God is good

God you are so good- Marcus and I talked and he told me that he has forgiven his foster parents- and while at the Palms prayed for God to touch his life.
He said once he did this his behaviors began to change. Oh I know God gave us the doctors , therapists, and medication but I also know we serve a God that heals a person to wholeness.
Marcus is proud of his accomplishments and his self esteem is so much improved - I am amazed. - I know I serve a Great Big God and should never doubt the miracles He can do.

Pinch Me - no that would hurt

I know I know what am I going on and on about the same subject- am I dreaming is this for real- I know there will be days ahead which will not be oh so fun but if the majority of the days are like the last 72 hours this will be awesome- To see such a drastic change in Marcus is a true miracle- he was wrestling and having fun with Sarah yesterday and normally he goes off after a few minutes but no no going off just fun a laughter- again am I dreaming? pinch me no really don't that would hurt-

So Happy Memorial Day everyone- I slept in til 630 - yes that is sleeping in- we are up and about and looking forward to a day with the Tobias family- we hardly hang out anymore with them just because of busy schedules and such so like I said yesterday I had Adam write us in so he would not take any other offers- even if they were better :) Pretty said when you have to be penciled in to one of your BFFs daytimer.

So thank you thank you to all the military men and women who have given their lives for our freedom-thank you dad, my uncles, my cousins, and my grandparents for serving.

More importantly thank you Jesus for dying on the cross for me- for giving me another freedom

Is this how it will be from now on?

We went to the track meet yesterday and it was very hot but it did not matter- I enjoyed it so much- it was a joy to see Marcus there and just to cheer on his teammates- he wanted to go- this would be a normal thing for us to do over the spring- summer months and we are trying to do normal things during the times he is home on pass- which from now on will be every weekend until discharge date.

So what is with my title- I know you are asking- well I was driving home yesterday from errands and got to thinking is this for real is this the new normal for me- not being in crisis mode (as one of my friends calls it) if this is true I have an adjustment-my thoughts and how I handle things are changing- not reacting or should I say not thinking I have to figure out how to react when meltdowns occur. I have to break apart and check myself to see if it is true normal kid behavior- where as before I had no clue what things would set him off.

it appears that things that use to set him off before he handles quite well- I tested the theory yesterday when he was tired. No reaction- he just gave me a funny face and said mommmmmmmmy (smile)

As I spoke to 2 of my friends who have seen it- Marcus and have helped in crunch time many times- said set expectations (which I am doing) follow through on what they taught him at the Palms and allow him to be a kid- oh and for me to relax a bit-(all of which will be take time and so glad I have weekends to work on) Plus Marcus is showing me what he has learned- so much is follow through and him being responsible-

My miracle child - love it

Its the weekend

Well Marcus is home for the weekend through Monday- we do not have a whole lot planned trying to keep a normal weekend going nothing special- track meet today- (yes if he was home this would have been normal) then church tomorrow and going to the pool with Miss Valerie and family for a bit and Monday hanging with my other family the Tobias ( we have not done this in forever due to the fact Adam is very busy) I even had to be penciled in on his calendar - ( very sad -2 weeks ago) .
so the boy is still sleeping- he is so different in a good way- i wish everyone could hang out with him for like 24 hours just to see- his mind has been opened-
We were in therapy yesterday figuring out hours and in like 30 seconds he had the problem figured out where before he would get frustrated and say idk. i still was trying to figure it out after he stopped.

Expectations

Ok I know I had a title like this once before but this is what we talked about at family day on Saturday. Being very specific on what your expectations are and what the consequence will be when the expectation is met- Consequences can be good or not so good.
For example- be respectful- not to specific right- this would be specific- I expect you to use words that are not verbally aggressive when you do this you will be able to play the Wii for 15 minutes a night-.
Or I expect you to follow my directions the first time you are asked and not tell me no- if you do this each time you....
very specifics and always follow through- a lot of process and a lot of consistency and a lot of time involved- but success in the end will follow

ok so...

I can not wait- although I need to- and I know I am not an expert or college graduate of this discipline- however I am a mom of a mental health challenged child- and I just want to share with others how to work with children just like Marcus- I want people not to be afraid of children with behavioral or emotional issues but to embrace them- to love them to reach out to them. They can be taught they can change they can be loved- I want other parents to realize there is hope for their child- there is a way to help them- it just takes time- patience - perseverance - a lot of love - consistency - a lot of prayer.

I want to be there for parents- I want them to see us as a testimony to what perseverance- prayer- lots of love- and getting the help we needed to when it was the time to get it- I want to be able to guide them in the resources they need- I just want them to realize they can make it they will thrive- there is hope for tomorrow. Keep holding on- there is a light at the end of the tunnel

Family Day at the Palms and then a pass

We had family day at the Palms- they had a discussion about making expectations andhow important it is for all kids to know what we as parents expect from them and the consequences good or bad if they achieve or not- while it is important for all kids is so much more for those who have mental health issues- I have doen expectations before with Marcus and failed miserably for numerous reasons but we will try again and since they are doing it there it will carry over to home when he comes home-

He is doing very well- Lori and her kids came and then we did some fun stuff afterwards- it was nice to see Marcus not react when corrected-and smile so much more- it was nice to see him not react when someone did something to him and just move past the incident with no issues. It was a great day- he was so tired when I took him back to the Palms.

Family

You know I often-just need to realize its about my family and what God wants for us and how he wants me to be a mom - I am not someone else and I will not parent the way everyone else does- I will parent with the gifts God has given me to parent my special child-I love advice and take bits and pieces from all who give and put it with what I know to do.

All children are different and tweaking is necessary with each child regardless of if they are child with special needs or not.

