What Ive been through....

I don't know how many of you have gone through what I have gone over the last 10 years but it has been a learning curve to say the least.
Marcus has had a rough road and I've been hanging on by a thread at times. The pain of having to leave him each week - sometimes twice a week can be overwhelming at times- a momma's heart breaks each time, but we get through -
He has grown and matured over the last several weeks. Yet with that said we have much to dive into and working through it-
I miss him more then I could have ever imagined- he is a good kid - has a good heart.
So proud of him for straight As, reading his Bible daily, reading a devotional book daily and being a light to the other kids in the facility- he is on a mission field :)

My how things change

January 2014 I decided to make a change of how I ate and what I ate- gave up sweets and soda
dont get me wrong I love both just dont eat as much anymore- and well

Here are the results

Update on us

we have been in residential for a little over a month and God has graced us with an amazing therapist- a christian therapist at that- 
we have had good sessions and not so good sessions- but he is opening up slowly and showing more appreciation towards me at the last visit i had with him

We went to church last week together for the first time in 4 months- i enjoyed it so much

i miss him a lot but know he is where he needs to be- for me some days are harder then others and it can be overly emotional at times. 

i've learned quite a bit over the last month or so and am working through some overwhelming pain that i have endured over the process. its not fun by any means but necessary to work through. sometimes you dont know the pain you have until you begin to process it with a counselor- yes i am in counseling do to all i've been through with him. sometimes we need that extra ear extra help- the counselor i see is a christian who is amazing.

i am learning to just be held by God and not holding on- there is a song I am clinging to right now by casting crowns
 

Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on

And when you're tired of fighting
Chained by your control
There's freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held

If your eyes are on the storm
You'll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
You'll know I always have and I always will

And not a tear is wasted
In time, you'll understand
I'm painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held

Lift your hands, lift your eyes
In the storm is where you'll find Me
And where you are, I'll hold your heart
I'll hold your heart
Come to Me, find your rest
In the arms of the God who won't let go

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
(Stop holding on and just be held)
Just be held, just be held
Just be held, just be held

Songwriters
HALL, JOHN MARK / WEST, MATTHEW / HERMS, BERNIE