You won't believe it-update

We had a women's get together and a CE get together on Friday and Saturday night- and I sat and listened and talked at both get togethers- (one of which we talked about being grateful)
As I sat there in both gatherings I realized how blessed I truly am- the people I am with are terrific. I sat there with tears in my eyes at both thinking this year has been extremely hard and I am so grateful that I had some of these people lifting me and Marcus up in prayer in the lowest point of our valley.
I amnot going to dwell on the valley part of the year but I need to tell you - how grateful I am for it- going through it was the toughest part but as I look back that time it has brought me to a whole new level of who I am. As Bernie told me that Wednesday night when Marcus was in the crisis unit- if this does not kill you it will make you stronger and I truly believe that I ama much stronger person from it- I was strong before but this is a whole different level- and a whole different way- I can't remember a lot of what was said to me at that time- but I do remember the fact when Pastor Larry said this has no reflection on you as a mother-that statement stuck to me like glue and at the moment he told me I did not realize how much of an impact it would have on me- I am thankful so grateful to the Tobias household- allowing me to take up residence on their floor for a week- not being able to function and telling me this is a new beginning- again the signifcance of that statement was not realized until recently when I could look back and see- not only for Marcus but for me as well-a new beginning of making sure I am able to work with him- and fight for him- counsel him when he is not in therapy-
I am thankful for PD and Melissa- and Cathy for holding me up in prayer and having the Faith that I needed to get through - through their prayers- I am thankful for Lori who sat with me for hours contemplating the decision and finally making the decision- she was there to help restrain him and make phone calls and just be there to ask if I was ok- she drove from Clearwater one night for a 10 minute visit at the unit. I am grateful that the mental helath staff in the ER listened to a mom- the month of September was a rebuilding of faith- I did not give up- and I never will- yes being in the trenches is what I am grateful for this year- no I am not crazy- it felt as if I was at certain times-
I am stronger from it- I am back in school because of it- I am more of an advocate because of it- I speak out because of it- I want to help kids even more because of it- I want to help parents because of it-
Realize we all go through tough times but what you make of it is up to you- I am not saying it is still not tough cause we have had moments but when you beging to see the outcome of your determination you began to realize how grateful you are that God allowed me to go through it to make me a better person then I was before September 1 2008

Building Snowman in Florida

Thanks Grannie for giving Florida kids a chance to a build a snowman- he enjoyed it

What a week

This week has been wonderful- the best week as far as behavior ever- no really- you may not understand what I am talking about but he truly is the best ever- Before care earned all his points this week- School earned all his points this week- after care no problems this week. Did well in Martial arts- Home- except for a few minor meltdowns (minor real minor) he has been fabulous- like the switch was finally turned on or something-it is God- that is all I can say

So I call the before care after I pick him up to see how his Friday went-Miss Kim was like I was going to call you and I went inside my head oh no- (please understand normally those phone calls are not good) so I said really she said I want to tell you how proud I am of Marcus- I was like really- she said today another child hit him while they were playing legos and Marcus walked away- she said she was not there so she asked the other teachers what happened and what did Marcus do- they said he walked away- so she called him over and he thought he was in trouble but she said Marcus what happened this morning and he told her and she gave him a BIG hug and said I am so proud of you and the choice you made- you controlled your anger- Good job- She said he got the biggest grin- as she was telling me this my eyes began to fill with tears and really they are beginning again- this is HUGE- some may not realize it but this is a breakthrough- he walked away- he walked away-

My heart is filled with so much - how proud I am of him- how thankful I am to people who have not given up on him-it has taken over 3 years to get to this point- and I am so proud- this is the best Christmas gift I could ever receive - no amount of $ could ever take this away.

Stay tuned for tomorrow- I want to write about what I am thankful for during this time-you may be surprised

Its a Stellar Day

Behavior is good

I am proud to say we have had a good day- well Marcus behavior wise has - from the start of the day to the finish of the day- very minor things but he was good- I thought we were on a verge of a meltdown at Martial Arts today but he surprised me he thought about it before he reacted- he is listening it is sinking in- day by day- baby steps
So proud

just when I think I have it

Breathe- just when I think I know what I am doing with Marcus- he throws a wrench in the plan- the last 2 evenings have been I do not want to do my Hw I do not want to eat that for dinner- oh normally or normal children would have just gotten upset and went off to their room- oh no- scream holler I want..... cry carry on- scream at me some more- I wish I was nto your son- stab in the heart(not really those words hurt me even though he says it in anger)-
Mornings have been real good it is these after karate and working on dinner and HW the last 2 days are going to drive me over the edge-
I am a little tense right now so this is my venting- he seems not to get it about it is not about what he wants - tonight especially he was told what he needed to do and here we are over an hour later-
UGH- Breathing- He is calm now and guess what he is doing his HW- why did he not want to do it- he did not understand it- did he tell me that - NO!!! he just got angry.

I am so tired

The past 2 nights my sleep has not been very good- not sure why- I have lots racing in my head - Christmas- classes- work- Marcus' behavior- house work that needs done and keeps piling up-
etc.
This morning I woke up and said I really do not want to go to work- just feeling a little inadequate there for some reason- not sure why - hopefully this week I can get caught up and focus on some stuff that has not been looked at- Being thrown into something and not knowing what your doing is a little unsettling so it has taken a lot of time to figure things out- too much time in my opinion but I think I am my own worst enemy when trying to accomplish things- anyway I am hoping today goes quickly and not to crazy at work-