Well... (updated)

My anxiety went up another notch from the last writing- Thursdays caretaker for Marcus had something unexpected happen at work and needs to be there and now I am out of luck- I do not think the Y would like him back after the last 2 days.- Maybe? - My wonderful wonderful sister- what would I do with out her at times- She is going to take him and maybe even take the day off and have aunt and nephew time.


No blaming of anyone- I need to be at work- I have surgeries that day- Do you see some of the trials single parents go through- ugh. So if anyone could or want to let me know if they can watch him I would be forever grateful.

Why?

Can I be transparent with you today?- We spoke about this Wednesday night-If I can't be transparent then you should stop reading now- realize this is how I am feeling the last 2 days- not always.

Why - Why did these people do bad things to Marcus
Why- is he so angry- Why can not God heal him instantly-Why am I so frustrated? Why did God allow this treatment to happen to Marcus? Why do my days feel unending? Why is this such a battle? Why will this not seem like it is getting any better? Why do others tell me he is so bad ( I heard it today)? (children) Why does this get to me?


When will he be restored? When will this get easier? When will I feel like I have accomplished something with him?When will I truly see the light at the end of the tunnel? When will schools, before care and after care and summer camps stop calling me to say he is hitting and out of control can you talk with him? When will he feel confident in himself? When will he use his words instead of his hands? When will he start listening most of the time? When will he stop talking back? When will he stop being so aggressive?

How much can I take? How much longer will he be so out of control? How will he be when he is older? How do I know I am making a difference?

Who is there to help? Who is this child God created? Who has influenced him to be this way? Who will influence him to change?

What will his life be like in the future? What will I do if he continues down this path of angriness when people say things to him? What do the days hold ahead for him? What is his purpose in life? What is God's plan for him?

I am feeling a little over the top with anxiety- I do not get this way too often but I am there- between the last 2 weeks I am not sure what to do anymore- and I am teaching a parenting class- what was I thinking ? I know it was God speaking to me not me thinking.

My prayer for Friday is

simple- Hands kept to himself, and he uses his words-
I pray for a calm day for him-I pray that he stays focused on what he needs to do today

Keep praying for hands to yourself and using your words

Marcus had a pretty good day yesterday with Aunt Lori and Uncle Stacy- and at the Y. Keep Praying that he uses his words and keeps his hands and feet to himself.
Yesterday was a strange day- I am working at one of the other facilities as manager because the manager there is on vacation and the supervisor had an unexpected death in her family (she had to go to Baltimore)
I spent some time working on the banister that I have been trying to get done for months now- maybe if I am diligent tonight I can get it all sanded so I can refinish tomorrow or I should say Thursday.

Thanks for your prayers on Marcus - keep them coming-

Does he ever give up?

I commented on PDs blog about how wonderful the service was- it truly was - but the the devil was not happy this morning- why- I truly believe he works through our kids or tries to-but that was not going to stop me- Today was the first day of our single parenting Sunday School Class- Here is how my day went and you see something here.

Got up - Marcus was in a fabulous mood- thank you Jesus for this- we talked on the way to church and I reminded him he could watch video games and he said yes maam- so I went about my business getting stuff ready for my class and went back into tell him it was time to go and what was he doing playing video games- I wanted to talk to him about it - oh no that is when the battle began about 10 minutes before class. ugh- so we talked went to class and before I could get my first words out Miss Lorna said I need you- Fortunately- it was a parenting class and they were so sweet. So off we went to the office. Pastor T took him and I did not see him for awhile.

I was able to go to class and just show them a preview of it - so if you are a single parent we start the lessons this week coming. I was a little disappointed for there was only 3 of us. but then we got to talk and oh my goodness for me it was spectacular- I am not the only one who gets exhausted and they understand- I love you married parents but there was just something different there. We were all relating and have different backgrounds and this is going to be wonderful- wow !!! I am truly excited for next week we we delve into the lessons. I referenced Matthew 6:26 because it is the first lesson regarding God taking care of the birds and how much more important we are and so if he takes care of the birds he will surely take care of us (PD spoke Wednesday on this as well and I was excited to share about it)

I get into service and not even 10 minutes into I get a they need you in children's church - oh boy- why what is going on with this boy that he is out of control. so I went up there and was able to talk with him pretty quick- he wanted me to hold him during service and I love that I know he is big but he is my baby really only 3 -for me I know he is 7. As I was sitting there singing and praying Pastor Larry comes over - Michele can you minister to one of the ladies - I will take care of Marcus- yes yes I will- I love praying for people. It was a wonderful time at the altar and it was not the end of service - God is good-

PD sang a wonderful song - PD I loved it - I actually played it this morning for some reason getting ready for church.

