ahh the work week is coming to an end

work has been pretty good this week- but i am so looking forward to the weekend- life coaching time with Marcus- it will be a good weekend- so i did something to my back - not sure what- getting old I guess- oh well life goes on and you keep going- ibuprofen is my friend for a little while- mom - dad do not worry cause you will- i am fine- heating pad and ice go a long way- i love the rain- and so glad we are getting some- may hinder my drive to Bradenton today cause they are callling for severe weather again- be safe all-

Stress Episode

So I told you I would write a little about the book I am reading regards to PTSD- and treatment- it is so Marcus- so instead of calling the meltdowns or wackadoodle moments as I do - the author calls them Stress Episodes- which when he defines and descirbes it - it is what happens to Marcus- there is so much in the book- that I could write for days- I continue to read going oh my this is Marcus- Stress episodes happen when something triggers it- sometimes not knowing is the difficult thing yet how you respond to it will be how well they come out of it- hence the gentling approach- the book made statements in which I went aha moments- i will take some excerpts from it in the coming days because right now it is in the car So Marcus has had a couple bumpy days- we did have pass on Saturday - wondering if it correlates- he was kinda snappy on the phone tonight as well- so I told him I hear you are frustrated and appear to be getting upset so I am ending this call- I love you and will talk to you soon- again reiterating why we are where we are- oh he is improving- just forward steps and backward steps - must mean we are going in the right direction

Walk by faith and not by sight

We BY NOT BY

2 CORINTHIANS 5:7

Today we taught on the Shield of Faith in Kidzone and Kidzone Jr- I love the fact we are teaching the older and younger kids the same thing- although it is a little challenging with bringing it down to the younger ones level- but they do get it and I absolutely love it when they memorize the memory verse- this is how I had it so they could get it.

Often times I get reminded - I love teaching the kids cause often times they teach me-

Pass Day yesterday

Here are some pictures of some time I got to spend with Marcus- I think I need a little sun-

We had a good time- grannie and papaw came and we had lunch with them - celebrated a little for his 10th bday and then Marcus and I went to the park and went on the trail- I had a wonderful time- laughed and just watched in amazement how God is doing the miraculous in his life- I believe it is the hand of God- why because he provided all that is helping him- the power of prayer is working.

Holding on

You know over the last couple of days ok weeks- I have been missing Marcus-in the simplest of times- watching tv, riding bikes, going to church, eating dinner,track practice (yes I still support them even though he his not there), working on HW, just sitting with him and talking with him, watching him get excited about things-why I am i telling you this- well sometimes we take for granted that those that we love will always be around-nearby - especially our kids- even when they have put us through things you never thought you would go through-

My advice or opinion is tell your children you love them everyday no matter what- I do talk to Marcus almost everyday usually about 5 minutes- just to get the scoop on how the day was and what one good thing happened that day. or how he handled himself during a situation- I am learning from him as well - I am more observant of how he responds to things- he is learning to work on things everyday consistently- he is changing - we do have more time to go- enjoying the days I have with him- can not way til he comes home for good but when it is time and no sooner.

Ok going to go see my boy for a while today- enjoy your Saturday
tomorrow I will blog about the book I am reading - Gentling- oh my it is so my son-

Words

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, It empties today of its strength."

What makes me weak? My fears...... What makes me whole? My God. What keeps me standing? My faith. What makes me compassionate? My selflessness.. What makes me honest? My integrity. What sustains my mind? My quest for knowledge. What teaches me all lessons? My mistakes. What lift's my head high? My pride, not arrogance. What if I can't go on? Not an option.. What makes me victorious? My courage to climb. What makes me competent? My confidence . What makes me sensual? My insatiable essence.. What makes me beautiful? My everything. What makes me a woman? My heart . Who says I need love? I do. What empowers me? My God & Me. Who am I? I AM A PROUD STRONG WOMAN!

this will be short

I miss my boy- enough said-

ok a just a little more- he is improving and talking more and I just miss him-MISS HIM- did I say i miss him- cause i do - him I miss- his laugh- his hugs- his tender heart- him- can not wait for another pass day hopefully this weekend- cuz why I miss him- do you get it?

Pass Day

yesterday was pass day- we were able to go out just the two of us-McDs- a bookstore and chillin by the lake- it was a good time and he was very talkative and very sweet- i think i want him to come home home if this is how he is going to be- oh not too soon though - he has some work to go and i still have to work on me before he comes home-

he got a surprise visit from aunt lori today - i spoke with him today and he said mommy i did not control my impulse today- he explained what happened and i said well tomorrow is a new day and you know what you did wrong so lets think about what we need to do so it will not happen again-

wow I have not written in a week

lets see- i saw M on saturday in which it was suppose to be family day but it was postponed but did not know that so I was able to hang out with him for a little bit- he tends to talk more when he has something to fidget with in his hands
as of today well minus today he had 13 days of no restraints- which is amazing-
tomorrow he has earned a first pass- it is only for an hour and half - just enough for me for the first outing- honest i am a little hmm- not nervous but cautious-about tomorrow it will be the first time out and about for both of us-

