I have learned something

Well- I usually learn something everyday- however this is a ahh ha moment- many of you reading probably are saying duh Michele or it is about time-

Ok I finally realized I can not change Marcus- even though it is as frustrating as all get out- however if he truly wants to change he will- I have given him the tools - advise and taught him how he can do it and if he wants to change he will - if he does not well there will be consequences to what he is doing-

I am doing my best - I have changed to help him (that is a feat in itself)

I have finally realized even though I say it all the time- Marcus is in control of what happens- This is his choice to continue down the path of being angry even though he is able to control it when he wants to or he can change and use the tools that we have equipped him with- This is God's battle not mine anymore- yes finally last Friday I gave it to him- I hung on way too long- So God he is in your hands - oh I am praying and I am still teaching him -but Marcus has the ultimate choice of what he wants to become.

Thank you God for guidance and wisdom and finally my ahh ha moment (I have had them before but this was the bigger ahh ha moment- taking a step back from the situation and looking in)- I am learning and still and always want to learn

God has placed several people in my life that have taught me and guided me- and I am so glad I have listened to them-cause at times I am not sure what I what have done- Godly advise is great and God is so faithful-

God just wants us to trust Him and have Faith in Him-

Peace and quiet

Not only is it quiet this morning but there is a peace in the house - What am I talking about- well yesterday we had our first counseling session at Baycare - can you say Phenomenal- Mr George was wonderful and I feel we have finally gotten to a new place with Marcus' care plan-

I drove home from the appointment in tears not because of sadness but from peace within and a feeling of whew someone is finally listening to my concerns- (health care professional that is)

He said I had done all the right things and was a much different parent then what they normally see-He kept asking if I tried this or that - yep yep I have done all that- I even have been to parenting classes - you have yep - shook his head - ok then - he turned to Marcus and said young man you need to change for this to work-your mom loves and cares for you - and this is how you treat her- it stops here and today- yes sir- Marcus said- Mr George says you have taught him what he needs to do and now he needs to do it we are not playing games.

He is taking the next steps to see what needs to be done-

We will be getting MRIs done and another full psychological work up done on him as well. Due to illnesses he was born with and a trauma (which I never thought of until yesterday) he obtained- and possible other incidences.

This is a good feeling and not a I am not sure what to do anymore- thank you god for providing-Jehovah Jireh- my provider

Phew is all I can say

So glad this week is coming to a close- I am so glad I am off Friday- I am exhausted- the last 2 mornings I have been up at 3 am and the evenings I am not falling asleep til about 12 am- why well we have had the best week with Kidzturn being here- Marcus has done phenomenally well and O am quite pleased- God is so good - My faith was increased this week because Marcus did so well- normally or before if Marcus had a change in his schedule nightmares in behavior would occur the next day- so far so good and trusting God to help today be just as good for the young man.
The effects of being out and up early came up last night at the end of KIdzturn Marcus had a meltdown nothing volatile- and then in the car the cries of tiredness were very loud. He is tired this morning again I feel an early night by all

I have been awakened each morning by things I need to do at work so I get up send myself an email and then attempt to go back to sleep- not working- so hopefully I will get all things in order for the coming week - I am off tomorrow- yeah- Marcus and I have a 2 hour counseling session- with the new facility then we need to run and check on Bandit ( Tobias cat- they are out of town) then we will come home and just hang out-

I am thankful I can sleep in for a bit tomorrow I think til 730 yeah-

Work is still being organized and for me it drives me crazy cause I want it fixed to run smoothly but as I keep telling my staff these weeks are trial and error and learning constantly of what will work for us.

Just randomness

Ok well hear are some random thoughts of mine-

god is so good he has provided me with a great environment to work in- I love the new place and things are coming along nicely- I will be even getting a supervisor that is under me- to help out yes- and I will be a part of the process- so I am looking forward to it.
it is a slow process of change however it is changing.

ok so my pastor used my own words against me last night and he did not even know it- do not punish kids from going to church- how true and I use to say that all the time when I did bus ministry and could not understand why parents would not allow them to come to church - that is where they should be especially when they get into trouble- thanks for the slap back into reality-( no he did not really slap me-) I t was like a duh moment - so regardless of what Marcus does today we will be going- I think no I know I was nervous about the late nights and off schedule I think that is what was hindering more then his behavior issues- I do have to say at home he has been quite pleasant- Thank you God for your faithfulness- I am trusting in you!

Ok so here is the thing- if you have not been to Kidzturn and you attend Northside come- your life will never be the same- even if you have no kids come- your life will never be the same-

Marcus has been to the altar both nights so God is working on him- amazing God he is.

