Never Give Up

This was the message at church this morning to me- it was amazing- the speaker was so on target and the fact the his points were very similar to Pastor Larry's message a couple weeks ago is truly amazing- and that is how God works-
Many people did not realize how so this was what I was saying a few weeks ago-Truly I was - I wanted to give up so much on everything I was tired and exhausted and did not want to deal with aything anymore- I wanted to give up- and then God spoke through several instances to me and then again today -The break through is coming right around the corner- hold on and do not give up.

Shopping and Such

Oh I will not do that again - shopping long lines and crowds sorry- not for me regardless of the savings-

anyway-had a very enjoyable evening with the kiddos last night- oh normal kid attitudes but all good- we danced to oldies and country music which was so much fun- I have more rhythm then my son which is very funny to me. They had a good time-

(quality is not too good but had to share)

We did not do thanksgiving dinner last night ours will be celebrated Saturday- We did go around the table though about what we are thankful for and Marcus said he was thankful for his mommy- aww so proud and then we got to Ainsley and she said she was thankful for her Aunt Chele' before her parents - Got to love it :)

Happy Thanksgiving

Today is a day of Thanks- I am thankful for:

God- He supplies All my needs

My family- My friends

Our therapist/Baycare

Our teachers

Thankful for trials and tribulations- Thankful they do not last forever- thankful to become stronger from each one-

Home with the boy today

Marcus is home sick today so I am getting some things accomplished while he sleeps- poor love I should have known last night when he looked like this he was not feeling well- nausea- belly ache etc will not go into more detailed then that- hopefully it will pass quickly got him some gingerale and pedialyte and much sleep

Strongholds be Gone

Well PD spoke on strongholds on Wednesday night and we prayed for them and I continue to pray for ours- I do not believe the stronghold is Marcus' anger I believe the stronghold is his past- God spoke that stop praying for his actions to change but pray for the strongholds of his past to be broken- so that is exactly what I have been doing

And a couple of things have happened- hmm he has finally said why he does not tell what he is feeling - because he was told it was a secret to tell how he was feeling - I was like huh- I said it is so ok to share what you are feeling it is how we get help. No mommy I am not supposed to share- I said yes it is fine God gave us our feelings and it is ok to tell when we are said angry happy etc. he said ok - so that is a step of why he does not share

and then the other day after 4 years he finally used his words to ask for help when he was angry and could not calm himself down -

Thank you God for breaking strongholds- I will keep praying for the stronghold of the past to be broken entirely - what will happen next when that happens? It will be amazing!!!

The day that changed my life

Today marks our 4th year anniversary as a forever family- How do I feel well- when the days are good they are good when the days are bad they are so oh bad.
If you would have asked me last night I would have said please take him-
I do love him and would do anything for him -it is just so hard- very tiring and very overwhelming at times-
We are family- forever- through the good the bad and ugly- and sometimes family needs extra help. and that is what we are doing-help for him and me-

National Adoption Month

November 21, 2009, will mark the 10th year for National Adoption Day. Through the help of adoption professionals, child advocates, judges, and attorneys, thousands of children in foster care will finalize adoption and become part of a permanent home and family.
The History of National Adoption Day
2000 - National Adoption Day began with the Alliance for Children's Rights and support from the Freddie Mac Foundation, the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, and others. Hundreds of adoptions were finalized in 9 jurisdictions.
2001 - The number of jurisdictions increased to 17.
2002 - Assistance from Casey Family Services, Children's Action Network, the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute and Target. This support brought 34 jurisdictions to National Adoption Day and 1,350 adoptions were finalized.
2003 - 3,100 adoptions were finalized and 120 jurisdictions participated in the event.
2004 - 3,400 adoptions finalized at 200 events in 37 states.

2005 - The largest number of coast-to-coast celebrations for National Adoption Day! More than 3,300 children's adoptions were finalized from foster care in 227 events in 45 states and the District of Columbia. This was the year that we were apart of - Marcus was one of the 3300 and his finalization was on National Adoption Day- November 18

2006 - The largest of number of coast-to-coast celebrations with more than 250 events in all fifty states including the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico! More than 3,300 adoption were finalized.
2007 - More than 300 events were held in all fifty states including the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico.
2008 - More than 4,000 children across all 50 states found loving, permanent homes.
Each year, more and more children are being adopted on National Adoption Day and the events are becoming more widespread. In total more than 25,000 children have been adopted from foster care on National Adoption Day.

