day to day week to week

i know things have been rocky with M and I but please dont mess with my young man- or this momma may come unglued- he is growing and trusting God and seeking Him right now- I am so proud of him

tuesday at session I could sense or see something was wrong- it took him a bit to open up but when he did oh my - my heart sunk- he was being targeted by one of the kids a 17 year old- from messing up his bead project to having a desk and book thrown at him- but with all that- he kept his anger in check- no retaliation just him crying - hmmm i cry when i get angry too- wow-
he got everything out and his whole countenance changed-  so thankful he is slowly learning to open up and its ok to do so- Mom is learning too

but it gets better- not- so I get a phone call wednesday marcus got punched in the face- by who the same kid who did all he did the day before- ugh- and i am 80 miles away- i just wanted to go hug him- but i could not- so i spoke to him twice that day to make sure he was ok- he was no blood no broken teeth-  i was like dont mess with my son please dont you dont want ugly michele come out. LOL

anyway here are some pictures of us I love them- Rachael Ann Rice Photography took them. You can see more of her work at www.gotomypose.com

What Ive been through....

I don't know how many of you have gone through what I have gone over the last 10 years but it has been a learning curve to say the least.
Marcus has had a rough road and I've been hanging on by a thread at times. The pain of having to leave him each week - sometimes twice a week can be overwhelming at times- a momma's heart breaks each time, but we get through -
He has grown and matured over the last several weeks. Yet with that said we have much to dive into and working through it-
I miss him more then I could have ever imagined- he is a good kid - has a good heart.
So proud of him for straight As, reading his Bible daily, reading a devotional book daily and being a light to the other kids in the facility- he is on a mission field :)

My how things change

January 2014 I decided to make a change of how I ate and what I ate- gave up sweets and soda
dont get me wrong I love both just dont eat as much anymore- and well

Here are the results

Update on us

we have been in residential for a little over a month and God has graced us with an amazing therapist- a christian therapist at that- 
we have had good sessions and not so good sessions- but he is opening up slowly and showing more appreciation towards me at the last visit i had with him

We went to church last week together for the first time in 4 months- i enjoyed it so much

i miss him a lot but know he is where he needs to be- for me some days are harder then others and it can be overly emotional at times. 

i've learned quite a bit over the last month or so and am working through some overwhelming pain that i have endured over the process. its not fun by any means but necessary to work through. sometimes you dont know the pain you have until you begin to process it with a counselor- yes i am in counseling do to all i've been through with him. sometimes we need that extra ear extra help- the counselor i see is a christian who is amazing.

i am learning to just be held by God and not holding on- there is a song I am clinging to right now by casting crowns
 

Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on

And when you're tired of fighting
Chained by your control
There's freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held

If your eyes are on the storm
You'll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
You'll know I always have and I always will

And not a tear is wasted
In time, you'll understand
I'm painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held

Lift your hands, lift your eyes
In the storm is where you'll find Me
And where you are, I'll hold your heart
I'll hold your heart
Come to Me, find your rest
In the arms of the God who won't let go

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
(Stop holding on and just be held)
Just be held, just be held
Just be held, just be held

Songwriters
HALL, JOHN MARK / WEST, MATTHEW / HERMS, BERNIE

 

back on line again

well i thought i would catch you up what has transpired over the last several months - and will keep you up to speed as time progresses- i do this to get things out plus remind people they are not alone when it comes to dealing with behaviorally challenged children- mental health issues

this is not for the faint at heart but honestly not sure how much my heart can take or how much more it can take emotionally and mentally

so let me catch you up from march- i think i shared marcus was baker acted- then in may the bottom dropped out of my world - i am still sorting it all out but lets just say marcus lost control and has affected us both- not sure where he is at mentally but for me- its messed me up - if i am being honest

how could someone you love and put all the time and energy into over the years hurt you as he did.

our lives have not been the same since May 19th.

4 years ago marcus was in residential to get some additional help and on august 10th he reentered residential. he needs some help in which i can no longer give. hopefully we get the same or better outcome as we did four years ago.

the pain in my heart emotionally can be overwhelming at times but there are some amazing people in my life that are loving me through- praying me through

at times i wonder what in the world and why do we have to go through this again- i don't have an answer and may never get one- i just know we still have a long 6 months ahead of us- pray for us fro strongholds to be broken off m and to mend our broken family.

i know i just opened up a can of worms- for lots of questions - but i have lots of questions myself- so...

Its been awhile

I know its been a while we have been a little out of wack-

We had yet another flood back in October and we were living with friends - now they are just family- Libby the cat was with other friends - well family for the 4 months and we would stay with her and visit with her as we could- so we were so out of sorts until the beginning of February when we moved back home with the help of amazing people in our life.

We have had some difficulties with some behaviors and it hit us hard about 2 weeks ago- hopefully we are on the right path-

Marcus diagnosis includes PTSD 30% of which foster kids have it much higher statistic then our military coming home from battle- We here more about the soldiers then we do the kids- why? I am not sure- I wish I knew- no offense to the soldiers who serve- I want them to get the help they deserve.

However- my son has it and it can be a living nightmare- flashbacks of before he came into my life in which I had no control over- comes at times when you least expect it or want it.

Other mental issues may occur with PTSD as well as ADHD oh yes I live with a child with both- and a mood disorder

In my next post I will share how difficult it can be at times to raise a teen (yes on top of everything else we are in adolescence time) with behavior concerns as a single parent (call me a little wack adoodle). How I feel through it all- get ready ready and be prepared I will be honest.

Here it is for sharing of the house done.