To the Vet I go

Went in early to work today- because I wanted to get Clarence to the vet early this afternoon- he has some fluid on his chest and I wanted to see what was going on- how do I know he has fluid on his chest I listened I have a stethoscope at home and yes I do listen to my critters lungs and heart but for Clarence I listen more - he has a grade 3 / 4 heart murmur (Murmurs are abnormal heart sounds that are produced as a result of turbulent blood flow which is sufficient to produce audible noise-Grade 3A moderately intense murmur not associated with a palpable precordial thrill (vibration) Grade 4 loud murmur; a palpable precordial thrill is not present or is intermittent )( diagnosed atleast 6 years ago) and he has been coughing which is a rare thing in cats - it sounds like he is hacking up a hairball- but nothing comes out- so when he looked like he was passed out after hacking this morning I decided it was time. He was diagnosed with a cardiomegaly ( Cardiomegaly is a medical condition wherein the heart is enlarged) and I keep tabs on it - not feeling all positive right now - just know being in the business that heart issues in cats is not good and I knew that when he was diagnosed we were unsure how he would do. Now- I think it is catching up to him.

Food- Fellowship and Fun

We went to the Currie's house last night- and we ate we laughed we laughed we laughed- it is nice going to homes where I can relax and enjoy myself and there are others around watching out for Marcus.

We left about 10 I will probably pay for it later with Marcus' behavior but he wants to come to main service with me this morning which is a good choice.

Then after service we go to meet up with Aunt Lori- Marcus will be with them for the week- Sarah goes to youth camp -

Marcus will be going to the YMCA- again and learning how to swim- praying he has a better time with his behavior then last- praying he uses his words and is able to speak about being upset about something rather then hit people.

Scared

This is what I was told the other day from my son- Wednesday to be exact- I would have written last night but I was exhausted- I had surgery (not on me) from 6:30-2:30 yesterday and was beat.

So I am writing today-

So Marcus was very sad looking on Wednesday when I picked him up from Sarah's

He did not want to talk but it eventually came out on the way to church-

He said he was scared that his foster dad was going to come back and hurt him- I reassured him- allowed him to express what he was feeling- and hugged on him but mom was not enough he spoke with Sarah and wanted to speak with Dustin- Marcus just hugged on to Dustin for a few minutes before he told him what was going on- Dustin listened and then prayed for him-

Marcus is tender right now and I am so thankful I have family around that loves on him and reassures him-

Thanks Dustin ( he looks up to you)

So I emailed his psychiatrist and told her what was going on and she said that this may be a phase of remembering through this development- reassure him (check did that) - let him talk it out (check did that) - let him know it is okay to have feelings like this (check did that as well) plus I added in that God is with him and protecting him and surrounding him with people who love him and care about him so much.

This week has not been too bad- Sarah is doing an awesome job with him and I know she is unsure at times but I am so very thankful for her. I was kidding her today- if she can handle Marcus she will be able to handle any child. She is learning what works and what does not and I am giving her tips of what works for me.

A Shout Out

Okay well I am truly excited that just around the bend is Go Girl Conference- what makes me all the more excited is meeting PDs sister Kimberly- Hello Kimberly can not wait to meet- heard lots of good things- Glad you enjoy my blog-

Off to get ready for church tonight- God is so good

Teeth Pictures of Marcus

Here they are- now some have you seen him with them all fixed and you can not tell the difference

Okay here goes my tag

1. What was I doing 10 years ago?

- I had just moved to Tampa to go back to school- left my hometown- I had lived there for 27 years.

2. Name 5 things on today's to do list.

- finish laundry

-take Marcus to Uncle Adams

- Go to Life Coaching

- Work on JBQ

- Work on Sunday School Lesson

3. Things I'd do if I were a billionaire

- Buy a house that is big enough for lots of people to come over - have a yard

- support missionaries all over the world

- give to the adoption agencies and foster care system

-give to friends and family

4. 3 Bad habits

- staying up late and getting up early

- getting an attitude when things are not just right

- eating chips and dip when there is nothing else to do ( a whole bag really it is true)

5. 5 places I have lived

- McKeesport, PA - only lived there 1 year

- Venice, Fl- 27 years

- St.Petersburg, Fl- 2 years

- Tampa, Fl- 4 years

- Wesley Chapel, Fl- current residence

6. 5 jobs I have had

-Stable hand at Throughbred farm

-Child Care worker (all of high school)

- Certified Veterinary Techncian

-Practice Manager (along with Certified Veterinary Technician)

-Lab Animal Manager (again goes along wit being a Certified Veterinary Technician)

7. 5 people I am tagging (sorry only 4)

Melissa

Cathy

Lori

Misty

Hi Mommy

Those were the words I heard around this time 3 years ago when I met my son

- (can you believe he was that little)

today is a thriving 7 year old which has come along way from where he was- I am so proud of him and I am proud of myself as well- I had no clue what I was doing as a parent- and at times still do not- but with God's grace- and the many caring and concerned family I have in my life we have grown so much.

