We will.....

This is my thought- I am fine- this is a disclaimer- God has his hand upon us- but this is where I can get my thoughts out-

Persevere- I will persevere - I will - we will overcome-thought a lot about this today and last night- why because we had a very bad afternoon yesterday and I could have easily said I am done I do not need this much in my life- it is how I felt after being punched several times in the shoulders ( I am fine- the therapist and psychiatrist are aware) did I did deserve it no not at all-did he deserve it when he was younger- no not at all- I just was asking about what happened on Monday at school after talking with his teacher.

It is tiring- it is not at all what I thought motherhood would be about- making up for others stupidity-I wanted a son to love and care for and bring up right in the world- am I too dreamy- maybe- but of course I did not have him from the start-

so my question is how do you teach a child to overcome what he has been through- why God did this have to happen to him- he is an innocent child- a 2 year old emotionally trapped in a 7 year olds body. again adults being stupid- I hate (yes I finally said it-) I hate (wow twice) i do not like using that word- but I do hate what they have done to him-

I know I can still bring him up right- just have to tweak it a little differently on how I handle it

We talked about love last night- spoke with Bernie afterwards- how they were talking how love is a choice- Jesus chose to die on the cross for us- amazing love

I chose to love Marcus - no matter what he does - and can I be honest sometimes that choice is very difficult especially when things happen and you do not expect it from a 7 year old- words- ugliness - violence- it is not all pretty adopting- would I change it - the only thing I would change is to delve more into the history and how they disciplined him.however what truth will I get-

I love him - I choose to love him even when I do not feel like it- that is when I need to love him all the more- you see it is not ADHD that has him in the grips but it is PTSD- and children who suffer ( yes suffer) from it feel abandoned- feel alone- they act on impulse whether it be a loud noise- a raised voice-a threat-impulse - flight response-Honestly I am tired of the struggles with this PTSD- I consider myself pretty strong but dealing with this oh my goodness has questioned that so many times.

so God show me how we can overcome this PTSD- show me - allow me to have mercy on my son especially in those so difficult times-

how do we overcome- by His Word- His Answers- His Guidance

so stand with us in prayer - for miraculous healing- for God's guidance- for me to see Marcus through God's eyes- show me what you see God