Do you ever question yourself

Do you ever question things in life- I have postponed this post for quite a while debating whether to right it or not- well you see I decided to write it- sometimes we question things we do in life - for me that has been lately-
let me explain-
I made the choice to adopt a child who needed a home - I chose to adopt a child whose biological mom was unable to take care of because of her choices in life- no known means of the biological father- so we have a mom who did not follow court orders to get herself together and lost her biological child. why would anyone want to lose their child? I don't know I can not answer that question in life? His biological mom will have to question that herself?
Have I given my son a home of love and care and support - more then anyone could ever know- I did not give up on him when things got ugly- and more then anyone could know of the ugly but us. would others stick around and work through all the ugly- no - I have been told they would have given up- so my question is would they have given up on their biological children? I don't know see I am questioning. You see as an adoptive mom we go through -questioning if we are doing what is right for our children- or child in my case - I am a single mom by choice- I chose to adopt a child who needed a home- someone to love and care for- I think I am questioning more now about if I am not meeting his needs and being that single mom- i rumble over it my head over and over- does he need a dad? I don't know that answer- he prays for one everyday- he such a good boy- or good young man- I am so proud of how he is turning out-
there are questions about being a young man i can not answer - simple cause I am not a young man :) he does ask questions and I answer them to the best of my ability- we have open conversations- is that enough again I question.
he is maturing and growing and making choices - he is becoming more responsible and so caring- I love it- if I have had a long day at work he makes sure I am ok- so my question is to myself- am I doing things right with him is there anything else I need to do- I can not provide for everything he wants but can provide for what he needs.

Divine Healing

Do you believe in Divine Healing- I do
We had a teaching on it tonight at Celebration Church- it was good stuff

Here is a summary of what I learned from it-
James 5:13-15

¹³ Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. ¹⁴ Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. ¹⁵ And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven.

Is your life predictable-? I can not say mine is- we all go through trials- or sufferings each one is different
v 13 do you have trouble of any kind? financial,emotional, death, at work- pray
v 13 are you happy- then we should sing song of praise- I know for me when I am going through something this can be difficult- and yet when I do it the sufferings seem to get better- sometimes not go away but better

v 13 let the elders (pastors or leaders) pray over them- are you sick-God is able- he exceeds anything we may even expect.
v 14 pray when we have sin- confess our sins
we need to exam ourselves- God show me what is not pleasing to you

sin can make you sick.

we need to pray fervently, aggressively, and submissively

honestly been struggling off and on with my mom's sickness- a year and half ago- still miss her horribly. but anyway. I prayed with ferverence (is that a word) - I prayed aggressively but did I really pray submissively- honestly when I got the call no no I did not I prayed selfishly- I wanted my mom well and talking to me and speaking to me and well again.
But as time progressed ( it was  short time of 11 days)- I began to pray submissively- Lord your will be done- your healing come- was it the healing I was searching for no not at all-
and as Pastor Larry taught tonight my eyes welled up and I was back in that hospital room praying Lord let your will be done. sometimes it is not the outcome we are looking for but God sees the whole picture ( thankful for the reminder tonight)
mom did get healed and was made whole- i believe that with my whole being.

I would be lying if I said it is easy now- no at times I miss her so much- and just want her to be here and enjoying life- there is so much she has missed out on over the last year and half- can not change it- but knowing she is not in pain- and her body is whole is helpful-

Keep praying for that healing - don't ever give up- may not always be the outcome we like or want - we need to pray fervently and aggressively and submissively- not my will God but yours.

Do you believe in miracles? I do - see them everyday- believe in your miracle today- you know if you look in the mirror you are a miracle - you woke up and looked in the mirror and saw a miracle.

 

January 21

Well a day off work but also a day to sit and watch the inauguaral festivities with Marcus - 4 years ago he did not quite understand it all- he still does not quite get it all but he asked a lot of questions-
it was very interesting to watch it through his eyes to say the least

he kept calling it the intertwining fro some reason- then i thought today is a day where there is no bickering no arguing no debating but yes in fact an intertwining of all parties- why can not more days be like this for our government- i know for one thing after some of the speeches I heard yesterday I will be praying more diligently for our leaders

Happy Tuesday all

Honor roll second quarter

I am proud o the accomplisments Marcus made through the second quarter it was a little bit bumpy but he pushed on -
All As 2 Bs- good

Well...

I know that is a deep hole in the ground- a lot of things happening- busy busy- school is back in session- i am studying for an exam- church has a lot of things going on-
i wonder when will it ever slow down- I guess never.

its ok at times to be busy- at times I wish there was 2 of me- 1 to pick up M and then one to get the grocery shopping done

or one to take him to practice and one to stay home and clean

or at times one to sleep and the other to go to drs appts or dentist appts.

I know I know I made this choice of becoming a single mom- i get it- just sometimes it would be nice to have 2 of me. although Marcus is getting older and being more responsible so that helps a lot-

so report cards come out this coming week- and proud to say again Marcus made honor roll again 4 As 2 Bs- so proud

Happy New Year

Well its a new year- new beginnings new dreams-

Do you dream big? is it a challenge for you to dream big? I know at times I struggle with this- but why not dream big- we serve a big God - He can do anything-

Well- can I share one or 2 of my dreams-
last year it was to let parents know they are not alone - i still want to let parents know they are not alone with struggling with the children in their lives that have behavioral and mental health issues.

However this year - I want us to speak as a family together- who knows where and who knows how- I just know this is in my heart. Letting others know that as a family we made it through with hard work, sweat, tears, overwhelming feelings, consistency, patience and the list goes on. Its not just my story to tell but it is ours-  I would love for Marcus to share his side and what God did through him to get us where we are today- we have a testimony our lives are our testimony you know tag team- the moms perspective and the child's perspective- God has big plans for us I know I can sense it just do not know how He is going to do it.

Another dream of mine is a desire to seek after the things of God- not me things but God things- you at times I lose sight of what God wants and tend to just go through the motions- I do not want the motions I want what God wants for me and the ministries I am involved with - more of Him less of me.