Why?

Can I be transparent with you today?- We spoke about this Wednesday night-If I can't be transparent then you should stop reading now- realize this is how I am feeling the last 2 days- not always.

Why - Why did these people do bad things to Marcus
Why- is he so angry- Why can not God heal him instantly-Why am I so frustrated? Why did God allow this treatment to happen to Marcus? Why do my days feel unending? Why is this such a battle? Why will this not seem like it is getting any better? Why do others tell me he is so bad ( I heard it today)? (children) Why does this get to me?


When will he be restored? When will this get easier? When will I feel like I have accomplished something with him?When will I truly see the light at the end of the tunnel? When will schools, before care and after care and summer camps stop calling me to say he is hitting and out of control can you talk with him? When will he feel confident in himself? When will he use his words instead of his hands? When will he start listening most of the time? When will he stop talking back? When will he stop being so aggressive?

How much can I take? How much longer will he be so out of control? How will he be when he is older? How do I know I am making a difference?

Who is there to help? Who is this child God created? Who has influenced him to be this way? Who will influence him to change?

What will his life be like in the future? What will I do if he continues down this path of angriness when people say things to him? What do the days hold ahead for him? What is his purpose in life? What is God's plan for him?

I am feeling a little over the top with anxiety- I do not get this way too often but I am there- between the last 2 weeks I am not sure what to do anymore- and I am teaching a parenting class- what was I thinking ? I know it was God speaking to me not me thinking.