Perseverance–noun~steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.
This about sums it all up - this is the word I chose for my word of the year- why you ask - because at times I had felt like giving up as a mom- I did not know where God was in all the mess we were going through-and I asked Him many times where He was -and I did not know how this was all going to end-well my days are a little brighter - what has changed me- Marcus us- God has always been right there for us lifting us up and holding us when our strength was gone-
For me the change began when Kidzturn came and we had new health care provider for Marcus' mental health needs. I know this is a significant time- I can actually see clearly for me my change-I was talking with Pastor Larry and letting him know we were not coming-to Kidzturn because of Marcus' outbursts through the day on Monday- He said do not take Kidzturn away but grant him grace and allow him to come- take something else away- I did that and it was one of his best weeks-
We have persevered over the last several months with our new counselor- I even took a class on dealing with challenging behavior for 6 weeks- you see Marcus was not the only one who needed to change- I needed to change how I handle him- oh I was doing a lot of what I needed to do just needed some tweaking-
His counselor at The Harbors -Baycare Behavioral Health works with him and asked what he liked -soccer - well no soccer leagues at that time- then we did a walk a thon for Kids Camp and he basically ran the whole thing- Hmmm -
Ever since we found the Running Tigers life has so much improved- he has an outlet- and it is one of my favorite times of the week- I get joy in watching him at practice and at the meets. I truly believe that God used the walk a thon as an open door to find something Marcus can do- all the pieces were falling into place- God has had his hand upon us the whole time
This all has happened in the last several months- some may not know exactly what we have been through since his adoption - so much so much- I will tell you if you ask-
God allows us to use our misery as a ministry ( thanks PL for that insight) I have learned so much and changed a lot- I have had to let go of pride and ask for help- I have had to cry out to God more then ever and trust in Him more then ever- I have realized we are never alone and that has allowed me to be there for others to help them realize they are never alone. We all struggle we all go through things - we should be there for one another-
Why am I discussing all this- Sunday Marcus was baptized- I did not get too emotional during when he was baptized it happened after when talking with friends that evening and the next day reviewing photos and reviewing the video several times- it made me realize just how far we have come and it made me realize the first couple of years as being a mom were so stressful that I was not enjoying being a mom- now I truly enjoy being a mom- oh things are not all hunky dorey all the time but now it is like a raising a "normal" child-
I am so very proud of him and how is accomplishing and working on his anger management- not always doing it but so much better- and the anger outbursts are few and farther between- God is a God of miracles and I know He is working on Marcus
So- yes I did not want to continue to be a mom at times- but so glad I have and still continue to persevere.
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