On my heart - part 2 of ?

(Novemeber 2005)

Well- this may be a shocker but single parents are on my heart- probably cause I am one- and I do not have all the answers but I am learning daily- it is no easy task- for me I have come so far in becoming a single parent.

My heart goes out to all single parents regardless of how they became a single parent-death, divorce or in my case I chose to adopt - I know call me crazy. but I love it even in the rough times because it is in those times (afterwards that is) I learn so much about myself and how much stronger I become. I know as a single mom of 1 it is tough never mind a single mom or dad that has 2 or 3 or 4- you all are amazing


Single parents goes through things that a married couple raising children together go through but in a different light. May I enlighten you. Thanks for allowing me to do this.

Single parents often feel alone and not be able to ask for help- I can do it I am super mom ( my case) when in fact that is not true at all . As a single parent you are not alone- you first have the love of God to strengthen and guide you- I know my faith has increased tremendously just by becoming a single parent- trusting in Him makes everything so much better. You trust and have a support system- other single parents- married couple- married couples with kids- other parents that have special needs children- go to them for guidance and to talk to- I know for me there are times where I have felt alone- and no one was there for me- no not really - but in the beginning of my journey as a single parent I felt that way- that asking for help was like I was failing at what I was doing- Now oh no no- anytime that I can get help or people offer suggestions I use it a lot of times to see if it will work- Most of the time it does- For example I was talking to Bernie a few weeks ago now and we were discussing if... then statements and you know I use them a whole lot more with Marcus now and it works- go figure- so trust those who may have older children they have been through it and they do know what they are talking about- or this weekend pouring many times over positive things into your child's life to help offset the negative (thanks PD). There are times when us single parents need to get out with other adults- church is a good place for this- Be involved with your church- let your church family know what is going on. They can give you strength as well. I love my church family- they are so supportive- would do anything for me and are such encouragers- I have a few at church who can read me pretty well and know just when I need a little bit of encouraging words- or they ask Marcus how his week was and if he says not so good they encourage him to treat mommy good and do well in school.

(Marcus and his cousin Ainsley -ages 6 and 5)

As a single parent we get concerned about finances- sometimes you wonder where is this bill going to get paid from- first let me tell you speakng from experience again- pay your tithes- really- honesty here in the beginning I was not sure what was going to happen I was barely making enough for bills and to stay a float with groceries and such- but God is so faithful he blessed me with a tremendous raise and I am so greatful for that- (that was over a year and half ago). Yes there are times when a bill comes in- when I am not sure how it will get paid but it always does- first the tithes then the bills- trust God with your finances- it may not always be easy but he will supply your needs time and time again.

As a single parent- we need to take time for ourself- this I know I do not do as much as I should. Hey what can I say I am a work in progress- I have only been a parent for a little over 2 1/2 years - although it seems much longer at times. Even if it is to go to the grocery store.

For me some of the hardest times are;
1. when I have had a long day at work - run to get him- come home - do homework- get dinner read- showers - most days are pretty well but sometimes I wish there was someone there to help out
2. when I am sick- I still have to get him off to school or what ever he has plans for- never me first he always has to be taken care of.
3. when he has a rough day and I am just too beat to handle it - here it is your turn- I sorta do this- Oh I call Uncle Adam- Aunt Lori- Uncle Stacy - Pastor Larry-
it is like would you please talk to him I can not get through to him-these days are fewer and farther between by the love and grace of God- he is just working in that young man- I feel a healing coming on.
4. Cleaning the house- Can someone else do it for a change?

But you work through things and you are able to do it- I do get stressed and overwhelmed if I told you I did not that would be so untrue- but those days are not as frequent as before - why and how- God's guidance - patience (lots of) and a wonderful family (church and extended)- learning and researching how to deal with behavioral challenged children.

Driving Home from prayer...

