We had a women's get together and a CE get together on Friday and Saturday night- and I sat and listened and talked at both get togethers- (one of which we talked about being grateful)
As I sat there in both gatherings I realized how blessed I truly am- the people I am with are terrific. I sat there with tears in my eyes at both thinking this year has been extremely hard and I am so grateful that I had some of these people lifting me and Marcus up in prayer in the lowest point of our valley.
I amnot going to dwell on the valley part of the year but I need to tell you - how grateful I am for it- going through it was the toughest part but as I look back that time it has brought me to a whole new level of who I am. As Bernie told me that Wednesday night when Marcus was in the crisis unit- if this does not kill you it will make you stronger and I truly believe that I ama much stronger person from it- I was strong before but this is a whole different level- and a whole different way- I can't remember a lot of what was said to me at that time- but I do remember the fact when Pastor Larry said this has no reflection on you as a mother-that statement stuck to me like glue and at the moment he told me I did not realize how much of an impact it would have on me- I am thankful so grateful to the Tobias household- allowing me to take up residence on their floor for a week- not being able to function and telling me this is a new beginning- again the signifcance of that statement was not realized until recently when I could look back and see- not only for Marcus but for me as well-a new beginning of making sure I am able to work with him- and fight for him- counsel him when he is not in therapy-
I am thankful for PD and Melissa- and Cathy for holding me up in prayer and having the Faith that I needed to get through - through their prayers- I am thankful for Lori who sat with me for hours contemplating the decision and finally making the decision- she was there to help restrain him and make phone calls and just be there to ask if I was ok- she drove from Clearwater one night for a 10 minute visit at the unit. I am grateful that the mental helath staff in the ER listened to a mom- the month of September was a rebuilding of faith- I did not give up- and I never will- yes being in the trenches is what I am grateful for this year- no I am not crazy- it felt as if I was at certain times-
I am stronger from it- I am back in school because of it- I am more of an advocate because of it- I speak out because of it- I want to help kids even more because of it- I want to help parents because of it-
Realize we all go through tough times but what you make of it is up to you- I am not saying it is still not tough cause we have had moments but when you beging to see the outcome of your determination you began to realize how grateful you are that God allowed me to go through it to make me a better person then I was before September 1 2008
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