Trust

Trust- that is a big word - small in size but big when it comes to relationships- sometimes trust is broken and it takes a long while to get it back. However sometimes we allow others not in because of our lack of trust- we often times feel secure when we don't allow others in- and you know it is ok to allow others in- I have learned slowly - its not that I don't trust its I am very independent and stubborn at times and think oh i can do it all on my own with no one around- believe me that was me several years ago before a little boy popped into my life- I had to learn trust- with him, with his caregivers with my friends to allow them in when I was frustrated and hurt by all that was going on- oh I have improved greatly but like all things still working on trust.

So allow others in- and yes you need to know who you let in. but trust them that you do allow in- they are there to help you and support you

A year ago

Well last year at this time I was packing a suitcase and filling it with "safe" items for Marcus to have while he was at Manatee Palms- wow I can not believe it- still brings tears to my eyes thinking I left him for 5 months-I remember that January 28th vividly - like slow mo
I placed his bags in the car the night before as I did not want him to see them. I was honest with what was going on but did not want suitcases to fly at me.
We got up - got in the car and headed south in which I was told many times he did not want to go- I understood - part of me was crumbling- I know I was doing the right thing although it hurt so much.
as I sit and type I am very tearful- many thoughts run through my head right now-
I picked up my sister at work at she drove with me- it was quite an interesting drive as Marcus talked about Fort Desoto as we headed over the skyway- I was texting ( not me my sister) with Pastor Gray - he had called at the top of the skyway-
we got there and Marcus was fine until... I started filling out the paperwork and he went off the wall - saying he was not staying and all of that- the person doing the admittance did not fade her- she just kept going with it- she said no worries normal behavior- then he started hitting the ceiling with whatever was in the room. he would not stop so help was brought it in. finished filling out the paperwork and then found him said I would see you soon and love you- he asked for me to come back that night- I said I could not. He told me not to leave I said I needed to.

then my neck was so tight aye aye and the rest of the day was a blur

Now a year later - he is on honor roll, in mainstream classes, only on 2 meds and is sooo much fun to have around. So thankful for what God had supplied to us. I am truly amazed

My mom would be so proud- I miss the fact she can not see how well he is doing- she was able to see a little bit but not the whole package.

What a difference a year makes

over the last 25 days

well- working on spending more time with God in prayer and I think that is why I wke up so early in the am- not realizing it to this morning - no worries I have been praying each morning when I do wake up for what God reminds me of.

Marcus are praying specifically for our family each night when he goes to bed- he was questioning why it has not happened yet for what he was praying for- I said remember it is God's timing not ours- we always want the here and now but we need to allow God to work in our lives first. I learned the timing thing when everything was going on with Marcus

In the last 25 days Marcus has moved to full time mainstream classes and is doing well- in the last 25 days Marcus is down to 2 meds, in the last 25 days Marcus is sharing when things bother him and is asking how to solve problems if they arise again.

For me in the last 25 days- I have learned to appreciate my quiet time with God- I have learned that I do not need to live on junk food to be fulfilled- that I can cook and it is enjoyable ( do not let that get out too much) I learned to appreciate my voice and not take it for granted ( i have lost my voice for almost 5 days)

wowzers

Report cards came out and Marcus made the honor roll- can we get a WAAAAAAAAAAAA HOOOOOOOOO- I am so proud at the accomplishments he has made- he has come so far. He is a joy-I was just talking with a friend yesterday and said wow we had been through so much and the toll it took on me- these days are such a joy to be his mom and I am so so proud of him and where he has come from- you see we should never give up - it may be hard but do not give up!

He is not DONE

God is and has worked amazingly in our lives and I truly anticipate God doing so much more- I know my words and thoughts often go back to Marcus but you know the last 6 years that has where life was all involved with Marcus and getting him to where he is today- was it me- yes- WHAT you say no Michele. No it really was me - how ? God- God allowed me to become his mom so He could do a work in him. Did you get all that? I sit here like this evening and say wow wow wow. We are sitting here watching football and he is so smart with it ( I taught him well- Girls do know how to play you know) He knows the teams and knows which ones he likes and which ones he does not. His mind is clear and he is focused. Today I challenged the kids to know 2 memory verses for Sunday School- I told him the verses and he memorized them on his own- with no help from me. His faith is amazing. I can not wait to see what God has next. I know it will be amazing for him but as well for me. It is such an honor that God chose me to be his mom. How blessed am I to be a part of God's plan for Marcus' life. What amazing thing do you have planned for our life now God? I can only imagine!

The prayers of a child

these prayers are priceless- Marcus is praying daily for something specific for his life and to hear him pray is amazing. I love the work God has done and continues to do in his life. I know he is a kid and has kid issues now normal kid issues, this is something I am still working on. Oh I am much better with it by far just now I have to switch my mind say ok normal 10 year old behavior all is well- this is a good problem to have.
So believing with my son that it is time for the next miracle to happen for him!

New Semester

Well today Marcus begins his day in all mainstream classes- this is amazing- we have come so far- and I am so proud of him- who would have ever thought we would be at this moment-
seems surreal- but there is one who knew- God- amazing He is- knew if someone would just hold on to the boy he would make it- I am glad I held on even though it was a rough road- life is good with the boy and now he is a typical 10 year old - LOVE it-

Nothing is impossible with God

Luke 1:37
For nothing is impossible with God

Well- God is so awesome! I know you all know that!
So Marcus is doing very well- and is coming off one of his medications- we are doing a trial run to see if he does ok without it-but its a medication for anxiety and for the past month or so he has shown no signs so we will slowly wean him off and see what happens.

Why is this amazing because just over a year ago he was on 8 different medications- yes 8. and now we will be down to 2. He is a normal 10 year old child- do I have to treat him a little bit differently yes- because he still needs to be able to control his anger in the proper way. and let me tell you he is doing remarkably well in how he handles himself .

So thank you God for continuing to touch Marcus - my miracle child- so thankful so very thankful!

Me

Yep - it is me- this year its about me- all new year all new things- accomplishing new goals and some old goals- last year it was about Marcus and getting all that mess touched and healed- :) Now this year I do believe it is time for me- all my hopes, dreams, and desires that I have- God has never failed me yet and this year will be no different- I am not being selfish - its my turn though now- that is all- Let's see what this year unfolds- I am all excited and anticipating all that He has for me

Happy New Year- It's Time

I hope you all had a wonderful New Year's Eve- I did I was able to spend it with some of the best people in the world- although at moments I did think of mom through the night- missing her as the new year has come.

As I was praying the last few days- the words It's time began to appear as I prayed-what is it time for I do not know - but I can only hope- that this year it is time for the desires of my heart and dreams will come to pass. It's a new year and It's time- God did amazing things in Marcus and I last year -in which I am truly grateful. and yet God keeps placing the words it's time in my heart- I can only imagine. Do the possible this year God do the possible!!

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