Prayer was very good tonight- I was thinking about not going because of a headache that I have had and still have since after church- but I decided to go- I was not involved in the conversation as much as I may have usually would have been but that is okay- I was there and God knows what is going on.
More- I just want more of him- more guidance- more understanding- more stretching of my personal walk ( he is already doing that), more of calmness in situations going on- more - more of Him-

So driving home- I realized I was complaining ( to those who know me)about going in late to work and getting off early -losing 15 hours of A/L- how incovenient this is to take Marcus to school and pick himup early and yada yada yada. But then God reminded me of what PD said yesterday in life coaching pour into him- add to his depletion-deposit love in his life-
This is not an obstacle as I thought it was but an opportunity for him to be away from the negative and be filled with more positive -
So thank you God for the reminder.

I feel a little weepy this evening- not entirely sure why- I will have to figure that out

I still would like an alternative to where Marcus is going for before and after school care - I will be on a search for that- I have one possiblity but I need some guidance to make sure this is what is best for my young man.

For those of you that see or talk with Marcus regularly this is my request from you - if you could just flood him with positiveness and love- diluting out the negative he hears from children or even care takers ( his school teachers are fabulous and are always positive)- I would so appreciate it -

Just from my heart... part 1 of ?

Here is what is on my heart- and lately more then ever-

Children with special needs- why because I have one- He is special and created uniquely just for me-

God knew that I was the person just for Marcus- I am not perfect by any means- no I do not have all the answers but God created him- I do believe because of man's influence Marcus is the person he is now- but it is God is inside of him and working on him ever so diligently

Have you ever fought a fight that you always seem to need to fight- well I am there again-

I simple can not understand why it is so hard for people to realize children are all different special needs or not-

If they do have special needs why can they not just admit they are unsure how to handle the situation- and not make excuses- accept training that is offered but please do not tell me you do not have the time to work with him-

You should make time- he really is a wonderful young man- he just has had some rough times in the beginning of his life that just needs time to be worked through and healed by Gods hand.

Pastor Larry says that hurting people hurt people- Marcus is hurting from his young life's experiences and we just need to love him all the more even in the not so good times-

He is a special young man and hold such a special place in my heart- I hurt for him- I fight for him- and I love him so much.

Thank you Jesus for my Marcus- he is so loved!

My Giant - By Marcus

My Giant is bigger than a car

He is not as big as God

Here is his supper- He eats salad

My giant and I are friends

What did Friday bring

a fight- a punch in the mouth with a bloody lip- mom having to go pick up son and take him school- a week suspended from the before and after care program he attends. anger of mom which broke her out in tears. A harsh conversation with the director of the school - me getting on board with finding another child care facility for him- taking 15 hours of leave next week so I can take and pick up my son from school- in all of this I was not angry at Marcus- I was sad that he made the choices but not angry- I have come to realize when you have a special needs child sometimes it is such a fight for his rights and that is what I intend to do-

searching out Marcus' rights as a person with a disablity- spending time in the archive room.

Going to the movies with Lisa, Bernie, Ashley, Emilie, Liane, and Brenda- we had a CE movie night- we saw College Road Trip- We laughed we cried we laughed we cried. It was good and it was a good way to end such a rough day.

But God has something better out there- healing Marcus of his impulsiveness and aggression-Healing him of his past- I believe in my heart that this is going to happen

Today is a new day- I have life coaching today - we are suppose to have a question- not sure which to question or if I have a question. I have somethings rattling in my brain so we shall see which one I have to ask.

Sarah has been great - she watched him last night (really hard he was sleeping) and will watch him today when I go to life coaching

In the archive room..

I was in the archive room at work today for over an hour and a half- why is this significant let me describe the room to you

Square/Rectangular in shape- lots of shelves and file cabinets and lots of file folder- recycle bin- and a shredder-

I was working on archiving things just me and the paper- so in the time I talked with God- we had a nice chat Him and I and he showed me something- maybe some of you already know this or thought about it but let me share with you what he showed me regarding a song.

Draw Me Close - The Katinas (Exodus)

Draw me close to you -
Michele draw close to me - and I will draw nearer to you ( I know this already- but read on)

Never let me go -
Never let me go Michele- I am always here for you

I lay it all down again
I layed my life down for you and I will do it again

To hear you say that I'm your friend
I am so glad you call me friend- I am your friend as well

You are my desire
You are who I want

No one else will do
No one is like you - I made you unique

'Cause nothing else
Nothing - no one at all

Could take your place
Can take your specific place I have for you

To feel the warmth of your embrace
Your love for me is so embracing- I love you more then you can imagine

Help me find the way
Never will I leave you

Bring me back to you
You are always welcomed

You're all I want
You are who you are because I created you

You're all I've ever needed
You are the one I need for the plans I have for you

You're all I want
You are all I want

Help me know you are near
Draw near to me- I am right here-

So anytime God wants to speak with me like that I am so open- come Jesus meet me again tomorrow in the archive room-I can not wait to spend more time with you.

