Embracing the Moment

This has really resonated in my heart since last Friday - so each day I am working on embracing the moments- here are some moments I embraced with Marcus today

Dealing with Abandonment...

Well we are on to new endeavors and working with Marcus-George thinks Marcus may be dealing with abandonment issues- hiding behind me (feels safe)- acting out at school or summer camp- feeling left like I am not coming back- so we will be working o this over the next few weeks- to see where we are at-

Children who have been abandoned often develop a fear of abandonement. They fear that their new parents will abandon them, leaving them cold and hungry. They fear that a teacher who is out sick for the day has abandoned them. These children assume that anytime someone leaves them that they have once again been abandoned.
Many children who are adopted have a hard time with object permanence- the ability to understand that an object is still there although it can no longer be seen. This stage of development usually happens at around 7 to 9 months of age. Adopted children struggle with this concept. Often, children will go through an abandonment process every time they leave their parents for school.

Did you know.....

National data on child abuse fatalities show that a child is nearly twice as likely to die of abuse in foster care as in the general population. Children in foster care are three to six times more likely than children not in care to have emotional, behavioral and developmental problems, including conduct disorders, depression, difficulties in school and impaired social relationships. Some experts estimate that about 30% of the children in care have marked or severe emotional problems. Various studies have indicated that children and young people in foster care tend to have limited education and job skills, perform poorly in school compared to children who are not in foster care, lag behind in their education by at least one year, and have lower educational attainment than the general population.


*Casey Family Programs National Center for Resource Family Support

80 percent of prison inmates have been through the foster care system.
*National Association of Social Workers

Children are 11 times more likely to be abused in State care than they are in their own homes.
*National Center on Child Abuse and Neglect (NCCAN)

Children died as a result of abuse in foster care 5.25 times more often than children in the general population. 2.1 percent of all child fatalities took place in foster care. While this may seem like a relatively low number, we must consider the contrast in population between children in the general population versus children in foster care. In 1997, there were nearly 71 million children in the general population (99.6%), but only 302 thousand in state care (.4%) in state care. As state care is supposed to be a 'safe haven', the number of fatalities should be less or at least equal to what it is in the general population of children. By this standard, there should have been less than .4% of child fatalities occurring in foster care, however, there was 5.25 times that amount. (31 states reporting)
*CPS Watch Inc.

I have a child that is a statistic but for him God was able to snap him out of continuing to be a statistic- I am appalled by the fact that people are granted foster care license when this is going on- unfortunately all is nicety nice when case workers show up to see what is going on- I am dismayed by adults treating children in this way and causing detrimental outcomes for the future of the child- but I know one thing my son was snatched from the grips of one of these homes just by what we see going on- do I have proof - read the stats above and see if Marcus falls into that category-


I will not allow him to become another statistic from the system- God will be glorified in all of this- God is our provider- God is our healer- We will Overcome by the blood of the lamb.

In all we have come through and will continue to work through - I am thankful to God for giving me the abilities He has to help me through- without Him I am nothing-I am thankful to God for this opportunity to rehabilitate one of God's precious children.


I am thankful for Marcus - he has come so far- the journey is not over and as his Drs and therapist have both said today we have a long road ahead but we are doing so well-and that we will take 3 steps forward and 1 or 2 back and 3 steps forward and 1-2 back. Just hold steady and keep pressing on.

I am truly in aww at what his therapist and caseworker told me today- They both said you are doing so well- you are doing so much for him and you take what we say and utilize the tools we have given you- you are one of the few that go to the extent you do to provide exactly what Marcus needs- keep doing what you are doing. Of course I was like other parents do not do this for the kids and they said you would be surprised.

Marcus is home again

a week without Marcus I will not lie was very nice- it was nice to not to have to continue to talk to him-about his choices and goals and anger control and goals- etc etc
So I picked him up and not even 20 minutes in the car he started with a tude and all the other junk he does-
silence edued over the car cause I was not going to do this.

I keep me reminding me of the word- the message from our women's meeting on Friday Night- to Embrace the Moment- although some moments I really do not want to do.

What others words were spoken- I have to believe- I have to believe- - He said it it will be done- Nothing is impossible He said- the song talks about moving mountains - well I really wish this mountains would finally move aside- I am still standing cause at times I have no idea what else to do but to stand-

God spoke to me Saturday night - you say you believe I will do something - you say it but do you really believe it-well I think there is was doubt that things would change- I know things have changed however more needs to change- more needs to change- I have to believe really believe that God will do a miracle- He said he would take care of my needs- well God my need - needs for you to take care of- My mountain needs to move aside- move aside mountain move aside

What a week

This was one of my projects I did- Marcus' room- I sure hope he likes it

Hmm- Marcus was at mom and dad's this week- it was nice to get done with projects that have been on the back burner for so long- so those are done Marcus comes home tomorrow- he has not too bad- better then previous times but still has work to do on his goals when not at home-

Anyway- so looking forward to my stacation next week- I need it after the week I have had at work- I am exhausted- We have a ladies night tonight and it will be nice to go and be with adults-

I forgot what hanging with adults was like until this past week- it was nice very nice-

If you are a single parent- or any parent adult time is so essential to keeping your sanity- highly advise it

Shh.... It's me Clarence

Hey it is me Clarence- shh I have taken over my human mom's computer- she leaves it downstairs so I thought I would flip it open and begin pawing it- she is in this mode of getting projects done- Marcus not being here she is able to - and I am so glad she finally finished the project of the banisters- I never thought I would get my patio back- I do have to say they turned out not too bad-even though she did drop some paint on the floor- good thing its easy to clean up.

