Attacked...

of the enemy through my son is very overwhelming right now - this was going to be a good week for him hanging with grannie and pa paw but it has turned out to be the worst week with him.
Why is this happening? I know he misses me but It dawned on me I am fixing to teach a single parenting class that I know God is going to do something amazing in- and the enemy is not happy with me- I feel depleted- but God sends those people who can help out and I am so thankful for my sister - she drove her and her kids down there this evening and is going to help them tomorrow to give me a little peace.
I listened for about an hour on the phone yelling running hollering telling my parents to shut up - yelling at me - baby talking- we have an appointment with the psychiatrist in a little over a week- I am thinking his meds need to be adjusted- cause this is craziness.
So I am cleaning my closet out and his - gets the stress off- cleaning out the linen closet reorganizing to help relieve some of the stress-
Breath Breath

Home Alone

WEll Marcus went to grannie and papaws for the week- I have not done too much- dentist appt- meeting at church- nap after work-
I just am feeling a little run down- I know I get up early shoot 445 the alarm goes off why do I not reset that thing-
Thursday and Friday I will be working on some projects after work- refinishing my banister- I need to get that done- it has only been off for several months- but usually by the time I get home my energy is depeleted and I do not want to do anything so I am going to work hard to get it done.

Tonight start Fusion at church - I think it will be a great way to connect and build even more relationships-So if you are a part of Northside and you usually are not there Wednesdays - I invite you to come.

It is so Good to be Home- recap of vacation

Okay vacation was good- long and tiring but we got home about 1:30 (actaually at my house) after eating lunch- picking up the critters - now I am home - caught up on emails- read my blogs I have missed- (no internet access- tell you all about it ) Hold on and get ready for some reading cause I am recapping from Monday- the pictures will follow suit. Marcus is sleeping so it is quiet - the boy is wore out and me too

Monday- took the took the dog to the vet- checked on the cat- (he was doing well)- they let him have the run of the treatment area and the office - I was happy ( he thought he was home- he had lived there for about a year before I brought him here)

Met up with the Tobias' at about 10 ish had some last minute gettings to get then headed on the road about 130-2 stopped for lunch and away we go.

Got to the resort (WorldQuest Resort-http://www.worldquestresort.com/ )

about 4 ish- settled in and went to get some groceries

Pros about the resort- the rooms (3 bedroom) were spacious so we were not on top of each other

the location we were about 2 miles from Disney World

Cons about the resort- no internet access-our door was left open (maid service) when we got home late one night-Continental Breakfast was not very large-Beds were not made-We got locked out of our room one night and it was late

Tuesday - Got up and headed out to Magic Kingdom

Marcus thought there were sharks in the lagoon headed to the park

He did not want to ride the roller coasters - but ended up loving it - Thunder Mountain- I Loved it was his words

We ate at the Liberty Tavern - it was soooooooo good and the characters were all there- I have a great picture of Marcus and Goofy-

I simply loved watching Marcus - he was all wide eyed pretty much the whole trip.

Little meltdown at the end of the evening but all and all not too bad

Wednesday- dragged a little out of bed but then headed to Epcot or Fcot as Marcus would call it - do not ask I am not sure.

Very hot week-sweaty thankfully the lines were not too bad at all

We took a trip to Mars and Marcus was a little nervous on it but said he enjoyed it- then we went and got something to drink and this is my most memorable moment- My son through a major meltdown in the Electric Umbrella ( I called it the electric skillet - I renamed it) anyway from I hate you to your mean to calling me names to kicking me in the nose to hitting me int he chest and arm- oh it was ugly I was restraining him and very calm- and he kept saying I was embarrassing him but I was just trying not to get hurt -so about 15-25 minutes past and this is still going on so I picked him up (do not ask me how cause my strength was all gone) and basically threw him at Adam and kept walking- he lost the ride he chose and was not able to pick anything else for the day- no shopping nothing - he also lost the park in the morning of the next day-

We ate at Coral Reef the food was really good but I do not think I would go back

Thursday- Adam- Brenda and Sarah headed off to MGM by themselves- and Marcus and I stayed home- and he was so nice and well behaved- he slept for about 3 hours that morning (which I think was a major factor in his major meltdown Wednesday)

Then they came back and got us about 2 ish ) we returned to the park and had a good time- Marcus and Sarah did not like the tower of terror- Marcus was going to leave the Rocking Roller Coaster Ride- boo hooing and the whole 9 yards but we kept asking him - and he said yes I want to then he saw it take off- and that is what started the boo hoos- and then the ride was over and it was AWWEeSOME!!- the boy was overwhelmed with everything- it was great to see his reactions and the imagination through him- Mickey saved the day at the MGM night thing.

