Gentling- Dr Krill (Cont'd)

p 202- 204
Defiance or general acting out: use a normal voice tone devoid of pressure and inflection - try to keep voice neutral as possible but firm. Directives should be brief and to point. repeat once but do not elaborate or keep repeating. Following initial directive you may need to turn from the child and allow to self calm or stress break. As adults we tend to add more stress with raising voice or making threats for oppositional child to respond. This type of response will only increase resistance and will trigger a full blown stress episode ( all to well known in my world)

tears , pouting, crying: try not to react - use the above -recognize they are upset- give directive and do not elaborate. calm voice and low intensity show that you are not a threat

Demanding, hostile, nasty, oppositional: use response in defiance or acting out- neutral or non-intense tone of voice give immediate directive and let it be immediate. importance of keeping neutral tone so it will not trigger a stress meltdown. A stressed child needs to have immediate penalties for misbehavior.

Avoid debate ( working on this myself) give a choice when appropriate and encourage child to make right choice. give directive and repeat once if needed. give advisement of not following the directive or completing the task. then turn away and give the child time to self calm or take stress break- follow up in 5-10 minutes and repeat directive. If refusal occurs provide immediate consequence.
Use same neutral tone as always-an adult's anxiety and stress can trigger the child

In most things the response is the same- neutral tone- repeating once- and adults to remain calm- My thoughts- often times this is difficult but very important- this is why mentally and emotionally it is draining on the adult working with the child (my opinion)

Helpless or hopeless- time for positive and upbeat and encouraging directives- state your confidence in the child

Gentling By Dr Krill

this is the book I have been reading I am going to post some pages on here from it and see that these pages were ah ha moments for me and working with Marcus- some of the things i have done but now have a better understanding of what or reasons he does the things he does.

p. 177
Stress disordered children need more affirmation, more guidance,and praise then other children. They are often insecure and can not self evaluate very well so adults need to offer more frequent assessments- (especially positive ones)

A child with stress disorder will often rush through assignments and tasks, This is a sign they are stressed. Their rushing is a form of "flight"

Learn individuals signs of stress - often they are labeled "oppositional" or attention deficit but really are expressing stress signs. some become forgetful, clingy and generally regress in their behavior. Stress disorders often mimic other disorders

p. 201 One way to understand a stressed child is to think of a glass of water: we all have some stress in the glass, however a child with a stress disorder the glass is nearly always full. When enough stress is collected it will overflow with behaviors. If signs of stress are spotted early and responded properly there can be very good results

Adults in contact with a child with stress disorder needs to know child's cues or triggers. these can be very dramatic or can be subtle and hard to see.
A cue can be something in the environment that reminds them of the trauma (often unconsciously)- a smell, a taste, a noise, a tone of voice, physcial gesture or even just a thought.

** How to deal with the stressed child will be posted tomorrow**

He is ALIVE

Happy Anniversary

HappY Anniversary !

I did not realize and should have...

when you lose someone or someone is not with you everyday you miss them but when they return you just realize how much you have missed them. I am so proud of Marcus and how he has progressed.
Did not realize how emotional all this was until last night with dinner and i broke down in tears- i want what is best for him and me and all that- the fact that they mentioned of releasing him earlier (Marcus does not know they mentioned this) then the target release date has me freaked out just a bit- my mind went fast forward to that day instead of the here and now- need to focus on that and take each moment and each day I have with him and not be concerned about the days ahead. He is treatment plan states 30 days of non aggression behavior and we have not accomplished that yet.

one day one moment at a time- emotions in check ( well....)

Happy Good Friday

It is Good Friday- the first and most important reason to celebrate this day is Jesus was nailed to a cross- beatened and bruised for you and me- for our sins- he loves us that much to lay his life down for us- How thankful I am for the day he did that 1000s of years ago.

another reason- Marcus is home for the entire weekend - he has to be back by 6 on Sunday-
He is changing- and progressing very well- growing, maturing, learning, and coping. his eyes are brighter and he talks so much more.
I am optimistically caustious of how well he is doing- I do not want him to come home sooner then he needs to - I want to make sure that he is ready and I am ready-

I am still working on how to work with him as he is not your typical child- still deciphering normal kid behavior and Stress behavior can be difficult times- I also need to get in the mind set of he has changed and right now that is difficult- I can see it but was so in a mode of what is going to happen or when for so long it is hard to change that but the more time I spend with him that should improve

we have some things to change when he comes home for good - from school, to how others who take care of him , to others who might be in charge of him handle him- we all need to be on the same page in order for him to be successful so yes- he may get treated slightly different than others- we need to make sure that he is able to function and cope- he processes things differently- he has a stress disorder-the book I have read is great and I understand why Marcus reacts the way he does to certain things and how to handle them better- Gentling- may not be the way many would happen to handle your own child but does your child suffer from PTSD.

I do believe with the amounts of prayers going up is a big part of Marcus' change- I also believe that the gift of modern medication is truly a gift and when you find the right one amazing things can happen. I believe the support and love of family is critical to his well being and mine - I have found strength from God and from the support of family at all hours of the day-

We will not just survive this time we will thrive and Marcus and I will be a testimony to all those out there that may be dealing with the same thing- We can all do through Christ who strenghtens us.

yikes

i did not realize i have not written since last thursday-ok so saw M on thursday and friday he had a rough evening so did not get to speak with him, he was walking around the facility with the nurse supervisor (he had kicked the nurse) so saturday i asked him what happened- idk he said - i was like no that is not acceptable- you do know- i was just acting all crazy- i told him well acting all crazy and aggressive will not get him a pass for easter- then it was like yes maam- i reiterated the fact he is capable and able to do this he just is not choosing too- since then he has had good days- hopeful he continues cause if he does he will be home Thursday til Sunday-

so since saturday- i am so trying to keep track of eating and exercising consistently- very important i do this- i had started back in january but took a slump for a couple of weeks- so hopefully I am back on track.

got a package from my mom and dad- i love peeps and mom and dad always get them for me for easter and i eat whatever they give me in one day- well i did it this time in 2- thanks mom and dad - love you