My son

He is amazing- this is the year of increase and oh my-I am so proud of him over the last several weeks. A couple bumpy moments in the course but I truly believe God is working in his life- and mine as well-

Several things I should share with you all are:

1- Marcus loves Royal Rangers and now asks to go- Thank you commanders- he was so excited to tell Commander Alex that he knew his loyal quote he ended up telling him 2 days later at the CE meeting.
2- He loves Bible Quiz- and is very good at it- I think he has 95% of the 10 questions known.

3- He has informed me that he wants to grow up - and I said you will one day

4- I am also being told he wants a baby brother- I said good luck with that one- Have you ever tried to have a conversation with a 6 year old about having a man in your life before you have a baby. He also did not realize that babies grow up.

5- Our conversations at dinner are amazing - he is so funny and so open- he wants to learn everything

6- His smaller class at school he loves absolutely loves- now we need to figure out what to do with his IEP.

7- Our relationship has gotten so much better- so much closer- he is a GEM-

8- He is realizing what he is doing and can tell me what part of the fruit of the spirit he is not reflecting-

9-I have been given a gift to raise him-wow thank you GOD for allowing me to raise this child.

10- He is so precious to me.- The good choices are now beginning to be more then the bad choices

11- He loves to worship the Lord- and he wants to show others Jesus-by his words and actions

12- God is amazing and I am so amazed by what I see Him doing in my Bubba's life.

You are awesome God

Before the Day

Before the day- is a song that I can not get out of my head- Bernie introduced it to us at CE forum and it is playing over and over in my brain- I hear the music - Why do we get in such a hurry to say I love you Lord - you are my all in all- there is no one above you.

He is our all in all- our provider - the one who is closer then a brother- one full of grace and compassion- never leaves us or farsakes us- yet we come up with excuses to not say anything to Him -why do we do that?

I put the lyrics on my blog read them- soak the words in at just let them sink in your heart.

I think I have played that song over and over again- in my head- online- just something that sinks into my heart so heavy- in a good way

For me today was a success

FIRST HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!! LOVE YOU

It was a successful day today- Sunday school we got a little off track but we ended with respect- Do you respect yourself? Do you hold yourself in high esteem? Which will lead me into the next weeks topic- Purity and how God made sex a beautiful thing

Marcus had a rough go around in chirldren's church - but I was successful in how I handled it and the rest of the day- he was good- usually I get frustrated but I have been praying for increase in wisdom and how to deal with different circumstances- I was successful he may not have liked his consequences but he did do them and I am so pleased with that.

We were talking at dinner tonight- I made him French toast and eggs- 2 eggs 2 pieces of french toast the boy can eat - anyway- he informs me that he wants a little brother - thinking I went okay here we go- one that comes from your tummy mommy - okay that is great darling and you pray for that- however we need to have a daddy in the family first in order for you to have a baby brother. But mom I already have a dad- wait for it.... God is my daddy- I said you are absolutely correct. but in order to have a baby brother we need an earthly daddy okay- okay- so if you want that pray for it- okay

so he was good for Brenda and Sarah - I had a meeting for leaders- we have a crazy group - we have so much fun and I enjoy it so much- just to fellowship and grow as a person -

Between the CE forum and the leaders meeting I have had a good weekend- and then there is service in the mix- God is so good - increase in my life- Lord increase in my life-

The choir was great this morning - just the service was amazing - I anticipate God to continue to do mighty things in my life, in Marcus' life, in my Sunday school class, in the church as a whole.

Painting and more painting

Is it over yet- went to finish the office at the Tobias household yesterday and I am sad to say we did not finish- ugh- it had to be just so to make Adam happy- you know he is a perfectionist-got to love him though- he is like a big brother- actually the room turned out pretty good if I do say so myself - I have put many hours in that room and yes I wanted it just right too- that is why I was very frustrated when I could not get it done yesterday.