Ate at the Sci Fi Dine in and had a good wedge and steak salad yumm

Friday- Animal Kingdom- We got there the earliest of all parks- Marcus chose the wet ride so we went on it first and then he got upset- because he got drenched literally soaked from head to toe- I think he finall dried out about 12.

We road Expedition Everest - it was good and he ended up loving it- We met up with a friend of ours we have not seen in a while Bobby- Marcus attached himself like glue- you never know with that boy it will be shy and stay away or talk his ear off- well Mr Marcus was an expert on all the roller coasters and thrill rides while talking to Bobby it was quite comical. Went on Safari in Africa

Then we called it an early day- we were all beat- we saw what everyone wanted to see so we left and headed back to the resort- for about an hour nap before dinner- We ate at BOMA in the lodge of animal kingdom - the food was really good- I could still be eating.

Marcus got a watch with Mickey on it cause he is in to telling time- so beware when he has it on cause you will definately know what time it is

Okay off to unpack- it is so good to get away but so glad to be home-

Unpack for me anyway - Marcus spends the week with grannie and papaw this week-

As I begin...

To pack for vacation I thought I would take a little of time to tell you about my weekend. A weekend I looked forward to since January.
Dropped Marcus off at the Tobias household and headed for the church a little after 11 maybe sooner- to stop and get meds. Then off to church.
We piled into the vans around 12ish and headed off to Jacksonville to the YOU GO GIRL CONFERENCE! We made pretty good time- stopped for a bite to eat and went to the hotel for about a half hour very comfy beds -then we head to the conference evening service
Let me tell you I was truly blessed - Rev Marsha Woolly is an amazing woman- I could hear her speak all day long. very funny but very serious at the same time.
Well we got out of service I think about 945 or maybe even later I am not sure too be honest with you the time flew.
We did donuts in Dennys parking lot and I think the ladies think I am absolutely crazy- everyone fan your hands close to your face. Heard some stories from PDs sister- Kim you come back anytime I enjoyed our time together so much.
We fell asleep about 130 and back up at 630 although I did toss and turn the beds were so comfortable but my nose was little stuffy.
Off back to the church at about 830 then had morning service with Rev Marsha- again I could listen to her all day everyday- wow is all I can say
Then we broke into a Breakaway Session- I went to a session called " How Women Can Help, Support and Bless Their Pastor- Well let me just tell you- I walked away a different person - I have the upmost respect for my pastors love them dearly and would do anything for them - but going to listen to this Session from a Pastors view - I have even a higher respect for my Pastors- I am telling you for me it was a wow moment- of I need to do more for my pastors-
Some Highlights from the session are:
1. Don't Compare your Pastors with other ministers-
2. Honoring and Love Your Pastor- They are a gift from the Lord
3. Respect your Pastors Time and Privacy- do not call them on their day off unless it is an emergency
4. Be open to Change
5. Don't ask for special privilages that others do not have or are against church policy
6. Do not criticize your Pastor- He/She are there to do God's will and benefit the church
7. Understand the role of your Pastors ministrial staff and treat them accodrdingly- they work for him/her to fulfill the vision of the church - they are employed by the pastor- (let it sink in.)
there are more but these are just a few.

This session just touched me- and honestly not sure really the words for it.
Then we went to lunch at a Mexican place - Salslitas - I am guessing the name- it was really good-
Came back for for a mini concert and testimony from Cathy Perry- she made me cry-
Then I went to a session on anger- it was good- I essentially went to see how I could help Marcus and his anger issues- so I need to review that some more.

