its about me today

hi allow me to introduce myself- my name is michele and i have begun training (as of this past saturday) for a triathlon - yes today is about me- so what have i done to train so far- well- saturday took the dog and me for a 25 minute walk- hey we all have to start somewhere and running is not my forte. but i have atleast 5 months or so to train- yesterday i biked for 25 minutes and then today warmed up with a bike ride to the community work out room then did some strength training oh a small bit not over doing it taking it slow-got on the treadmill and walked a half a mile in a pretty good pace. and honestly i feel pretty good-so tomorrow another 25 minute walk with the dog - for those of you that i see or talk to (via texting or email or on the phone) hold me accountable- i need this for me-
this is my goal in which i want to accomplish it-
plus i am keeping up on my reading for life coaching which is amazing when you dig into the word and pick out certain verses in the bible and disect them- i love it- and it is challenging to me-
now as far as cooking well- i think i need to work on that too- i need to eat healthy- which i have started sorta- so after i get a good couple of weeks of workouts in then i will begin the new learning to cook phase-i know i know i have said it before this time i mean it- even if it is only 1 meal a week.

well...

i thought i was doing well until i got to church today- not sure what it was about church but my emotions were not doing well- hopefully this will get a bit easier.
manatee calls each time their is a restraint or if meds need to be given- needless to say i have gotten a phone each day since he has been there- all the more confirmation of why he is there.
as for me - i began my new work out regime- which i have a long way to go-but it will be worth it
i have actually got some much need sleep over the past 2 days- did not really realize how tired i was-until i could actually take the time to sleep- more time to take care of me

Get ready for along one

ok not right now but I am preparing you - after church today I plan on blogging a longer blog- to let you know how things are going-

Time for a change- time for healing to occur

Its time- well I am actually typing this Thursday night- but it will not post til Friday am-
what am i thinking right now- i am not sure - life for Marcus and I will change as of today (Friday)
you see after long time of prayer- therapy sessions- discussions with the drs and behavioral specialists- Marcus is going to a residential facility today- he will be admitted and thankfully my sister will be with me- I know this is the right decision- I have done all I can and need additional help with Marcus- am I sad yes I am- I will miss him horrible- and I am happy yes he will begin the healing process that I can not help him with and he will learn coping mechanism for the desired behaviors- we are on the road to recovery now- he will become the young man God has created him to be-
I am anxious I am ... fill in the blank I think I have had every emotion possible through this process- but you know I have grown a lot and will continue to grow- God has been right beside me as I have traveled this road- well beside me - in front of me - carrying me-

Fortunately - God has placed amazing amazing people in our lives to be the support we so much need- I love God for that and I love the people in our lives - and I know I often drive them crazy-

This is a time for healing not only for Marcus but for me- time to take care of me- and I know people will get on my case if I do not- Hey I still want to do the triathlon in the summer- so now no excuse- time to get in shape for me- time for me- and when Marcus returns home - he will have an improved mom as well

He is not going to far- just to Bradenton- does not take too long to get there and people from the south will be able to come visit him as well ( my parents and friends from Lift Church)

So yes a new chapter begins - a new beginning - help me Lord to make it through!

Stronger by Mandisa

Stronger
Artist: Mandisa
Album: What If We Were Real?


Hey, heard you were up all night
Thinking about how your world ain't right
And you wonder if things will ever get better
And you're asking why is it always raining on you
When all you want is just a little good news
Instead of standing there stuck out in the weather

Oh, don't hang your head
It's gonna end
God's right there
Even if it's hard to see Him
I promise you that He still cares

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
And things can only get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger
Gonna make you stronger, stronger, stronger
Believe me, this is gonna make you ...

Try and do the best you can
Hold on and let Him hold your hand
And go on and fall into the arms of Jesus
Oh, lift your head it's gonna end
God's right there
Even when you just can't feel Him
I promise you that He still cares

'Cause if He started this work in your life
He will be faithful to complete it
If only you believe it
He knows how much it hurts
And I'm sure that He's gonna help you get through this

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
In time it's gonna get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger

SIGH

yes that is the title just a sigh- exactly what I did when I started today's blog- it is like I can begin to breathe a little easier- help is on the way and I am so glad-
Life will change for me for a time beginning on Friday and yet this will be a good thing - it will be tough but it will be a good thing-
i know at times i will rely on my friends and family for strength as I already have done- but I am so thankful that God has had favor- through lots of prayer - lots of help - we are on the way for healing

