Just need him to Hold me and give me peace

A Breakthrough today

Well today was a breakthrough moment at our house- I have been working with Marcus over the past week to tell me what he is feeling (angry) instead of calling me names or saying he hates me- He was angry cause he was not doing what he was asked to do so he had a consequence- I said I do not want to be name called or told you hate me- You can tell me you are angry with me or uupset.
So he yelled I am angry at you- I went great- I am glad you told me how you feel rather then calling me names- he looked at me- real calm but I yelled- yes but you yelled what you were feeling and not telling me you hate me or calling me names ( it kills me when he does that)
So yeah for him - yeah for us- one step forward and I will refuse to go one step back

So tonight (friday) I will do a breakthrough on me

A little uneasy for me

Today is a little uneasy for me- I start yet another new position- Since May I went from assitant manager to manager- I begin the manager role today- having some anxiety not much - I will be okay though
I still know that God is in control and has a plan- He is our source of comfort-
So if you read this today or any other day this week say a little prayer for me.

Sleeping in church

Soaking in God while Sleeping during a Wednesday Night Service

Thanks PD for the picture

The past 5 days...

I have changed - Marcus has changed- (not saying he is perfect at all)- You know it is amazing what slight changes in your environment will do for a person
Let me tell you something- God is so in control and such a comfort.


Marcus since Thursday has had minor issues like for me mind blowing minor issues (this is a good thing) that is when I started the subtle changes within me- our family.
No big blow ups for him- minor blow ups.
His manners have been polite- I can do things he says- I am simple in awe of how well he is doing


Not perfect but much improved- is it the meds kicking in- if so great- if it is my minor adjustments great- I am just thrilled
Yesterday he had a 10/10 day today 9/10 day- his before and after school - in the mornings there are 4 children and same amount in the afternoon (this is a blessing because low numbers are great) he plays video games there and loves it-hey if he is not getting in trouble and being kind - great
Today I asked him if he was okay to go to Discovery Point- he said mommy don't worry I will be fine- that is the first time he has ever said that..


We went swimming today after school and work and he did very well swam across the pool several times

On top of the good things going on with him- today I was told I was going from assistant manager of a facility to the manager of a facility at work-Yes I will be changing locations- still at USF but across the street ( our department has several facilites we take care of)

My Lifesaver this summer

The main lifesaver was Sarah- Let me tell you a little bit about this young lady- shall I
She is 14 years old and did amazingly well with Marcus- she put up with A LOT of junk he threw her way and many times wanted to throw in the towel- however out of the kindness of her heart for me she kept pressing on and fought a good fight- will she do it next summer NO WAY!-

I do not blame her-one bit- but I think she learned a lot and she can handle any child now.

So Sarah from the very bottom of my heart I say this to you! You young lady are my hero-in a respectful way- you truly triumphed through the summer and I know it was very difficult- you listened and you learned how to deal with him- Words can never express how truly I am greatful for what you did for me. Except Thank you Thank you - you have grown so much!

Random thoughts of the last few days

Sometimes a person needs to change- their perspective of things around them- that is what I have done the last couple of days- I am learning ways to deal with Marcus in a more positive approach and I have also realized to look back at where he was - not dwell on it but remember the impact the first 4 years of his life has had on him- these are the most significant years that formed him-
I am not perfect by any means and daily work with him and myself- the last few days we have talked about his fears - his feelings - a lot of what is going on inside- I see you are feeling mad or angry- I see you are feeling sad can I help you work through what is going on- the last few days have been pretty good-
I think for me the best thing that could have happened did this week- the bus issue- it allowed me to make him breakfast - work things out if there was a problem in the morning- oh I know I was frustrated and aggravated but things happen for a reason and I am glad it did looking back on the week- he even told me he has enjoyed it-but waas ready tio ride the bus with his friends.
Not making excuses for his behavior - but we really do not truly know what happened to him- we have our ideas but we will probably never know- his behavior are not acceptable by any means however-
There are certain things I am learning on how to deal with him and it works- keep from overstimulation- talk things out- let him know what you are feeling - let him know you see his frustrations or his anxiousness- he responds well- now this is not saying he will be perfect or not have a meltdown but for the most part this week it has worked.
I think I am more sensitive to what he needs- am I perfect at it no way- I still get frustrated- tired and sometimes need help-time for me-I know I rely on maybe if burden some of my friends- but that is not the intention at all.
I know at times I stress over things - over stress at things at times- little things can stress me to a point of overwhelming and some may not understand why I could allow that to happen- life happens and from work- to getting Marcus in school- home life( chores etc), church. I enjoy all of it I do but sometimes you need to evaluate things- step back and evaluate what is important and say yes this needs to change or no it is okay. Do I need to change things? some- and I started today- yesterday - last night- this week.
The only people effected by the changes will be Marcus and I - started with therapy - started with going to Bingo tonight- our shopping list for groceries.
These are my random thoughts