Then We heard from Pastor Andrea and it just ministerd to me- Talked about being a strong woman of God- and we all went to be prayed for. I was blessed by having PD pray for me.
Then I went back to my seat and God was just tuggin at my heart to pray for the other ladies that were there- I am like why? He said just do it- I am like okay God but I am not sure what you are doing? He said Trust Me- that is what He has been telling me a lot lately so I did.
So I was obedient and prayed for the Life Coachers- I love praying for people- I get more of a blessing out of that then having myself prayed for - I know call me strange. So I sat down and continue to pray and said okay God I did what you asked.
Drove home and had an incredible talk session- I will never be the same- You are not alone - you truly are not!!
Did not really know what God was up to until after Sunday school this morning- I prayed in Sunday school which is normal- but it was different - it was different- then I went into service and did the offering spoke a little about how God has truly blessed me and how I am trusting Him by giving to him first- I thought I would be nervous no butterflies- I hope I did not speak too fast-
I walked outside for a moment and when I went outside it was like God said what you recieved this weekend was more confidence in yourself- you are a strong confident woman and I am going to continue to stretch you and use you.
God you are truly amazing and I am so blessed to be apart of your kingdom

M-I-C-see you real soon K-E-Y Y Because we like you MOUSE

Its time or almost time

Up until this morning I was a little iffy of going - I was not feeling well at all last night and so I was not sure if I was going today or not- But I woke up feeling sooooo much better not 100% but better-
So I have dropped off the animals to their appropriate places- Marcus is where he needs to be and now I am fixin to get ready myself-

Blog later probably Sunday to let you know how it went-
Its time to GO GIRL

I feel

I feel like I have stuffing in my nose and sinuses- why why now- what is going on that I am sick- I have a get away womens conference that I have been waiting for for months really and truly- been on my calendar since January- So I am not going to take this lying down- plus I have vacation on Monday-

Oh this little cold of mine is not going to hold me back and I will have a good time

What Does....

2 jars of nail polish, a tube of toothpaste, soap, and a toilet have in common- MY SON!

but he did not do anything - he says but we finally got it out of him- the truth that is.

He was suppose to be going to the bathroom at Sarah's house (much better day today ) but instead decided he would play so he had Sarah's clear nail polish and dumped it in the toilet then black nail polish and then used soap on the toilet seat to try and clean it up with no success and then to get the nail polish smell out of the toilet he tried to use toothpaste to get the smell out.

Why because he wanted to play- oh Sarah made him scrub the toilet and the seat and owes her 2 nail polishes-

How do you deal with conflict?

This was my Sunday School Lesson and I actually enjoyed teaching it and I hope the kids learned something from it-

We discussed Nabal and how he turned away food from David after David took care of and guarded his sheep- This did not sit to well so David wanted to defeat Nabal- but Abigail went and made peace with David and David forgave .

You see we ( me included) allow ourselves to build up anger until we burst like an over inflated balloon (this was an object lesson today) Why do we allow this to go on- I do not get angry very easily but when I do I get quiet then I cry then I blow up- usually I do not get to the blow up phase cause the crying wears me out emotionally.

Anyway we learned today with the object lesson- yes we will get angry but we should be able to talk about it and dispelled some of the air out of the balloon not allowing it to get overfilled and burst. I am guilty of this- I bottle things up until I burst or can't handle it anymore (Adam stop laughing- he knows this is so true) So I am going to diligently work on this and try not to let things bottle up even if I have to express them in my journal that I need to be keeping-

So try not to be that overinflated balloon and allow things to build inside - talk it out - write it out-cry it out-pray it out

Be a peacemaker with yourself and others- listen diligently and offer help when needed.

UPDATE on When Vacation Starts

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Restart

I would not be speaking the truth if I said oh last week was great- well it was a struggle- from work - to home- to work- to Marcus behavior- and anything in between- Yesterday I had my meltdown- tears the whole 9 yards it had finally come to a head at about 2 pm when I got the 3rd page from Sarah-Marcus was not having a good day- I had an inspection that had just gotten done and I was trying to get work done for next week and the week I will be out. So last week was not all peaches and rose.

So I was at Adam and Brenda's last night working out a plan for Marcus and behavior rewards rescheduling and finding out what was going on inside because it was not the normal Marcus behavior it was off the wall behavior.

Well we figured it out and I nailed it in an earlier blog.

He does not want me to go away for the weekend next week -he is having anxiety about me getting lost and not coming back. So for reassurance on his part we have come up with a plan- so ladies that are going please understand when I need to make a phone call it is for my boy to let him know I am not lost and I am okay. So not only I have to make plans of getting children taken care of and watched, animals taken care of but I also have to make sure my son realizes I am not leaving him forever and I will be coming back.

So when we get up there I need to let him know we are there safely

at Breakfast-lunch - and when we are leaving just a quick phone call to let him know everything is going okay and then Saturday about 8 pm I need to call. It is a security thing for him knowing I am coming back and not going to leave him. I reassured him that PD knows where she is going since she has been there before- we made a map of how far I am going to be and we gave him a schedule of what I was going to be doing and the approximate times of when I was going to call.