Today was a rough one but he is realizing that bad choices there are consequences even if he wants to do the privileges.

He is learning - I have learned and have my days of forgetfulness on what works with him- I have learned that calmness works best and for the most part I do now remain calm- it gets tiring but when you see how it works for him it is the best thing.

We have come so far and we are going to go so much farther- stay tuned for more reminiscing over the next few weeks.

Give Thanks with a Grateful Heart

I just wanted to take the time to let you all know what I am thankful for:

A loving and caring God- He is there no matter what

My son- yes I am thankful - he is so tender and so time consuming and so loving and so special

My family- thank you for your love and support and your homes

My family- my extended and church family - you all are the best- you are there when ever I need someone to chat to -vent to - or a shoulder to cry on.

(food family fun- food family food family fun (the Tobias' are the only ones that should get this- random thought as I was typing)

God's grace- His mercy- His everlasting love- that He is my provider- my Healer - my friend

Kids- youth- Sarah Joy- what would I do without her this summer- she is learning and doing very well with Marcus- Thank you Lord for her I am so appreciative she took on this task- Bless her abundantly

(this was 3 years ago on July 4)

My job- I love what I do and I am so thankful God has provided the position I have.

Have you thought about adopting?

Well - you should- because we are all adopted by God as His child- oh you thought I was going to say something else huh?- Well I will but later on down the blog-You see God chose you just like a child is chosen when they are adopted by earthly parents - out of all the people in the world You were chosen for the particular career, ministry, life, gifts, that He has for you. I know sometimes you probably think you have no clue what you are doing- I know I feel that way- but God equips us just when we need it.

There is no other person God would have chosen for Marcus' mom- he chose me- IS God crazy? no no- He is not- God knew I would be the one just right- There are days when I am like wow God you have a lot of faith in me- a lot of confidence in me- You have given me grace and mercy to have chosen me just to be Marcus' mom- you have equipped me and continue to equip me to be Marcus mom- You know not everyone is chosen to adopt a child- some of you were chosen to be married- chosen to have your biological children- I however have a particular interesting path- single by choice (okay have not met the ONE) single mom by choice- single mom chose to adopt- it is not for everyone- yet I was chosen - I believe that- with all my heart- all though it is not all posies - it has it challenges - and struggles but those are minimal ( sometimes you feel they are not) compared to the triumphs and achievements that occur.


Marcus had had a rough week with Aunt Lori- he always feels people are mean to him- I keep encouraging him yet it does not seem to be enough- How do you boost a childs self esteem- praise praise praise - but it does not seem to be working or enough.


My blog is jumping around a bit - it is about adoption though-

Reasons to adopt- the love of a child- to provide a safe home- a loving home - to raise him in a God centered home- to show him the right way

3 years ago this month I found out I was with child- a 4 year old little boy- The phone call was like this from my case worker- hello- Hi mom how are you doing?

What a feeling- a sick in the pit of my stomach feeling ( a good sick feeling)- I was going to be a mom- that day is in bedded in my memory a good day a very good day.


3 years ago- this same 4 year old did not know letters- did not know colors or shapes- now- reading at a 3rd grade level and doing math on a 2nd grade level- Academically I am so proud-

Behavioral we have come so far but yet still have so much farther to go.

I love my wonderful young man- I would not change adopting him - because he was chosen just for me- I was chosen just for him- Just like God chose you- Have you chosen Him?

Ephesians 1:5 God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.

If you make good choices there are privilages, If you

make bad choices there are consequences. if you make good choices there are privileges, If you make bad choices there are consequences. Keep your hands and feet to yourself- If you need help ask - use your words- if you are angry put your hands in your pockets- When you make a bad choice there is a consequence- I did not ask if you wanted a consequence I am telling you you are getting it- and my favorite newest one is I WILL WIN - (thanks PD)

Why am I writing this because this was a week for me to get refreshed - go to church without being concerned if my son is out of control in Royal Rangers- a time for me and me alone- but OH NO! mommy can not have her time- mommy can not go to church- mommy spent 45 minutes on the phone yesterday speaking with Marcus about his choices and today another 45 minutes on the phone while I was traveling to Clearwater and then another hour when I got there- I was not happy and still am not- it started this morning with him whacking Ainsley in the temple and got better and proceeded to the point of him tackling Aunt Lori- because he chose not to do what he was asked and I needed to be called to work it out UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH- can you see my frustration level? this was not suppose to happen - UGHHHHHHHHH Again.
So if anyone wants a 7 year old slightly dysfunctional but very loving let me know I will sell him cheap to you - honest- okay not really but I am tired of over and over and over again repeating the above phrases - I think a tape recorder I need to get and he can listen to it over and over ans over again.
So I missed church cause I was driving back to Wesley Chapel- I am not happy about this at all- so PD and PL - I will need the notes or the CD. Sorry I missed out- I was looking forward to it.