Its good its good it goooooooooooooooooooood

ok well that was me- just being weird with my title- this week has been good for me- Marcus well.....let me just say we have had no volatile behavior and I think he may begin to start to get the concept of he does not matter what he wants and it does not matter when he wants it- he can either follow my rules or can have an instant consequence- he knows what to expect if he gets out of line- small victories

Anyway- work is great- finally getting to a point where I can breathe a little- getting things organized and on board for new arrivals- communicating well with staff and drs- spoke with one of the higher ups and he is fabulous ( I am his anesthesiologist for his heart surgeries) so it is very cool. He knows my heart and my work ethic so it is a great mesh. Got great accolades at my management meeting which was very humbling and nice-it is always nice to be appreciated and all the more nicer when your top boss says it to you.

Roller Coasters of Life

Have you ever felt your life was a roller coaster ride? sometimes I do- but as I was driving home from my board meeting I got to thinking about roller coasters- who knows why it just popped into my head-But i thought about how we talk about having a roller coaster ride- the ups and downs of life - or the valleys and the mountains- however when I got to thinking- a roller coaster is not just ups and downs - there are banks- round and rounds-corkscrews- not so much ups and downs- oh yes you go up to start the process-but you never really go down and if you do you do not stay there too long-something is pulling you out of the down.

So yes my life is a roller coaster - never in the downs in life for very long just taking the banks and corkscrews as I go- and you know what - roller coasters I love them - and I love to laugh on them- also roller coasters are more fun with friends-

so if you think you are on a roller coaster ride - it is ok because you are never down too long-

I love God and how he works - my life right now is crazy - not always the best of days but I know God is in it and I need to rely on him for whatever he has for me- He guides me with Marcus just like the car for the roller coaster is guided on the track- if I stay and follow Him I will stay on track and we will be ok- Taking this life one day at a time instead of focusing on tomorrow- God grants me guidance each and everyday and I am so thankful for it-

So I just know to hang on the track (God) because he will guide me wherever I need to go-

God - I know you love me

Have you ever had a moment where words to a song really spoke to you- well that was me this morning in service we sang this song I posted- now grant it we have sung it before and I have it on my ipod - however this morning it took on a whole new meaning to me-

His love was shed for us- He overcame the grave -He overcame the grave-He overcame the grave- these words resonated in my my heart and my mind- he tore the veil he made a way-

Jesus overcame the biggest obstacle- the biggest struggle- the biggest issue for me- so why do I continually to struggle with my situation- I am human and it is our nature-

He overcame the grave - He can help any situation any struggle - any illness- emotional- physical- financial and for me and my situation mental. It is done-He has overcome it

I know He loves me why else would he shed is blood for me- nothing is impossible for God

A few weeks ago - I was questioning where God was in my situation- well right where He needed to be- I was so focused on what I was going through and never really allowed God to be apart of the process- well He is daily- I ask God for His guidance and wisdom- to help me through each day- oh I have work and other things to deal with but Marcus is the main issue I deal with on a daily basis-

I am beginning to look at this time in my life differently-God and I had a discussion this morning- I was just talking with Him- asking Lord why would you use me to deal with a child like this? His simple response was because you can and I enabled you too- Of course I responded this was not how being a mother was suppose to be like - Again His response maybe not in your eyes but for me this is where it is happening for you. I chose you Michele specifically for Marcus- because I knew what it would be like- and you are able to handle it with me carrying you along the way. So I am constantly learning from God and he has placed amazing people in my life to help on this journey. God is good and I know we take things together one day at a time-

He gives us strength when we are weak- man I will be very strong by the time this process is all through- I know through all of this God is doing amazing things - and He will get all the Glory- I give Him glory just to make it through the day to day process-

I KNOW YOU LOVE ME GOD- YOU ARE AMAZING

So much to continue to learn

Over the past 3+ years I have learned so much and yet have so much to learn- I tried something this week in disciplining Marcus ( wise man instructed me) and you know what it worked go figure- less volatile behaviors - I was holding on to Marcus' past regarding this and should have moved forward- I know this blog does not make sense but it does to me and probably to others who read it that know us so so well.
I was not too sure how he would react - he did act with a little explosiveness but as the week progressed he knew it was coming and got it done and over with.
This week was my week to learn and get past the past and not be afraid to use techniques- that for him actually work.
Marcus is learning that he will not always get what he wants - ask me about dinner Wednesday night- or the bike riding or the hot tub- he made that were not acceptable and was told if you choose this then this will not happen.
I have to be on my toes all the time and at times it gets tiring - but God gives me strength- grace- wisdom( I need this the most ) and guidance (so important too)
I have to stop and think before handling each situation so I handle it probably without explosions occurring - yes I am constantly learning yet hopeful this time will soon pass and his past will begin to melt away from him quickly and he will be able to catch up socially to an 8 year old.
I am hopeful and this week has helped me to see how wonderful God is and how He gives us wisdom through ALL situations.

