time to share - going to be blatantly honest

at times in our life we get discouraged, disappointed and struggle  with things- well I  am no different - just like all the rest of you- I go through those times and sometimes it just the overwhelming of life - being a mom- being in ministry - being the head of the household, working full time.
you get disappointed when people don't get you or don't understand where you are coming from- you get disappointed in people when they do things you don't expect- you get discouraged by things not working out the way you want- you struggle with things that you thought were not a problem-


so honestly-
have you ever been disappointed with people and did not know how to handle it- yep that is me- I thought or expected a difference but I guess I was wrong- no need to go into detail of what or who here- that is not important and I am sure I have disappointed people in my life as well-

 I have been discouraged by a support group I am trying to get off the ground and have gotten no responses until recently- it is my hearts passion to help those parents who have children with behavioral challenges- letting them know they are not alone- I want to be there for them, and show them there is an up side. I know the parents are out there- I know they think they are alone- I went through the same thing- how do I get help? where is help? how can I change to help my child?
Speaking to friends they are like it will come keep going after your dream your passion, some don't want to admit they need help or have issues.

struggles- I have a struggle that I have been working through- thought I was over it thought it was not a big deal-its not a horrible big deal just a struggle right now in which I know I will overcome- just at this moment its a little difficult and I am working through-  I often get teased or picked on about it- and I know people don't mean to hurt with there words but they have no idea at this moment in time its a struggle- I will overcome- its not as bad the struggle is getting better- so no worries

why in the world an I sharing well- you see all 3 of these things I have been dealing with for about a month or so and it was just piling up on me- you keep going you keep functioning but then it begins to take its toll on you - you begin to become undernourished, feeble, weak or as it was said this weekend dehydrated. Facing dehydration is not fun- been there physically and do not like it- pretty close emotionally and spiritually recently pretty close- wanted to walk away from it all- being honest here. nothing crazy. just stop the support group - stop being involved in ministry -oh I would pray and read the word but there was something missing- and I found it this weekend His presence. His presence is so powerful, so nourishing, so rejuvenating, so refreshing.

To be in His presence was the message last night and so thankful for it- to be in it to be refreshed by it.

Today's message was about the favor of God and the blessing of God- I so want His favor - not giving up on the dreams planted in my heart - no way-

So excited for what God has for me as an individual - my life- my family- my ministry - my heart

So excited for what God has for our church- God is going to do amazing things in the lives in which we come in contact with- I can not wait to see it all unfold in His timing.

I want to be overcome by his presence

soccer game fan fest and thoughts

so we had soccer on Saturday and it was hot at 945 am with no air moving - the kids were very hot and appeared a little dehydrated thank goodness I had training in track for being prepared- :)
Marcus scored 1 goal and the teams tied 3-3 . it was a good game-
then we went to the Lightning fan fest - it was a nice time but I think Marcus was embarrassed - you tell me by his face in the picture below

 

well my thoughts- just a few things I have become discouraged about and not sure how to address a couple of them- it maybe more frustrations - no maybe discouraged is a better word- yes I will be vague but it is ok cause this is my blog :) just need to work it all out in my heart and mind-

one is something I know God laid on my heart to do and have not gotten any responses from- a few others just some disappointments - I know if I don't expect something I will not be disappointed- working on that as well.- I know its vague but like I said working it out - and just want to say if you are discouraged about something keep pressing on and going - at time you may feel you are not making a difference in anything you work with but keep pressing on- I am telling myself this too

well soccer and then some

Soccer has officially begun for us- we had our first game on Saturday and Marcus played well. Dad was able to come up and see him play-which was an added bonus. He had teammates from last year and they clicked like they played all year together. I think he is a pretty awesome play but I am just mom

So tonight- begins hopefully- the beginning of something new and exciting for parents with behaviorally challenged children- a support group- letting parents know they are not alone and that there are other parents who have been through things and know where to turn- lets see what God has in store

Lock Down - and down and out

well Marcus is still asleep from his lock in experience- he brought 2 friends with him-nice kids-
Marcus did not sleep at all and was hyper on the way home- oye- he just does not get it under control at times

but the boys had fun- was able to talk with one of the boys on the way- lets call him Carl- Carl was at Manatee Palms for 8 months - he was there when Marcus was there and now they both are doing well and things look good. Him and his family live about 5 minutes from us- small world. Carl is adopted as well along with his 3 other sisters. His biological mom has a similar background to Marucs' biological mom. He is a nice kid- and his family seems very nice- had similar issues as Marcus did -so proud of the both of them.

