The last couple days

Well I will not go into of what the last 2 days have been just know that Marcus is getting help-and is not home right now- thinking he will be home on Monday- well that is what he told me last night.

so my state of mind has been running and my emotions a little off- what do I mean- I know many of you may not even have the slightest of clue what I am going through and sometimes I can not even explain it- I go from I know where he is and he is getting help to what else could I have done- to when is he going to get it or if he is ever going to get it- I am sad cause I miss him- its too quiet at the house (I know call me crazy)- too this is a good time to catch up on cleaning to I just want to rest. I also just feel like throwing in the towel giving up on the whole mom thing- oh do not worry I won't. Just a moment- I know this time will pass- until... we will take it one day one moment at a time-

So PD sent me an article to read- and here it is for you to read whenyouwanttoquit

let me just take some items from it that stood out for me though
"It is the same choice we have all faced when circumstances have brought us to a place of giving up. We know that if we give up, we will be relieved of the pressure of the moment. And if we press on, we will continue to face all the obstacles that brought us to that point.
The problem with giving up is that you have already chosen the outcome of your situation. Failure is always the result of quitting. You trade possible victory for momentary relief."

"It is often the tedious, day-to-day situations that seem never to change that make you want to give up. The Bible says that hope deferred makes the heart sick. Discouragement develops into despair, and we lose our hope.

The loss of hope is a deadly condition for the believer. Without hope faith cannot operate. "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" (Heb. 11:1, emphasis added).

The nature of faith is to believe the impossible and see the invisible. We give up because we put our faith in what we know and see in the natural."

"The enemy of your soul has an assignment to wear you out--to make you so tired you lose your motivation to fight! The intimidation of the enemy is specifically designed to overwhelm you and stop you from making forward progress"

for me this is the most I have been feeling -especially Thursday night-FEELING ALONE

Keep seeking the word "I do not know what you are facing today, but I can promise you that God has something to say about it. I want to encourage you to go to His Word and come into agreement with it.

If, when you do this, the opposition increases, remember that when Jesus was in the wilderness He faced much opposition and discouragement. But the Bible says that as He continued to speak the Word of God, agreement was established, and after a season Satan departed from Him."

"We all face moments when we want to give up. As believers we must be willing to face these moments with courage, faith and utmost trust in God's ability to bring us to victory."

I will not give up- I will press on- I know my limits and will continue to seek help before it gets to the point of no return- God has chosen me to be his mom for a reason- I continue to grow and learn each step of this journey of being a mom-

Thinking on how to help him with what God has given me already plus all the other resources- people in our lives- we are truly blessed by amazing people-

Oh right now I am not all chipper and wahoo mode - it is a process I am working through so honestly if you ask me right now - I am just ok- not good not great not fabulous just ok- but I will get through and move to fabulous :)

I was going to write...

what has transpired in the last 24 hours- but I really do not feel like it- so I will just write- I am up and pressing through the day- trying to stay focused on the day at hand.

I have survived

that is the feeling after the last few days between work and home life-
Work we can now begin to relax a little today our walk through is done-
Home not so sure- I am not having a good feeling about M and is actions- is it mother's instinct - maybe.
Just this morning- He needed to get his trash from the bedroom and I was greeted with a grrr and hmmp from his mouth-simple request- so I gave him choices fortunately he made the right choice- Anything I say to him it appears turns into an attitude- its making me very weary.
Consequences are a joke to him- and if he gets them it turns into a nightmare-not sure-
I will keep praying- keep pressing on- keep asking for help-
Which the help I am forever grateful for.
His emotions go from anger to whistling a happy tune- which is what he just did. Hoping the med change will begin to take effect soon.

these times the old saying keeps coming to mind- if it does not kill me it will make me stronger- well I should be the strongest woman right now - don't you think- well not feeling that way at the moment - just being honest

Living with a child with a roller coaster of emotions and outbursts is not so fun

hoping for a good day- i choose to have a good day

I am tired and weary but i choose to have a good day- the last 2 days have been crazy between work and home- I am hoping both calm down soon- today at work it will-
just praying all goes well- I need to read the prayer today- I have it posted at work-
I know this blog is a ramble of thoughts-
hoping Marcus' increase in meds will have a postive outcome-

A Law which is crazy

ok who voted for a law that requires more of our behavior specialists and other staff more time- taken away from the kids-
Article in Orlando Sentinel
End restraint, seclusion of disabled kids, say advocates (and bills to be considered by state lawmakers) Disabled students, Florida Legislature, Leslie Postal — posted by lesliepostal on March, 1 2010 12:25 PM
One of the hot education issues this coming legislative session ( the Florida Legislature convenes Tuesday) will be whether to impose rules about if and when disabled students can be physically restrained or put in seclusion.

