An Adoptive Family's Life- The Danielsons

Trust

2012-01-30T19:23:00.003-05:00

Trust- that is a big word - small in size but big when it comes to relationships- sometimes trust is broken and it takes a long while to get it back. However sometimes we allow others not in because of our lack of trust- we often times feel secure when we don't allow others in- and you know it is ok to allow others in- I have learned slowly - its not that I don't trust its I am very independent and stubborn at times and think oh i can do it all on my own with no one around- believe me that was me several years ago before a little boy popped into my life- I had to learn trust- with him, with his caregivers with my friends to allow them in when I was frustrated and hurt by all that was going on- oh I have improved greatly but like all things still working on trust.

So allow others in- and yes you need to know who you let in. but trust them that you do allow in- they are there to help you and support you

A year ago

2012-01-27T18:11:00.003-05:00

Well last year at this time I was packing a suitcase and filling it with "safe" items for Marcus to have while he was at Manatee Palms- wow I can not believe it- still brings tears to my eyes thinking I left him for 5 months-I remember that January 28th vividly - like slow mo
I placed his bags in the car the night before as I did not want him to see them. I was honest with what was going on but did not want suitcases to fly at me.
We got up - got in the car and headed south in which I was told many times he did not want to go- I understood - part of me was crumbling- I know I was doing the right thing although it hurt so much.
as I sit and type I am very tearful- many thoughts run through my head right now-
I picked up my sister at work at she drove with me- it was quite an interesting drive as Marcus talked about Fort Desoto as we headed over the skyway- I was texting ( not me my sister) with Pastor Gray - he had called at the top of the skyway-
we got there and Marcus was fine until... I started filling out the paperwork and he went off the wall - saying he was not staying and all of that- the person doing the admittance did not fade her- she just kept going with it- she said no worries normal behavior- then he started hitting the ceiling with whatever was in the room. he would not stop so help was brought it in. finished filling out the paperwork and then found him said I would see you soon and love you- he asked for me to come back that night- I said I could not. He told me not to leave I said I needed to.

then my neck was so tight aye aye and the rest of the day was a blur

Now a year later - he is on honor roll, in mainstream classes, only on 2 meds and is sooo much fun to have around. So thankful for what God had supplied to us. I am truly amazed

My mom would be so proud- I miss the fact she can not see how well he is doing- she was able to see a little bit but not the whole package.

What a difference a year makes

over the last 25 days

2012-01-25T05:52:00.002-05:00

well- working on spending more time with God in prayer and I think that is why I wke up so early in the am- not realizing it to this morning - no worries I have been praying each morning when I do wake up for what God reminds me of.

Marcus are praying specifically for our family each night when he goes to bed- he was questioning why it has not happened yet for what he was praying for- I said remember it is God's timing not ours- we always want the here and now but we need to allow God to work in our lives first. I learned the timing thing when everything was going on with Marcus

In the last 25 days Marcus has moved to full time mainstream classes and is doing well- in the last 25 days Marcus is down to 2 meds, in the last 25 days Marcus is sharing when things bother him and is asking how to solve problems if they arise again.

For me in the last 25 days- I have learned to appreciate my quiet time with God- I have learned that I do not need to live on junk food to be fulfilled- that I can cook and it is enjoyable ( do not let that get out too much) I learned to appreciate my voice and not take it for granted ( i have lost my voice for almost 5 days)

wowzers

2012-01-17T17:53:00.002-05:00

Report cards came out and Marcus made the honor roll- can we get a WAAAAAAAAAAAA HOOOOOOOOO- I am so proud at the accomplishments he has made- he has come so far. He is a joy-I was just talking with a friend yesterday and said wow we had been through so much and the toll it took on me- these days are such a joy to be his mom and I am so so proud of him and where he has come from- you see we should never give up - it may be hard but do not give up!

He is not DONE

2012-01-15T19:05:00.004-05:00

God is and has worked amazingly in our lives and I truly anticipate God doing so much more- I know my words and thoughts often go back to Marcus but you know the last 6 years that has where life was all involved with Marcus and getting him to where he is today- was it me- yes- WHAT you say no Michele. No it really was me - how ? God- God allowed me to become his mom so He could do a work in him. Did you get all that? I sit here like this evening and say wow wow wow. We are sitting here watching football and he is so smart with it ( I taught him well- Girls do know how to play you know) He knows the teams and knows which ones he likes and which ones he does not. His mind is clear and he is focused. Today I challenged the kids to know 2 memory verses for Sunday School- I told him the verses and he memorized them on his own- with no help from me. His faith is amazing. I can not wait to see what God has next. I know it will be amazing for him but as well for me. It is such an honor that God chose me to be his mom. How blessed am I to be a part of God's plan for Marcus' life. What amazing thing do you have planned for our life now God? I can only imagine!

The prayers of a child

2012-01-14T10:32:00.002-05:00

these prayers are priceless- Marcus is praying daily for something specific for his life and to hear him pray is amazing. I love the work God has done and continues to do in his life. I know he is a kid and has kid issues now normal kid issues, this is something I am still working on. Oh I am much better with it by far just now I have to switch my mind say ok normal 10 year old behavior all is well- this is a good problem to have.
So believing with my son that it is time for the next miracle to happen for him!

