the emotions you go through

when you lose your mom, your life changes forever. i know people all grieve differently but they go through a process of stages- i know this because i have wonderful pastors who have told me that everything i am going through is normal. which is nice to know i am not crazy or losing my mind

it is so true about focus - i tend to lose it easily - it is so true you cry and have no idea why but something triggers it- your heart physically aches cause it is hurting.

i find myself twisting my mom's mother's ring - my sister and I gave it to her- like twisting will change the fact she is gone- although it reminds me of the day we gave it to her- and she said to us you included Doreen's birthstone (my sister who is 6 years older and had died when she was 2 months old) - we were like um yep she is our sister and your daughter - I think she smiled so big from it- i hold it tight and honestly about had a meltdown when left it at the Tobias house yesterday. i know its a material item but my mom loved it and it is special to me.

people often ask if i am ok - my friends ask what can they do and they let me know they are here for me- i appreciate that and yet i do not know what they can do- make the hurt go away- but that is not happening-

this is a process to go through - how long will it last who knows I just know the holidays are coming and i do not like it already - why - cause mom will not be there and she does all the cooking- no one cooks like mom

i know i am rambling and it is ok-

so for those of you who have a mom still alive- tell her how much you love her whenever you can