Missing someone

is not fun- but it is needed- even though I miss Marcus as he is not home right now- i do not miss the not knowing of how he will react to certain things- when he does not "want" to do them- my visits have been good the last few nights- which I am thankful for-
I do miss his laugh oh my word- we laughed yesterday- well I was tickling him and he was being goofy- holding on to the good moments and hopeful those moments will outweigh the not so fun moments-
waiting on an answer today hopeful to hear good news

Before The Morning - Josh Wilson - Worship Video w-lyrics

Before the morning- I know that I am holding on and fighting the good fight- this has not been a pleasant ride - but I do know that God has it under control - even though at times I do not feel things are in control at all- God is going to use all of this for His glory- Marcus will come out of this whole and new- I have to believe (that is another song ). This time in our life will be a memory one day- a memory we can help others with.

Life Coaching Day and then some

Today is the first meeting of Life Coaching- for me this year - I want to make a difference in a big way at church and in the community- God is already stirring my heart- just got to figure out the steps-

I am thankful for Life Coaching - I would not have stepped out of my comfort zone if it had not been for it.

today- afterwards just cleaning and gathering things together- organzing paperwork and such- not a lot cause I did that a couple of weeks ago. then maybe go for a walk with Isaac-he was a wild dog this morning- probably because of the cooler weather-

So my goal beginning after next week is to atleast excercise in some fashion atleast 3 days a week- I may do it in the am since I wake up so early- no worries I will be careful. I will take the dog on the walk/runs -

Listening to a song called Better Day- I do believe Better Days are ahead- hear are the lyrics

One concern down

Well one concern is down-

I have one more to go- well 2 more but hopefully the second one will not be too bad-

May I vent to you- I have been working on this concern with Marcus for 5 years- and the problem keeps continuing to progress and get worse- even with the multiple therapies and helps and parenting classes (yes I have taken multiple of them) - he seems to have something that will not let go of him- hopefully the choices myself and others (you see I have seeked much counsel on this decision) not just a whimisical choice- could he get worse - yes it could and then it will turn around I believe- I know all have meant well by giving their input- unless you know allthe facts and know all I have been through with him and all I have tried please be quiet- the decision was difficult to make in itself- you can ask those closest to me what a struggle and choice it has been- but with much prayer and much prayer- yes I repeated it- I believe this is the breakthrough for Marcus- you see he was created for big things and he will be used for big things- God has Marcus' life in His hands- I dedicated Marcus to God when I adopted him- Now- I really need to trust God with him-to protect him and to help him-
We are going to work through this and continue to grow and continue to learn and continue to make an impact in lives in which we cross through the whole process

I do have a concern

I have thought about this off and on yesterday- of what if we do not get approved then what- I know I know I should not think that way but it is my mind- oh did I forget to tell you what approval am I hoping for- long term or longer term help for Marcus- residential help -yes that is the next step in helping Marcus get the help he needs to be successful.

so back to my thought- yes I know I should not go there but I did think about it- the vicious cycle we are currently in-

Praying this meeting will break the cycle

Reality

Reality is the state of things as they actually exist, rather than as they may appear or may be thought to be.

Ok well this hit me last night like a lead balloon- realizing life for me will probably be changing in the very near future- hopefully for the better- as soon as I know more I will let you know what I am talking about

But for now just know this reality not liking very much but know it is needed-

Our God Is In Control

Today was a good day

Well - i started off the a horrible back ache- it brought me to tears a few times today- not sure what I did but I persevered through the day- yeah- at one point it hurt so bad I had Marcus put my shoes on at church-
Anyway-Sunday school was very good - it was my last day teaching for a while- just need to focus on what is happening to Marcus and not be distracted - and also it is a distraction and I want to be able to give my best to the kids-We have an awesome teacher to replace me her name is Jessica and she is excited to take over- I am going to sit in with her the next couple weeks so she gets a feel for the kids.
Kidzone went to Honduras and we talked about how BGMC helps meet the needs of the kids there.
Marcus and I came home and took a nap- and then went grocery shopping- he was a big help at the store cause I could not lift the dog food- or any other heavy items- not sure what I did but I do not like it
Then I put groceries away made dinner and we have been watching football- he talks a lot during the game- he asks a lot of questions and is still learning which is cool- I think it is awesome that I know so much about football and can share my knowledge with him- grant it I do not know everything - that is why he has uncles and pastors and mentors to edcuate him more :)
tomorrow i am off to visit Bradenton and we shall see how that goes

yes today was a good day and which I am forever grateful-

whoever reads this and see Marcus- Do you love me? and say it silly - it is something from Sunday School and it is hysterical