New Semester

2012-01-10T12:21:00.003-05:00

Well today Marcus begins his day in all mainstream classes- this is amazing- we have come so far- and I am so proud of him- who would have ever thought we would be at this moment-
seems surreal- but there is one who knew- God- amazing He is- knew if someone would just hold on to the boy he would make it- I am glad I held on even though it was a rough road- life is good with the boy and now he is a typical 10 year old - LOVE it-

Nothing is impossible with God

2012-01-05T18:02:00.002-05:00

Luke 1:37
For nothing is impossible with God

Well- God is so awesome! I know you all know that!
So Marcus is doing very well- and is coming off one of his medications- we are doing a trial run to see if he does ok without it-but its a medication for anxiety and for the past month or so he has shown no signs so we will slowly wean him off and see what happens.

Why is this amazing because just over a year ago he was on 8 different medications- yes 8. and now we will be down to 2. He is a normal 10 year old child- do I have to treat him a little bit differently yes- because he still needs to be able to control his anger in the proper way. and let me tell you he is doing remarkably well in how he handles himself .

So thank you God for continuing to touch Marcus - my miracle child- so thankful so very thankful!

Me

2012-01-03T18:12:00.002-05:00

Yep - it is me- this year its about me- all new year all new things- accomplishing new goals and some old goals- last year it was about Marcus and getting all that mess touched and healed- :) Now this year I do believe it is time for me- all my hopes, dreams, and desires that I have- God has never failed me yet and this year will be no different- I am not being selfish - its my turn though now- that is all- Let's see what this year unfolds- I am all excited and anticipating all that He has for me

Happy New Year- It's Time

2012-01-01T09:08:00.003-05:00

I hope you all had a wonderful New Year's Eve- I did I was able to spend it with some of the best people in the world- although at moments I did think of mom through the night- missing her as the new year has come.

As I was praying the last few days- the words It's time began to appear as I prayed-what is it time for I do not know - but I can only hope- that this year it is time for the desires of my heart and dreams will come to pass. It's a new year and It's time- God did amazing things in Marcus and I last year -in which I am truly grateful. and yet God keeps placing the words it's time in my heart- I can only imagine. Do the possible this year God do the possible!!

Things learned this past year

2011-12-31T13:47:00.003-05:00

You always learn something when you take a moment a look back- so I am taking the moment right now - in the midst of cleaning and paying bills

As year 2011 began I was often reminded to trust God more then ever - especially over the first 5 months of the year- often God said to me did you not dedicate him to me and do not worry I will take care of him. That he did. I learned to not give up no matter what- God chooses not to give up on us so I could not give up on him

Take care of myself- take time to myself and be healthy- I fell back on that over the last few months but getting ready to get back on board with that-

As the year progressed I learned that it is ok to ask for help and let people know you are weak- i mean those you have that type of trust-

Miracles do happen with medication and the proper guidance - miracles do happen- my son came home so different - it was a long road but we made it and we made it triumphantly. Trusting God more and more-my faith mean more to me now then ever and the word Hope means more to me then ever- I chose that word for my word for the year and it means to expect with confidence. Hope is a good word to have. Our God is full of hope

Life is so precious- and I hold my family and friends more dear to me now then ever before- for we do not know what tomorrow brings- the words I love you mean more to me today then ever- the words be safe will hold a dear place to me- and I also learned I miss the word get out of the kitchen more today then ever.

There is a tomorrow - and a new year - I am looking forward to saying goodbye to the this year especially the last 4 months - I look forward and anticipate good things for our family for our life and for those who I hold close.

Catch up time

2011-12-30T10:19:00.001-05:00

Ok so Marcus had 2 large teeth pulled from his mouth- I mean large rooted- he did amazingly well- healed well and very brave. this was 3 days before Christmas- I know I know- but he was off school and I did not know how he would react.Then we headed down to Venice- to hang out with dad and the 2 younger kids- the kids were great they ran around with me while we did errands and then played outside pretty much the entire time we were there.Lori and Stacy came down Christmas Eve morning- and once again the kids were outside the majority of the timeThen we all got ready and went to church Christmas Eve- it was a good service with tears shed- as we all knew that mom was missing from the service.Came home kids finished decorating for Santa and then off to bed they went-I did not sleep to great but oh well- the kids got up early Christmas and off to the races with presents- they all were excited - Marcus with his Wii game- Ainsley with her guinea pig cage- Dakota with not sure what he got excited over-Dad cooked dinner that night and it turned out very good-I left on Monday morning and then had my moment-on the way home- its a normal thing after it all is over that is my moment time-Had a nice time with some besties that evening and headed in to work Tuesday- then Drs appt then hung at the Tobias house (picking up Marcus) however I did get my normal thing to do- sleep -Marcus over the last few days have spent some time with friends house- wow this is a huge deal - we would not have done that a year ago let alone 6 years ago- so awesome to see him get along so well with kids his age- with no drama no outbursts-so today-I am getting caught up a few things around the house- and then not sure what the rest of the day will hold-

Happy Thursday

2011-12-22T05:38:00.002-05:00

Well Christmas is only a few days away- I do have all my shopping done- its going to be a quiet year this year a different year.
Yesterday I was filled with mixed emotions as we had service at Celebration as I was saying Merry Christmas to everyone- I want to be up here for Christmas (hopefully next year) but this year we will be back at mom and dad's to celebrate the birth of Jesus.
Its all good. Of course Marcus wants to stay so he can sing- can you say ouch- again he gets it though.

