Monday, August 27, 2012

Catch Up time

OK so we have started middle school and so far so good-
Marcus has really begin to mature and grow and I am very proud of him- he is working things out and he is still realizing it is better to be respectful and do coping skills when he needs to-
We have come so far and the journey is still ahead-
I often think back of the hard times and my heart smiles that we made it through-
He is a precious precious young man in which God has entrusted me with. How did I ever get chosen?

So school began - soccer began- I have HW for school now- Marcus is chorus so we will have those concerts- and so the life of a busy middle schooler begins. I rearranged his room and added a few things to help him be organized.

I often sit and think what would my mom say- she would be so amazed - I truly believe it- she would be like he is not at all like he was-



Tuesday, August 14, 2012

A year ago today

My momma left this earth- its a sad day today when I think of her- I have learned a lot through the year- I have a big hole in my heart and it hurts when I think of her- right now it hurts quite a bit-
I have come to appreciate my family and friends so much more- I love my family and friends - what would I do with out them- I do not know- I appreciate life more now then ever
I miss my mom's phone calls- I would usually call her on my way home to pick up Marcus-
I miss this time of the year with her as we would go clothes shopping for the kids for school- we would find the sales- {smile}
She would be so proud of Marcus and how successful he has become- Look mom we made it to Middle School can you believe it? and No special classes all regular- well we may be in AP math.
I am sure she was laughing hysterically as we cooked the Turkey in the driveway last year and probably was thinking what are they doing to my kitchen- she always would say get out of the kitchen- And the words of my mom when the kids ask where something goes- In the Oven we still say it and we laugh all over again.

I think of the day she was no longer with us - I can remember it like yesterday- time stood still that day.

Marcus and I got up and went to the hospital and sang to mom and then the Drs spoke to us and said they needed to speak with dad- we waited there and spoke with the Dr and her the news we need to make a decision in the nex 24 hours- well, not the new we were hoping for. So Marcus and I went and prayed with mom and went on to church- My phone rang as I was leaving service and it was dad and said to get back to the hospital it is not looking good- arrived at 1 pm- mom was gone at 1:25pm.
I was able to hold her hand until her body shut down and that was precious to me- Called Adam and let him know and then he let my Celebration Family know-  Bekah came and stayed with us for a bit then Pastor Gray met up with us at the house- a flood of comments on my facebook page was so comforting- met up with Chrsty Cain in the evening and sat and talked for 2 hours and then the police thought we were trouble makers in the Target parking lot {smile}Yes this day is forever etched in my mind.
I often look at her picture and ask her why she had to leave us so soon there was so much more to share. Never have gotten an answer I just know mom is well and whole- as she was sick and let no one know it and we did not know how long this was going on. No more pain

I love you momma- always in my heart- miss you much

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Being Faithful During Tribulation

Faithful during Tribulation
Matthew 5:11-12
11 “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you
Focus: Be Faithful in tribulation
Happy are you when people insult you- persecute you and lie about you because of Jesus. Rejoice and be glad- our reward is great in heaven- the prophets were treated the same way before us
So how many of you are happy when someone inflicted pain or insult on you? Not sure about you but I usually am not rejoicing when people insult me- or lie about me- in reality it upsets me.
When was the last time you praised God for going through a trial or tribulation- not so much fun those trials however the word says to be faithful to Him.
Revelation 2:10
Do not be afraid of what you are about to suffer. I tell you, the devil will put some of you in prison to test you, and you will suffer persecution for ten days. Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you the crown of life
In your afflictions Jesus sees it he knows what you are going through- he knows your pain
-      Michele you have no idea what trial I am going through- I lost my job, my family has issues, I have health issues- you know what I probably do not know – however I have been through my own trials- and I know being faithful to God and serving Him was the only way that it got me through those trials-  2011 was a year of trials for me My son would threaten me hurt me wish I was dead he was very volatile – the first 5 months of the year I had to admit my son to a residential facility in which I had no control over and had to leave him there 24/7- I thought my world had crumbled- I felt a lone and abandoned- and no one understood what I was going through- I felt defeated as a mom- however I did not leave serving God and reading His word and praying- although I could have - yet when I served Him and was faithful during those 5months my God strengthened me- healed my son from his past-brought us closer together as a family and God brought him home a month early. And just when Marcus was brought home a month later I lost my mom unexpectedly- totally rocked my world- I am sure many of you have lost someone close to you- there is just something about losing your mom that hits you like a lead balloon- another trial to go through with dealing with my emotions and again working through Marcus emotions in regards to it- he had never lost a family member- but yet through it all remained faithful to serving God and trusting him- yes I took some time off just to regroup but got right back in it – never stopped praying never stop seeking answers- through my trials it brought me closer- it brought me to want to help others more so that may go through things I have been through-
-      Not saying this past year was easy as pie- cause it was not it tested me brought me to my knees many times- I was angry at times but never at God- but because I knew he held me close – Did I praise God when Marcus went away yes yes I did- why cause he was getting the help in which God provided- Did I praise God for my mom dying -  I did not praise  him for her dying but I did praise him that she was not suffering anymore-
Michele I could never be faithful in my walk with God if trials came my way I fall apart and fall away- Why would you fall away from a God who could have easily have jumped from the cross- Do you think it was easy for Him to suffer the pain and trials he did for you on the cross- it was painful he was insulted he was made fun of he was spit on he was tortured-  yet he remained faithful to you – You were on His mind –when he took the insults the ridicule the pain- You were in His heart when hung on that cross.
What it takes to be faithful
1.    Prayer- and praise
a.     Pray in all circumstances- pray through-
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
 16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus
Psalm 17:6
 I call on you, my God, for you will answer me; turn your ear to me and hear my prayer
Psalm 66:19-20