So much an anxiety for a 7 year old. I reassured him I will be back and that he can pray for our safety and for God to protect us.

So today is a new day and we both are starting from scratch - refocus

A few fun Facts about me

A stole this idea from PD

1. From the ages from 8-14 I was a competitive swimmer and diver- I even went to the Junior Olympics- my best stroke was the butterfly- Broke my finger while at diving practice - my coach said I needed to get a little closer to the board- so I did

2. At the age of 14 I got my first horse- Coco

3. I use to barrel race - you know like the rodeo on my horse

4. I worked at a Throughbred Farm when I was 16 for a year - saw a horse being born - had to help suture up a fouls chest when she opened it up on the fence

5. Worked cows just as well as any other guy- best gate person there was at our ranch-

was able to bleed ~ 100 head of cattle from their tail vein

6. my favorite ice cream is chocolate with chunks of peanut butter- my favorite snack is chips and dip

7. I do not like to cook

8. I love to organize and help people clean out things-

9. I have 2 sisters - Doreen who is 6 years older then me - but died when she was ~ 2 months old and Lori who is 3 years older then me (TODAY IS HER 40th B-day - HAPPY BIRTHDAY )

10. I love doing home improvement stuff-

Been thinking lately

Why do we keep what does not belong to us? Why have I done it? What are you talking about you ask- I am talking about tithes and offerings. Some may not understand why we should -the Bible tells us too- plain and simple.

Up until a couple of years ago I was not a faithful tither- I tried my best- but I had bills to pay and never put God's money first. Until Victor at church spoke in service and said even if it is not 10% every pay check pay God what you can first. So I started doing that and not long after that I got a 58% raise and promotion I had been promised ( I have only been there coming up on 4 years in August).

Blessing- with my salary increase I was able to increase what I gave to God- remember I am a single mom here.

But I still was not doing it right - I would pay the bills first and then whatever was left it was my tithe- talk about inconsistent to God- what was I thinking- then the light bulb or God spoke to me and said TRUST ME- give me what belongs to me. So that is what I do- and you know what I have more $ in the bank then before-

My expenses did not change - I have telephone- electric- childcare (not inexpensive let me tell you) mortgage -HOA fee- insurance and the list goes on.

Yes I am a single mom - I do not rent - I bought my house on my own- before the raise- I have learned to budget and compromise. I am honest with people sorry can not do that budget is a little tight-

It is not just about $ in the bank- my life is truly blessed- I have great friends and family

God has blessed me with more leadership roles at work and church-Blessed me by giving me the opportunity to teach Sunday School.

He has blessed me with a wonderful child - I know we have rough patches and I know God is working in him okay refocus.

Blessed me with placing things on my heart that I could never could imagine would be there. I am so blessed in my life coaching- not just saying it cause PD reads - but I have grown a lot -

My desire is to be closer to God- to do His will-

Not saying my life is perfect from tithing but I have no debt and I am a single mom (besides my home) My credit cards are paid off- I have no school loans - my car is paid off-

Michele- are you telling me to tithe to have this debt all go away-TRUST GOD and see what happens is all I am telling you.

Did not God create you with your talents- He opened doors for you to walk in- He gave me my gift of working with animals- he gave me my gift for working with kids- he supplied me with a wonderful career- he gave me my home- So why would I not give back the tithe that is already His- it is His job- He gave it to me and no one else can do it but me - my specific job for now.

Trust God and Give to Him first-

Calgon take me away

I am not sure what his problem is but today about drove me to insanity- it is what he wants to do and when - or so he thinks- it started this morning at Sarah's with me- ugh and thank you God really I am thankful he was well behaved for Sarah but then after we left for home it started all over again- what am I doing wrong-

I wanted to go to service really I did- but I can not allow others to be affected by his obnoxious behavior - he was off the hook- wacko man tonight- he puts on this cute little smile and to me that is a sign for me to hold on cause things are going to let loose-

I may be a little stressed out this week and his shanagans are just too much-

I have an inspection at work- getting thing organized for the weekends coming up- making sure I have the animal hospital all lined up for the cats and dog to stay while I am away- making sure I have alist of things to do - making sure work is running smoothly- I was home from work on Monday not feeling well and do you think he behaved no!!! getting him set up for me being gone- maybe that is it - I will be gone- I wish he would verbalize things- I will dive into this tomorrow and Friday

Sorry people - just venting a little- I need a Calgon moment - too bad I do not have a whirl pool tub.


