life in general

well- if i said life was all peaches and cream that would be a boldface lie- but things get better each day-and even sometimes during the day has its moments-

i hold on to precious memories right now-and i do write them down when I remember them- and yes smile when i remember them-

marcus has had some difficulty over the last few days- that boy has dealt with so much and still does- he deals with his past and now he has to deal with missing his grannie, he wants to make sure that his papaw is ok, he misses his uncle dave and now he is scared for me to leave to go to austin. well hopefully with me putting skype on my phone we can remedy a few of his concerns.

you know it has been a struggle in which I do not like but there is a light at the end of once again a long tunnel- i read an article about 2 sisters who lost their father unexpectedly and then a couple months later they both lost their husbands from an accident on a river. they asked God why- and i have too - not really got an answer and maybe the why is not so important but knowing God is with us every step of the way during this process- i will be honest turning and relying on God through this was not a source of comfort- why cause i prayed for a miracle- for mom to be healed physically-and she was not - well so I thought- honestly she was healed- no more pain no more suffering - i do not know really how long my mom was sick- it could been for a very long time- only mom really knew. so looking back God did do a miracle- Marcus and I was able to pray with her on many occasions because she was not going anywhere in the hospital and Pastor Gray and Pastor Randy came and prayed for her as well and I truly believe she heard it all -and responded to it all- Marcus was able to spend some alone time with mom and able to sing to her which she loved listening to him and I truly believe she heard every bit of it.

I believe God answered our prayers when we heard that we need to make a decision in 24 hours of what the next step was when she was going down hill quick. we ended up not having to make any difficult decision- I was blessed to be there holding her hand when she did pass away- me and mom -

i miss her - miss talking with her- miss bragging about Marcus with her- miss seeing her at the house- miss calling her and just checking in and yet I know she is not in pain anymore- miss her voice and sometimes i get nervous about not knowing what she sounds like- ( i do have a video thank to my aunt)

I have some amazing pictures of her that i can talk to her face or yell at her if i need to- or just smile-

i know i am just rambling but it helps at times and today at this moment i needed to write