a list that came in handy a number of times)
We want others to sense from us that we are willing to work together, not just have things our way. We want our participation in a relationship to be "life-giving," not "life-draining." In our desire to balance those fragile areas of relationships, we want to love like Jesus and not be indifferent to others. Sometimes that means protecting ourselves and our family, and other times it means giving above and beyond what we think we are able. In both instances we seek the Lord and depend upon Him for guidance and direction.

Adapted from Unexpected Journey: When Special Needs Change Our Course by Joe and Cindi Ferrini. Copyright ©2009. Used by permission of Joe and Cindi Ferrini. All rights reserved.

Time to give kudos again

As you know Marcus is in a regression mode right now and I am so thankful for the staff at LMES- Kris Madley who is his teacher- awesome- very calm - very straight to the point- there to offer guidance to Marcus' crazy mom - Again- as I have said many times before - it takes special individuals to work everyday with children like Marcus- you are Awesome Kris.

and of course our friend Andrew Carini- if Marcus does not drive him crazy - I will - with all my questions- phone calls and emails- I ( we) are so blessed to have these 2 individuals in our life- they have such a great influence on Marcus and are a great support to me- and go so ABOVE and BEYOND that you can ever imagine-

Thank you does not seem like enough to say.

A sad way to end the day

I came home to hear what I call the "death" cry- too often heard it when I worked at the animal hospital. It was my Clarence - I have had him for 8 years but he has been in my life 10 years at least- he was one of the ones at Connechusett that I adopted. He was always there-on my head on my lap when I type on the computer - coming inside the shower to get a drink when I am in there- He was my source of sanity - we talked often - I know call me crazy.

Anyway - Clarence was living with a grade 4 heart murmur- it was a matter of time- he threw a clot- causing his hindlegs and right front leg to be parlayzed- his feet were cold when I snatched him up and rushed him to the hospital- I did not know at this point this happened- I just heard the cry and he ripped his front paw. Marcus knew something was wrong when I said lets go now and I need your help-

I had to say goodbye to my sweet furry friend- he will be missed greatly-

God keeps placing this song in my heart this morning

I'm not going back
I'm moving ahead
I'm here to declare
In You old things are made new
Surrender my life to Christ
I'm moving moving forward

What a moment
You have brought me to
Such a freedom
I have found in You
What a Healer

You make all things new
Yeah Yeah Yeah

You have risen
With all power in Your Hands
You have given me
A second Chance
Hallelujah Hallelujah

Yeah Yeah Yeah
Yeah Yeah Yeah

You maka all things new
You make all things new
I will follow You forward

Regression not so much fun

Well.... we are in a state of regression/cycling in the Danielson household- this is when Marcus goes back to immature types of behaviors- he is not only doing them at home but at school- for me it is frustrating - 2 steps forward 1 step back- Can we not just keep moving forward?

I need wisdom- I am being honest- I just need wisdom- As I prayed tonight at church - which was so amazing in the presence of God- I kept thinking I can minister and deal with all the kids here except my own- I need wisdom-serious just being honest here- When I think we have passed this phase it comes back around- other stuff too in the regression phase in which I am so over but will not post -

I also kept thinking will I survive this regression this time? It is so draining on me and trying to work with him in the right way- again frustrating today I had a migraine all day and working with him after work- was not cool- when will this end this regression I mean- Lord I need your help- I surrender him to you.I just need your guidance and the guidance of those wiser then me in dealing with behaviorally challenged children.

Bring it Recap

I went away this weekend to the Fall Getaway for the AG Pen Florida Women's Ministry and let me just say it was amazing. I am going to share with you from my heart and what is going on in my life as far as ministry and how my life is forever changed.
This may get a little long but I want to share- what God is doing because lives are going to change and I am so blessed by what God has in store.
I have been praying for special needs children to come to Celebration Church - why because they and their parents need hope and they need to know that there is a safe place for them to love them and their children. Why am I so passionate about this well- if you have read my blog at anytime you know I have one of those special kids- and Celebration Church has loved him with a heart of compassion- my family there has helped us through some of the darkest hours.