I will have to take the finishing pictures to show you all

so I got the painting bug and began to paint my living room- one wall accomplished - yeah
3 more to go-

CE Forum topped off the week

Wow- is all I can say-We had a CE forum tonight and it was 6 of us plus Marcus and let me just say it was a very powerful time-

We were discussing things about our classes and Bernie had me share what I will be discussing on in the coming weeks- A subject in which I have no clue on- sex- this is what I will be sharing on:

Sex and Sexuality
The intention: One Flesh
Genesis 1:27, 28 2:18-25 - God created man and woman and instructed them to have children

The Beauty: One Love
Song of Solomon 7:10-13 - A bride asks her groom to spend the night with her using beautiful imagery

The Exclusive: One Relationship
Proverbs 5:15-21- Solomon warns against being sexually unfaithful.

I also will be sharing my personal testimony as follows.

In the 5th grade (at school we had the sex talk) I made a decision then that I would wait till marriage to have sex. I was not saved at that time- All through high school many of my friends made that choice to fall to temptation - I did not- I stood firm on my promise to myself and to my future husband. I was 18 when I got saved- and I still am standing on the promise I made to my self in 5th grade- no sex before marriage- I am the only one who can give this gift to my future husband. I will not be swayed and I stand firm on this belief. So I am passionate about youth staying true to themselves- you will never regret not having sex before marriage - I know I don't.

You got to understand these are junior and senior high schoolers- I know something good will happen. I can just sense it and anticipate it.- Keep me in prayer over the next few weeks.

We had a wonderful presence of the Holy Spirit during our prayer time and God is truly amazing-

I feel Jesus - I feel Jesus- I feel Jesus in this place -

Marcus was there and he was so good-he watched a movie - I brought his DVD player - in fact this week minus Tuesday - he has been wonderful truly wonderful- he has been polite and when he has had a problem we have worked it out with our words-

My prayer is for wisdom for him- actually for me on how to deal with him- so we can resolve problems- I am still so learning - day to day- and relying on God for guidance-

R you Ready??? It is going to happen

Is this the answer I have been waiting for..

Well yesterday Marcus spent is day of OSS with his aunt- thank you Lori - I so appreciated it-
He was having a good day when all heck broke loose about 45 minutes before I got there and then proceeded to continue after I got there- We got home at 7 when we should have been home at 4:30 ugh- okay that day thank goodness is over and done

Today was a new day- Marcus was in is new classroom and was beaming about it when he came home- no talking back, no yelling - no attitude- ahh relief- or the calm before the storm - day by day we will see.
The new class has only 9 children in it including Marcus - a teacher and an aide-
But he was even compliant with me and yes maam and do you want... wow- I was so thrilled-

Off today

Today is a day off but also a day to reflect on one's dream-
We started the reflection yesterday in service- and I do have a dream but right now that is between me a God-

Yesterday we had a great service in church- when I finally got in- You see Marcus decided he was not going to listen in SS- so when he does not listen in SS he knows he needs to come to main service with me- It is not a punishment - well not really- He likes the services- he just wants to play videos and games instead- not when you misbehave. so we went through yelling at me and screaming at me- scratching me - I had to restrain him and of course it was get off of me- and I am very proud of myself- I was missing service which I do not like to do but I remiained very calm very cool very quiet-and waited til he made the choice of going in- of course he then saw the kids and was happy cause he was where the kids were.

Then the kids left. then he was mad. but then he fell asleep for a moment. He was better after we got home- and today so far so good- he is writing scripture verses daily until February 1 then we shall see what happens.

Watched the games yesterday I am disappointed on both sides of who won- but they were both good games. Now I want the Giants to win. Why because they are the "underdog"

Melissa praying for you today- I know you have surgery- God has his hands on you- Your knee will be better then ever.

For those of you reading my blog- please remember the Kona family in prayer. I am praying for you Chirsty-I know this is a difficult time-Bek I am sure this is hard for you too so you as well are in my prayers - I love you all and miss you

Ahh today

Yesterday was crazy- today was much better-

I began Life Coaching with PD today and I am so looking forward to an increase through this mentoring- I know it is going ot be wonderful. Lori watched Marcus and then after coaching I had 3 hours to myself- what did I do- go shopping of course- there are not a lot of days where I can do this because it is always Marcus and me- so 3 hours what to do- went to a few stores- got the cat and dog some stuff for their teeth- you know if you do not clean them the bacteria that builds up can affect the rest of their body. Anyway- went to some clothes stores did not find much I liked - but I do not really shop for my self all that much so sometimes it is difficult knowing what I like - seems I am always in a hurry and just do not take the time- I did find a pair of shoes when I went to the mall though.



