I know I to know -

I know I have not written all week- well it has been an odd one and Marcus has had a rough one- we regressed big time on Wednesday so I have been not a happy camper about it all- I know it is a bump and I know he has come a long way over the last 2 months- so one day like Wednesday is just a bump- I am over it now but I was very angry on Wednesday about his behavior
He got suspended from summer camp on Wednesday - threw a chair and then took off- all because wait for it..... he got out while playing a game- so his behavior has had a trickle effect because I told him to make good choices Wednesday and behave or he would lose his privilege of practice on Thursday for track and if he did that he would not run today- Well... this is how it played out
~ Wednesday took to Ellenton for him stay with grannie and papaw in Venice since I still have to work- which means -we missed church Wednesday- he missed practice Thursday which means no running Saturday ( he is not happy about it- me neither I paid for him to run-so he owes me) He also missed a field trip- and also water day - so one small lack of control has caused issues for later in the week- waiting to see how he does today when he sits and watches his team mates run as he sits on the bench. Honestly- it is heart wrenching me on the inside because I know he could do so well but I have to keep to what I told him-

Sometimes I am so surprised

Trying to teach Marcus it is not all about him and we need to think of others is a task - however I think we have made progress-
We went grocery shopping over the weekend and there was a gentleman on the median by the light with a sign that simple said hungry- normally I just do not think of giving them anything but felt God stir in my heart to give - I had some cash on me which is a miracle in itself- so I made a U turn and went to Sonic- in the drive thru- ordered and waited- waited waited- they forgot what I ordered- so when they finally brought it out they said no charge- God is so good-
So I swung back around and gave it to the man ( of course Marcus thought the meal was for him) Marcus was like I thought that was for me- I said no we have food at home and we need to begin to think of others that do not have-
so yesterday we were talking and just when you do not think kids pay attention they surprise you- he said out of the blue mommy I want to help others who are hungry-I said great-so he is going to help with the homeless ministry at church on Saturdays and the foundation that is over the track team does outreaches too- so I am glad he is thinking of others -

Rough Patch

Ok we have had a bumpy ride the last 2 days- afternoon and evening better today

Wednesday Marcus had an MRI and Thursday Oh MY- it was like a major regression- I think his meds interacting negatively with the anesthesia he was under- plus normally we are affected by anesthesia- so I am concluding that he had a bad day because of the anesthesia and meds interaction-bad combo- note to self.

We had therapy today and then came home and chilled and early night-

Tomorrow is track practice- life coaching- and work for just a few minutes.

Life is good- so minor rough patches are ok as long as they are not volatile-

God is so good - so glad of His love - grace and mercy- so glad for persevering

Let me be so real with you ..ok?

Perseverance–noun
~steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.

This about sums it all up - this is the word I chose for my word of the year- why you ask - because at times I had felt like giving up as a mom- I did not know where God was in all the mess we were going through-and I asked Him many times where He was -and I did not know how this was all going to end-well my days are a little brighter - what has changed me- Marcus us- God has always been right there for us lifting us up and holding us when our strength was gone-

For me the change began when Kidzturn came and we had new health care provider for Marcus' mental health needs. I know this is a significant time- I can actually see clearly for me my change-I was talking with Pastor Larry and letting him know we were not coming-to Kidzturn because of Marcus' outbursts through the day on Monday- He said do not take Kidzturn away but grant him grace and allow him to come- take something else away- I did that and it was one of his best weeks-
We have persevered over the last several months with our new counselor- I even took a class on dealing with challenging behavior for 6 weeks- you see Marcus was not the only one who needed to change- I needed to change how I handle him- oh I was doing a lot of what I needed to do just needed some tweaking-
His counselor at The Harbors -Baycare Behavioral Health works with him and asked what he liked -soccer - well no soccer leagues at that time- then we did a walk a thon for Kids Camp and he basically ran the whole thing- Hmmm -
Ever since we found the Running Tigers life has so much improved- he has an outlet- and it is one of my favorite times of the week- I get joy in watching him at practice and at the meets. I truly believe that God used the walk a thon as an open door to find something Marcus can do- all the pieces were falling into place- God has had his hand upon us the whole time

This all has happened in the last several months- some may not know exactly what we have been through since his adoption - so much so much- I will tell you if you ask-

God allows us to use our misery as a ministry ( thanks PL for that insight) I have learned so much and changed a lot- I have had to let go of pride and ask for help- I have had to cry out to God more then ever and trust in Him more then ever- I have realized we are never alone and that has allowed me to be there for others to help them realize they are never alone. We all struggle we all go through things - we should be there for one another-

Why am I discussing all this- Sunday Marcus was baptized- I did not get too emotional during when he was baptized it happened after when talking with friends that evening and the next day reviewing photos and reviewing the video several times- it made me realize just how far we have come and it made me realize the first couple of years as being a mom were so stressful that I was not enjoying being a mom- now I truly enjoy being a mom- oh things are not all hunky dorey all the time but now it is like a raising a "normal" child-

I am so very proud of him and how is accomplishing and working on his anger management- not always doing it but so much better- and the anger outbursts are few and farther between- God is a God of miracles and I know He is working on Marcus

So- yes I did not want to continue to be a mom at times- but so glad I have and still continue to persevere.

What a wonderful Sunday

Still this morning I am thinking what a wonderful Sunday- From the start of the day to the finish-it was wonderful- PD did a great message on Armageddon-and from there we went to Ft Desoto for our church beach day.

Did not realize how emotional I would feel when I got home and reflected on the days events- Marcus was baptized at Ft Desoto- I remember the day he accepted Jesus in his heart - it was beach day a few years ago and he wanted baptized then- but I wanted him to wait til he understood a little better-

Looking at the pictures just got my thoughts going on how far we have come- so far so very far- God is faithful and so caring and loving -I will be sharing a special blog in regards to this later on this week- for now this special day.

I stand I stand in awe of you...

(sunrise - I stand in awe of you!)

God is so wonderful- and I am amazed by His awesome beauty- Today we had a long track meet- a very long track meet- it was hot- it was hot - it was hot- did I mention it was hot- it was beautiful - the area we were in was very pretty - I so enjoyed the drive there and home why- because of the hills- I love hills and growing in up in flat Florida (south of Pasco County) I just am amazed- Marcus sees a therapist in Dade City and I enjoy the ride there simply for the winding roads and hills-beautiful

I think I have blogged before about track- but I truly enjoy going - it is awesome watching the kids and being with the team families-it is very enjoyable- tiring but so enjoyable- it is like now Marcus has another wonderful group of people who care and encourage him and let him know they are there for him- today he was so cute- he is like mommy can I go sit with my coaches- yeah sure go ahead- they are great and I have said before they are great mentors for him- so Marcus and I are very blessed when it comes to great love and support from our immediate family - church family and now our new found track family- truly blessed we are.

God's Masterpiece-

Melissa posted this on her blog- and I thought it was fantastic so I am sharing it with you all