Its Friday

Well- I had therapy last night - just to touch base with her and let her know the things of the past present and what I would like to accomplish out of the therpay sessions. God has truly blessed us in finding her she takes Saturday and evening appointments and she is taking $25 off the cost of each session. She is very familiar with adopted homes-she worked with the Children's Home and was telling me a story of one family that returned a child after having him for 8 years- I can never imagine- I took on the responsiblity of Marcus through the good, bad, and ugly and we are a family to work things through - get help when needed.

Another good news is the busing situation has resolved and he begins Monday with the before and after care. Thank you God for answered prayer.

And last and certainly not the least we had another good day today- 8/10 not bad not bad- his goal each day is 6/10.

So right now we are hanging out and watching tv and just chillin out.

We do have big plans tonight- Back to School Bingo at school-which is put on by the PTA.

100/100 day today

100/100

From the time he got up to this point now it has been a great day- Mrs. Berns met me at the car today and said perfect day- we high-fived- I am so proud of him- He told me he wanted to do what God wants him to do.


He told me of an incident today at school- he accidently ran into someone and the other kid hit him and Marcus walked away- today is a good day.

He made the right choices today


Right now he is in his room playing and reading- I am fixin to go get dinner ready- 1st therapy night tonight- just me - I will let you know how it goes.

The Warrior is A Child

Pastor Deanna spoke about being there for others when they are overwhelmed and she sang a song that fits me right now in my life so I am putting it on here. Thanks PD for the word tonight.

Fusion- Wednesday

Getting ready to get Marcus to school and me go to work- My days are a little shorter because of busing problems- pray they get resolved by tomorrow- it will be so helpful-

Rough morning with Marcus he woke up at 5 am so I am thinking this might be rough- oh I hope it is not a rough day but I know him and when he wakes up earlier and has done what he has done then it is not pretty-
Lord - help Marcus today-help him to realize he is able to make the good choices that I know he is able to do-

Well - what is Fusion- this is our Wednesday night service and I think it is fabulous- I think it is gelling our congregation together in a different way- sharing our fears -triumphs and everyday struggles- Pastor Deanna does a great message each week and then we discuss it and expand on it. The groups are growing each week which makes it a great thing- youth is growing and they are giving their hearts to the Lord.
Lord have your way tonight in every aspects of the services from the youngest to the oldest in our church- reach into our hearts and let us hear from you- We thank you Lord for what you are doing and what you will continue to do at Northside-Bless and protect our pastors - be with them today and bring healing to Pastor Larry's achilles. We glorify you today Lord in all that you do- In your name I pray.

Just to share

Here is Clarence cleaning Isaac's face

Yes yes yes

Well today I was able to go to work- because of my sister again she saved the day.

She would not say she saved the day- its just what we do for one another-
Anyway - why the yes yes yes- because I have an appointment with the therapist for Marcus on Thursday night and she does weekends or Saturdays so this is good- the problem is she does not take his insurance so this is going to be mighty expensive - not sure how it will happen but God will provide- this is a much needed step in our family- I am relieved to start it- honestly I do not care how much it costs (okay I do but) cause if it is going to help Marcus and myself and those around us then great-

Anyway Thursdays appointment is for me and to give her all the details of what I know so she can figure out the best plan for him- her specialities are- single parenting (check), adoption (check), ADHD (check), PTSD (check), anxiety (check) and a few others - wow I am truly excited.

