Wake up Call

Well Friday was a wake up call for me at work and home- I reallized with the help of my boss my focus has not been at work and I am not meeting their expectations- so it is a reality check and I have dug deep inside to see where the problem lies- well I have been so focused on family life and concerned with Marcus and not knowing when he will have issues- I have allowed it to seep it to my work and that is not good- so my boss and I talked- and there are a couple option she gave me-and we will talk some more I am sure. I am going to have to refocus - how seek out additional help for me- pray more - talk to someone -not just family and friends- we have EAP at work I am going to go talk with them- it will be a good thing- why cause I am not functioning as I should- how?
Not focusing- just going through the motions- sleep what is that? I go to bed but usually up at 2 or 3 and then wide awake- house chores are done when I feel like it or when it gets bad -although this I am doing better at- just at the end of my rope and that is not good and I need to not be there- How can I continually help him if I am not helping me-it has effected me my work my home-
One thing that keeps me going is teaching Sunday School and the love of God to the kids- one thing that keeps me going is using my skills in helping animals- and helping others- it felt good to help Maddie last night - even though I do not wish that on anyone (MAddie is our pastors dog and was hit by a car)

What can you do- pray and pray and pray - believe when I can't
I will make it - I am too stubborn not too- just a real rough time- however I serve and AWESOME God and He will help me through- and I have loving family and friends who will help me through.
This is my prayer in the desert And all that's within me feels dry This is my prayer in the hunger in me My God is a God who provides Verse 2:And this is my prayer in the fire In weakness or trial or pain There is a faith provedOf more worth than gold So refine me Lord through the flames Chorus:And I will bring praise I will bring praise No weapon forged against me shall remainI will rejoice I will declare God is my victory and He is here Verse 3:And this is my prayer in the battle And triumph is still on it's way I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ So firm on His promise I'll stand Bridge:All of my life In every seasonYou are still GodI have a reason to singI have a reason to worshipVerse 4: This is my prayer in the harvest When favor and providence flowI know I'm filled to be empited again The seed I've recieved I will sow

God's promise to us- My promise to Marcus

Before you listen make sure you shut off or put pause on the player at the bottom of my blog

Its a New Month

today is November first - a new month a new beginning- time for renewal- time for change- time to fall away from the past and focus on the now and tomorrow- trying not to be concerned with the days to come but focus on the day at hand-what can I do different today that can impact and change a life for tomorrow-

this is with home and where ever I go- specifically at home though

what things do I need to change to have an impact- there are a few- and we will see how it goes-

Marcus said he was ready to come home and he was ready to behave- and he was ready to do the things he knows how to do-I hope this is true- he seemed a little different last night- very resepectful and very obedient- today is a new day- How will I handle it- God only knows- God I pray for wisdom each new day and help me see him the way you do-

yes today is a new day - a new month a new beginning

Thank you God

Just Fix Him

that has been my thought all week-- or should I say since Wednesday no I can say all week-

I know that is maybe easier said then done but it is how I am feeling-

its been a long week and I just would like things to be semi normal- regrouping reassessing not just him but me as well- I know I have done what I need to do- and yet feel there is always room for improvement in my parenting skills- more education of what I need to know of his diagnosis - what other steps are there etc-

How to get the rest I need- how to get time to myself and recoup- I will admit I do not do that enough-sooooo get ready may be asking some of you for an hour or 2 of your time -

I trust in the God I serve- As I was praying yesterday God just told me you are still the right choice- the song Here I am came on the radio and there are few lines in it that jumped out at me

When setbacks and failures, and upset plans,Test my faith and leave me with empty hands,Are you not the closest when it's hardest to stand?I know that you will finish what you began.These broken parts you redeem,Become the song, that I can sing

Overwhelmed by the thought of my weakness,And the fear that I'll fail you in the end,In this mess, I'm just one of the pieces,I can't put this together but you can

Here I am, Lord send me,I wanna live my life as an offeringHere I am, Lord send me,Somehow my story, Is part of your plan,Here I am

New day same story

I know my blogs have not been the most up beat lately-and let me say I apologize -I try to be positive in every avenue of life and want what God has for me- and yet the past month is taking a toll- now it is taking a real toll- I try my hardest not to and yet I am just so tired - physically and mentally drained on a daily basis- I wish I had a little scope to go inside his brain and see what is going on- I wish I could fix him like that- I am ready for God to completely heal him-I have learned a lot over the past 4 and half years and right now I am truly at a loss of what to do with him-

The I do not wants toos- the I do not cares- the refusal to do things- i can understand if it was just at home and it was a me thing - however it is at school- church and home-at others houses
I continually question myself of how I can do things different- so I try new ways and guess what it is the same response as above- he also gets angry and throws a meltdown too-
I keep persevering I keep trying I keep standing and yet I feel like my knees are about to crumble and not allow me to stand anymore.

And yet again I hear the same song everytime when I first I get in the car- I will rise by Chris Tomlin-
I will not give up- I will not give up- may need to call on some friends more often so I can have down time for me- it is a needed with any parent- single parent- and especially a special needs parent

Pressing on - Pressing through-

ITs a Celebration

First I was able to celebrate our pastors by speaking from the platform and sharing where they are going-

Here is what I said - I wrote it down because I would have not gotten through it-

As I begin to think about what I was going to say today- I have been thinking about this for weeks-no words came to my mind on how to express how our pastors mean to me.
What do you say to 2 people who pour into your life?
That challenge you to reach your potential in what God has for you
That hears from God and brings His word to you every week-
That cries when you cry and rejoices when you rejoices-
What do you say to 2 people that have such a heart such a compassion to reach the lost?
I came up with just a couple of things to say to you PL and PD
Always remember you are not alone- we are here to lift you up - we are here to pray with you- we are here to move forward and celebrate with you in all that God has for His church
And one finally word I want to say before I share what we have planned for you is:
I love you and your kids from the depth of my heart- you all mean so much to me.

Then I was able to tell them where they were going - finally a month we had to keep it hushed

Here is where they are going

So then we are relaunching our church in January- a name change and all - its a celebration-Our church is a place where you belong- where you believe and where you become all the Christ has for you -

So what is our new name

Celebration Church

In time and with patience

In time and with patience - those words were commented to me by my good friend Cathy - She said to hold on to this promise from God.
I have learned much patience and still am learning much patience- sometimes I pray God fix him and make it all good- I know such a profound statement-
Last night I was telling a friend of mine- I just hope for one day with no meltdowns- we have had too many over this past month-

Yesterday was probably on eof the best days in a while- we still had a meltdown or 2 and yet they were not so bad.

The song I will rise seems to be on whenever I get in the car and turn it on-as if to tell me - Michele you will rise- one day there is going to be no more pain no more tears-to hang on and persevere- did I pick the word for me this year - wowzers- so I am persevering-I am hangin on-sometimes by the knot at the end of the rope but I am still hanging on- sometimes I feel lke the knot is slipping and then there are those of you who I love -who say a word - send an email and yes sometimes slap me around (not really- well maybe - no) and have me get a reality check- each person has been knowing what to say at the right time-
the bonfire with the youth - came at just the right time- sitting in the fire ok not really in the fire by the fire- and watching it was so very relaxing and just what I needed- so I think I need a fire place :)

In time and patience- IN time and patience- IN TIME and Patience- IN TIME and PATIENCE