A Senate bill filed recently (by Rep. Andy Gardiner, R-Orlando) would prohibit restraining disabled students except in emergencies and prohibit putting them in seclusion.

Parents and disabled rights advocates — ones who have been pushing for the past several years for Florida to do more to curtail the practice of physically restraining kids with disabilities — are eager to get this bill passed.

They say too many students are hurt because staff too often resort to physical restraint with disabled students’ sometimes challenging behavior.

But school officials are worried the bills are too far reaching and don’t recognize the difficult job faced by teachers working with sometimes aggressive, out-of-control children.

The issue is the subject of a recent federal lawsuit in which a family is suing Princeton House Charter School (which specializes in educating children with autism) for alleged abuse of their son. You can find the Orlando Sentinel story on that case here.

Florida currently has no statewide rules or laws about restraint and seclusion, though the State Board of Education is still developing such a rule (that has been going on for a few years).

The issue of “restraint and seclusion” has become a national one. This past summer, U.S. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan asked state education leaders to develop, review or revise their policies so that to help ensure that “no child is subjected to the abusive or potentially deadly use of seclusion or restraint in a school.”

The U.S. DOE also pulled together a summary of current state rules on restraint and seclusion.

there is a law that has been passed in which staff have to fill out a pleothara of paperwork- trust me I know I receive it- why because my child is one who needs secured seclusion or restraint- I live it daily-
How many of you can say you have been punched or scratched by a child- I know my son has done it - today in fact- he has also try to bite teachers and behavioral specialists - punch them as well- because he gets aggressive and has to be secured this what works for him- if you do not agree with me come handle my son for a week- it will change your mind-
Staff is required to fill out an incident report within 24 hours- well in the 4 years I have been at Marcus's school I always get one plus a phone call or email-
Now on top of this they have to fill out a printed form within 3 days of incident and I get it in the mail- do we really need all this-
I understand there may be issues with forced restraint etc- and parents not being informed- well how involved are the parents in their child's education and behavioral issues-
I am a single mom- by choice- you know I adopted my son- I am up in his business a lot- I inform the school of any changes and they contact me with any issues- I can contact his teachers and behavioral specialist in an instant if needed- do not blame the teachers for restraining an out of control child they are protecting other students and the students themself-
Sit in a classroom of behavioral challenged children for a week - ok 1 day- you will get an idea of what these amazing educators do in their lives

excessive restraint - nope I do not think so- have you ever been punched or scratched - or threatened by a behavioral challenged child- do not knock the seclusion or restraint- just make sure you are informed and see if the teachers are trained- GET INVOLVED

Prayer of Release-

I cast all my cares upon You-all my worries, all my fears.
Father, calm my restless spirit, quiet my anxious heart, still my troubling thoughts with the assurance that You are in control. I let go of my grip upon the things I have been hanging onto, with opened hands I come to You.I thank You for Your promise to sustain me, preserve me, and guard all that I have entrusted to Your keeping. Protect my heart and mind with Your peace, the peace that passes all understanding. Father, may Your will be done in my life, in Your time, and in Your way.
By Roy Lessin, DaySpring co-founder and writer.

This was timely for me- God you are so good

here to tell you a story of sacrifice

I have these incredible people in my life- who almost 10 years left there home - left their life as they knew it- packed up with their family and moved to a city called Tampa- they sacrificed their comfort- why because they were meeting the calling on their life.

They have sacrificed a lot over the years- I mean a lot- for what purpose- the purpose to do what God has called them to do.