We went back to church about 8 pm or so - I listened in on Pastor Larry preaching to the youth- he has a way with them - I can hear it just in his voice- He definately has a love for the youth and I am so glad it is so what they need right now. I am truly excited what God is going to do in the youth.


I am also so excited about what is going to happen on Wednesday Nights- If you go to Northside and you do not come on Wednesday Nights - can ready - fasten your seatbelt and hold on = Because we are going to have a Wednesday Nights like you would not believe- Check us out July 30th when we launch FUSION- I will definately be there no matter what- even if I have to duct tape and use bailing twine on Marcus ( I AM SO JOKING - well... really I am kidding it is a long time joke in our household -even back when I was a kid-)

Home today

Yes I stayed home today - this is unusual for me but I was not feeling well at about 230 this morning felt very nausous and just blah- it sorta started yesterday in service with a headache coming on and I took something for that but towards the end of the baseball game (blog later -maybe tomorrow) I started feeling yucky again-

Well the nausea is gone but still not feeling 100%my stomach is wacadoodle- so I slept til 830 and basically have laid around today except feeding Marcus and making sure he was doing his work- he got a little mouthy with me today and I was in no mood to handle it - I sent him to his room til he chilled out.- one thing about being single and a mom you still have to take care of others- but I am sure that is true even for married moms-

Sleep is a good thing

Marcus went back to rest for a while this morning so I did the same and finally got up about 10 minutes ago- oh I have been awake since 3-
I had some frustating moments this morning- Marcus' fixed tooth is no longer fixed and it will not be until his dentist appt on Tuesday the 15th.
Now we are off to the grocery store

Ahh quiet restful day - have not had on eof those in a long while

What day is it today?

I am messed up- woke up thinking it was Sunday because I had the day off yesterday and I was so glad- slept in today- 7 am yes that is sleeping in for me- I have my dad's genes running through me and just can not seem to sleep past 7 unless I am sick-

Yesterday was uneventful -for the 4th- I went and picked up Marcus and then we went and saw Kung Fu Panda- it was good and it had a little message to it-I took the Cole Family as a BIG THANK YOU FOR WATCHING MARCUS - they have him for 3 weeks over the summer- it is the least I could do. He can be a handful and with all the kids oh my-

After that Marcus and I came home and he actually went to bed at an early hour probably about 7 - Isaac my dog does not like fireworks so he was having a hard time with it last night- he is a big baby so I had to comfort him


Today we plan on getting grocery shopping done- working on Sunday School and staying at home- no big plans - if I get ambitious I may clean off my desk- I did all the cleaning yesterday morning so I would not have to do it


I will have another post later on this evening - just something on my mind I would like to share with you-

God's Awesome Plan

God is so amazing- I am somewhat reflective today but also looking at how great God's Awesome Plan is -you will see how it all ties together here soon-
Do you ever wonder why- God does things-or places things in your heart to do-Me I do and then he shows me- it is so coming apparent to me over the last year. Somethings have happened in my life 3 years ago today that have brought to where I am at today and what God has planned-
Yes 3 years ago- today was the first weekend Marcus stayed over for the weekend- he got to meet his family at church and saw his first parade and met Isaac and my life was changed forever.

When I was younger - even into my 20s I had the dream of being married having children and staying where I was at. Well- guess what God had a different plan - You know I never really thought about what single parents went through- how they felt- what their life was all about- what can cause a parent to become single- well low and behold God had another plan - placed becoming a parent in my heart and when the time was right He said okay time to adopt- I am single are you nuts- but as I look back no He was not nuts He is God and He is knew what would transpire in my life long before I did- wow is all I can say. This was my choice to become a single parent - something that does not normally happen- Oftentime before- looked at single parents as wow how did that happen and how are the children - I must confess I thought wow they are asking for help-weak. Now I know why I was chosen to become a single parent-

Single parents are strong- they are not weak - we go through things that no one can imagine- we feel at times all alone- but we are not -we have help- we can make it- God is our strength - He guides us and gives us that extra hand when we think what now? I have one child an oh my it is hard- juggling work- school- after achool activities - church- finances- ministry-(bible quiz- SS-etc) . I have learned that it is okay to ask for help- it is okay to be tired- it is okay to need time by yourself-to regroup refocus and reenergize.