Something else he spoke with me about was- no matter what kind of day Marcus has take him outside and just talk- throw the football with him- yes girls can play football and I am teaching him to throw and catch- I am a tomboy at heart

So I did what God spoke to me about and we talked about Psalm 34:13 Keep your tongues from speaking bad and your lips from telling lies. we focused on the tongues and speaking bad. I asked him what he thought it meant- he told me to be respectful and use nice words. I said you are so right- We talked about how other kids talk to him and how they are not speaking nicely and how he should show them how to speak nicely. I said because once they see how you are treating them- he finished my sentence- then they will treat me nicely with their words- I said you got it- It was a good time-

Heaven Sent

Okay I talked today with an incredible woman who has a child with bipolar and oh my goodness - she is so encouraging- I am not the only one out there with a child who has meltdowns -or gets set off for no apparent reason- she was talking and I was thinking oh my goodness where have you been. I found her website already on the blog to the right - and we have been corresponding via email and today on my way to pick up Marcus I called her- she is very sweet. her daughter is the same age as Marcus and they appear to may be in the same class.
She has given me some great information and I look forward to getting to know her more- since fingers crossed - her daughter will be going to Lake Myrtle- she lives less then a mile from me-
Oh my an answer to prayer.

Easter 2008

I hope you enjoy our Easter- press play and enjoy

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Early bedtime for all last night

Last night was an early night I think Marcus was asleep by 5;30 and I went to lay down for anap about 6 well a woke up at 4 am- I heard the phone ring in the distance and stayed in bed- I guess my body was telling me to go back to sleep.
Sometimes we need that I guess- but of course this morning I woke up with a stuffy nose- I hope Marcus' sickness has not caught up with me.

We have a busy day at work today so hopefully- all things will be quiet elsewhere
Then grocery shopping this afternoon- my favorite thing to do - not

Happy Easter !

He is Alive- He rose from the dead- without today we are nothing

(I have included some pictures from the weekend- enjoy)

This weekend has been one of the best weekends ever- Yesterday we went to my sister's house- the kids did really well- behaved better then ever- Marcus had one little issue but resolved it quite quickly-

We dyed eggs which was a first for Marcus- he had fun- writing on the eggs and dying them- I got one that says I love you mommy.He is so funny lately- I love him to pieces

Service was great Marcus was singing so wonderfully- Lord I Lift your name on High- How I love to sing your praises- He sang so loud and clear it was beautifully- I stopped for a moment just to listen to him- I am truly amazed and blessed by this young man-He has such a heart for Jesus- He has the faith that is unbelieveable and so very tender- today when Pastor Larry was praying and before the march of eggs- he turned to me and said I do not want Jesus to die for me- no tears this time- so I reminded him of what the meaning of today was good with that- in fact yesterday he told the family what the meaning of Easter was - so proud of him

Today Pastor Larry challenged us with a 50 day Fast- he gave us options fo what we wanted to Fast- well before we even discussed this last week- God dropped in my heart to do the Daniel Fast- Of course for me this is going to be difficult cause I like munching on things in the evenings- so I will munch on carrots or celery now- This is going to present a challenge but I am up for the challenge and will press on- I must decrease so He can increase - I am excited - I know God is up to something in my life I sense it in my spirit.

We spent the afternoon with the Tobias' we went bowling - we had a good time- Ask Adam who won the second game - hint it was not him- Marcus was hysterical - we got into a slap fight- all in fun and he hits hard that boy- burned some energy out of him cause he went fast asleep when we got home this evening.

Happy Saturday !