They have been in the ups and downs of their calling - why do they do it because they want to see lives changed for Jesus-

I have the upmost respect for them- and would do anything for them- who are they- they are my dear pastors and friends- Pastor Larry and Deanna Shrodes- they pastor at a wonderful church, Celebration Church.

They have a heart of compassion, they draw out the best in you- they challenge you to be where God wants you to be- they are very real- very honest and very loving

Marcus and I are truly blessed and words can never amount to how much they mean to us.They have been there through the ups and downs of our family life- praying encouraging and yes at times offering guidance in how to make me a better parent. They have shown me how to show grace when grace was hard to give.

Pastor Larry and Deanna Shrodes are real people- their words are heartfelt and the compassion they have is contagious

They often sacrifice their time and energy to be with others to encourage- to pray- to uplift.

Why am telling you this- well they are important to me and I thought I would let you know.

I tell you this - to pray for your pastors daily - to be loyal to them even when you do not know the whole story (there are 2 sides) - love them- be there for them- lend them a hand-- Your pastors sacrifice a lot for you and your family - take a few minutes a day for them.

I am taking the time- I love my pastors and their family- here for you always!

Coaching

What does this mean well- we are doing a new thing at work and it is coaching-on different areas- I am already am in Life coaching at church and love it and have grown from it-
SO work should be an added benefit of this coaching- we are reading a book- just started - read the introduction - and just something that stood out- was a simple line- Even the best athletes - the ones that know all about what they need to know still need a coach- which means to me they always have things to work on and things to improve on-
So take a coaching class whether it be life coaching- or coaching for your work - you always will be learning and growing. With that in mind- it takes you to change and you to take what you learn from coaching and apply it to your life- do not stay the same or else you are just waisting your time as well as those who are leading the coaching, time.

Long week

Well its been a long week-
meetings at work- Marcus getting braces- Marcus sick on Monday- so glad its Friday- I actually woke up this morning thinking it was Saturday- and looking forward to not waking up at 5- oh well the alarm did go off at 5 and it is Friday- busy day at work but it will be a good one-why - Choose for it to be - stressful at times but it is a choice on how we handle things

Feeling Isolated

I posted this on my other site as well- just reminding us all we are not alone- even though at times we feel like it - yes I feel like I am isolated at times - especially during times of regression with Marcus- why cause people do not see him like I do and do not understand- we are in a bumpy time right now and hoping it will improve with diligence- consistency and the strength of God

Feeling Isolated
When friends and family are distant during the greatest time of need
by Cindi Ferrini
Feeling Isolated - Focus on the Family

Our son Joey was almost 3, our daughter Kristina was a newborn, and my post-partum hormones were out of kilter. My husband, Joe, and I had just learned the extent of Joey's diagnosis and were feeling alone; I remember spending the better part of two weeks crying. I was saddened that he might never walk, talk, or be able to learn and longed for someone to listen, give hope and not give the "pat" answer that was easy to say but hard to hear.

Caring for our special needs son required a lot of time and effort, and I had to deal with Joey's illnesses, allergies (requiring hospital visits), seizures (that we didn't yet recognize as such), multiple therapies, trips downtown, never-ending questions and life with a toddler who couldn't walk or make his needs known.

Lonely beginnings
Much of the time my husband and I felt alone. We were physically worn out, emotionally isolated and spiritually depleted. We had great help from Joey's grandparents, who loved him deeply and accepted him fully, but in other circles we often felt people didn't know what to do or say. Occasionally, people asked, "How's Joey?" but they seldom, if ever, asked what life was like for him or us.

We were rarely asked to others' homes. Joey was never asked to come to someone's home to play. He didn't fit in with others his age, and we sensed that kept us from being included in some social gatherings. We wondered whether others thought they'd have to "get involved" if they got too close to us. In fact, we remember only one time we were all invited to someone's house for visiting and dinner. We were so excited!

Behavioral challenges
Joey could not tolerate noise and commotion. Very sensitive to sudden noises and movement, he would start screaming, hanging all over us and generally making going out not worth our effort, much less worth someone else's effort to invite us! We didn't blame others, and no one ever said we were excluded; but for whatever reason, we often felt left out. Joey's needs diminished our desire to go into those social settings, and when we did, we were often embarrassed about the way he acted, thinking others would consider us bad parents, unable to control our child. He couldn't help the behavior caused by brain malfunction, but we had difficulty separating his behavior from how we felt about it.

