Strength

Isaiah 40:31
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint

Why am I just writing scriptures the last couple of days- well cause I needed those scriptures- I needed reminded and I need His strength today- Since maybe Saturday night - Sunday morning- I have just been missing my boy and want him home- it is a struggle from time to time over the last several months- but hey he is my son regardless of what we have been through- he should be home- ok seriously do not give me the he needs to be where he is at right now- I so know that.I really do. Just missing him that is all.
OK let me see how to explain it- you have your 10 year old active in sports and seeing them participate or active in school or church activities and then they are not there yet you are watching all the other kids participate in the same things- sometimes you just go through the motions of all of it just to get through those times- why cause you want your son there with you-
you are unable to give him a hug when he is crying on the other end of the phone- or hug him after he worked through a moment of anger with out being aggressive.
so when he is home my time is precious with him- i savor those moments- i know he will be home soon the 3 months have gone fairly fast - we have 3 months to go- and I know God will give me the strength I need to get through the last 3 months- I know he is progressing well

Hope

Psalm 33:20
We put our hope in the Lord. He is our help and our shield

Trust

Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding

Here I am

Here I am, Lord send me
All of my life, I make an offering,
Here I am, Lord send me
Somehow my story is a part of Your plan,
Here I am

I have had a lot- I mean a lot of time to think over the last 3 months-and the same thing keeps coming to mind- there are more families out there that need to know they are not alone in raising a child with PTSD - they are not alone- so how do I need to do let them know- that is where I am right now- oh I have a website but there has to be a bigger way- more productive way.
They need to know there are people out there knowing what they go through on a day to day basis- they need to know there are professionals that want your child to be successful- they need to know there is a HOPE for tomorrow

Here I am, Lord send me
All of my life, I make an offering,
Here I am, Lord send me
Somehow my story is a part of Your plan,
Here I am

3months yesterday

well 3 months yesterday our lives were forever changed- its been a bit of a ride- from Marcus being so angry and not talking to him talking like crazy and not stopping- (not complaining)
from him not coping to him realizing he needs to cope- meds are great and love the fact we found the right combination- but he has to know coping skills for life and so glad he is learning- although the majority of them he was taught before and i think for me this is a bit frustrating cause I worked hard at making sure i worked with him- i guess with multiple therapy sessions and constantly everyday working on the same thing it is finally clicking-
the song "find your wings" is so much more precious to me because I do believe that God is making him whole and opening his mind for the plan God has for him whether it be an Olympic athlete (mom's dream for him :) ), a teacher, someone in the military, a police officer and the list goes on. I will be proud of what ever he chooses to do for us to get through what we have gotten through - God is going to use him- I do believe to reach other kids like him-

so here are the words to the song- i think of them often and they mean more to me know then they did 5 years ago

Mark Harris - Find Your Wings

It's only for a moment
You are mine to hold The plans that heavens has for you
Will all too soon unfold
So many different prayers I'll pray
For all that you might do
But most of all I want to know
You're walking in the truth
And if I never told you
I want you to know
That as I watch you grow

I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I'm here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings

May passion be the wind
That leads you through your days
And may conviction keep your strong
Guide you on your way
May there be many moments
That make your life so sweet
Oh but more than memories

I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I'm here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings

It's not living
If you don't reach for the sky
I'll have tears as you take off
But I'll cheer as you fly

I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I'm here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings

Gentling- Dr Krill (cont'd)

Ok the final post- has to deal with how trauma affects everyone

p 18, p 22

trauma effects everyone either directly or indirectly.
Anyone who works closely with children can tell how contagious stress is. Even clincians dealing with it can have its toll on them-they become overwhelmed with grief, fear and sadness (secondary PTSD) A clinician needs to take care of themselves as well as those they treat.

Michele here- ok so dealing with this in the clinical setting affects the clinicians- think about how much more it affects parents who deal with these children on a daily basis- we get tired- we get overwhelmed and yes it has been documented that parents began to suffer PTSD from working with their child- we as parents (self included) need to take care of ourselves- we need breaks - often we feel isolated and others have no clue what we deal with- sometimes we just need others there to listen sometimes we need others to give us time away from our child. it is a constant a daily task we deal with- even when they are not at home they do come back and we have to work with them- not your normal child not your normal how you deal with them- what works for your child may not work with mine- you always have to be thinking ahead making sure you are in check with how you are responding so you do not trigger a stress episode- it is tiring at times and emotionally and physically draining. we need people to help us - we do not ask to be understood we just ask you to be there to listen or take our child for a bit - we do try our best and hope others try to see what we go through but often we are misunderstood.
ask me i will tell you what is like-it maybe not right away but I will tell you soon

Add on Post

I guess I will never really get it- when people say you know your son so well and you follow through with what we are teaching him and you- why would I not follow through-in order for us as a family to be successful I need to make sure I follow through on what he learns- time and time again I have been told this by teachers- and doctors and therapist- I am his mom this is what needs to be done in order for him to be the person God created him to be.

I was told again today I am so involved and we wish more parents were like you-
just being the mom I know to be- I want Marcus to be successful