 but God has surely listened and has heard my prayer. Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!
How amazing is it that God hears us and listens to us – How amazing it that he loves us
2.    Be accountable-

Proverbs 27:17
"As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend
a.     Someone knows you are going through something make sure that they hold you accountable and work through it with Him
b.    Allow them to listen allow them to be there- I know this is hard I speak from experience of thinking I can do it all by myself
3.    Stay involved- and help others

Ephesians 4:29

29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen

Even though going through trials I did take some time off of what I was involved in- but when I got back involved it was very therapeutic – my trials were not gone- my son was still in residential care but I was able to focus on God’s work and not my trials
When my mom passed away I took a couple of weeks off- and let me tell you this was very hard for me to get back into teaching – or being involved at all- Sundays for a very long time were difficult cause I associated moms death with Sundays cause that was the day she died. But when I got back into teaching Sunday School and teaching the kids the pain began to diminish-and my trial began to fade I was helping others learn the word -

4.    Know you are not alone- Jesus disciples went through persecution and ridicule and yet were faithful- Job was faithful and the reward was great for Job-Jesus was faithful to you

James 5:11
11 As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.

Matthew 19:27-30
27 Then Peter said to Him, “Behold, we have left everything and followed You; what then will there be for us?” 28 And Jesus said to them, “Truly I say to you, that you who have followed Me, in the regeneration when the Son of Man will sit on His glorious throne, you also shall sit upon twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. 29 And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or farms for My name’s sake, will receive many times as much, and will inherit eternal life. 30 But many who are first will be last; and the last, first.
Stay Faithful during tribulations and trials- when you are persecuted your reward will be great – your reward will be eternal.

Monday, August 6, 2012

the words or communications forever in my mind

so yesterday my thoughts were of my mom- you see a year ago I got a phone call and said mom was rushed to the ER with a possible stroke- well it was a perforated ulcer- which went septic and that is all I am going to say about that-
But she was in the ICU and we went to see her - she opened her eyes once and spelled on my dad's hand in which I interpreted and answered-
What were her last questions and statements-
What happened? Where are the kids? and I love you

three questions forever embedded in my mind- and yes I am missing my mom- miss her everyday-

Saturday, August 4, 2012

So many questions in one day

wow not sure what all the questions were about today - Marcus began asking questions about his foster home and I told him what I knew- he does not remember a lot anymore- thank goodness- and then he asked why his biological mom could not take care of him- so I asked are you ready to hear the truth- he said yes - so I was honest- about how she did drugs how she had sexually transmitted diseases and how she was unable to care for him- it all started with the conversation of how he could adopt a child when he got older cause he wanted to help challenging kids like I helped him
Anyway- he was like why did I not get any of her diseases I said well you did but they gave you something as a baby to get rid of it- what about the rest of the diseases she has- I said only God could protect you from the rest of the diseases you could have gotten from her. we had a really in depth conversation about the whole thing- I said one day when you are a little older if you want to meet her I will help you find her- of course he asked what if she has those diseases still I said not sure- I also said not sure if she will still be alive when we search for her- He asked about his biological dad - we do not know who he is and not sure how to go about finding that out- I said right now let us focus on you still and when the time is right we will look for your mom together- I do not want to fall backwards when we have come so far forwards- I do not mind him asking - he knows I am his mom and he knows I would do anything for him- I think it is important for kids to know the truth about their adoption and not hide things from them if they ask- how do adoptees feel check this link out and see Adoptee
Marcus was also asking about mom today- mommy do you remember when you and Pastor Gray prayed for grannie and she moved - what did she move- I said her eyes and her mouth- Did she accept Jesus then- Yes I honey I am believing she accepted Jesus then- ok good then we will see her again- whew so many questions today