When Joey was young, we lacked the freedom to do some of the things our friends and their families did. Now that he is an adult, we still cannot simply pick up with our "empty nester" friends for dinner together or accept other impromptu invitations. We've never been able to go out unless we had someone we trusted to come and care for Joey. His care is different from what our girls ever needed. Sometimes we felt trapped. We didn't feel the freedom to talk about it either because we didn't want to hurt others' feelings. We didn't want others to feel obligated to invite us over or to include us, knowing we would likely have Joey with us.

Developing relationships
If we could change one thing about how we handled the challenges with our son and our parents, we would have been more vocal. We would have expressed to others exactly what was happening to our loved ones and to us as we cared for them. As our friends had grandchildren with special needs and cared for their aging parents, we discovered that they were shocked to know we had gone through the same things they were going through. Some friends were good listeners, but in looking back, we can see that we tried not to overdo it and perhaps "underdid" it.

Others will not understand what we are going through unless we tell them. Even close friends are shocked that we still shower and shave Joey as a grown man, that he can't stay home alone, that he continues to have severe behavioral issues from time to time and that we still experience times of great frustration in trying to deal with him in a positive and Christ-honoring way. As a result, we realize we should express ourselves more clearly and thoroughly, and probably should reach out to ask for help and even continue to do so. And when others offer to help, we need to be honest and practical in allowing them the privilege.

Here are some of the ways we have reached out to develop relationships:

•Invited teachers to our home for dinner to get to know them
•Chaperoned field trips when additional help was needed
•Answered calls and notes promptly so people knew we were caring individuals
•Wrote notes of encouragement to others in challenging places in life
•Thanked people who helped us at church as well as family members who reached out at various times showing concern and/or compassion
•Tried never to make people feel as if they should help us
•Allowed others to help us
•Asked for help when needed (We're still learning this one!)
•Tried to stay connected to those we love in our lives
•Shared our joys and struggles only with those willing to listen
•Desired to be transparent in our struggles so that others didn't think we had it all together
•Did not take advantage of others' help
•Took chances in building relationships by learning with whom we could share, what we could share and with whom we could or couldn't cry
•Prayed with and for others, including doctors, teachers, family and friends
•Provided meals for others as we were able
•Watched others' children when needed
•Helped others in practical ways when needed
•Accepted advice and counsel from our parents, friends, doctors, teachers, aides and even our children
•Accepted meals with gratitude and always wrote a note of thanks
•Tried to show appreciation without criticism, expectation, whining or complaining about how those who helped did things differently from us
•When someone offered some service, wrote down their name so we could ask them for help when we had need (a list that came in handy a number of times)
We want others to sense from us that we are willing to work together, not just have things our way. We want our participation in a relationship to be "life-giving," not "life-draining." In our desire to balance those fragile areas of relationships, we want to love like Jesus and not be indifferent to others. Sometimes that means protecting ourselves and our family, and other times it means giving above and beyond what we think we are able. In both instances we seek the Lord and depend upon Him for guidance and direction.

Adapted from Unexpected Journey: When Special Needs Change Our Course by Joe and Cindi Ferrini. Copyright ©2009. Used by permission of Joe and Cindi Ferrini. All rights reserved.

Time to give kudos again

As you know Marcus is in a regression mode right now and I am so thankful for the staff at LMES- Kris Madley who is his teacher- awesome- very calm - very straight to the point- there to offer guidance to Marcus' crazy mom - Again- as I have said many times before - it takes special individuals to work everyday with children like Marcus- you are Awesome Kris.

and of course our friend Andrew Carini- if Marcus does not drive him crazy - I will - with all my questions- phone calls and emails- I ( we) are so blessed to have these 2 individuals in our life- they have such a great influence on Marcus and are a great support to me- and go so ABOVE and BEYOND that you can ever imagine-

Thank you does not seem like enough to say.

A sad way to end the day

I came home to hear what I call the "death" cry- too often heard it when I worked at the animal hospital. It was my Clarence - I have had him for 8 years but he has been in my life 10 years at least- he was one of the ones at Connechusett that I adopted. He was always there-on my head on my lap when I type on the computer - coming inside the shower to get a drink when I am in there- He was my source of sanity - we talked often - I know call me crazy.

