The last couple days

Well I will not go into of what the last 2 days have been just know that Marcus is getting help-and is not home right now- thinking he will be home on Monday- well that is what he told me last night.

so my state of mind has been running and my emotions a little off- what do I mean- I know many of you may not even have the slightest of clue what I am going through and sometimes I can not even explain it- I go from I know where he is and he is getting help to what else could I have done- to when is he going to get it or if he is ever going to get it- I am sad cause I miss him- its too quiet at the house (I know call me crazy)- too this is a good time to catch up on cleaning to I just want to rest. I also just feel like throwing in the towel giving up on the whole mom thing- oh do not worry I won't. Just a moment- I know this time will pass- until... we will take it one day one moment at a time-

So PD sent me an article to read- and here it is for you to read whenyouwanttoquit

let me just take some items from it that stood out for me though
"It is the same choice we have all faced when circumstances have brought us to a place of giving up. We know that if we give up, we will be relieved of the pressure of the moment. And if we press on, we will continue to face all the obstacles that brought us to that point.
The problem with giving up is that you have already chosen the outcome of your situation. Failure is always the result of quitting. You trade possible victory for momentary relief."

"It is often the tedious, day-to-day situations that seem never to change that make you want to give up. The Bible says that hope deferred makes the heart sick. Discouragement develops into despair, and we lose our hope.

The loss of hope is a deadly condition for the believer. Without hope faith cannot operate. "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" (Heb. 11:1, emphasis added).

The nature of faith is to believe the impossible and see the invisible. We give up because we put our faith in what we know and see in the natural."

"The enemy of your soul has an assignment to wear you out--to make you so tired you lose your motivation to fight! The intimidation of the enemy is specifically designed to overwhelm you and stop you from making forward progress"

for me this is the most I have been feeling -especially Thursday night-FEELING ALONE

Keep seeking the word "I do not know what you are facing today, but I can promise you that God has something to say about it. I want to encourage you to go to His Word and come into agreement with it.

If, when you do this, the opposition increases, remember that when Jesus was in the wilderness He faced much opposition and discouragement. But the Bible says that as He continued to speak the Word of God, agreement was established, and after a season Satan departed from Him."

"We all face moments when we want to give up. As believers we must be willing to face these moments with courage, faith and utmost trust in God's ability to bring us to victory."

I will not give up- I will press on- I know my limits and will continue to seek help before it gets to the point of no return- God has chosen me to be his mom for a reason- I continue to grow and learn each step of this journey of being a mom-

Thinking on how to help him with what God has given me already plus all the other resources- people in our lives- we are truly blessed by amazing people-

Oh right now I am not all chipper and wahoo mode - it is a process I am working through so honestly if you ask me right now - I am just ok- not good not great not fabulous just ok- but I will get through and move to fabulous :)

I was going to write...

what has transpired in the last 24 hours- but I really do not feel like it- so I will just write- I am up and pressing through the day- trying to stay focused on the day at hand.

I have survived

that is the feeling after the last few days between work and home life-
Work we can now begin to relax a little today our walk through is done-
Home not so sure- I am not having a good feeling about M and is actions- is it mother's instinct - maybe.
Just this morning- He needed to get his trash from the bedroom and I was greeted with a grrr and hmmp from his mouth-simple request- so I gave him choices fortunately he made the right choice- Anything I say to him it appears turns into an attitude- its making me very weary.
Consequences are a joke to him- and if he gets them it turns into a nightmare-not sure-
I will keep praying- keep pressing on- keep asking for help-
Which the help I am forever grateful for.
His emotions go from anger to whistling a happy tune- which is what he just did. Hoping the med change will begin to take effect soon.

these times the old saying keeps coming to mind- if it does not kill me it will make me stronger- well I should be the strongest woman right now - don't you think- well not feeling that way at the moment - just being honest

Living with a child with a roller coaster of emotions and outbursts is not so fun

hoping for a good day- i choose to have a good day

I am tired and weary but i choose to have a good day- the last 2 days have been crazy between work and home- I am hoping both calm down soon- today at work it will-
just praying all goes well- I need to read the prayer today- I have it posted at work-
I know this blog is a ramble of thoughts-
hoping Marcus' increase in meds will have a postive outcome-

A Law which is crazy

ok who voted for a law that requires more of our behavior specialists and other staff more time- taken away from the kids-
Article in Orlando Sentinel
End restraint, seclusion of disabled kids, say advocates (and bills to be considered by state lawmakers) Disabled students, Florida Legislature, Leslie Postal — posted by lesliepostal on March, 1 2010 12:25 PM
One of the hot education issues this coming legislative session ( the Florida Legislature convenes Tuesday) will be whether to impose rules about if and when disabled students can be physically restrained or put in seclusion.