Hi this is not an emergency but please call...

This was the message on my phone Sunday @ 3 pm - I was at Ft Desoto for the church picnic-

So I called- Marcus broke his tooth- which one- the front one- oh crud- the permanent one-

(not really his teeth - those pictures are to come)

There was no blood there was no crying - he did not even know he did it.

Well what to do ? It needs looked at? I was concerned of nerve damage- etc - so the great sister I have took the time to go see her dentist today and she said you can not even tell it is fixed - YEAH

I felt like I am here and he is there and I can not do anything- he was fine- me however not good- I was not horrible just felt helpless-

He wanted to stay at camp today so it did not phase- him - you see this is his first accident that needed checked - oh he bumps his head- shoulders knees and toes but not broken anything -

so he got a new blue toothbrush and toothpaste out of the deal and the dentist was fabulous to him- Thank you Dr Haimes- you set a mom's heart at ease.

LORI _ YOU ARE THE BEST!!

I'm Free I'm Free

I am free to be all my by myself this week- my sister has taken Marcus for the week and what am I to do-
IT is kinda quiet around here-and it has been less then a day-
I am so thankful this summer Lori and Stacy are having him for 3 weeks ( not all at once)
So I can have quiet time and me time-


We need that from time to time- I love him dearly but being a mom can take a toll on you especially with a special needs child-


I love him and will miss him but to keep my sanity this will be good.

Marcus and I have been talking about forgiving and his past and he know he needs to forgive the family from the past when he is ready and I told him we can talk when he is ready- He is holdin gon to 2 bad memories and my heart aches for him- He know he needs to forgive just like God forgives us for our bad choices he said he needed to forgive the man of his bad choices-


This boy is special - each day he says such profound things-
He asked if everyone was a Christian and I said no- he said why? I said what do you need to do- ask Jesus in my heart and I said did you do that? He said yes. So you are- but why is not everyone - I said it is there choice-oh so what are we suppose to do? then he answered the question which I had no clue he knew- Mommy we are suppose to go out into the highways and teach them - I am like yes yes exactly.

So we were trying to get stuff for him yesterday and he had a melt down in the store- so we left- he got it together and then I surprised him- with a mommy and Marcus thing to do- spur of the moment type thing- we went to build a bear- He made a puppy and I did to-
Same puppy - his got a tshirt with the planets - he wants to be an astronaut and I got a surfer shirt one- well we went to name ours and I asked him what he was going to name his.- he said Ephesians (get ready of why)- I said okay that is different- but why did you choose that name- are you ready??? Because mommy so when I look at Ephesians I can remember and do the verse in chapter 6 (Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right). and he told me of course what it said- I said fabulous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So then off he went to Aunt Lori's and Uncle Stacy's for the week. THANK YOU BOTH SO MUCH!!!

Forgiving someone is hard but it is a must

I find that I am a very forgiving person- I do not like to stay upset with my friends at all and if they have wronged me it usually does not last very long-

However- there were two people who I have been very angry with and really did not know it til yesterday - when God said you can forgive everyone now it is time to forgive these 2 people. Stop focusing on what happened but live for today and focus on tomorrow. You have this unforgiveness holding you and him back forgive and move on- Who have I been angry at and not realizing it- Marcus' foster parents for what they have caused in his life-I have to stop being angry at them I have to forgive them - I can not and will not allow that back in my life - I will not allow them to hold us down. It was very eye opening to me yesterday morning.

I will stop blaming his past - God can wipe that away in an instant and if my anger and unforgiveness has held Marcus' healing up then it is let go- I want what is best for him and this is our turning point I sense it I know it-

Now what I am about to tell you is a blessing- the Kings are very sweet people (our speakers at missoins convention) Marcus prayed with Melissa to accept Jesus as his savior (again - he has already done this ) and then she prayed for him - and she spoke of the storms in his life and how God can take them away. After she prayed I told her that I had adopted him and that he has suffered from PTSD so her prayer was so timely and Godly-she said she sensed something.

They gave Marcus a beautiful piece of pottery with a butterfly on it and I was looking at it this evening and said that is us God a new life a time to take off for Him.

We got home late last night - and Marcus was singin until 11 pm - the boy only got 5 hours of sleep last night and you know what he got a 44 out of 44 possible points today- that is God-

A New Beginning -A New Life- A Fresh Annointing-God is Moving -