You know she thinks she runs the house but I actually do- ok no I don't- I know I should get off here before she ... uh oh uh oh I have been caught got to run or waddle upstairs ( I really need to excercise more-)

Well- I see the cat has taken over- Clarence I need to change my password-

Yes indeed I got the banister done- yeah- Marcus is in Venice through Saturday and then we are on vacation-just staying around town- looking for child care- going to Drs appts- the zoo- movies- and not sure what else.

You are doing good mom

Those were the words out of Marcus' therapist mouth yesterday- he said it a few times- we both are baffled with the fact that he knows what to do and can not take what he has learned outside the house- you see he does know what to do and can repeat it back to you word for word-
and the good thing is that he has met some of his goals since February- which I really did not look at until we went back over them yesterday- he does not hit me anymore- he has his anger control doing very well at home and he has not says he hates me- except once in 5 months- so I was like yes there is progress and Marcus was able to see the progress he has made to - which helps his confidence- Marcus made his goals- we did not have any input except one-so if you are reading in blog land- lets help to reach these goals with him- he has 3 months to continue working with his current therapist- love him- he does well with Marcus and Marcus likes him a lot- which is good- we came to the conclusion that maybe leaving his last childcare facility was a good thing- a blessing in disguise. For several reasons- safety- he was one of the oldest - and there was just something not connecting with the teacher that had him- Marcus made a statement of him not liking her- which for him is odd- he usually likes everyone. So the search is on and Marcus is responsible for finding care. okay well here is his goals for the next 3 months.
1. Not to say No
2. Not to say I won't
3. I will use my anger control
4. I need to calm down
5. I will not talk back
6. I will stay in daycare
7. I will attend counseling
These are goals for outside the home environment so- to all those involved in his life please hold him accountable- he signed his treatment plan so he has an obligation to reach his goals

Ok so I know I complained and stress about losing childcare- sorry for those who had to hear it- but God showed me I answered your prayer just not in the way you wanted me too- you see childcare was expensive and actually not sure how I was going to afford it well - many blessing have occurred because of him being terminated - yes I was disappointed however God has it all in control if I just allow Him to be.

Life is full of disappointments

well this is the topic of our Wednesday night service- and for me that is what I am facing- I know God has a plan in all I - we have been through- I know I keep saying that- now maybe I need to really believe it- I do not know how many of you have a child with special needs- Marcus' needs is a bit different then what you think his is emotional behavioral disability- my concern is yes I know what to do however who else will do what is needed to help him- he is the one who knows what to do as well hejust does not want to and makes me sad and disappointed- I think why do I keep trying if he does not want to do it-

I am taking my disappointments to God- and leaving it to Him

Ok enough of the dreary mood- I would like to share some pictures with you all



Jodi and I at my 20 year HS reunion- Ken was my prom date our Senior year

Kevin and Barbara (worked in guidance with her) Amy -Kristen we were in band together
Rick I have known since 1st grade



These photos are from Downtown Disney the weekend of July 4th

Up to Date

Ok life has been a whirlwind and hoping things will calm soon-

Marcus was terminated from the last child care facility the week of the 6th so I was scrambling again- long story short- he got angry threw somehting hit teacher in face caused bruise- end of time there- so we were yet again looking for child care however- the wonderful friends and family I have - have stepped up-so this week Kirsti is watching and next week through Wednesday Mom and Dad- not sure after that mom may come here- the problem is he has Drs appt each week until the week of August 5th so I have to have him here for that-

I am off the week of the 27th so I will be searching for care yet again

Our caseworker was here yesterday and we talked and I told her I just do not know what to do- he says he know what to do yet does not do it- because he does not want to- we are at slim pickings for childcare- so his counselor and her think (me too) we need to take the next level of care and have the therapist come once a week to the house or child care or school- to his environment- if that does not work he will go in residential care- so I am at my wits end with fiugring him out and such- I know though I have help and they know my concerns- i voiced them over many times in our meeting- I can only help him so much

My 20 year reunion from high school was last week and thea twas fun- nice to see friends I have not seen in years- time was short and would have loved to see others that were unable to make

it

I really do have to say I am tired of working with Marcus- even when speaking to him with our caseworker he blurted out exactly what he needed to do yet does not want to do it- I do not get it- do not get it at all- you say you want to change and you have all the tools yet you do not do it- even baffling the healh care providers- well on to the next step in home therapist which would go to the house - school- child care weekly- if this does not work then the next step inpatient placement-

Give me strength for each new day God- there are days where I wonder if my prayers are just bouncing off the ceiling- oh I know He is there- it is just frustrating and tiring when you work so hard to help someone.

wow

ok it has been many days since I have written- I will take time this evening to fill you in on the latest saga of the Danielson household- please keep us in prayer as the main saga is we need child care again for Marcus- the right one- if I had the funds I would open my own for behaviorally challenged kids- anyway praying for the one God has for us- thankful for friends who have stepped up - gotta love the fact or friends and family willing to help in our need

Bumpy ride

Well this past week has been a bumpy ride- not sure what is going on - but Marcus has gone from being angry to crying to happy all within minutes of each other- his anger control is not happening- I have a call into the Drs office- so we shall see what happens and what they suggest cause this is crazy- he cried over no ketchup yesterday at camp

Keep him in your prayers cause it is iffy at summer camp- he needs to get his act together-

not sure if this is good news or not His MRI came back normal- yeah- although then that means it is all behavioral-

Still waiting for the EEG results from yesterday-