45 minutes...

and counting til the month of heck is over- looking forward to begin a new month- new before and after care - new new new-
time to move up the hill- took a stumble backwards but ready to move forward again.

I am working on my other writing and hopefully will deliver it by the weekend-
Nighty night all you termites-

We have overcome this time this month

I am still standing

My head hurts -

Let me tell you why- it is going to rupture I believe- it will one day soon-
Marcus had a real rough morning at home and this afternoon I found out the before care was about the same- however it got worse - he is no longer welcomed back at the before and after care because he chose to hit a teacher - i think it was an excuse to get him out of there- just my opinion-
Anyone- they said they have someone in their family that is the same way -so they should know how to handle him right -NO
So I bursted in to tears - Really God how much more do you really think I can handle- hold on- okay my mom and dad got me a bookmark so I set it in front of me and it reads ( one of my favorites) I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me - Phillipians 4;13- I need His strength cause mine is just about to totally run out-
I called Adam- he calmed me down and help to refocus on what I need to do- he said it will be okay- what can I do to help? I need you to stay home and watch him so he does not get into anymore trouble-
How about drive him to school in the morning until I figure out what to do- I had started the process last week with the first incident-so I had some work done-
Okay so i went to school saw his teacher she is so cool- I love her to pieces.
They have what is called PLACE for before care- I said great I started the process last week- so let me see if they stilll have an opening- they did yipee - only for the AM though- okay that is okay- Karate I saw something about after care- great they have an opening there-as well AM and PM are covered bad thing the AM startes Wedensday the good thing Adam is taking him to school for me - such a sacrifice but I am so appreciative

God is watching out - even though I stress out- I know breathe

Working on...

I am working on something so my blogs may be a little shorter to share-but you will see what I am working on all in due time- just want to make sure I get my thoughts out and feelings out to -
you all -have a great day-

Aww- I feel good today - its been awhile

Marcus and I being goofy after JBQ practice today-

Its been a long while since I have felt this good- we are starting to climb the mountain or hill now- started to come out of the valley and work daily on hill climbing-
Before I go on- I am not saying we are going to have all hilltop days but more are nicer then the valley days-
The last 3 days have been good- very good- minor incidences that were resolved relatively quickly.

I have been tired just cause I think a lot and make sure he is okay and sleeping and not into anything he should not be. but I will learn to do better - I need to or else I will be a mess.

Anyway- God is so good- Sunday School was a time to reflect on the single parenting class I have been leading- It has been good very good- It is amazing to see that as as a single parent you are not the only one going through similar things that married couples have no clue ( no offense there my friends) We found that being consistent is a hard thing to do- but necessary- why is it hard cause we get tired and can not say go talk to your mom or dad. I have learned that it is difficult when dad or mom is semi in the picture and how difficult it can be- we went way over time today which shows me this is so needed for us.

We discussed how as single parents we should ask when we need it - it is okay to ask for help ( I know this more now then ever)
Sometimes help could just mean that you are listening when I am emailing or chatting on line or calling- a lot of time for me that helps- and sometimes watching Marcus just for a few hours helps. When others correct him it is great and I can relax knowing others are around to say - hey there stop it

God spoke to me today regarding all that we have been through- reminding me it is a process - and still take each day one at a time- God is going to use this process in a mighty way- I know it I feel it in my heart. Keep reading my blog cause I am going to bring you from a journey of the summer through now - I need to show you what we have been through to show you where we are going- He is a mighty God-

I woke up with a smile this morning and a good feeling- it was nice- I am thankful

No Matter What...

I am not forgotten- and neither are you - no matter what you are going through- He is always thinking of you

We Have Overcome

This song I learned at Unstoppable and I noticed we were singing it Sunday in service- We have overcome by the blood of the Lamb- We HAVE OVERCOME-

A letter to my family and where we are going

Marcus' behavior had begun detoriating over the summer- with increase outburst of anger over very simple things- when he was asked to do something - when he was doing something he should not etc etc- the week before September 1st these outbursts got very out of hand very violent- hitting - screaming yelling etc- this to a point where I did not feel comfortable _ yes scared nervous - to be with him - so I spent the Sunday night at friends and even he outbursted and raised his fists towards his "uncle adam" which he never ever has done. So I had to make a decision and not sure how to make it- Monday the 1st in the AM was pretty much a battle and then he calmed down- but I knew I had to make a decision and waited all day to do it- Lori was there with me the entire thought out time- when he was being so kind- but I just never knew when the next outburst would come- the violent outbursts- you see where I got nervous is Sunday he kicked me so hard in my knee I had a bruise for over a week. Anyway- that was the icing on the cake.
After much thought- after much heart ache-and heartwreching time- I had to make a decision to get help - so we went to the ER- We dropped Isaac off at the Tobias family and Lori drove me to the ER. so glad she was there. Anyway-he was fine then through a fit in the car over cookies then he was fine and good when checking in to the ER- and he was good and coloring and then he did exactly what I wanted him to do so someone could see what this child is all about - You see I told Marcus we were going to get help because Mommy did not know how to help him anymore- and he was okay with that nervous but ok
Anyway- to make a long story shorter- He through a massive fit- hitting me in the face - hittin my jaw with his head - kicking yelling - I was trying to hold him- Lori went to get security but they really did not help- so Lori grabbed him and we slammed him to the floor ( okay not really) but we did drop to the floor- her holding his arms me his legs- I was exhausted physically from defending myself- and as we were sitting there sweating- one of the Drs or interns came over and said keep dong what you are doing - mental health is on their way- of course Lori and I bursted into laughter cause I was not going anywhere - The staff there was FABULOUS- gave me gatorade- aske me if I needed anything- Lori made phone calls and kept people updated.
Anyway mental health came down (Todd) he was great- Marcus did a nother outburst with him for about 30-40 minutes- he said he has not had to use a technique in 20 years but they did. todd was now sweating and he is no small man- He told Marcus - you ar going to make me make a decision I do not want to make- I said do what you need to do- that is why we are here- so they decided to Baker Act him- not sure if it other states have this but- this is when a person is a threat to himself or others. So Marcus was sent to a crisis center for 6 days- I was able to call twice daily and visit for 1 hour (which he only wanted to visit for 10 minutes each time)
We are going to behavioral therapy weekly- he has meds to take daily - we are working on anger control- he will see his psychiatrist more frequently-and now 25 days later from the first we are at a much much better place- school is going well - he started karate which he earned 3 months free because he was so well behave at school and was the only one who got it.

I am not sure if any of you have dealt with mental health issues but let me be very honest and frank with you - as the mother as the other family that deal with a child with mental health issue s( remember we do not know biological make up here) it is very real - very tiring - very time consuming-you have to think before the reaction comes so you do not have an explosion- constantly trying to figure out better ways to work with him-the days are better but we have a long way to go for the rest of his life- If you have never been through it - you do not understand- I am a stronger person for it and Marcus will be a better young man-
I just wanted to share - withyou my family of what has been going on-
The decision was the toughest ever and brought me to my lowest ever- helpless ( I stayed at friends house for the week he was gone) - but I would not change my decision for anything.

I loved what my pastor said as I was driving to the hospital- this has no reflection on you as a mom- he is sick- just like if he had diabetes or any other medical sickness you would do whatever means possible-and that is exactly what I did.

I wrote this to our family for our newsletter - my aunt sends one out every month - but as I wrote it I realized that the last 25 days were the hardest ever but as the days have come they ahave gotten easier -not easy - easier- and I am not saying that all is peaches and roses- but it is better- we have a long way and still have a long way to go-but our strength - my strength comes from God- I can see a little bit of how God is going to use this time for good.-