But I have a whole new perspective over the last few years- and have a heart to minister to single parents more then I could ever imagine- there is more to wow Michele became a single parent and now wants to minister to single parents- no there is more - Life Coaching- Teaching Sunday School being around other parents- my heart fills each time I am doing something like this. I by no means have learned everything about parenting- in fact I am still learning- but I take to heart what 2 parent households have told me - I have read a lot on single parenting and about children with emotional problems- ingulfed myself- now I want God to use me to minister because I know I am not the only single parent out there and if I can encourage one - my heart overflows- You see we are not alone and 1 is a whole number-

I rely on God foremost- the wisdom He gives because without it I would have flopped a long time ago-

So I am excited about teaching our new Single Parenting Class and my Prayer is for God to work mightily in the hearts of our single parents - building each one up and letting them realize that someone is there for them - lifting them up in prayer and knowing that it will be okay-

VACATION HERE WE COME

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Thankful it is Thursday

Well- I did not make it to service last night- not because I had to go have a chat with the boy this time- I simply cam home from work and fell asleep- I guess I needed it cause I did again today

Anyway- I have a ton of things to do tonight- kind of put it all off- just have been tired- energy zapped- getting up at going into work by 6ish and being busy all day long is a littel tiring.

It appears Marcus had his hands on another girl today - hitting wise - fortunately is was just my niece- but what am I going to do about that boy. As I am typing this my sister calls it appears Marcus picked up a girl and threw her on the ground- again what am I going to do with this boy.

(why can they not get a long like this all the time?)

Clarence seems to be holding his own- he started on his meds and seems to being doing okay. he is able to jump on the bed without being winded so I guess this is good-time will tell - I hope for the best-

Work was pretty neat today got to do a Fluroscope- on an animal ask me in person I will tell you about it.

My thoughts lately have been on my single parenting class that I will be teaching beginning in August- I am so excited - I really am looking forward to it- I have not taught adults yet so we shall see-

Our new Wednesday Night Service beginning at the end of the month- Thanks PD that is an answer to prayer and here we go stretching myself again.

Our Youth- they have been on my heart this week- they are at camp but there is more to it then that- they just need a lot of love and reassurance.

and of course my Sunday School class that I am currently teaching - I have some activities in class that I can not wait to do-

the final thing on my mind is our vacation - oh sorry 2 final things

Go Girl Conference- CAN NOT WAIT - when is it going to be here and VACATION-

although it will be crazy - Go Girl Conference the 18th and 19th

Vacation the 21st through the 26th

Spoke with Marcus

Well- he had a bit of a rough day at the Y- did not earn his privilege for tonight and lost swimming at the Y for his behavior - hold on - are you ready - he punched a girl or hit a girl in the face- When will the boy learn? So we talked it all out- told him I know he is able to make better choices and when he does what I want him to do he will get to do the things he wants to do-
So we talked and he sounded tired but I wanted to tell him about Clarence-just because of not knowing the outcome over the next week or so- he began to cry and my sister spoke with him- I told him it is okay to be sad- I am sad- again tears are welling-I know he is a cat but this cat listens and talks to you when you talk to him - he does really-

So he was off the phone for a minute and came back on and you know what this little booger did- I am proud momma talkin- Mommy can I pray for Clarence - absolutely- but I had to get on the floor and put the phone next to Clarence's ear why he prayed - it was such a sweet pray asking God to help make Clarence feel better and help the medicine to work- The boy amazes me - now if we can work on his hands to himself it will even be so much nicer.

Meds for Clarence

Well I started meds for Clarence today- I am upstairs and just got off the floor with him- some of you are probably thinking he is just a cat- yes he is a cat but this cat has a personality like you would not believe- anyway I am on the floor and I am talking to him and I begin to cry- because he is Clarence- I know what his future holds-

I am hoping he gets some relief from the meds-His heart rate is very fast and it should not be-it is compensating for what is going on- working too hard. I told Clarence it is okay and to please not to have me make this decision (not today not this week anyway)

He eats he drinks and he goes up and down the stairs- when we go on vacation he is staying at the hospital-so they can medicate him and watch him.

So - I am a little disfocused today but will try and be hopeful -

Clarence- is not gone yet so I will enjoy the time we have left and try not to focus on him leaving our home.