I know

I know I gave you this link before but right now it is how I am feeling - read it again- I know God will help me through-
I have been playing this song Give me Faith - I want it to resonate in my heart and mind more then ever-
here is the link and also the words to the song

http://www.storinguptreasures.com/2010/02/why-cant-i-love-my-adopted-child.html

I need you to soften my heart
To break me apart
I need you to open my eyes
To see that You're shaping my life

Pre-Chorus:
All I am,
I surrender

Chorus:
Give me faith to trust what you say
That you're good and your love is great
I'm broken inside, I give you my life

Verse 2:
I need you to soften my heart
To break me apart

I need you pierce through the dark
And cleanse every part of me

Timeliness...

This week has been very good for me- oh I am tired oh I am emotionally drained but it has been a good week for me- I do believe it was God's timing this week-
We are having our annual week of prayer at church this week and for me it is timely- A time to focus on what God wants to see happen- A time to focus on others and a time to pray for what has placed in my heart-

yes I may be tired and emotionally drained but spiritually I am very good -
so thank you God for your timeliness

You are on our side - Elevation

You promised salvation
To bring your children home
You promised redemption
That your love would restore

pre-chorus:
we can see you all around

chorus:
This is the day
This is the time
When all you spoke
Has come alive
We've seen you move

We've seen you fight
We've seen it all cause you are on our side

verse 2:
You promised our city
Would be shaken with your love
You promised Your Spirit
Would change the world through us

bridge:
For your glory, your fame Lord
We surrender our lives

I am so glad God is on our side- so glad God fights for us- for our children for our families for our church- Thank you God for being on my side

Hoping for a better day today

Yesterday was not a good day- I will be honest I am tired-emotionally and physically from dealing with a child with behavioral and emotional needs- I know I am not the only one out there that deals with this- just for me now it is what a friend of mine called it - taxing.
I also know that help is coming soon for him- it is just taking its toll on me getting there-

I am literally surrounded by people lifting me up - and being positive in my life and pouring into my life right now in which I am forever grateful- I could not do this alone. They right now are the optimistic people in my life.

So today I am hoping for a better day- for me for him- why cause I need a better day for me. It should be a better day I get to teach the most amazing kids around at church-

The rollercoaster I live on..

is not so much fun anymore- I love roller coasters but this one I need to get off of soon- what am I speaking of - Marcus- one moment he is such a joy to be around and playing ball and doing the things kids should be doing - the next moment we are on a downward spiral of downward defiance- arguing- disobedience- aggression- all because he has been asked simple things to do-

Holding anger from last nights consequence into today-

Does it takes it toll on a mom?, you better believe it and it has taken a toll on me- the glamours of being a mom of a special needs child- it is what it is and you do what you need to do- holding on to the ride with both hands - normally I laugh hysterically on roller coasters (ask the Tobias Family) I am not laughing so much- I have had too many G forces played against me.

Holding on to the promises of God and what He has planned for us as a family- I know not so much an uplifting post but this is life right now- working through it and trusting God is all I can do right now.

Role Models

Who is the ultimate Role Model - Jesus- he loved unconditionally- was perfect in everyway - helped those who needed it- compassionate more then words can say- cared about all- He made the ultimate sacrifice for you and me. He teaches us the way to live life-
He is my role model-
I also have earthly role models as well- not going to name them here but they mean so much-

Marcus has quite a few role models too- that is why I am writing the post- I have mentioned them on here several times - from church - to school - to track- to family- he has great role models in his life- I have been thinking about this often so I thought I would write about it today

I took some excerpts from an article and this is how I feel about the role models in our life (not idols role models- there is a difference)


by Brinda Junkere
Role models are encountered in every aspect of life. A role model is basically someone whose behavior in a particular role can be and is emulated by others. Role models are considered that according to their successes or the example they display in their values, beliefs, attitudes and behaviors. People usually seek positive role models to follow and imitate.

A role model does not have to be the highest official in the land, or the most acclaimed surgeon, actor or writer. A role model can be just about anyone who carries out a role in such a manner that causes someone to desire to be just like that person. Everyone has goals and aspirations and so we look for someone who has accomplished or is accomplishing what we want to do and we imitate that person. This imitation makes the person our role model.

Role models provide the incentive that people need to achieve their goals. They also provide patterns of behavior that can serve as a guide for the people who really want to be like them. Role models serve as encouragement to those who would otherwise see a goal as unreachable. Additionally, role models positively influence the lives of others, giving them values and ideals that they can emulate.