they talked about the games and their favorite Heartbrave ( I know it is Braveheart- but Marcus was so delirious that is what he called it)

1st day of school

well I took the first day of school off- yes I did- not that I am resting or anything- I have other stuff I am trying to catch up on- and focus on- trying to activate a phone for Marcus since his got cracked- we wont go there. working on emails and such and projects for church. paying bills - so no rest for me - just hoping it wont take all day- but I kind of like this off during the day and working at Panera- all the hazelnut coffee I want.
we did an outreach for church for kids at an elementary school and I can't wait for another one- this is what its all about helping the community reaching into their lives and giving them hope.
I am also working on my first meeting - I already hear that there are parents who want to come so time to print up the flyers and encourage others that it will be ok

I often regress in remembering the first days of school with Marcus- all the days were good then the years progressed and wooo- its all good now- I cant not say many things are wrong ( just when he gets tired or anxious- yes this morning we were a little anxious). he worked with us last night in preparing the backpacks and said mom when can we do this again- I want to help other kids. I love his heart. he makes me proud- he loves to serve.

he is excited to share God with others this year at school- I told him do it in your way- shine for Jesus like no other. use actions and only words if you need too. We prayed last night at bed time as I always have and will always will. praying that God will use him as He knows the plan and purpose for Marcus. Marcus is truly is amazing young man, oh it gets tiring at times being mom and dad but so worth it. So glad I pressed through all the garbage we went through. I am blessed to be his mom.

He has a great schedule this year and I know he will do well if he sets his mind to it and focuses.

 7th grade- where has the time gone?

The day that changed my (our) life (lives)

i remember it like it was yesterday but in fact in was 2 years ago today that my mom left this earth as we know it.
she had been in the hospital since the 5th of August with mulitiple issues going on. we had been praying for a miracle - the medical side of me knew it was not good- i was still trusting God- we may not have gotten the miracle we wanted- but a miracle did happen - you see we did not know how long mom was sick - she would never tell us. let me back up
so marcus and i went to the hospital that sunday morning around 9 am (yes I told you I remember the details of that day vividly)- we wanted to visit before church- marcus wanted to sing to grannie - so he did then we met up with one of the doctors and he said he needed to talk with dad so we called and he was on his way. the news was not good and a decision of what needed to be done needed to be made in the next 24 hours the doctor said- marcus finished singing and with a heavy heart him and i went to church. as serivce was ending dad called and said it was not looking good and we needed to get to the hospital- mom had already coded once. we arrived right at 1 pm- we actually all arrived about the same time- lori and dad and the rest of the crew from home - marcus and i from church. nurse said she did not look good-the nurse asked if she coded again if they should resuscitate and i know i said no- i could not see putting her through it again. i went in to see her and so did lori- then dad said he needed a moment to talk with mom. lori and i stepped out and we both said you know what he is telling her right? yep go be with Doreen ( my older sister who died at 2 months of age). dad left the room, i stayed , held moms hand and told her i loved her and it was ok. i know lori was outside the room at that point. I stayed and held her hand until all the alarms went off and her ekg went flat at 1:26 pm- the nurses were awesome they took all the hoses and tubes off- we asked the kids if they wanted to see her and of course they said yes. with heavy hearts we said goodbye and left the hospital. however the miracle did happen she was not suffering in pain any longer- not how i would have done but I am not God
dont take family and friends for granted tell one another you love them and care about them

i love and miss you mom more then words can say

The review of summer

well this summer was jam packed with a ton of things going on- we had the last of the track meets as we ended school and then the following wee we were camping in the Mtns of Wyoming with my Uncle Dave, Aunt Cheryl and cousin Lucas and Ali. what an amazing time we had- we did not want to leave- loved it out there it was beautiful.
we came home and marcus went to soccer camp for a week- then hung out with sarah at their house off an on- he then went to youth camp- I painted his room while he was gone in USF colors - he came home -I did laundry dealed with a flooded house (while friends looked after it while I was gone) and then I left for kids camp- changed my look on dealing with things in a big way- came home and marcus had football camp and then off to papaws for a few days . marcus had some drs appts and then this week is quiet as we prep for school to start on the 19th.
I cant believe he starts 7th grade - whew where has the time gone- it just seemed like yesterday I was at his foster home meeting him for the first time- running out of the bedroom hollering mommy- now its mommmmmmmmy. he is such an amazing young man and I have learned so much from him. how we have grown together and will continue to grow- looking forward to it.
people often say wow you are entering middle school age- tough years- yes however I say this is nothing to handle compare to the first 6 years.
to another new year of school and growth!