Well first of all- my need for something sweet at night or potatoe chips and dip are gone- although I am bored with what I am eating and would like a nice big cheeseburger- oh for those of you who do not know I am doing a Daniel Fast for 50 days with our church- fruits and vegetables- I am getting creative-with the help of others on it as well.
I have lost 8 lbs added plus.
This week Marcus has been suspended for his before and after care and let me tell you this is probably the best thing that has happened - we have talked more- we read our devotions in the morning together and he prays in the morning now- amazing- I asked him yesterday what did he expect God to do for him- he said take away my hitting- he said it not me- so our prayers are take away the aggression and impulsiveness and fill him up with gentleness and kindness.
Well last night I had a dream- kinda was a strange one- I dreamt that Marcus birth mom came and got him and that I could do nothing about it- I woke up this morning at 5 am with tears running down my face- it seemed so real but Horatio Cane from CSI Miami was in it so that was for me a thing that okay it is not real. I never really have thought about her coming back for him- because it is not going to happen- but again the dream felt so real and to wake up with tears running down my cheeks was not a good thing to wake up too. but he was in the other room sleeping.
So I go to the store before church and some woman said Hi how are you-fine- do you know Freda Winters (not the real name) I said yes - it was his foster mom- I thought he looked familiar you adopted him right- yes- wel let me just put it this way I was a little freaked out and forgot what I was doing in the store and bee lined it out of there- my stomach was literal in knots and the tears were flowing as I was driving to church-
I prayed for a bit and seemd to be a little calmer inside- although my stomach is tightening again as I write.
Do I have this fear of them trying to get him back- I am not sure- I would not think so- plus they would have to fight me tooth and nail- cause I have worked ever so hard to get him where he is at today. Not sure how I am feeling about the events of the dream and seeing someone who knew him in his past maybe a little uneasy- that is it uneasy
2 comments:
WOW! What a day! Although I do not have the worry of someone claiming my child I have had those terrible feelings of losing one of my kids. Like someone steals them away...Its a terrible feeling. I can only imagine the thoughts you must have as an adopted mom. But let me stress you can at least know that the tears you shed is because you are "HIS MOM!!!!" in all sense of the words! Love ya...hey do you like tacos...we had veggie tacos tonight...used whole wheat tortillas a variety of peppers, squash, corn and black beans with lettuce and salsa...just an idea....it was good.
you have nothing to worry about. you have alot of other people that would fight tooth and nail right beside you. don't let the devil torment you with this. i will be praying for you!
Post a Comment