I am truly thankful for those in our lives that are our role models- God has truly blessed us with many - thank you all for being a part of our family

A Strong Woman...

is one who feels deeply
and loves fiercely.
Her tears flow just
as abundantly as her laughter.
She is not afraid to be afraid.

A strong woman
is both soft and powerful.
She takes compliments to heart
and treats herself
like the queen that she is.
A strong woman
is equally visionary and decisive.
She is able to hope
when things look hopeless.
She is both practical and spiritual.
A strong woman
in her essence
is a gift to all the world.

One of my BFFs sent this to me and I thought I would share it with you all- it means a lot to me and it reminds me of the strength God has and continues to give me through the good and rough times-
We continue to press on each day not knowing what lies ahead but know who holds the day in His hand- I need to rely and Trust God more-as He is my source of Hope and Strength

Busy Day Ahead - well sorta

I plan on cleaning -deep cleaning my bathroom - Marcus is playing with his bop it- I finally got all the laundry done and put away- cleaned out the linen closet yesterday-
Going through paperwork-
Working on getting through one of my classes I am taking- oh yes many do not know I am taking medical transcriptions classes why cause I thought it would be fun and would have something extra under my belt-I love to learn- it is a my own pace - right now I have a lot of writing to do in the next 3 assignments so I will hopefully be done with these by the weekend-
getting my room in order- it is painted and just needs the decor- Adam did an awesome job and thankful for my calm bedroom- it is beach themed- it was Christmas present from the Tobias Family and when I get it totally in order I will post pictures
then later Marcus and I plan to go help at the church for a bit before service - its going to be a quiet but productive day

post 2 for the day

ok well we went to the ortho and we got all new brackets and we are good to go again- we spent the day at the house- finished laundry and worked on some paperwork then we went out and tossed the baseball back and forth for about 45 minutes- it is so much fun me teaching him how to catch a baseball and throw it and same for a football- yes girls can play football (joke between my tbqers and I)
Of course I had to glove and was catching one hand- my son thought I was awesome- hahaha and I did not break a nail-
we had a good day today-and that in which I am thankful for

I need you to survive

I will be posting again later but I thought I would share this song- our choir did it Sunday- I have the privilage of getting their early- well I do it on purpose for several reasons- one to set up for kidzone jr and Sunday school- another to listen to the praise and worship set for the day ( I am not in there during normal serivce time as I am teaching the children)

Anyway they sang this song and many of you that are close to our family- I need you to survive

I need you, you need me.
We're all a part of God's body.
Stand with me, agree with me.
We're all a part of God's body.

It is his will, that every need be supplied.
You are important to me, I need you to survive.
You are important to me, I need you to survive.

I pray for you, You pray for me.
I love you, I need you to survive.
I won't harm you with words from my mouth.
I love you, I need you to survive.

It is his will, that every need be supplied.
You are important to me, I need you to survive.

I am thankful for all those that are close to us- praying for us- lifting us up- spending time with us- listening to me- giving me hugs when I need them- I need you all thanks for being there

There will be a second post later today-

I love my kids

yes I said kids- I teach several ages at church and yesterday my kidzone jr kids were a delight to teach- I taught on how Jesus died on the cross for our sickness and sins- ok I had to make it so they understand it and I think they got it- they are all very smart- they even were able to tell me the memory verse by the end of service- ok mind you these are 3-5 year olds.
They made me laugh- which God is amazing- with that lately

I also enjoy our time in Kidzone this morning- Marty had me laughing so hard it was hard to stay composed- thanks Marty

then we did praise and worship in which the kids are really liking it and have asked to sing more which I love- Joel picked a song you never let go- in which made me cry-here are the words

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won't turn back
I know you are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

(Chorus:)
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We'll live to know You here on the earth
Christian lyrics - YOU NEVER LET GO LYRICS - MATT REDMAN

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everyone says- I am hoping it will be happy- being honest- I know life is not stopping and I need to live each day- some days are harder then others as you never know how the day will go.
What do I look forward to this year:
Trusting God more- having Faith in Him
Getting Marcus the help that is needed
Time with family and friends-
Seeing what God is going to do in our kids at church
Seeing what God is going to do at our church
Becoming closer with already close friends-
Getting in shape-I still have a goal of a mini triathlon over the summer- I need to get going on this.
Helping parents that live life as similar as I do- the challenges of parenting children with behavioral and emotional issues

Happy New Year