The love of Friends ad Family

This past week I have been so blessed- I absolutely love my friends- well they are more the friends they are family-
And I would do anything for them - that I can- from patchin up wounds- to moving them to whatever- giving rides-to just calling ad checking on how I am doing.- yes this past week I realized how much I need them in my life- they have helped me so in the process of having Marcus ad learning and growing with him- there are days where I just sit and thank God over and over for them.

I know I brag on them all the time my family- they have been so essential in helping me keep my sanity-

I have figured out that being with family over the last week- that additional person or persons has helped so much- and Marcus behaving this week has helped so much-

I also have started retaking my vitamins and looking into starting some excercise - steps to success and looking after me- if I am not doing well then I can not help him

better week then last - however

I am having a better week then before- oh everything has not changed- well somethings slightly changed- I have refocused at work- and realize I need to change a few things- somehow-
Somehow Ineed time for me -time for me to chill- and this does not mean be alone and Marcus be with others- I realized over this past week- my anxiety level was much decreased when we were with others- I made an appointment with our EAP department at work - to get that added help-
when you are in the thick of things sometimes you lose sight of reality and what is going on around you-
so I have a long way to go- but with being honest with friends and family and seeking out additional help I will make it through- God is right here with me -wrapping His arms around me

My therapy

Dogs are amazing- this is Maddie Shrodes ( my pastor's dog) she was hit by a car on Saturday and she has been my therapy- how you ask- well if you read my last post - it has not been a pretty weekend for me- and yet through my family and wonderful praying friends it is a new day and a new season. Maddie has allowed me to focus on something other then what I deal with on a daily basis - she has allowed me to focus on helping her heal and mending to her wounds-something I truly I have been blessed with by God - mending His creation -our friends and companions
Oh I have a ways to go and so does Maddie Moo- but we both will survive and thrive- it is just going to take time to heal-
I am truly sad Maddie got hit- accidents happen- and yet so thankful this happened in just the right timing-

Wake up Call

Well Friday was a wake up call for me at work and home- I reallized with the help of my boss my focus has not been at work and I am not meeting their expectations- so it is a reality check and I have dug deep inside to see where the problem lies- well I have been so focused on family life and concerned with Marcus and not knowing when he will have issues- I have allowed it to seep it to my work and that is not good- so my boss and I talked- and there are a couple option she gave me-and we will talk some more I am sure. I am going to have to refocus - how seek out additional help for me- pray more - talk to someone -not just family and friends- we have EAP at work I am going to go talk with them- it will be a good thing- why cause I am not functioning as I should- how?
Not focusing- just going through the motions- sleep what is that? I go to bed but usually up at 2 or 3 and then wide awake- house chores are done when I feel like it or when it gets bad -although this I am doing better at- just at the end of my rope and that is not good and I need to not be there- How can I continually help him if I am not helping me-it has effected me my work my home-
One thing that keeps me going is teaching Sunday School and the love of God to the kids- one thing that keeps me going is using my skills in helping animals- and helping others- it felt good to help Maddie last night - even though I do not wish that on anyone (MAddie is our pastors dog and was hit by a car)

What can you do- pray and pray and pray - believe when I can't
I will make it - I am too stubborn not too- just a real rough time- however I serve and AWESOME God and He will help me through- and I have loving family and friends who will help me through.
This is my prayer in the desert And all that's within me feels dry This is my prayer in the hunger in me My God is a God who provides Verse 2:And this is my prayer in the fire In weakness or trial or pain There is a faith provedOf more worth than gold So refine me Lord through the flames Chorus:And I will bring praise I will bring praise No weapon forged against me shall remainI will rejoice I will declare God is my victory and He is here Verse 3:And this is my prayer in the battle And triumph is still on it's way I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ So firm on His promise I'll stand Bridge:All of my life In every seasonYou are still GodI have a reason to singI have a reason to worshipVerse 4: This is my prayer in the harvest When favor and providence flowI know I'm filled to be empited again The seed I've recieved I will sow

God's promise to us- My promise to Marcus

Before you listen make sure you shut off or put pause on the player at the bottom of my blog

Its a New Month

today is November first - a new month a new beginning- time for renewal- time for change- time to fall away from the past and focus on the now and tomorrow- trying not to be concerned with the days to come but focus on the day at hand-what can I do different today that can impact and change a life for tomorrow-

this is with home and where ever I go- specifically at home though

what things do I need to change to have an impact- there are a few- and we will see how it goes-

Marcus said he was ready to come home and he was ready to behave- and he was ready to do the things he knows how to do-I hope this is true- he seemed a little different last night- very resepectful and very obedient- today is a new day- How will I handle it- God only knows- God I pray for wisdom each new day and help me see him the way you do-

yes today is a new day - a new month a new beginning

Thank you God