Still have not heard in regards to busing information - I had to change childcare -do not get me started- so we had to change bus information and childcare and I am hoping it will be soon so again I do not miss work- oh my son is important and I will do whatever but not being at work does not help pay the bills

1st day of 2nd grade

Well today started off a little rocky but not too bad- he was a little nervous about new kids- I said you are in the same class- same teacher same students ( he did have 1 new child) so when we got there and saw this he was good to go

I dropped him off- ran some papers to his Dr and then went to church for a bit a folded newsletters- then went to lunch with Pastor Larry and Deanna, Pastor T and Cathy- it was nice- a very calm day very nice day for me.

Then went and picked him up he earned 9/10 points today so that was good-

These are the best!! (Mrs Berns on left and Mrs Crossley his teacher on the right)
So tomorrow we are off - schools are closed- I am off work because of it-rrrrr- I know safety of the family first.

Black Sharpie, Green Couch and Marcus

This combination is bad news-

Marcus went to bed tucked him in- worked on my previous blog - came downstairs to get some carrots and chill when I came to put my stuff down what do I see.

Sharpie pen writing on my couch-with a picture- UGH

"I love you mommy you are so nice" was written on my couch- I thought oh no I am not going to be nice now boy- you wrote with permanent marker on my couch- UGH

As I am steaming - I scrubbed most of it off with the fabric cleaner for the couch and then proceeded to call Adam and Lori they laughed- I was not laughing not at all

Adam said at least it was something nice - I said he could have asked for a piece of paper-

I checked on him and gave him a kiss-sleeping so sound and sweet looking

Smile- FAITH

1. Believing when you do not see it
2. Walking in Faith is obeying when you do not understand it
3. Walking in Faith is giving when you do not have it
4. Walking in Faith-persisting when you do not feel like it.
5. Walking in Faith is thanking before you receive it
6. Walking in Faith is trusting -if you do not get it

For me 4 and 6 stand out the greatest in my mind right now and let me expand on it (these were points from Pastor Larry today)

So - Walking in Faith persisting when you do not feel like it- that is me- this past week- Wednesday Night I did not want to be there- Saturday I did not want to go to life coaching- today I did not want to teach Sunday School-all of these things I love to do and you know what even though I did not want to do these things or feel like it- I was uplifted by each of these meetings-not everyone knows exactly what I am going through and that is okay-
Walking in Faith and trusting- Pastor Larry spoke from Hebrews 11:39-40
---All these were approved through their faith, but they did not receive what was promised, since God had provided something better for us, so that they would be made perfect without us
You know you could get discouraged where it says they did not receive what was promised- because I think that is where I have been lately discuraged by what God has promised but I need to trust God even more because of the later portion of the scriputre verse He is providing something better. Better then he promised wow! How amazing is that for God to do that for me?
I need to keep my eyes on Jesus and not the situations at hand- oh I know that is so easier then done-
I truly do not understand all that is going on right now and why but I need to continue to walk in Faith and to continue to serve God with everything I have.

This is what happened today -Marcus and I went for lunch " back to school " lunch I have done it every year since having him-
I was not sure of what I was getting myself into because he started with an attitude when we were in the car.
So we went to Sonny's and he was the best he has been in a long while
The family sitting next to us asked if he was always liked that and I was like no - this is a good moment-She was like he is so well behaved- he was really - manners and everything- we talked about how he was feeling about school and if anything was making him nervous- he said he just wanted the kids to be nice to him- I said well you use your words and show them and they will begin to do the same- I told him Iknow he can do it.
So anyway- after we were done the husband and wife talked with Marcus and the husband was a sheriff and said you were so well behaved and gave him $1.oo he said you continue making good choices and you are a good boy-
okay okay- out of the blue these people say this to us after the week we have had - I do not think so - it was a God thing
Honestly I was thinking if they only really knew- but for me it was a glimmer- of yes it is possible-

This evening or should I say today has been a good day- I smiled today- Marcus and I got his stuff for school ready- then layed on the couch and watched the olympics- I answered 50 million questions about the sports we were watching-but it was a good day-