Rita Springer was there leading worship and it was very powerful- I have cried many tears over the 3 days I was there not because I was sad but because God was doing a new thing-breaking me to use me the way He wants and then building me back up all in the 3 days I was there- surrendering to Him.
There were two songs that touched me and spoke to me so loud and clear and God spoke to my heart like never before. The first song I will speak on this blog but the second one you will have to go to parentsyouarenotalone.
So here is the song and it is only one line in it that will change me forever- I will highlight it so you know
I Call You

You made the light
You made the night
You called it “sky”
You called it “sea”
You made the day
You made the dark
You told wings to fly
Gave life to the deep

You made the sun
You made the stars
And with a bone
Countered a part
You love the lost
You want them found
You are the Rose

That wore the crown(Pre Chorus)

And with the dust you made the one
Who you redeemed with your own Son
And with every you breath you breathed in me
I stand in awe and I sing……

I call you Maker
I call you Savior
I call you Mighty
I call you God
I call you Father
I call you Faithful
I call you
Every---thing that I’ve got
I call you Jesus
I call you Healer
I call you Mercy
And I call you mine
I call you one who
Always will come through
You are the Lord who
Captures my heart

God spoke and said I know I have captured your heart and Michele you have captured mine- You love all my children and it touches me so- and I was not sure if It was me or what but the same words kept being spoken to me each time that line was sung each time we sang that song-

I play it over and over and over- My heart is captured. Use me Lord to reach your kids- show me what you want done.

I keep praying and seeing the same thing- kids pouring out of our classrooms at Celebration - God do your thing.

Kidzone Jr launched and then some...

Yesterday was amazing and I am so happy to be able to teach the 3-5 year olds- I love seeing them grow in God's word- They are so smart.

We launched Kidzone Jr and it went very well. I had 5 fabulous kids and we talked about love- one of the 9 fruits of the spirit.

It was a little bit of a stumble as I have not taught this age in over 5 years but it will improve each week.

We had an awesome Sunday school class - I had a group of 19 kids- they did so well We talked about creation- this was the memory verse I was teaching on -I love it. Keep bringing the kids - Keep bringing the kids.

Teaching and speaking into the lives of these kids are truly a blessing- Joy overflows when I see their lives change- Joy overflows when I get a great big hug or they tell me they love me-I am so blessed

Now today my son informs me - mommy I love you so much- you are the best mommy in the world because you love me no matter what. You put up with my choices good or bad and you are there for me. ok are you crying now- this is a great step for him. He has verbalized it to his therapist but not to me- oh he has told me he loves me but this was different.

I AM SO BLESSED

So much on my mind so much to do

We have a lot going on- between work and home and church-- being stretched a little more then I like - not that is negative I am just tired and need some much needed rest- so I am looking forward to next Thursday and going away with our life coaching group to Orlando for a women's weekend- I anticipate and awesome and live changing weekend
Although I do not think I will get the "rest" I need as far as sleep but a different kind of rest.
It is so much fun preparing to go away- finding a place for Marcus (mom and dad thanks) and the dog (thanks Adam and Brenda) then tidying up the house before I leave and loose ends at work-
It will be good and will be fine just need sleep to rest my weary mind and body-

I am so looking forward though to Sunday- I get back into teaching ages 3-5 year olds in their own church service- It is going to be awesome

God's plan

Did you have wonder why you go through things in life? I do all the time- God is doing amazing things in the children at Celebration Church of Tampa. I have prayed as previously mentioned for those with special needs. Why, because there is hope for them and God wants them to feel the love- it became apparent this past Sunday. I love working with these kids and want the parents to know they are ok - God has prepared me I truly believe over the last 5 years to work with these awesome kids- thank you God for allowing me to be used by you to reach your children

Who I admire- By Marcus

Mom- She loves me

God- helps me everywhere

Jesus- goes with me everywhere

Josh (school friend)- because he always helps others

Aunt/uncle- they care about me

Papaw and grannie- they talk to me

Mrs Cooper- helps me in math

Mr Carini- talks with me when I am in trouble

Mr Madley- helps me in writing

Mr Thomas- helps me work on my behavior

God is amazing

Why....
He is there- always there
He gives me strength when I think I can not go on again
He grants me grace
He is patient
He is loving
He guides
He gives me wisdom and understanding
He is my everything
He is my all in all
He is my refuge
He is my best friend
He helps you through to the light at the end of the tunnel
He supplies all my needs
He is my Lord
He is my Savior
He will never leave me nor forsake me
He uses me to help reach others- I have been praying for quite sometime now for God to send the children to Celebration -not just any children but special needs children- behavioral, emotional, adhd, autism, sensory disorder, and the list goes on. Why have I been praying this- because there is hope- how do I know it- My family is a testimony to it- and I want to be there for those families- to love on them, to pray with them, to help them, to give them the resources they may need-and God is allowing me to do that- You are amazing God- keep sending us families to love on