the last weekend in october

I often think back during this last weekend of October- why? for several years in a row we spent this weekend in the crisis unit- and this time of year would always be the spiraling out of control time. you won't understand even if you were walking beside me or been through something similar-because it was my living turmoil- oh Michele you are just exaggerating. you may think but for me nope not really. I think back to realize how far we have come. I think back of the screaming ( him yelling I hate you), the bruises (he gave me), the restraint techniques I had to learn, the many times I sweated as I held on for dear life to the incredible hulk child, the times things were thrown across the room (wooden stools he threw), the times he spent in the TO room at school banging to get out, the times he would punch the windows in the car, the times he would take off running and not stop, the times where he would run out of the house and begin to torment the dog with the doorbell or punch the car. There were many of nights where I would just say what am I to do. not many know but I was scared to be at home with him often staying with friends. October was the trigger month for reasons I do not know - something in his past its called PTSD and it happens in kids.
I often look back to say thank you God for your love and your healing power- this is our 3rd year of no major outbreaks no crisis centers, no yelling, no bruises, no not being scared to stay at home.

instead, we laugh, we goof off, we act all crazy together. we talk, we learn, we grow together.
I learned a lot from marcus- I learned not to give up not to let go- to keep pressing on when there seemed no hope. that every person deserves a chance- oh it cost me a lot during those times, my emotional state, my physical state were all drained. but I am thankful for healing for wholeness and for redemption. I learned from marcus forgiveness is such a powerful weapon against those who have hurt us- he took a stand for himself and overcame so much. so very proud of him.
so I look back on this weekend so I can look forward to so many more exciting events to come.

we went from
 to this