You hold my every moment- During my moments today you were holding meYou calm my raging seas- You calm my son just when it needs to happen-

You walk with me through fire - You walk with me as he goes through his fits
And heal all my disease- YOU are healing his mind

I trust in You- I trust you Lord

I trust in You
I believe You're my Healer- I believe that you are Marcus' healer

I believe You are all I need

I believe You're my Portion

I believe You're more than enough for meJesus

You're all I need
Nothing is impossible for You

Nothing is impossible for You

Nothing is impossible for You

You hold my world in Your hands

We had communion that day and my son is so tender at one moment and so attitudinal at another. But he collapsed in the chair after drinking the grape juice with tears in his eyes and said I drank Jesus' blood- times like that it is wow-

Then he said he was going to listen- so off he went to CC.

Pastor preached a wonderful message about faith- and Joshua and Caleb and 4 truths that will keep you from the Promised Land

1) Fix your eyes on the obstacles instead of the goal.
2) Compare what you lack with what others possess.
3) Allow fear to take control of your situation. Your desire for relief will ruin your courage to soar.
4) Determine to turn back and seek gratification and justification rather than endure and develop character

I want to be a person of great Faith- I want to soar- I want to develop character-

As for me and my House we will Serve the Lord

I want to have faith like Joshua and Caleb!

So then I went to get Marcus after talking with Cathy and Tom ( I love these 2 they are wonderful-we have something so in common and it is so nice to talk with them and know I am not alone- Can not wait til you all move closer)

He was on the couch-in trouble once again-so I said lets talk - oh no none of that was happening- so I had to restrain him- choir coming in for lunch- I was just hanging on the couch with him- smiling calmly- I was calm- Marcus was trying to hit me when Pastor Larry went by and he said oh you will not hit your mother or you will have me to deal with-Thanks Pastor Larry he seemed to calm down when you said that- then Epi came by and spoke to him as well and then he was really calmer and ready to talk. And that was pretty much the end of his outbursts we talked got it all out and then fell asleep on the way home and took a 2 hour nap. I so appreciate the men of the church- you all have so much influence in his life- We are truly blessed

We met Aunt Lori and Uncle Stacy about 5 and he went to their house this week-this has been planned since the beginning of summer so I am praying for a much better week with them- he will be at the Y and one of the counselors there loves him- so my prayer this week is his hands to himself and he uses his words thats all.

So now I am home with the critters and the dog is barking at thunder.

My day planned

Well- I am getting ready to head to Ellenton to pick up Marcus-at 8 am- then to the Tobias house to look at their cat- then home to do the list of things on my to do list- (cleaning and orgainzing). Clean the car- review Sunday School lesson- I begin teaching adults (which is different) but I think it will be so awesome.

Last night went to dinner -with a bunch of people and surprised PD for her birthday. It was a really nice time- no children just adults. Got home about 11. Read an email that set me off a little but will recover from it- a learning experience - at work-that is all. Let me just say I dislike not doing things well. I am my worst enemy at times.

First things First...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PD- I hope your day is fabulous-

Well I am truly glad this week is over- it has been rough - work was disappointing yesterday afternoon - Marcus was misbehaving this week-work was swamped today- I am glad it is Friday- Now to look forward to a productive weekend and my new Sunday School Class which I am excited about-I will let you know how it goes - trust me on that.

Marcus did have a better day today - thanks General Lori-Really thanks Sis- It means more then you could ever imagine- I am sure that mom and dad are so glad you came.

I pick up Marcus about 8 am in Ellenton- I have a ton of chores to get done- I kind of chilled out this week so that will be our tomorrow