2 year old tantrums

So we have discovered that Marcus is socially/emotionally a 2 year old-so my question I keep asking myself is how do I deal with it- A very intelligent almost 8 year old with the emotions of a 2 year old


A normal 2 year old usually engulfs loving relationships give young children a sense of comfort, safety, confidence,and encouragement. Nurturing connections teach toddlers how to form
friendships, how to communicate emotions, and how to deal with challenges. Supportive relationships with parents, adults, and friends also help children develop trust, empathy, compassion, and a sense of right and wrong (a conscience).
They have little self-control, which means they not very good at waiting and also have a hard time stopping themselves from acting on their desires. This means that, developmentally, young children struggle with following rules—especially those around sharing. ( all of which at this age he was in the foster home from which I adopted this is when he went into the home at age 2)


Does anyone see a resemblance? hmmm

SO I have to back up a little again- daily it is tiring- this week not so bad as far as being tired - I know I have a lot of people praying for us and so appreciate it- My prayer is simple wisdom and guidance in my words and actions to help guide him

Lake Myrtle Elementary

I love the staff there- Marcus school- to me there are top notch-Today I got an email from the SRO and she said if I needed anything to contact her- she even gave me her cell phone number. The teachers and staff are very supportative and have a true concern for me as well as for Marcus- God surely provided a wonderful school

the last few days

Well the last few days-have been long but not too bad- Saturday was JBQ finals- our team did fairly well- Marcus I believe answered in every round and positive quizzed out in 2 rounds. He did well and behaved well- we took the scenic ride home because they moved the mall we were going to go to for lunch-ended up eating at Wendy's after a minor to medium meltdown.
Does anyone know how to deal with a 2 year old in an 8 year old's body please let me know - I am serious here.
We came home and the Tobias' took me out for a belated B-day celebration- and we went to Channelside afterwards for ice cream - yum- came home and fell asleep hard.
Went to church Sunday- great service- came home afterwards and slept- needed the rest- you see it does get exhausting trying to stay on your toes when you deal with a child with a mental disorder-
Just when you think you hit bottom- God gives you the rest you need in the comfort of family and friends they are there to lift you up and allow you to cry on their shoulder or yell at God- they do not judge you but allow you to rant and rave until you get your breakthrough-
My days are a day to day process and as Adam tell me all the time celebrate the small victories- so I try to do that daily.

Do you really know?

I know - I know what it feels like- you ask what are you talking about- I know what it feels like not to have control of a situation and not know what to do - you try everything and yet it still does not change- you pray and it still does not change- so what to you do- keep praying keep fighting the fight and know you are not alone- Stand firm in what you believe- let people help you anyway they need to or can-
I said when I adopted Marcus it will take a village to help me raise this child- and wow those words are so true- from those who simply lift us up in prayer - I can feel the difference- the weight of the world feels a little less heavy- oh the issues are still there- but knowing there is a family of love and support and prayer warriors means so much.
I know I have not written much lately but just have had songs listed- well those songs are what I have been feeling- God is truly there- I was asking God well yelling God where are you in all this - cause I really did not know anymore-and if I am truly honest with you I am still wondering what He has planned for us. I know this time when Marcus had to go for help for a couple of days- I was not so distraught- why cause that is where he needed to be- or when I had Adam, Brenda, Sarah, and my sister Lori go with me - I could have done it alone but did not need to cause they said they would do whatever to help us.
We know have a plan as far as treatment for him - nothing wishy washy anymore-he was told point blank that the abuse he was doing to mommy was not ok and it will not continue- that coming from the Dr at Baycare. fabulous they are. oh yes I said abuse- some - actually many of you have no idea what I have been through- I will share with you if you ask-but not here.
ok so the plan- he will be evaluated by a psychologist again- he will see a neurologist to rule out anything else that may be occurring- and we changed his meds -we will be implementing a plan for wherever he goes and it needs to be followed for a positive outcome-
We are taking steps however I am still believing for a miraculous change- It is a March for miracles- they can happen I truly believe.

I lift my eyes

I need you Jesus - yes it is the same as Saturday

I need God to do a miracle- yesterday was my birthday and I did not even get to have a quiet calm birthday - in fact I will be honest with you it was probably the worst birthday ever. No celebration no bday cake no nothing- well yes I got something- I got wore out again- Marcus decided he would much rather not behave then come home- My question is the same as yesterday as I broke down: When is it going to end and Where is God in all this?

Not that uplifting of a blog I know but it is how I am feeling so I need Jesus to come to my rescue- not sure if many really understand the degree of what I am going through but let me just say I am very weak and for me to say that means it is hard- cause I consider myself pretty strong in all circumstances but this has really started to affect me over the last several months- when you do not know when or where the volatile behavior will occur- or what sets it off it becomes daunting and makes a person grow very weary - so again I need you Jesus com eto my rescue