Well- yesterday was a good day- actually all week wasa good week-

Wednesday was service - Marcus fell asleep on the way in and I asked him if he wanted to go to class or go with me to service and rest some more- He opted to go with me and within less then 5 minutes of being in there he was asleep - He was tired- so he slept the entire service

Friday - was a day off of school for him- I decided to take the day off - Marcus' goal was to earn 4 star days this week at Kids r Kids and he did it- so the reward a trip to the movie theater the big movie theater- I can not tell you when the last time I went to the movies.

Anyway we started the day by meeting up with Aunt Lori and Ainsley- Ainsley had a follow up MRI from last year - she was diagnosed with Chiari brain stem leading into the spinal chord

So this year they want to see how things are and if it is all okay then the case will be closed- let's just say I am hopeful the case will be closed.

So we got lunch and headed to Marcus' psychologist appointment- yes he sees one - okay I think it is maybe more for me but it is his. He was very pleased at the progress we are doing and says the consistency in his life has helped him tremendously- it is a day to day process (still elarning this but working very hard at it- me that is). I let Dr Berney know that he was regressing in some areas- and he said that was normal - that will continue through out his life. oh said oh great.

Then to the movies we go- we went to see Dr Seuss Horton Hears a Who- I think it was called- it was cute- I think Marcus was in awe of how large the screen was.

He has only been to a few movies in his life- one at the Imaxx on hurricane with me - I can not view those they make me sick

Today we are going to Clearwater to hang out with the family

Then home tonight and church tomorrow- I am looking so forward to church- anticpating great things- I got an Easter dress and it is a size smaller this year then last - I am so excited.

Are you ready for some football

Marcus started flag football with the YMCA- he does not really know what he is doing but had a great time- the bad part is it is on Mondays from 5:30 -6:00 or so and it is just on the other side of the Courtney Campbell- It is just for a a few weeks-he gets a chance to hang out with his cousins and have fun- However- if he does not have a star day on Tuesdays there will be no flag football the following Monday.



My sister -has given me an opportunity to do devotionals with some of the older kids - I believe they are 11-13 years olds (right up my alley) so before they play we will have a short devotional about one of the core values of the YMCA-

Oh my aching shoulder...

okay - I thnk I may have a pinched nerve in my shoulder why- cause it hurts to extend or turn my neck in a certian way and my shoulder has shooting pain, but not like Saturday- it was worse.

Today it was amazingly well- you would never know it and I am so greatful it did not cause me problems during service- nothing to hinder me worshipping the Lord- which was a wonderful service. Right now however it is beginning to hurt again- I think I slept wrong on it Friday night.

Marcus had a major meltdown after service- very - very aggressive and wow - have not seen him like that in a while- we got him calmed enough to get in the car- as we were leaving church I told him the angry eyes need to go and you need to take some deep breaths- when you are ready to talk I will listen. Here is what it boiled down to- I told him If he made good choices during children's church he would be able to play videos afterwards- well he did not make good choices and snuck over to play video games and he got caught- I think he was more angry at himself then anything and could not express it- even though he was lashing out at those he loves and loves him back- we talked it all through and now he knows next week no video games at all.

he was calm and very remorseful after it was all talked out.

Have not had a problem since- and for me I handled it quite well- calm cool and collected-all is well

He is a good boy- I know he is and wants to please- never under estimate first impressions of a child especially the first 4 years of life. It can be detrimental. but by God's grace and mercy and a very persistant mom this child will prevail and it will to be all to the Glory of God and how he has his hand on Marcus' life.

It is so amazing how God works

I was talking to a very good support person yesterday for our family- Marcus' former behavioral specialist- over the course of her working with Marcus in kindergarten our relationship became from professional to friends- and I am always seeking her out for guidance-she is a true bleesing.

Anyway- Marcus is having some difficulty at his before and after care (usually just in the AM) so she has offered to help the care facility along with his current behavior specialist as well as Achieve of Tampa Bay.



The point of the blog is I was like do child care facilities have a clue about special needs kids and why are not more educated about behavioral disabilities- you know I am okay with telling people Marcus has needs- really - He is very smart- I believe with my whole heart that one day you will see his name as going into space ( he wants to be an astrounaut) anyway- refocus- So many do not know how to deal with my special child- why- are they afraid to learn and grasp what it takes to raise a child with a special need- there are a variety of special needs children out there from emotional to mental to physical - it is not just one area.