A Senate bill filed recently (by Rep. Andy Gardiner, R-Orlando) would prohibit restraining disabled students except in emergencies and prohibit putting them in seclusion.

Parents and disabled rights advocates — ones who have been pushing for the past several years for Florida to do more to curtail the practice of physically restraining kids with disabilities — are eager to get this bill passed.

They say too many students are hurt because staff too often resort to physical restraint with disabled students’ sometimes challenging behavior.

But school officials are worried the bills are too far reaching and don’t recognize the difficult job faced by teachers working with sometimes aggressive, out-of-control children.

The issue is the subject of a recent federal lawsuit in which a family is suing Princeton House Charter School (which specializes in educating children with autism) for alleged abuse of their son. You can find the Orlando Sentinel story on that case here.

Florida currently has no statewide rules or laws about restraint and seclusion, though the State Board of Education is still developing such a rule (that has been going on for a few years).

The issue of “restraint and seclusion” has become a national one. This past summer, U.S. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan asked state education leaders to develop, review or revise their policies so that to help ensure that “no child is subjected to the abusive or potentially deadly use of seclusion or restraint in a school.”

The U.S. DOE also pulled together a summary of current state rules on restraint and seclusion.

there is a law that has been passed in which staff have to fill out a pleothara of paperwork- trust me I know I receive it- why because my child is one who needs secured seclusion or restraint- I live it daily-
How many of you can say you have been punched or scratched by a child- I know my son has done it - today in fact- he has also try to bite teachers and behavioral specialists - punch them as well- because he gets aggressive and has to be secured this what works for him- if you do not agree with me come handle my son for a week- it will change your mind-
Staff is required to fill out an incident report within 24 hours- well in the 4 years I have been at Marcus's school I always get one plus a phone call or email-
Now on top of this they have to fill out a printed form within 3 days of incident and I get it in the mail- do we really need all this-
I understand there may be issues with forced restraint etc- and parents not being informed- well how involved are the parents in their child's education and behavioral issues-
I am a single mom- by choice- you know I adopted my son- I am up in his business a lot- I inform the school of any changes and they contact me with any issues- I can contact his teachers and behavioral specialist in an instant if needed- do not blame the teachers for restraining an out of control child they are protecting other students and the students themself-
Sit in a classroom of behavioral challenged children for a week - ok 1 day- you will get an idea of what these amazing educators do in their lives

excessive restraint - nope I do not think so- have you ever been punched or scratched - or threatened by a behavioral challenged child- do not knock the seclusion or restraint- just make sure you are informed and see if the teachers are trained- GET INVOLVED

Prayer of Release-

I cast all my cares upon You-all my worries, all my fears.
Father, calm my restless spirit, quiet my anxious heart, still my troubling thoughts with the assurance that You are in control. I let go of my grip upon the things I have been hanging onto, with opened hands I come to You.I thank You for Your promise to sustain me, preserve me, and guard all that I have entrusted to Your keeping. Protect my heart and mind with Your peace, the peace that passes all understanding. Father, may Your will be done in my life, in Your time, and in Your way.
By Roy Lessin, DaySpring co-founder and writer.

This was timely for me- God you are so good

here to tell you a story of sacrifice

I have these incredible people in my life- who almost 10 years left there home - left their life as they knew it- packed up with their family and moved to a city called Tampa- they sacrificed their comfort- why because they were meeting the calling on their life.

They have sacrificed a lot over the years- I mean a lot- for what purpose- the purpose to do what God has called them to do.

They have been in the ups and downs of their calling - why do they do it because they want to see lives changed for Jesus-

I have the upmost respect for them- and would do anything for them- who are they- they are my dear pastors and friends- Pastor Larry and Deanna Shrodes- they pastor at a wonderful church, Celebration Church.

They have a heart of compassion, they draw out the best in you- they challenge you to be where God wants you to be- they are very real- very honest and very loving

Marcus and I are truly blessed and words can never amount to how much they mean to us.They have been there through the ups and downs of our family life- praying encouraging and yes at times offering guidance in how to make me a better parent. They have shown me how to show grace when grace was hard to give.

Pastor Larry and Deanna Shrodes are real people- their words are heartfelt and the compassion they have is contagious

They often sacrifice their time and energy to be with others to encourage- to pray- to uplift.

Why am telling you this- well they are important to me and I thought I would let you know.

I tell you this - to pray for your pastors daily - to be loyal to them even when you do not know the whole story (there are 2 sides) - love them- be there for them- lend them a hand-- Your pastors sacrifice a lot for you and your family - take a few minutes a day for them.

I am taking the time- I love my pastors and their family- here for you always!