yes I know what a strange title- but several of the nurses told me that when Marcus was getting the help he needed- I have taken a look back in the last 13 days of what transpired- and give you a little of my perspective and things I should have changed-
What happened:
1. I probably should have rested so much more- for those of you who told me I know I know-but I am a momma and missed my youngen- let me explain- you see normally when a child goes into the hospital- you able to spend time with them more- when they are in a crisis unit you get 1 hour a day that is it and if your child wants you there great if not not so hot. I am learning with each time this happens- rest is important-and the last several days he was there I did rest more- another problem this was - the fact you never knew when he was coming home and I had to make the phone calls to check in and see where we were at for the day. I was able to usually relax a little more once I knew for the day if he was staying or not. so yes rest more will be worked on
2. Average stay is normally 2-3 days. Marcus was there 13-why? God knows why- I believe it was for the following reasons:
1. able to minister and help parents who had never been in the situation and remind them they were not alone - yes I used my words that I was often reminded of during the process.
2. let the parents know that they need to be the child's advocate but also speak the truth of what is going on with their behaviors-
3. the last few days - I saw my son speaking up and letting the others know (even the older ones) that he needs to listen to what his mom says and he was stepping up and saying he was not allowed to watch certain shows on tv-
4. I was able to speak briefly into some teens life
5. Drs were able to evaluate Marcus more thoroughly and see what I go through- only certain people have seen a glimpse- and possible have a better diagnosis
3. I learned I need to get out more with my girlfriends- so need that more in my life-the time was priceless and so needed- laughing and staying out late -it did not get much better
4. people have no idea what its like to go through something like this - my best advice to those if you who may have someone going through this - is simply be there - be there to hold there hand- to offer a hug- to just sit and cry with them if they need it- they will get through it and be stronger for it- just allow them to ramble - allow them to yell at you- do not take it personal it has nothing to do with you its just a way for them to work through it- allow them to laugh cry and laugh and cry some more. if you ask them what they need and they tell you- follow through with it. ASK them how they can help- some of us our stubborn- they may not know themselves what they need but they will just be prepared.
5. Sometimes we do not want to talk about it either- we will eventually though-when we are ready- do not pry it out of us. and sometimes you may ask us questions of what the next step is and we may not know at that time- so we will deliver news as we know it and when we want to share- be patient with us- I know it is frustrating-well it is frustrating to not know what is going on with your son and what the outcome will be either.
6. Parents who have children who are aggressive - get tired- they need their batteries recharged- offer to help even if for a couple of hours-a week or month- sometimes we do not know when they will flip the light switch and sometimes it take all are energy to work with them.
7. I have learned I need to adjust how I do things as a parent to enable Marcus to function better-its always something to learn- if I have adjusted something with him- and you watch him for me- please help by doing and following through- consistency is so key to helping him through
8. and as always- I have the best support people in our life- family- (I say just family cause this encompasses normal family, extended family, church family. track family, and school family) you all are so vital in our life and how successful Marcus will become- I love you all bunches
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