I did go to the Christian bookstore and got a book for me about the Power of a Praying Parent- and a devotional for Marcus on Patience-



I met up with the Cole family and Marcus a little before 4 and had dinner and walked the mall- it was good and a nice time- then about 5:30 or so the flood came down and the lightening and all- so we were stuck in the mall and waited it out- have you ever had to entertain 4 kids for 3 hours in a mall- they were really pretty good- Marcus had a minor meltdown in the bathroom- and then after it wa sover bursted into tears saying he wanted to go see Isaac. He wanted to make sure he was safe.

So as we were going home- he started to say how concerned he was about the lightening so I said when you have a concern talk with God about it- so he did- the kid amazes me sometimes- sometimes I would like to knock his socks off the next minute he says the most profund things. He does want to please and I honestly think a miracle is on its way- I just need to realize it is God's timing not mine- I think that is the frustraing part.



So in Life coaching we are asked to journal - I started mine tonight- and all I can say is wow - one entry and I am amazed-



Well going to go read and finish up my lesson for Sunday School- With what life coaching is going to teach me and what God is going to show me- I have a feeling Sunday School will be so much better as far as me being a teacher. I hope that makes sense.

I am so Ready..

Okay- Marcus was writing his scripture verses- I was resorting pictures and frames- I got this beautiful black set of frames from the Tobias for Christmas- it was my stress releaser- I actually feel pretty good- surprisingly-
Thank goodness for my sister she is taking the boy on Tuesday- He will have work to do so that will be fun for him. - see below this entry of why

Marcus and I did talk calmly- my anger was very high earlier today- hence me not talking to him and having him talk to Uncle Adam and Aunt Lori- Thanks guys- what would I do without you.

So we talked - told I was very sad what he chose to do-went over the scripture verses with him- he should have these memorized soon- hopefully in his heart too. I know he wants to please but he also told me he does not like to be told to do things- okay parents out there how do you deal with a very defiant child- I know someone can help me-

I did call his Dr (psychiatrist) and spoke with him- not much help he was cause every suggestion he made I already do- so he was going to be in contact with his other Dr ( the psychologist)

one day at a time... but Really I am so ready for a miracle. R U -yes I am

Are you available??

Who has the ability on Tuesday to watch a 6 year old. This 6 year old got suspended out of school this time- what a way to end his week. UGH UGH UGH
I am so angry right now I could cry- I already did on the way home-
I will not go into details but here is the brief statement- tackle- kick in stomach - trip-defy teacher- kick and hit teacher- try to go back to classroom - door held shut- did not talk to behavioral specialist.

NOW we have a 1 day suspension- - on Tuesday-
I AM SO READY FOR A MIRACLE!!!

- I already called my boss and she was good about it but I have a project I need to do- ugh ugh

A week goes by

So sorry I have not wrote anything- where has the week gone-
Let me catch you up

Saturday we had Bible quiz in St Pete- Lori and Dakota stopped in to see Marcus quiz one round- He did very well I was so proud- he almost got a quiz out- this is his first year- we have begun studying for the final quizzes- he is already doing well with the new questions- yesterday he got 12 of 15 and we only studied for 30 minutes on Monday and Tuesday total. I wish he could channel that type of stuff into his impulsiveness so that would not happen.

Sunday we had a great Sunday Service - we also had a good Sunday School class- we can go from one extreme to another it that class- We did have a good discussion on how GOd meets our needs and how we complain and not pray about things - just like the Israelites- Let me tell you something the yout of our church are very enlightening - in a good way- sometimes not- but this week they were.
We were goofing off - me too- then we got serious- they amaze me some times- I take prayer request before class starts and some were off the wall and they new it but then Jordan spoke up and got all serious- yes he did PD- you should be so proud- and said we have been praying all week let's remember service and pray the Holy Spirit Moves-then they all agreed with that. He can be a leader he has great promise PD.

Service was amazing - amazing-
Sunday Night we had the WMs service- it was very good- of course I cried when PD mentioned how Marcus is being touched- The miracle I am believing for that God takes away that impulsive behavior he has- I know he can.