So I was tooling around the web last night and found an incredible sight and this is a local organization- - thank you GOD-they asked for input on adoption- this is great because I would love to talk about adopting special needs children. http://www.fkmad.org/ is the site-

So I can not wait to share it with them- to get the word out how great it is to adopt- I would do again but not as a single parent- (hats off to you that are single and have more then one child- may God bless you tremendously)
**Melissa they have a great sight and may be beneficial to you all as well for resources**

Pride and Prejudice

Wow what a powerful concept- this does not just extend towards racial issues but gender issues as well as age issues and beyond

We are discussing this in our services on Sundays and it is so powerful it does not just affect one race one gender or one age-

I love what Pastor Larry spoke about the first week and it just sticks in my mind so relevant- We are all made of dirt- different shades of dirt but dirt none the less- other then the shade of dirt we are there is nothing different about us- God created us in his image.

Do you look at interacial couples differently then if they were the same race? Check out Moses and his life. Pastor Deanna spoke about this on Sunday - PD sorry the scripture verse escapes me- but I never realized that this was an interracial family.

I think there is nothing wrong with that-

Are you prejudice ? Even if you are not- you have to check out the messages on this- they are so wonderful- We have one more to go- can not wait to hear it.

Have you ever wondered where God was?

Read on before you blast me with Michele how could you write that title?

Last week for me was so very overwhelming - I truly thought I was losing my mind- now some of you may think that happened long ago- well-

I just had no idea which way was up- Marcus was having a very bad week and I was not doing well with it at all- I basically spent one day out of work because of behaviors that were not acceptable- and Wednesday did me over the edge- I thought I was going nuts- it really was just very very bad anxiety- yes it got a hold of me and I am so glad that it is over- this happened through Thursday and by Sunday my anxiety was gone- Why here it is.

Wednesday in service I wanted for God to show me where are He was when I am going through the 3 days of horribleness- I know that is not a word -

Why are you not where you need to be? I did not want to go to service because of what was going on the inside of me- bascially tormenting myself because of Marcus choices-

But I am so glad I did- he was a great time- even though I still was not convinced God was really there- ( again don't go there)

Thursday and Friday I got refocused and that was very good- still wondered where God was in all that was going on with my family-

Saturday was better for me- I was quiz mastering and was watching my son quiz when he was sick- God gave him strength to get through the day with a positive quiz out- in my room- God was there helping him.

Sunday was such a gift to me- wow you all just do not kn0w how God is so real- because I prayed God this week has been not so good for me- show me how real you are. Okay well he did many times over that day first with the most outstanding tongues and then interpretation- PD I am so glad you were obedient to God- because that was so for me.

You see God is right here next to me- he did not go anywhere-I did not go anywhere- I just lost sight of what God was doing- I was relying too much on myself hence the over anxiety and meltdown I had-Why do I do that? so I trust God with all things - I can not say it is easy for me - really that would be an untruth.

Case in point- Marcus' before and after school care has a internet viewing ability- I am not watching it this week as much as I want to- I am not- why because God said to trust Him

This for me is a very good thing- so far this week we are doing well-

It is amazing God is amazing- Sometimes I feel like why do I hold on to these things when I am suppose to be trusting God with everything- I like to be in control- but with Marcus I think this definately is a need for God to be totally in control- oh I will be there to guide him and discipline but through God's guidance -

So where is God- right where I left Him- waiting for me to keep trusting in Him and relying on Him for all that he has for our lives- I am so thankful for His grace

Isaiah 41:10 (New Living Translation)
10 Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

We had Bible Quiz Finals on Saturday and our team won a match- yeah for them- Marcus was sick -cough- tired - he looked horrible- no fever- the little trooper kept going- he quizzed in my room in round 4 and got a positive quiz out the first for the team this year- I was so very proud- especially cause I was quizmastering-

We are having great services - on Pride and Prejudice- It is very eye opening and real-

I have dealt with prejudice at work and it is no fun- Also with Marcus we get some odd looks out there- but to us there is no difference in us- we may be different shades of dirt ( get the CD from Northside AG and listen to March 2nds message) but our heart is the same color and we were created by the same God.

