What a difference a year makes

a year ago Tuesday will mark a day in my life that was changed forever- you can read about it here.

but what I take from that day and who I have become because of that day I will write today.

to this day i remember most clearly-there are some things that stand out so much and impacted me greatly- like the words from Pastor Larry when I called and then again when I spoke to him later that night- "this has no reflection on you as a mom" powerful words that i think of often- however i use those words as a positive impact and how i am being a mom and how i react as a mom- it is all good. knowing that family and friends were there to lift me up in the darkest time in my life- which i can say now just lifted back in March yes it took that long and dark moments have come since then but had not stayed around as long-and how i handle things have changed- with the right healthcare workers and constant prayer life is good.

this day has been so much on my mind lately cause i know we have come so far- being a mom over the last few months has been so different from a year ago-so what have i learned over the year?- let me tell you

* you are not alone- yes PD I learned this as well over the course of last year- i have family and friends to help me walk me through and even carry me through- not just friends though - I serve an awesome God who has been through this year with me every step of the way -

* trust God trust God- hand life over to Him- stop handling things yourself

* give love give love give love- even when it is hard

* spend time-even if it si biking walking - grocery shopping-

* fill positiveness - encourage encourage encourage

* listen to the therapist- talk and share and be honest so you can get the help you need

* realize your strength comes from God

* it is good to do something for yourself and not feel guilty

* it is ok to say please take him i need time

* sports are a good thing

* God has always had his hand on our lives and knew we would survive

* through the misery of what i was going through i was able to minister to others

* sometimes a good cry is so needed just to get through

* good friends - are always always there -they know just what to do- listen or give hugs

* God is doing a great work through Marcus and it is coming through

* thankful for the storms in life

* i want to help others with a child with behavior issues and let them know they are not alone and they will make it

*we were able to come off one of the meds he was on

* he is a funny kid and life is so enjoyable with him now- God you created him in your image and it is beginning to shine through- THANK YOU!

*i have become more confidant in my parenting skills- i am proud of how i handle the difficult times - trial and error- learning learning learning

no matter what comes our way I know through God's guidance and relying on Him I can make it through anything- I know many may not completely understand - like oh your child has behavior issues so what child does not- well no not like what we have been through- if you would like to know in detail i would love to share my testimony with you - God is truly awesome

Here I am

ok I have not fallen of the face of the earth- sorry Gayle no capitalizing and no punctuation (LOL)
I will write more later on just wanted to stop in and say the first week of school is going by well- Marcus is adjusting back to the schedule- will post pictures soon- can you believe he is in 3rd grade? where has the time gone

Truly Blessed

I have the best son- I know many are saying what- no seriously God is working on him so much-

I keep instilling in him - he was created in God's image and just speaking life into him through the scripture- Marcus' faith has increased so much- I love it- so let me share with you somethings he has said be prepared your name may be mentioned - he loves you so much that is why I am sharing.

SO yesterday Marcus was a little off I found out yesterday he had a headache all day- I asked him why he did not tell me- He said he was believing for God to heal it- I was like I am so glad you have that much faith honey however God gave us Drs that he has giving the ability to give us medicine to help get rid of those headaches so He is healing you through the medicine - oh he says -I love Marcus faith he has truly touched my life with his belief in God for everything-

Ok get ready cause this is for someone special to us-he loves you-

we were talking about how our bodies should be kept clean and pure before God (our body is a temple of the Holy Spirit)and how nothing bad should be put in our body like drugs or alcohol, etc. and he said what is alcohol so I explained what it was and he was like Fred(not real name) drinks that and I was like yes yes .Fred does. Well does Fred have Jesus in his heart- I said next time you speak to Fred you ask him- Can I pray with Fred? absolutely! Can I pray with Fred to ask Jesus in his heart- Yes yes you can

Marcus truly has a tender heart and it is shining through more and more- my days with him have been awesome and I am thankful for God teaching me- showing me and allowing me to be Marcus' mom my life will never be the same

Hopeful for Someday-

I am hopeful for someday- and he does not need to be a prince-been thinking lately of God sending the man He has for me

Marcus first soccer game 2009

Here is a quick video of Marcus' first soccer game- he scored the only goal for his team- he is talented. hmm can someone go to the olympics for multi sports- gotta love it- he enjoys it- hope to see some of you there

3rd grade here we come

well school starts Monday for us- yeah! We will have the same team of teachers as we have had in the past- yeah!! This year will be better then the last - I know it will be better - anything will be better from last year-

why - well for those of you reading this last year was one of the worst school years for us- Marcus was baker acted ( he was a threat to others-me) twice in the school year- and let me tell you I have learned so much over this past year- we talked about trying again last night at fusion and wow if I did not try again with Marcus where would we both be- oh I was close in throwing in the towel for him and giving up that is how serious it got- but I pressed in - with the love of God- with the strength of God with family and friends to be my strength when I could not go on anymore- God is good and so ever faithful

So we have a new year to look forward to and so excited about what is to come-

SO we will perservere- this is my word for the year and the sign on Marcus' hall at school- so fitting for us.

Blindsided by my own reaction

wow is all I can say- I just did not realize how I would react to the unfolding of yesterday events- I will not go into a great detail here on what happened just know I struggled yesterday for unknown reasons and today some residual effects but it will all get better- why cause our God is a great big God-He truly is-

There is a few people who know and I know they will diligently pray- as I told the few I feel it was selfish and each one of them said no no - you just have a desire in your heart and you are ok-

I think my reaction shocked me cause I had not felt this way in a very long time many many years- I know I am talking in circles too many of you- my point really is of today's writing is to help me work through it and I will overcome it- will not change the desire of my heart just a matter of getting through the weak moment.