I know I am not alone in the fact I have a child who deals with mental health issues. It is not an easy task in fact it is very difficult- and many have no clue what us parents go through- I have posted on here before about it-

With Marcus coming closer to discharge day - I look forward to it- It is like a fresh start with a new understanding of how his mind operates and how things work for him-

and how to discipline him and how to work with him- others that may read this or are involved in his life need to understand he is not coming home the same way he left and you may need to work with him a little differently then you did before-

Family- can not wait til mine is reunited for good again

Awards

Marcus had an award ceremony and he earned these awards- proud of how well he is doing- working each day on how he copes with things- mom is learning how to relax with him and we work together if things arise- still learning-

went to mom and dad's over the weekend as a surprise we had not been there since Christmas and even then it was just overnight- so it was nice- they saw a difference

Just a couple days late

These were my gifts from my son for mother's day- how sweet and yes the homemade items made me cry-
He was home for the weekend and we did normal weekend stuff- track practice-car to shop- walked forever-church on Sunday.
Very good weekend- no issues very pleasant- very good

Happy Mother's Day

I received the best compliment yesterday- "Your son looks just like you" I laughed outl oud when I heard it but to me that was a priceless compliment-
Marcus gave me a couple of little gifts he made so precious to me- the card says

World's Best Mom
I love you mommy you are the best mom in the whole entire world- Happy Mother's Day!
Thank you for caring for me and loving me so, so , so much. Love Marcus

The best gift of all was having him home

Happy Mother's Day Mom
Here is a video just for you- I love you
Happy Mother's Day Lori- Love you

Hope

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope

I love the people in our life -especially right now the therapist Marcus sees daily at Manatee- she works so hard with each of the kids- and it shows that she loves working with them- A very difficult task at hand- Marcus' success where he is at has a lot to do with her and her consistent and persistent input in his life-
While she has trained and worked with him and encouraged him - it is ultimately up to him whether he chooses to change how he handles things.
I am proud to say he made a big leap this week- 5 days no aggression 5 days of reaching his goals 5 days with earning all his points.
I also was told yesterday that he was punched in the back of the head several times and held it together- oh he got angry and wanted to hit but he did his coping skills with guidance where normally he just would have gone off with no return- so yes there is hope and a future- one day one moment at a time

Moving Forward

I'm not going back, I'm moving ahead.
I'm here to declare to you my past is over.
In You all things are made new. Surrendered
My Life to Christ. I'm Moving, Moving Forward

This song has been playing in my head since I got back from my bike ride so I thought it was significant to write about it.
I- We need to stop focusing on the past- I - We can not change it- but I know I - We can change the future if we focus one day at a time forward not back

I can not change the fact - that I had to place my son in a residential facility because of his very aggressive and angry behaviors. I do know the behaviors have changed and we are not going back to the past- we are moving forward-

I can not change the fact that I was living in defense mode- not knowing what , when or where aggression would happen- or why it would happen. I do know that my defenses are lowered because I see him changing I see him coping I see him thinking of others before himself- Thursday when I spoke with him- for the first time after I said hello he asked me how my day was- he has never ever asked me that. Steps forward not back-

We want to move forward -one moment at a time- trying not to focus at days ahead but focus on the days at hand- working each day to be successful.

As I rode my bike Thursday- I spoke with God we had a really good conversation- What was it about- I am asked him why me? yes I ask God why- and it is ok- not why God am I going through this - but instead I asked God why did you choose me to be Marcus' mom. Why was it me that became his mom- out of all the mom and dad's out there why me? God was like because I knew you could handle it and I knew you would do what Marcus needed. Even though it was the hardest thing you had to do for him you made that choice and now we are moving forward.
Even though you (God still speaking to me) had to go through the junk you had to go through I knew you would not give up and you would give him the help he needed. I am glad God knew cause going through it I sure did not know.
I get my strength from Him.
He also said I knew you would reach out to others - I gave you an awareness that many do not know- Many people have no clue what parents with children with mental health issues go through. You do and you can make a difference in their life- me God really? yep you

What else did me and God talk about-now that I am active- biking and such I need to continue to do so when Marcus comes home - something we will be sharing-
He also said to trust me- continue to trust me with all your being and life will never be the same. Trust me that you will ride those 16 miles that I showed you today. ( I will ride 16 miles)

He spoke to me about other stuff too- but that is between me and God

So those of you reading I am not going back- not bringing up the past- moving forward- I urge you to do the same with what you have in your life

I'm not going back, I'm moving ahead.
I'm here to declare to you my past is over.
In You all things are made new. ( Marcus is being made all new)Surrendered
My Life to Christ. I'm Moving, Moving Forward

Restoring Strength

Isaiah 58:11
The Lord will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength. You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring

He will give us strength

Isaiah 41:10
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you

Strength

Isaiah 40:31
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint

Why am I just writing scriptures the last couple of days- well cause I needed those scriptures- I needed reminded and I need His strength today- Since maybe Saturday night - Sunday morning- I have just been missing my boy and want him home- it is a struggle from time to time over the last several months- but hey he is my son regardless of what we have been through- he should be home- ok seriously do not give me the he needs to be where he is at right now- I so know that.I really do. Just missing him that is all.
OK let me see how to explain it- you have your 10 year old active in sports and seeing them participate or active in school or church activities and then they are not there yet you are watching all the other kids participate in the same things- sometimes you just go through the motions of all of it just to get through those times- why cause you want your son there with you-
you are unable to give him a hug when he is crying on the other end of the phone- or hug him after he worked through a moment of anger with out being aggressive.
so when he is home my time is precious with him- i savor those moments- i know he will be home soon the 3 months have gone fairly fast - we have 3 months to go- and I know God will give me the strength I need to get through the last 3 months- I know he is progressing well

Hope

Psalm 33:20
We put our hope in the Lord. He is our help and our shield

Trust

Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding