Support Groups

There are all kinds out there for all types of issues you deal with -and some of the most amazing people are in my circle of friends- I know I have not let them in that much the last few weeks but I am dealing with something I do not know how to deal with and Michele the tough girl is not so tough- I go through a plethora of emotions and to top my emotions off I have to deal with Marcus and what he is going through- in which we have regressed a bit but expected that.

So with the help of friends I contacted Hospice of Pasco County and they have a support group for kids who has had someone die in their life- they will be able to share with other kids who are dealing with the same thing and let's him know he is not alone
My sister is using hospice in Pinellas for her kids-

So I am hoping with Marcus having others to talk too besides me he will work through it the way he needs to- the group meets every Tuesday so I am hoping and believing he will get the help he needs- its tough for all but I can not imagine what his mind is thinking-

Sending Balloons

Yesterday afternoon we wrote a note to mom and grannie and sent it up to heaven via balloons- an idea from Marcus' therapist- He wrote a note to her and told her how he was feeling and enlisted the Tobias family in writing a note to mom as well. We tied the note to the balloons and sent them on there way until we could no longer see them. I hope this is beneficial for him and if we have to do it a few more times to help him then that is what we will do.
Tomorrow we have a meeting for kids- it is a support group for kids who is dealing with the death of a loved one- I am hoping this will be beneficial -
He is journaling his feelings in which I am thankful for - now if he could work on coping skills and the fact I am simply asking him normal stuff to do we would be in good shape.
As I say one moment one hour one day at a time
Hope you got the balloons mom -Love you

Some pictures of my mom

February 2000

November 2005

High School 1964

Pennsylvania 1978

Thank you for allowing me to share some of my photos-

the emotions you go through

when you lose your mom, your life changes forever. i know people all grieve differently but they go through a process of stages- i know this because i have wonderful pastors who have told me that everything i am going through is normal. which is nice to know i am not crazy or losing my mind

it is so true about focus - i tend to lose it easily - it is so true you cry and have no idea why but something triggers it- your heart physically aches cause it is hurting.

i find myself twisting my mom's mother's ring - my sister and I gave it to her- like twisting will change the fact she is gone- although it reminds me of the day we gave it to her- and she said to us you included Doreen's birthstone (my sister who is 6 years older and had died when she was 2 months old) - we were like um yep she is our sister and your daughter - I think she smiled so big from it- i hold it tight and honestly about had a meltdown when left it at the Tobias house yesterday. i know its a material item but my mom loved it and it is special to me.

people often ask if i am ok - my friends ask what can they do and they let me know they are here for me- i appreciate that and yet i do not know what they can do- make the hurt go away- but that is not happening-

this is a process to go through - how long will it last who knows I just know the holidays are coming and i do not like it already - why - cause mom will not be there and she does all the cooking- no one cooks like mom

i know i am rambling and it is ok-

so for those of you who have a mom still alive- tell her how much you love her whenever you can

Prayer and Pancakes

Usually twice a year our church (Celebration Church of Tampa) sets aside a Friday night from 11 pm-1 am. Yes you read the time correctly. for a prayer time and afterwards we usually invade a place to eat pancakes. Marcus and I did not go to pancakes last night just because of the 2 weeks we had and I was exhausted.

Last night - honestly I did not feel like going - I did not feel like praying I could have easily stayed home in bed- but I did get up and I did go-

My heart has been heavy with sadness - my emotions are a mess at times- ( all of which I have been told is normal) yes at times I feel like I am losing my mind. At times I do feel alone. I walked in to the service not really in the mood to sing praise and worship songs - but the song I will praise you in the storm kept entering in my head-

Here is the chorus to the song in which I am speaking:

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

Heart still heavy - I began to sing and sing from my heart- and the heaviness began to be lifted
then Pastor Larry invited us all to pray for the kids- youth- again one of my favorite things to do - however my thoughts were how can I pray for them when I do not feel I can. Of course God knows and as I began to pray a little more heaviness began to be lifted off. I am truly blessed by how God knows the timing of everything and I believe this time in prayer was just for me- oh I know the emphasis was on the kids and moving forward and declaring what God has for us and I also think it was just a time for me to be in His presence enjoying Him.

My son so blessed me on a multitude of levels in that service- from declaring for God to touch the world to running for Jesus to wanting to receive the Baptism in the Holy Spirit. God is going to use him mightily I can sense that.

I am not saying that my emotions are all in check- please I already had a moment this morning- but some of the heaviness has been lifted. I am still saddened and I know for me it will be a day to day and sometime even hour by hour process. Yet, I am thankful that I did not allow the heaviness I was feeling to keep me from that time in prayer

Dear Mom

Dear Mom

I miss you more then words can say- I have been thinking of all our times spent together- trips when we were younger to PA and OH. The many swim meets we went to - the early ups for practices- always encouraging us to do our best and like what we do. The giving heart- always welcoming the multitude of friends in the door and treating like all of them apart of the family-
Remembering the time we surprised Uncle Dave and Aunt Cheryl with you coming to Wyoming and coming down the escalator asking for additional snow boots- we got them good. Or the time we surprised the entire Plecko Family at Tom and Karri's wedding.
You always cooked plenty of food even if there was five of us- we always had left overs and when I moved away you always sent them with me- I love me my left overs.
I loved watching you work with your horse Mareish - something you enjoyed doing-it was nice to support you for a change in something you wanted to do.
Thank you for loving Marcus and caring for him-I saw the letter you wrote 6 years ago in regards to him being one of the family and how I have alove for kids and would love him just as much.
I remember my senior year in high school when I had the crazy idea of riding the horse on the field- you supported and even got my outfit handmade to ride- you were there with dad every home came to bring Amber tothe stadium and then leave when we were done.
You have supported me in all I dreamed and when I accomplished those dreams you were my biggest fan.
I love you mom-

Danielson's have lost our momma

Yesterday at 1:25 the Danielson family lost our mom- she got very ill a little ove a week ago and lost the battle- we are saddened deeply saddened by our loss but we will make it through- thank you to all that have sent their love during this time

Love you mom!

its been a long week-

well this will be short as i am posting at the hospital from my moms ccu room

u see she was brought in by ambulance on friday had emergency surgery and has been in here ever since. she was stabile until last night and now some things have chage. yet we have awesome people who aresending love prayers and support