Deep Breaths

I have been doing that today- today was a pretty decent day- not great but better- had 1 minor- major meltdown- but he got his act together fairly quickly-
I think the biggest thing that bothers me is the words- words hurt so much- and I can not control what comes out of his mouth.
I am tired- I went to pick him up after life coaching and fell asleep at Adam and Brenda's for a bit.
Life Coaching was good- honestly I was pretty quiet - usually I am more engaged in the conversation but not today- that is okay-
I am going to make it through- Keep praying - I sure do appreciate it

Not sure what I am feeling- today- just - calm- not peaceful but calm- my thoughts are not racing- today is a better day. tomorrow I anticipate will be a better day

Good morning

It is Saturday-
I was able to go to the store last night- Adam came and watched him (he was sleeping) it was nice to go and be able to walk through the aisles without worries of outbursts because I told him no or something he did not want to hear.
So this morning - I am working on tidying up the house-I have life coaching today-
The dryer went out last night so I am hanging clothes everywhere- but it is fine-
Working on dancing in the rain (or the deluge I should say)-
Marcus is still in his bed- I was up at 630 so I got somethings accomplished so far-step by step
moment by moment
All quiet for the moment listening to my praise and worship songs as I clean my bathroom (what fun :) )

1 battle at a time please

However this is not occurring-
so we have Marcus' issues going on - mental health- then the bus situation at the childcare and then to top it off the dryer went out
Oh you say that is all but the first issue mentioned is the biggest problem I am dealing with - for me my strength is depleted (so really I am functioning on Gods strength)today was the icing on the cake - we went to help Cathy and Tom with the house again and we did not stay too long- meltdown came because they ( the girls ) were being mean when he started the whole thing.
He told me over and over and over again he hated me- called me names- cry baby- big head and some other things that I am clueless on-Jesus does not care- no one cares about him- no one likes him- YES these are things my son is saying to me- on a daily basis lately when he gets angry-
But thank you Jesus - it only lasted about 15 minutes or so. We came home- I was going to the grocery store but I am not-with him that is- I just do not trust him right now- I need the meds to kick in and I am hoping the therapy will help when we start.
The plus side of the day- Marcus and I talked this early evening and it was good- I prayed for him and told him there are a bunch of people praying for him-and at anytime he wanted prayer that he could ask them and they would do it right then- so be aware he may ask you to pray-
I do believe this is a spiritual battle with him- the devil is mad - God is doing good things in my life and he just does not like it - oh I am not denying there are other issues going on with him
Another plus side we went to his school and we saw his teacher and she was so excited to see him- I just love her told her what was going on and change in meds and all and she was like we will work it through thank you God for that.
Keep praying we sure do need the prayers...

Whats going on...

To say this week was all peaches and roses would not be the truth-
Marcus was good for Sarah Wednesday which I am thankful for but we had a lot of prayer going on that day- of course he made up for it that night at the end of service-
Monday and Tuesday he seemed out of control again and what I mean is heating throwing things mouthing off- calling names - spitting - etc etc
Mr Tom dealt with him Wednesday night and he was good with him- Mr Tom took a lot I mean a lot-THanks Tom
The Garlands watched him Thursday and he did fairly well- I guess there was a track meet going on there for a bit- Pastor caught him. THanks Pastor Larry
We helped the Garlands move in yesterday - oh I am ahead of my Wednesday
We went to the psychiatrist- I am not sure if I am relieved or what I am feeling yet- I think I am just tired and tired of being strong- oh do not worry this has been exhausting over the last week and I guess I just need to be helped more- and friends are stepping up which I am thankful
His Dr spoke with him and she read all my stuff of accounts that have occurred and believes he acts out because of increased anxiety- why we are not sure about that so we now have a plan
His Strattera is increased he will be starting Prozac and we will begin to see a therapist to help deal with the out of control anxiety issues-
How am I doing with all this stressed - tired -exhausted and the list goes on. I do not feel like a failure because I am doing my best with what was chosen for me- this will make me stronger and more aware of psychiatric problems people go through that are very REAL.
For those of you who have mental health issues or have family members with mental health issues you are not alone.
I will keep you up to speed on how we are doing- pray for him for peace cause that is what he needs- he needs to know he is loved and that it is him we love no matter what
Keep me in your prayers - give me peace- strength- and rest (this has not been happening lately)

I am thankful to those of you with encouraging words- a hug and a helpful hand.