We had our leaders meeting last night- I love our church - we have the best people there- we always have an enjoyable time when we get together- sometimes we get off track but PD and Pastor Larry are good about reining us back in.

Junior Bible Quiz graphics, logos, product images, and service names are trademarked by the General Council of the Assemblies of God. Use of these images and trademarks without written authorization is forbidden and is a violation of federal and international laws

I am glad...

Glad I went to service tonight- my plan was to stay home because I am just so overwhelmed this week- yes we had a very rough morning- I was called back to Kids R Kids because Marcus was hitting children ( I had surgery to do at work - my stress level is so through the roof at this point - better now since going to service- Thanks Adam for guiding me into going onec again you were right-) so I went worked things out- got back to work and surgeries did not go well- for me my mind was all over the place- but I did my best and fortunately the anesthesia was going fine ( my job- so I was happy about that)

Anyway- I have decided to go to Kids R Kids in the AM and observe and guide Marcus and show the teachers what may be helpful to him. and I plan on doing this again on Friday-so we shall see

So pray for us- pray for him - he is just having difficulty with self esteem and self control

I am so thankful that God gave me wisdom this week so far in dealing with him- for me I have been able to calm him quickly (God' s grace) . and then have a meltdown myself afterwards- it is very tiring physically and emotionally-

Anyway - service was a time where I got my mind off the day and the week and focused on God- what would I do without HIM! wow- I know my strength and endurance comes from him-

This is one side of our Easter Invite Cards-- if you are in Tampa Area come see us we would love to meet you

Crash- crash crash went the cars

Driving to pick up Marcus today I am sitting waiting for someone to turn well the person behind them hit them- there was a car in front of me and was fine - I was fine- until screeech wham wham
Yes I was hit from behind but I was hit from the car that got hit from the screaching car- does that make sense- and then the car that hit us originally got hit - so 2 accidents same corner 6 cars in total- fun
The good thing was nobody was hurt- and my car only suffered scuff marks- bad part I was almost an hour late picking up Marcus

Yes Adam I was serious when I called-

I am tired -

Can you come pick him up....

Marcus is unable to get on the bus because of his choices are you able to pick him up? I will be there in 20 minutes
it was a rough afternoon for Marcus at school- he was full blown angry- calm when I went there but the paper written up was not so calm- and so alarming to me-
I was blown away because the words he was telling the teacher in his rage do not come from me.
Your stupid- I hate you- called her a a name that I will not repeat because it is not okay with me- a curse word which he does not hear from me - ugh- I was not happy-
He does not even know what these words mean but repeats them.
very frustrating.
What caused it all- someone called him a dumby head- I asked him where is the truth in that- he said it is not true- I said what is true - I am smart- I said you are right- but then he said but I am dumbe when I do these things - I said Marcus you are so smart but you just made a bad choice- you know that God created you in his image right- right. So you are smart and wonderfully made- Try not to let those other children cause you to make bad choices by the words you know are not true- yes maam.
I had him write an apology to the teacher-
He has been good for me - so we shall see- I think he is exhausted though

Restful quiet time

Yesterday afternoon I got a birthday gift which I needed it more then I thought- I realized it this morning-
The Tobias family picked up Marcus and he stayed there- I went shopping for about 4 or 5 hours (something I never do) came home put a masque on my face- ( it is very soft now)
finished a little tidying up around the house and watched an NCIS marathon..
It was nice- just concerned for myself
We need those days from time to time

The week end positively

Well- I got a phone call from Marcus' teacher- she is wonderful- she wanted to tell me because he did not have 2 stars days this week he did not earn Fun Friday-I said that is fine- she said when I told Marcus he was not very happy and lost a point from how he was responding-
I said oh okay- She said I wanted to tell you though he did get it together and the rest of the day was great. I said fabulous-
I was able to pick him up early and we were home and he was good- minor things but good

So today is just a chill out day- I have some major cleaning downstairs I want to do but it should not take me too long
Then I believe (if Adam and Brenda remember to stop by) that he will be going to their house tonight/afternoon and I will be going shopping -by myself all alone- quiet time for me - It is okay to have me time- it will be fabulous- but quiet

Thank you to those who called or sent me a birthday card that was very thoughtful