Monday-I was busy at work - pulling blood on some newly arrived animals- Marcus was okay he seems to have attitude lately

Tuesday- and Wednesday Marcus had rough days at the before and after care but good days at school - go figure- of course they are evaluating him

Thursday- good day- then I picked him up and he was a brat - really he was - I was so over his little attitude. so I pulled over- he was mad cause I picked him up early thru a hizzy fit - had to be carried outside- then started to run in the parking lot but I was right next to him so I grabbed his little arm. We get to the car I tell him to buckle up and not once but twice he tries to close me in the door. then I get in and he screams and yells I am mean cause I carried him and held him - and I get the blah blah blah your are mean- and I do not like you- well JBQ CD went on and I was quiet- he listened to that. so he just got done reading and now he is doing his punishment.
Writing 3 scripture verses- one on self control, one on kindness, and one on obeying your parents.

Well work has been good this week- not too much going on so I am getting things done that has not been able to get done-

ISS

Raise your hand if you know what that means- me - I do
THis happens when you have a child who hits and kicks his teacher and leaves marks and grabs the lanyard around her neck- because she asked him to leave from the computer after he hit another child.

Well I can be thankful that it is not OSS-

Filled out some paperwork for the evaluations they are doing on Marcus at school. Hopefully get him that extra help he needs

Also have a meeting on Monday after work with the school social worker to go over his health- background- now ground and something else I can not remember- so we shall see-

I just do not like the fact he took it to that extreme-with hitting the teacher after a great day up until a few minutes before the bell yesterday-

taking each day one at a time- today was better then yesterday- Marcus got punched in the eye- okay well not that is okay- and that was better- but maybe he will learn - some girl yes a girl punched him in the eye. because who knows

Anyway - tomorrow is a new day

Is Jesus Sleeping and is He hungry?

This is the question I got at the dinner table this evening- I do not believe he is sleeping or is hungry- he is sitting next to His Father in heaven- praying for all of us - how can he be sleeping-like this he said. he fold his hands and lays his head on it. I think this is correct Marcus but we can ask Pastor Deanna and Pastor Larry. okay he said- be prepared PD and PL . He also told me he wanted to speak to God- I said when you pray you are speaking to God- he said no face to face- I said oh I see- Well God is everywhere -
This boy is testing my faith- this is good-

We had a very interesting dinner tonight- he is coming up with this off the wall questions-

that I would never dream of him saying- but hey I will do my best to answer and if I do not know get ready out there cause I will be asking you all.

Today was a good day from start to finish- for his behavior- he has been very calm and compliant today- day by day I will take it-

He is just getting out of the shower and is getting dressed we are going prayer tonight at one of the church members- basically around the corner.


This week will be a little testing for me- I am going tonight and tomorrow to church- I need to I want to - why cause God is doing something and I do not want to miss it-

I will have to miss pancake night- We have JBQ Saturday morning.

Postpartum Depression..

What are you talking about - many of you are reading I am sure going whatever !

I have been meaning to write this for sometime now and now I am taking the time to write it-

Have you ever thought what adoptive mothers go through after the arrival of their child- do their hormones escalate or get depleted- does this happen to adoptive baby mothers or all mothers that adopt any age child.

Well- here is somethings that happened to me- I think it started when I brought Marcus home and probably ended around Christmas- I brought him home in July 2005- we finalized in November of 2005. Now it was not every day - this was just going on during that time period.

Honestly I was overwhelmed with emotion- I can plainly see the day I got the call- plainly see the day I met him- plainly see the day he threw the stool at me- the day I wrestled him to the ground- the day he met grannie and papaw-
I can plainly see the day of our finalization day- these were all days in the time frame mentioned above.

I was excited - I was 34 years old and I was becoming a mom- wait I was becoming a mom- I am not ready- yes I am no I am not- I am not prepared- of course I am I have watched so many kids and helped with so many kids I can do this-
I do not want to do this-I do want to do this- oh my goodness get your emotions in check woman.

Hello Aunt Lori- oh my she is becoming the aunt this time-I am the mom- wow-
my turn it is finally my turn- oh no it is finally my turn- how in the world am I going to do this alone. not alone- not even close.