Finally Pictures of DW

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Today was a good day

Well I am getting ready to go nighty night- I have a busy day at work tomorrow and I just want to get some rest- I need to be in earlier then normal because of surgeries yes multiple (8 to be exact)

This evening was nice Marcus and I ate dinner - yes I cooked - amazing I know- ate together and talked and them watched the Olympics in my room while I worked on somethings for church and then we just layed on the bed for about an hour as the boy asked 1000s of questions

Where is China- that is where Kung Fu Pandas he real? I know he is not-Where is Germany? We are from the US? How do they dive like that - they did 3 spins- I could tell him all about diving and then the swimmng questions came- it was great because I could tell him all about that - he went on and on about Olympics he was truly fascinated with them.

Mommy I am going to be a swimmer and run and dive and play soccer and jump and.... breathe boy breathe- That is great love - then he said but first I need to work on my behavior (ding ding ding- the light bulb has gone off- lets see how long it lasts.

It was fun just talking with him- well he was doing most of the talking - it was neat to share something I did when I was young- yes I was a competitive diver and swimmer- pretty good at it to- if I do say so myself.

A quote from a friend

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass; its about learning how to dance in the rain."



Bernie just sent me this quote he just read I love it - I love it love it love it

God has not abandoned you...

Oh my those words Pastor Larry spoke were just what I needed to hear this morning- thank you Pastor for being obedient to God and speaking them. In a previous post I was asking God where He was and Why He has not healed Marcus- I have felt bombarded and overwhelmed- Oh-I need thee oh I need thee every hour I need thee- that song ministered to me today as well. One of the scripture verses for my Sunday School Class was this:
Psalm 139:7-12 (New International Version)
7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? 8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. 9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, 10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. 11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," 12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

As I come home and reflect on the day let me just say- I did not want to go to church but so glad I did- sometimes you do not feel like being around people and that is what I felt like today until I got there- I sat in with the youth for a few minutes before Sunday School they are so funny -I was talking to Bernie and how to fix my garbage disposal- he told me what I needed to do- I think I looked like a deer in headlights- I will attempt it- but this could get ugly.

So Sunday School was such an uplifting time- I love the single parenting class so much- just knowing that other single parents deal with the same things. The scripture from above really did not hit me until now when I typed it. I read it and even have notes from what I wanted to speak on - there is no where I can be with out God right beside me- You truly have not abandoned me God- Thank you! Time flies in the class and just when we get in to a good discussion it is time to end . it is okay though I will email everyone and we can touch base this way.

Went into service lifted but not really ready to worship- I am doing okay- As worship continued and they began to sing Healer - I was praying - honestly I did not want to sing it- I love the song but did not want to sing it- so after that is when Pastor Larry spoke about God not abandoning you- well- those words resonated in my heart through the entire service. I know He has a plan- and I know this too shall pass- I know great things are too unfold through these last 3 weeks.

I was blessed after service when Tom and Cathy said they will watch Marcus Thursday- they are moving so Marcus is a big helper so that will be great for him - and to have guy time with Tom will be good for Marcus. So my sister will not need to worry about it- Lori relax and enjoy your Thursday - I hope you take it off for your self.

Believe the song is going over and over in my head so here it is-

SIGH

Today we are not doing a whole lot - I was up very early this morning- why I do not know just something I do-I have been working on laundry - cleaning - or tidying up the house I should say- reading reading a lot- Converstaion Peace- Armorbearer- my daily devotional- Rereading Pastor's notes on help is on the way- a message he spoke.
I sure hope that help is on the way-
Marcus is back asleep he went to bed about 6 ish last night- got up at 5;30 and some time to talk back to me - brought his laundry to the washer and was suppose to be doing something I asked him to do- Well he wanted breakfast- I said great- I will give you breakfast when you finish what you were asked to do- I got talked back too- grumbled at - but not nearly as bad as it has been.
Have my blinders be on with him lately- I know his schedule is so way off this summer and I know that may have a significant impact on his behavior but enough is enough- this out of control lost his marbles type of behavior needs fixed pronto.

So I am fixing to go work on Sunday School- I have listened many times already and know what it is about but need to delve into it- finish my menu for the week- get grocery list together- (Dustin when are you starting my publix again? Next week? side note question) finish laundry-clean kitchen- and the list goes on-
Oh my bansiter I have been working on is half done and it did come out pretty well so far.

Well... (updated)

My anxiety went up another notch from the last writing- Thursdays caretaker for Marcus had something unexpected happen at work and needs to be there and now I am out of luck- I do not think the Y would like him back after the last 2 days.- Maybe? - My wonderful wonderful sister- what would I do with out her at times- She is going to take him and maybe even take the day off and have aunt and nephew time.


No blaming of anyone- I need to be at work- I have surgeries that day- Do you see some of the trials single parents go through- ugh. So if anyone could or want to let me know if they can watch him I would be forever grateful.

Why?

Can I be transparent with you today?- We spoke about this Wednesday night-If I can't be transparent then you should stop reading now- realize this is how I am feeling the last 2 days- not always.

Why - Why did these people do bad things to Marcus
Why- is he so angry- Why can not God heal him instantly-Why am I so frustrated? Why did God allow this treatment to happen to Marcus? Why do my days feel unending? Why is this such a battle? Why will this not seem like it is getting any better? Why do others tell me he is so bad ( I heard it today)? (children) Why does this get to me?


When will he be restored? When will this get easier? When will I feel like I have accomplished something with him?When will I truly see the light at the end of the tunnel? When will schools, before care and after care and summer camps stop calling me to say he is hitting and out of control can you talk with him? When will he feel confident in himself? When will he use his words instead of his hands? When will he start listening most of the time? When will he stop talking back? When will he stop being so aggressive?

How much can I take? How much longer will he be so out of control? How will he be when he is older? How do I know I am making a difference?

Who is there to help? Who is this child God created? Who has influenced him to be this way? Who will influence him to change?

What will his life be like in the future? What will I do if he continues down this path of angriness when people say things to him? What do the days hold ahead for him? What is his purpose in life? What is God's plan for him?

I am feeling a little over the top with anxiety- I do not get this way too often but I am there- between the last 2 weeks I am not sure what to do anymore- and I am teaching a parenting class- what was I thinking ? I know it was God speaking to me not me thinking.

My prayer for Friday is

simple- Hands kept to himself, and he uses his words-
I pray for a calm day for him-I pray that he stays focused on what he needs to do today

Keep praying for hands to yourself and using your words

Marcus had a pretty good day yesterday with Aunt Lori and Uncle Stacy- and at the Y. Keep Praying that he uses his words and keeps his hands and feet to himself.
Yesterday was a strange day- I am working at one of the other facilities as manager because the manager there is on vacation and the supervisor had an unexpected death in her family (she had to go to Baltimore)
I spent some time working on the banister that I have been trying to get done for months now- maybe if I am diligent tonight I can get it all sanded so I can refinish tomorrow or I should say Thursday.

Thanks for your prayers on Marcus - keep them coming-

Does he ever give up?

I commented on PDs blog about how wonderful the service was- it truly was - but the the devil was not happy this morning- why- I truly believe he works through our kids or tries to-but that was not going to stop me- Today was the first day of our single parenting Sunday School Class- Here is how my day went and you see something here.

Got up - Marcus was in a fabulous mood- thank you Jesus for this- we talked on the way to church and I reminded him he could watch video games and he said yes maam- so I went about my business getting stuff ready for my class and went back into tell him it was time to go and what was he doing playing video games- I wanted to talk to him about it - oh no that is when the battle began about 10 minutes before class. ugh- so we talked went to class and before I could get my first words out Miss Lorna said I need you- Fortunately- it was a parenting class and they were so sweet. So off we went to the office. Pastor T took him and I did not see him for awhile.

