I know I to know -

I know I have not written all week- well it has been an odd one and Marcus has had a rough one- we regressed big time on Wednesday so I have been not a happy camper about it all- I know it is a bump and I know he has come a long way over the last 2 months- so one day like Wednesday is just a bump- I am over it now but I was very angry on Wednesday about his behavior
He got suspended from summer camp on Wednesday - threw a chair and then took off- all because wait for it..... he got out while playing a game- so his behavior has had a trickle effect because I told him to make good choices Wednesday and behave or he would lose his privilege of practice on Thursday for track and if he did that he would not run today- Well... this is how it played out
~ Wednesday took to Ellenton for him stay with grannie and papaw in Venice since I still have to work- which means -we missed church Wednesday- he missed practice Thursday which means no running Saturday ( he is not happy about it- me neither I paid for him to run-so he owes me) He also missed a field trip- and also water day - so one small lack of control has caused issues for later in the week- waiting to see how he does today when he sits and watches his team mates run as he sits on the bench. Honestly- it is heart wrenching me on the inside because I know he could do so well but I have to keep to what I told him-

Sometimes I am so surprised

Trying to teach Marcus it is not all about him and we need to think of others is a task - however I think we have made progress-
We went grocery shopping over the weekend and there was a gentleman on the median by the light with a sign that simple said hungry- normally I just do not think of giving them anything but felt God stir in my heart to give - I had some cash on me which is a miracle in itself- so I made a U turn and went to Sonic- in the drive thru- ordered and waited- waited waited- they forgot what I ordered- so when they finally brought it out they said no charge- God is so good-
So I swung back around and gave it to the man ( of course Marcus thought the meal was for him) Marcus was like I thought that was for me- I said no we have food at home and we need to begin to think of others that do not have-
so yesterday we were talking and just when you do not think kids pay attention they surprise you- he said out of the blue mommy I want to help others who are hungry-I said great-so he is going to help with the homeless ministry at church on Saturdays and the foundation that is over the track team does outreaches too- so I am glad he is thinking of others -

Rough Patch

Ok we have had a bumpy ride the last 2 days- afternoon and evening better today

Wednesday Marcus had an MRI and Thursday Oh MY- it was like a major regression- I think his meds interacting negatively with the anesthesia he was under- plus normally we are affected by anesthesia- so I am concluding that he had a bad day because of the anesthesia and meds interaction-bad combo- note to self.

We had therapy today and then came home and chilled and early night-

Tomorrow is track practice- life coaching- and work for just a few minutes.

Life is good- so minor rough patches are ok as long as they are not volatile-

God is so good - so glad of His love - grace and mercy- so glad for persevering

Let me be so real with you ..ok?

Perseverance–noun
~steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.

This about sums it all up - this is the word I chose for my word of the year- why you ask - because at times I had felt like giving up as a mom- I did not know where God was in all the mess we were going through-and I asked Him many times where He was -and I did not know how this was all going to end-well my days are a little brighter - what has changed me- Marcus us- God has always been right there for us lifting us up and holding us when our strength was gone-

For me the change began when Kidzturn came and we had new health care provider for Marcus' mental health needs. I know this is a significant time- I can actually see clearly for me my change-I was talking with Pastor Larry and letting him know we were not coming-to Kidzturn because of Marcus' outbursts through the day on Monday- He said do not take Kidzturn away but grant him grace and allow him to come- take something else away- I did that and it was one of his best weeks-
We have persevered over the last several months with our new counselor- I even took a class on dealing with challenging behavior for 6 weeks- you see Marcus was not the only one who needed to change- I needed to change how I handle him- oh I was doing a lot of what I needed to do just needed some tweaking-
His counselor at The Harbors -Baycare Behavioral Health works with him and asked what he liked -soccer - well no soccer leagues at that time- then we did a walk a thon for Kids Camp and he basically ran the whole thing- Hmmm -
Ever since we found the Running Tigers life has so much improved- he has an outlet- and it is one of my favorite times of the week- I get joy in watching him at practice and at the meets. I truly believe that God used the walk a thon as an open door to find something Marcus can do- all the pieces were falling into place- God has had his hand upon us the whole time

This all has happened in the last several months- some may not know exactly what we have been through since his adoption - so much so much- I will tell you if you ask-

God allows us to use our misery as a ministry ( thanks PL for that insight) I have learned so much and changed a lot- I have had to let go of pride and ask for help- I have had to cry out to God more then ever and trust in Him more then ever- I have realized we are never alone and that has allowed me to be there for others to help them realize they are never alone. We all struggle we all go through things - we should be there for one another-

Why am I discussing all this- Sunday Marcus was baptized- I did not get too emotional during when he was baptized it happened after when talking with friends that evening and the next day reviewing photos and reviewing the video several times- it made me realize just how far we have come and it made me realize the first couple of years as being a mom were so stressful that I was not enjoying being a mom- now I truly enjoy being a mom- oh things are not all hunky dorey all the time but now it is like a raising a "normal" child-

I am so very proud of him and how is accomplishing and working on his anger management- not always doing it but so much better- and the anger outbursts are few and farther between- God is a God of miracles and I know He is working on Marcus

So- yes I did not want to continue to be a mom at times- but so glad I have and still continue to persevere.

What a wonderful Sunday

Still this morning I am thinking what a wonderful Sunday- From the start of the day to the finish-it was wonderful- PD did a great message on Armageddon-and from there we went to Ft Desoto for our church beach day.

Did not realize how emotional I would feel when I got home and reflected on the days events- Marcus was baptized at Ft Desoto- I remember the day he accepted Jesus in his heart - it was beach day a few years ago and he wanted baptized then- but I wanted him to wait til he understood a little better-

Looking at the pictures just got my thoughts going on how far we have come- so far so very far- God is faithful and so caring and loving -I will be sharing a special blog in regards to this later on this week- for now this special day.

I stand I stand in awe of you...

(sunrise - I stand in awe of you!)

God is so wonderful- and I am amazed by His awesome beauty- Today we had a long track meet- a very long track meet- it was hot- it was hot - it was hot- did I mention it was hot- it was beautiful - the area we were in was very pretty - I so enjoyed the drive there and home why- because of the hills- I love hills and growing in up in flat Florida (south of Pasco County) I just am amazed- Marcus sees a therapist in Dade City and I enjoy the ride there simply for the winding roads and hills-beautiful

I think I have blogged before about track- but I truly enjoy going - it is awesome watching the kids and being with the team families-it is very enjoyable- tiring but so enjoyable- it is like now Marcus has another wonderful group of people who care and encourage him and let him know they are there for him- today he was so cute- he is like mommy can I go sit with my coaches- yeah sure go ahead- they are great and I have said before they are great mentors for him- so Marcus and I are very blessed when it comes to great love and support from our immediate family - church family and now our new found track family- truly blessed we are.

God's Masterpiece-

Melissa posted this on her blog- and I thought it was fantastic so I am sharing it with you all

God is so good

Work lately has been a struggle with getting things done and not having enough staff- but today I got the email saying staff will be moved over - thank you God for this provision-
I asked about a week and half ago for more staff and did not get response so I took it to God and he responded today-
Thank you God for being our provider

Storms in life are inevitable , however....

through Christ all things are possible- in service today our wonderful pastors talked about The ROCK- and how we need to have a foundation on the rock- Jesus Christ-

I know for me personally if my foundation was not on the rock I would not have made it this far with our struggles and storms over the past few years-

Even though storms and struggles pass in our lives the sun does come out and begins to shine- and God knows how much we can handle and I never knew how much I could handle- God has truly blessed us over the course of the last 6 months.

Marcus has done a 180- through much prayer and tears and many sleepless nights- however God supplied a need that basically fell into our lives it is a miracle- that is all I can say- We have been blessed by finding the running tigers track team and the wonderful coaches and mentors Marcus has -they speak volumes into his life weekly -

Not only has track been an outlet for his anger but it is giving him more self confidence.

God sure knew exactly what we needed-

God is working on Marcus' heart and it is truly amazing- God placed the right professionals in our lives- the right coaches and the right childcare facility- I am breathing so much easier.

Still I am praying - Still I am trusting in God- He is our ultimate source-

Something so more amazing then the right coaches and the right childcare and the right professionals- is that Marcus has decided to be baptized next week at Ft Desoto for our church beach day- I am so excited and I know this will be another life changing experience for him

Change

We have been discussing Change at Fusion over the last many weeks in Fusion on Wednesday Nights- so good teaching- I believe- that change can be challenging and rewarding-


Change at work right now is challenging and it is ok- it is pushing me and helping me focus on things that have been left awry for so long- not necessarily because of me-

Change at home is rewarding- not only is there a change in Marcus but also in myself-I see how I handle things with him much better- I have taken a step back and look at the situations we have encountered over the last couple of months- and it is good- Marcus is finally getting what he needs to change and yesterday the light bulb went off when I followed through with him on a situation that I have change how I handle things- maybe it was the class that I took or the resources from his counselor - all of which were ordered I believe of God-



Miracles are in our midst - Marcus is changing- God is so Good!!!



If you yourself changes- the surrounding areas you encompass also changes- if we all become more like Christ can you imagine what the world would be like?

What is going on

So work has been very busy and stressful- however I am trying to look at it with a positive attitude and trusting God with what needs to happen- sometimes being in authority and responsibility is not to my liking but it is an opportunity for me to grow- to make mistakes and to learn- I am definitely out of my comfort zone right now and just need help from my Father above- keep praying things are about to change for the best I believe

As far as home life it is going well- each day is a new day - Marcus is doing well- he has his moments but nothing volatile over the past week- and yesterday and amazing happened- which means we are definitely going in the right direction- he was doing push ups for track and did not want to do them he slumped to the floor voiced he was angry ( good this is good) and took himself to the calm room (no prompting from mom) and calmed himself down - this is a big step - I normally have to prompt him- came out and said he was angry because he had to do push ups and sit ups- I said ok however that is what your coach has asked you to do- he said I know and then proceeded to do what was asked and be done- so nice so nice

How I handle thing has changed to- following directives from others - counselors and psychologist etc has helped and it is just the little changes that I do that Marcus has no clue- what I am doing :) I am not saying everyday is all quiet and sane- that would be lovely however my stress level at home has gone way down as far as Marcus. So step by step- day by day

Track is going well- He keeps telling me he loves to run the mile- and I am like fabulous you love that- so- we do have a meet Saturday in Tampa- for all those nearby come out and watch him run- I love it- why brings back my swimming days but more importantly I am watch him run and have fun at it- so thankful we found this group of wonderful people.