The day is here- I am meeting him for the first time- I am sick to my stomach- actually as I am typing this the feeling comes back- how strange- call Lori- I was nervous - did not know what to expect-
I am in the house with my case worker- and the foster mom- Jamarcus( yes I changed his name) he comesout with his toothless grin- HI MOMMY - oh how sweet he calls his foster mom mommy- special- no he is talking to you- may day may day-- not ready for that not ready for that- we are just meeting- it all becomes so real.

The end of July comes- he comes to live with me permamently - I take 1 week off work- that was a mistake it should have been longer- I will not do that again-
okay - it is him and me for a week all by myself what to do- yeah he is finally here- oh no he is finally here.

Am I going insane - I am on a roller coaster ride of emotions- fearful why the kid was crazy with lack of social skills and obedience and discipline- oh my will I survive this- ok this too shall pass this too shall pass- God never gives us anything we can not handle - okay God but this is cutting it close-this too shall pass-

When will he be mine- when?
November 18th 2005
That is when I officially became a mom - I birthed a 4 year old weighin 45 lbs and 30+ inches long and his name Marcus John Danielson- and my figure looked pretty good- has not change much during the whole process.

I was nervous but an excited nervous at the day of signing- my family was there ( Parents, Sister, brother in law, the BEST PASTORS EVER, Adam and BRenda, Leslie and the girls, and Renee) I made it- I was there to become a mom-. oh no I am becoming a mom what am I doing- see the emotional roller coaster- then you deal with these types of emotions ...

...are you ready

a baby why not a baby- to hold and cuddle- to change diapers ( not) -
I wish I could have had him as a baby - to form that special bond that a baby has with their mother- ( we have a special bond) but I know it is not the same as a biological and their mom-
To hold him and nurture him at the most critical time inhis life- I know I can not change what happened but God sure can hold him-
What if I was there when he was younger could he have been different-

I cuddle with him now and it is so amazing- I love that time-

I was sad - I was happy- I was overjoyed - overtired- stressed beyond all measure-
was it hormonal or the fact that my life will never be the same- would I change it- not the adoption- how I did somethings you betcha-

I still get all those emotions now but not anything like he first moved in- more joyful- he makes me laugh - he makes me cry

-
Last night we had prayer night at church- AMAZING to say the least- anyway- he was so good- he did praise and worship and again at the end of worship- he had the look- what is up- Jesus died- yes he did but he is alive - remember Mary Magdalene was the first at the tomb (JBQ) oh yes. He sat so nice readin his bible- reading his club jr magazines while we prayed- GOD is going to do something mighty this year in his life- I believe it and claim it

Am I Happy..

I was asked this question in my Jr and Sr High School Sunday school class- we were talking about goals, expectations, and God's plan. I was trying to let them know I could have never imagined in 1992 when I graduated Tech School ( I am a veterinary technician) that I would be where I am at with my career- I dreamed of it but where I was you could never imagine it-
6 years ago I would never imagine being a mom- oh I dreamed of it - longed for it but could never imagine I would be a mom now-
Am I happy you bet- do I struggle you bet- it is a challenge daily okay not daily somedays are better then others being a single mom- and I have one child- I can't imagine what it would be like with more then 1.
You see I set goals for myself- if God wants then to happen for my life -fabulous - if not He will close the door.

I love my career- and I love being a mom-I am happy

Are there things I would have changed or like to have happened- you bet- I have made mistakes -done stupid things-

Yes I am happy- I am happy to be a mom- to be a career woman- to be a child of God-
We go through things that you never know how things will end up- I never knew the joy of being a mom and the struggle of being a mom until 2 years ago- the struggles are less and less so I am thankful for that-

Would I change anything- sure- where is the man I am to marry? I guess God has a different plan- and you know for years I struggled with this but it is okay to be single - Cause God has a bigger plan then I could ever imagine- look what he has done so far

More thoughts later today

Renovation is almost complete

Well came home last night after a week at the Tobias house-
We got Sarah's room done and now working on the "new" office which is just about done- not much left to do in there so it should not take too long- pictures will be up later this week

Marcus' bathroom is complete- so I am happy with that - next renovation - my bathroom- I sometimes wish I had a Garden tub just o soak and chill- I wish I could knock out the other bathroom and have one big bathroom but that would take too much time and too much $

So I am happy with running water and a small tub to soak in-
Must get to work
Have lots to do still today
Pictures to come soon