I was able to go to class and just show them a preview of it - so if you are a single parent we start the lessons this week coming. I was a little disappointed for there was only 3 of us. but then we got to talk and oh my goodness for me it was spectacular- I am not the only one who gets exhausted and they understand- I love you married parents but there was just something different there. We were all relating and have different backgrounds and this is going to be wonderful- wow !!! I am truly excited for next week we we delve into the lessons. I referenced Matthew 6:26 because it is the first lesson regarding God taking care of the birds and how much more important we are and so if he takes care of the birds he will surely take care of us (PD spoke Wednesday on this as well and I was excited to share about it)

I get into service and not even 10 minutes into I get a they need you in children's church - oh boy- why what is going on with this boy that he is out of control. so I went up there and was able to talk with him pretty quick- he wanted me to hold him during service and I love that I know he is big but he is my baby really only 3 -for me I know he is 7. As I was sitting there singing and praying Pastor Larry comes over - Michele can you minister to one of the ladies - I will take care of Marcus- yes yes I will- I love praying for people. It was a wonderful time at the altar and it was not the end of service - God is good-

PD sang a wonderful song - PD I loved it - I actually played it this morning for some reason getting ready for church.

You hold my every moment- During my moments today you were holding meYou calm my raging seas- You calm my son just when it needs to happen-

You walk with me through fire - You walk with me as he goes through his fits
And heal all my disease- YOU are healing his mind

I trust in You- I trust you Lord

I trust in You
I believe You're my Healer- I believe that you are Marcus' healer

I believe You are all I need

I believe You're my Portion

I believe You're more than enough for meJesus

You're all I need
Nothing is impossible for You

Nothing is impossible for You

Nothing is impossible for You

You hold my world in Your hands

We had communion that day and my son is so tender at one moment and so attitudinal at another. But he collapsed in the chair after drinking the grape juice with tears in his eyes and said I drank Jesus' blood- times like that it is wow-

Then he said he was going to listen- so off he went to CC.

Pastor preached a wonderful message about faith- and Joshua and Caleb and 4 truths that will keep you from the Promised Land

1) Fix your eyes on the obstacles instead of the goal.
2) Compare what you lack with what others possess.
3) Allow fear to take control of your situation. Your desire for relief will ruin your courage to soar.
4) Determine to turn back and seek gratification and justification rather than endure and develop character

I want to be a person of great Faith- I want to soar- I want to develop character-

As for me and my House we will Serve the Lord

I want to have faith like Joshua and Caleb!

So then I went to get Marcus after talking with Cathy and Tom ( I love these 2 they are wonderful-we have something so in common and it is so nice to talk with them and know I am not alone- Can not wait til you all move closer)

He was on the couch-in trouble once again-so I said lets talk - oh no none of that was happening- so I had to restrain him- choir coming in for lunch- I was just hanging on the couch with him- smiling calmly- I was calm- Marcus was trying to hit me when Pastor Larry went by and he said oh you will not hit your mother or you will have me to deal with-Thanks Pastor Larry he seemed to calm down when you said that- then Epi came by and spoke to him as well and then he was really calmer and ready to talk. And that was pretty much the end of his outbursts we talked got it all out and then fell asleep on the way home and took a 2 hour nap. I so appreciate the men of the church- you all have so much influence in his life- We are truly blessed

We met Aunt Lori and Uncle Stacy about 5 and he went to their house this week-this has been planned since the beginning of summer so I am praying for a much better week with them- he will be at the Y and one of the counselors there loves him- so my prayer this week is his hands to himself and he uses his words thats all.

So now I am home with the critters and the dog is barking at thunder.

My day planned

Well- I am getting ready to head to Ellenton to pick up Marcus-at 8 am- then to the Tobias house to look at their cat- then home to do the list of things on my to do list- (cleaning and orgainzing). Clean the car- review Sunday School lesson- I begin teaching adults (which is different) but I think it will be so awesome.

Last night went to dinner -with a bunch of people and surprised PD for her birthday. It was a really nice time- no children just adults. Got home about 11. Read an email that set me off a little but will recover from it- a learning experience - at work-that is all. Let me just say I dislike not doing things well. I am my worst enemy at times.

First things First...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PD- I hope your day is fabulous-

Well I am truly glad this week is over- it has been rough - work was disappointing yesterday afternoon - Marcus was misbehaving this week-work was swamped today- I am glad it is Friday- Now to look forward to a productive weekend and my new Sunday School Class which I am excited about-I will let you know how it goes - trust me on that.

Marcus did have a better day today - thanks General Lori-Really thanks Sis- It means more then you could ever imagine- I am sure that mom and dad are so glad you came.

I pick up Marcus about 8 am in Ellenton- I have a ton of chores to get done- I kind of chilled out this week so that will be our tomorrow