for me- this week i have been a little off not sure why- i have not worked out all week and need to - the last day i did was sunday- time to regroup again- i think it is just a matter of me missing marcus- hey i am a mom and regardless of how tough things had gotten i miss him - oh i know he is where he needs to be but it is ok to miss him-

well i will let you know how it goes we are going to a fancy restaurant - McDs for chicken nuggets and a smoothie-

how am i

ok maybe you are wondering maybe not- this week i have been good to ok- and back to good again- just been an off week for me- not sure why- can not explain it- just off- maybe cause my exercise regime was misconbobulated- and how i have been eating stinks- i need to work on the eating part- slowly but surely i will get there-
i even had a little bit of anxiousness this morning on my way to work - which is odd- it passed after i got the day started-
went to track practice tonight- oh i know marcus is not running but they are family- i miss them but so enjoyed watching the kids run tonight- i also got my work out in with some of the ladies and it was nice- hoping marcus will get a pass to be able to watch a meet -
its kinda odd not preparing for track this year - feel a little out of the loop- next year is another year though.

Mark Harris Find Your Wings with Lyrics

This is one of my favorite songs that Ihave for Marcus- I am here for whatever life brings and hopeful that my love will give him roots to find his wings

there is a light ...

at the end of this long tunnel we are in- sunday and tuesday i went to visit marcus and the 2 days were very nice- sunday he was in a very good mood- and did not want us to leave- he even asked if he could go play basketball with the kids - normally he would demand it- so steps progressing
last night we had family therapy and had a fill in therapist- which was fine we talked and marcus had some bumps yesterday and got into a fight but this is why we are here to help the process a long-
he talked about working on impulse and instigating which is his major issues- along with aggression

my favorite thing said as I was leaving -was do you have to leave and i love you very much- normally he just says i love you but lately he has added i love you very much. we have family day on saturday so i will be with him for about 2 hours on saturday-

he so wants to earn a pass - which the first one is 4 hours but it is up to him when he earns it- so far since thursday of last week no restraints- progress - almost a week with no restraints definite progress

I am so proud

Marcus made honor roll for the first time ever- I am a proud momma for sure-

Friday Night

was a wonderful wonderful night- minus the fact I had a fever and felt like yuck-

God surely is amazing and I was so blessed by watching lives change right before my eyes.

How awesome it was to sit in a resort room with a bunch of ladies to see God move in a spectacular way-

my prayer was for me to be changed- and i am still a work in progress however last night was a huge turning point for me- i truly feel the past is done- the trials may still come but i have a bright future and God has His hand in all things- I posted a song that has been ministering to me all weekend-



I know I can learn from the past and grow from it but I need to stop focusing on it- what is done is done- My desire is to be closer to God during this time- I have time and making time for Him- I look forward to all that God has for me- for me last night began my healing from my battlefield that I was in - in which I am no longer in- Moving Forward Moving Forward

Its a great day

Its Friday
I am in Orlando with my Life coaching group from church- yesterday had a meeting via phone with the treatment team for Marcus-so uch he still has to work on- we have a long way to go - but it will be so worth it - I know God has chosen this time for us- him to get help with the amazing team down there- and me to heal with all i have been through with him - its a new season a new time - can not wait to see all that God has for me-
I am so blessed with all who pour into my life- and I need you all in my life-

got a walk run in this morning and plan on swimming laps - but more importantly spending time with God and drawing closer to him- do you have a need let me know and I will lift you up in prayer

Truly an amazing last night - a very humbling experience- a very special time- God is truly amazing-

so allow me to share

ok well- it has been a month that has Marcus has been gone to get help that he needs- has it been easy no- just ask those closest to me- although over the past month i have realized how much I love to work out- i so need it and so enjoy it- i look forward to doing it after work- i should have started long ago- maybe avoided a lot of stress and frustration -
but i am increasing how far I ride in the same amount of time- and I am increasing the distant I run- i feel good physically- emotionally i am doing fairly well- why just fairly well -
first I miss my son- i have certain days that are difficult then others- Sundays are usually my hardest why- just cause i love watching him absorb the word of God in children's church- and he should be at church with me- oh i get this is for a time- and he needs to be where he is at- please i have lived with him for 5 years i know this all too well.
it is going to take him time to work through what he needs to work through- this has been shown over and over the last several days with things he is doing-
i miss him- him i miss the behaviors NO WAY- for a month i have not had to be on eggshells knowing or not if he was going to not like what i have asked him to do-not knowing when the explosions will occur- my neck muscles are actually relaxed and i am sleeping at night the whole night- for me i am healing and it is taking time - but i will heal as marcus will heal- hey I serve a great BIG God- he opened the doors wide open for Him to get the help he needs He surely can heal him to wholeness and then use Marcus in a great way-
I am trying to be open with friends and family in what i am going through- i know some may not understand but they are there to listen - they are there to guide me- there are there just to encourage and they are there at times to smack me back into reality- :)

the bizarre

ok so i went out with adam and brenda for lunch on sunday at tgifridays- we had a nice time nothing bizarre about that-
so the waitress brings the check and says to adam and brenda-yours are on here and pointing to me says yours was paid for by the gentleman sitting there (he had left) - bizarre- of course adam is loving it and saying things like i should have aniticpated- of course he could not keep it quiet either- right pastor? oh well- it was just an odd thing-