I will keep pressing in- and seeking God- in this area of my life-

No soccer game last night

Why you ask - because soccer is a privilage and when you do not work on your goals of self control then you do not get to do what you want- was he happy no- but he realizes I mean waht I say-
hopefully he will be able to do it next week
glad it is Friday - I need some rest tonight - I am worn out

worn out

yesterday afternoon - I had a great workout- I wrestled and won with an 8 year old not getting his way- we had yelling and screaming and running away- wish I could say that about me- no it was ok - I kept my cool and just let people know if I needed them- Thanks Jordan for snatchin the boy-
we "hugged" for about 30 minutes before we were able to go into service- he just was wack a doodle all over me- need some wisdom on this type of situation cause it usually happens a day after soccer - church- etc when he gets tired - trying to figure out how to handle it all better -
I am very proud of how I am handling things- I look back and say wow I have come a long way-(yes I am starting to see it)
oh it takes a physical toll on me just because he is so strong however God gives me strength (physical too) when I need it- I truly believe this
he went to service with me last night and did a great job- thanks Candy for helping and taking him under your wing-
He sang he sat and he even participated in fusion - hmmm maybe need to bring him in more often-
the ride home was pleasant and all is quiet this morning- thank goodness- now it is up to him whether he plays soccer tonight or not- by the choices he makes- Help me Jesus to help him

Another season

OK this is the start of a crazy couple of months- we try to keep Marcus active in sports to help curb the anger outbursts- so today we begin to have soccer practice-amist picking up Isaac from the vet. The good thing- soccer practice is 5 miutes away- yes!

He loves it however it is a privelage and he knows I mean business- you can behave and do your goals and anger control- and calm down- and be able to play or you can not work on your goals and anger control and sit and watch everyone else play.

ok so breathing -

BELIEVE HE SAID NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE

Christmas in July- what a wonderful night and I know I know it is August what is she talking about Listening more to Him- Trusting Him- Relying on Him- Giving it all to Him- All of which I have done but really needed and still need to do it more. Constantly growing in Him.

Ok what exactly am I talking about.

Well the message on that Friday night forever changed me along with another message that will be talked about below- - well my life was changed so much and even since then I have been changing drawing closer to Him and him-

Believe- I have to believe -that if He can move mountains He can move my mountain- I must believe- I must believe- oh I had said I believed but in all reality I did not think or believe- I believed He could move every ones mountain but mine- well not any longer I believe.

He said- God said He said he can take care of all our needs- finances- emotional- physical- children- work- all of our needs He said HE SAID- why am I not believing He said well I do believe HE Said he Can and we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us HE said

Nothing is Impossible for God- lame men walk he touched those with leprosy healed the blind- touched an ear that Peter cut off- walked on water- ROSE from the dead. so Nothing is Impossible for God- and my need my son is so important to him but I must believe I must -

so BELIEVE HE SAID NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE

Then on Sunday PDs part of the message just gripped me and I have not let go of the words she said- Stop Complaining stop complaining about your children you did not need to have them (paraphrasing) you are so right ok God what are you really telling me-So He spoke to me big time- God said you keep complaining about Marcus and all the junk you are going through- however I chose him for you and you for him not to be complained about but to be poured into positively -you are his biggest advocate yet you complain too-you need to pour into him - just you and him- trust me BELIEVE I SAID Nothing is Impossible- ok I am listening to you God and Believing~really Believing

So that week I was on vacation- poured into my son and not complained- we found a child care with Marcus help and prayerful consideration- a teacher who is male and "brown" like Marcus ( as he would say) and the teacher and his siblings are adopted- Believing- smaller environment - everything I have been looking for yet had never thought to look there- Believe Nothing is Impossible for God ( this past week was his first week and it was a little bumpy-but successful)

it was just him and I full of little surprises daily nothing extravagant but poured ito and we talked and laughed and it was the best week I have had with him- we went Tuesday we had Drs appts all day so I thought well we have to eat so we went to CHanelside and ate at Bennigans by the window and he had a big ole smile on his face the whole time- special- Thursday we went to Homassaa Springs( Embracing) and had a wonderful time we took a boat and it was priceless simply priceless times- Friday we were tired ok he was so we layed around the house watching movies all day and then Saturday we went to the Bucs practice ( bucs) he was all big eyed- he was great fun

I have come a long way over the last couple of weeks really trusting God with Marcus and me pouring positive into is life - so if you start to pick on him - make fun of him- be negative about him just stop complaining about him and pour positive into him- it is changing him so traumatically - Believe He said Nothing is Impossible

Are you ready for some Football?

Well we went to the Bucs training camp last night- it was fun- I enjoyed it because of watching Marcus- he was so excited he talked 50 miles an hour the whole time- I am like woah -slow down - we can be happy and in control (those are the words I use now)

Here are some pictures of our time at Raymond James- Go BUCS

Bathroom make over

I have been wanting to make my bathroom over for a long time now (4 years) and finally did it today- needs painted but that can wait- I wanted to put my Africa stuff back up-
(the giraffes were made in Zimbabwe- where we bartered for them)
(the elephant was made in Botswana)