Anyway - Clarence was living with a grade 4 heart murmur- it was a matter of time- he threw a clot- causing his hindlegs and right front leg to be parlayzed- his feet were cold when I snatched him up and rushed him to the hospital- I did not know at this point this happened- I just heard the cry and he ripped his front paw. Marcus knew something was wrong when I said lets go now and I need your help-

I had to say goodbye to my sweet furry friend- he will be missed greatly-

God keeps placing this song in my heart this morning

I'm not going back
I'm moving ahead
I'm here to declare
In You old things are made new
Surrender my life to Christ
I'm moving moving forward

What a moment
You have brought me to
Such a freedom
I have found in You
What a Healer

You make all things new
Yeah Yeah Yeah

You have risen
With all power in Your Hands
You have given me
A second Chance
Hallelujah Hallelujah

Yeah Yeah Yeah
Yeah Yeah Yeah

You maka all things new
You make all things new
I will follow You forward

Regression not so much fun

Well.... we are in a state of regression/cycling in the Danielson household- this is when Marcus goes back to immature types of behaviors- he is not only doing them at home but at school- for me it is frustrating - 2 steps forward 1 step back- Can we not just keep moving forward?

I need wisdom- I am being honest- I just need wisdom- As I prayed tonight at church - which was so amazing in the presence of God- I kept thinking I can minister and deal with all the kids here except my own- I need wisdom-serious just being honest here- When I think we have passed this phase it comes back around- other stuff too in the regression phase in which I am so over but will not post -

I also kept thinking will I survive this regression this time? It is so draining on me and trying to work with him in the right way- again frustrating today I had a migraine all day and working with him after work- was not cool- when will this end this regression I mean- Lord I need your help- I surrender him to you.I just need your guidance and the guidance of those wiser then me in dealing with behaviorally challenged children.

Bring it Recap

I went away this weekend to the Fall Getaway for the AG Pen Florida Women's Ministry and let me just say it was amazing. I am going to share with you from my heart and what is going on in my life as far as ministry and how my life is forever changed.
This may get a little long but I want to share- what God is doing because lives are going to change and I am so blessed by what God has in store.
I have been praying for special needs children to come to Celebration Church - why because they and their parents need hope and they need to know that there is a safe place for them to love them and their children. Why am I so passionate about this well- if you have read my blog at anytime you know I have one of those special kids- and Celebration Church has loved him with a heart of compassion- my family there has helped us through some of the darkest hours.

Rita Springer was there leading worship and it was very powerful- I have cried many tears over the 3 days I was there not because I was sad but because God was doing a new thing-breaking me to use me the way He wants and then building me back up all in the 3 days I was there- surrendering to Him.
There were two songs that touched me and spoke to me so loud and clear and God spoke to my heart like never before. The first song I will speak on this blog but the second one you will have to go to parentsyouarenotalone.
So here is the song and it is only one line in it that will change me forever- I will highlight it so you know
I Call You

You made the light
You made the night
You called it “sky”
You called it “sea”
You made the day
You made the dark
You told wings to fly
Gave life to the deep

You made the sun
You made the stars
And with a bone
Countered a part
You love the lost
You want them found
You are the Rose

That wore the crown(Pre Chorus)

And with the dust you made the one
Who you redeemed with your own Son
And with every you breath you breathed in me
I stand in awe and I sing……

I call you Maker
I call you Savior
I call you Mighty
I call you God
I call you Father
I call you Faithful
I call you
Every---thing that I’ve got
I call you Jesus
I call you Healer
I call you Mercy
And I call you mine
I call you one who
Always will come through
You are the Lord who
Captures my heart

God spoke and said I know I have captured your heart and Michele you have captured mine- You love all my children and it touches me so- and I was not sure if It was me or what but the same words kept being spoken to me each time that line was sung each time we sang that song-

I play it over and over and over- My heart is captured. Use me Lord to reach your kids- show me what you want done.

I keep praying and seeing the same thing- kids pouring out of our classrooms at Celebration - God do your thing.