Today should be a shorter day at work- as its my discretion as when we leave- Marcus is also having a couple teeth pulled. so tonight will be a quiet night ( i have things to get done ) but I am sure he will be in bed early.

So make a difference in someones life whether it be you just tell them Merry Christmas, offer a smile, or just say you appreciate all they do

Joy

2011-12-20T12:16:00.002-05:00

great happiness: feelings of great happiness or pleasure, especially of an elevated or spiritual kind
What Michele you have joy? After the year you have from Marcus being in residential to losing your mom- yep I do and if I could explain it I would-
I am not saying that I am sad that mom is not here- I miss her horribly- but there is a peace inside in which I can not understand about it all- I have my moments and I work through them.
Am I into the whole Christmas celebration this year- a little bit differently I think .

Teaching Sunday School again has helped in many ways-
Especially this last one when we talked about the joy the shepherds had- Here God chose them to come and see the newborn King- the lowliest.

Luke 1:8-10
8 And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9 An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10 But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people.

Do not be afraid for God has good news for you-He has good news for me- I can not wait to see what His plans are- I am anticipating that the dreams and desires I have will be fulfilled this year!

What will the new year bring

2011-12-18T14:27:00.002-05:00

well for Marcus and school a new step in the right direction- I got word last week or so Marcus is ready for all regular classes. YEAH- this we have worked hard for and wow can not believe we are here- oh but for the grace of God-

So they asked me if I was ok with it - and I said if you think he is ready lets' do it that was the goal.

I think he will do well - I have so enjoyed watching him mature and grow and get along with kids- I am blessed and humbled by the fact that God would allow me to be his mom and watch the miracle He is doing in him.

Diary of Love and Thanks to my Wonderful Mommy- By Marcus Danielson

2011-12-14T22:13:00.002-05:00

I thought I would share a letter Marcus wrote to me- it touched my heart so much -means so much and is so precious

Dear Mommy,
Thank you for caring and helping me through grannie's death. Also, I thank you for putting up with my bad behavior that I did to you, since I was thinking about grannie. Also, thank you for letting me know that Papaw is not lonely and the he has his dog and people near his house. Thank you for making a good idea (actually was Dakota's) to build a bear so I am not so worried about Papaw and thinking he was lonely. Thank you for letting me talk to you about how I was worried about if I was going to die soon like grannie did. Thank you for letting me talk with you when I have a problem or something on my mind or have a bad feeling. Thank you for letting me ask if you are ok and letting me comfort you when you are crying or sad about grannie or having a moment. Thank you for allowing me to be your son
PS
(are you ready?) If you weren't my mommy my life would be horrible. I can't do anything in my life that I am able to do if it weren't for you and if weren't for you adopting me I would be angry, mad 95% of the time every day over the entire year.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo Love Marcus

What a difference a year makes- I am the one blessed and he is growing and maturing into the young man God created him to be- I am truly the one that is blessed by being his mom- through it all God has and had a plan and I am honored God chose me to be the mom to him that would allow him to become the person God created him to become.

My First Christmas in Heaven-

2011-12-13T16:29:00.002-05:00

MY FIRST CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN
( i do not know the author- I did not write this)
I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below
With tiny lights like Heaven’s stars, reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear
But the sounds of music can’t compare with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,For it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart.
But I am not so far away, We really aren’t apart.
So be happy for me, dear ones, You know I hold you dear.
And be glad I’m spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I sent you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above,I sent you each a memory of my undying love.
After all love is a gift more precious than pure gold.
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.
Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do.
For I can’t count the blessing or love he has for each of you.
So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear.
Remember, I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

Merry Christmas MOM

the days of Sunday

2011-12-11T16:49:00.002-05:00

Well I love Sundays - I attend the best church in the Tampa Bay Area ( CelebrationChurchofTampa ) I am truly blessed that I am able to teach the best kids Sunday School and be able to disciple them in the things of God- they are so smart and seeking him. I then get to participate with the best team of children's church workers - Kidzone of Celebration is phenomenal- the team we have is amazing and we each have a unique part in reaching your kids for Christ.
We have some of the craziest people that attend there and I mean that in a good way- they lift you up when you are down- they celebrate with you when it is time to celebrate they mourn when you mourn. The people that attend there are family- they love you unconditionally. So I look forward to church on Sundays (wednesday too) Marcus and I get there fairly early and usually are one of the last to leave. Marcus is a great help on Sundays- setting up when needed and tearing down when needed- He serves without questioning he just does it. I love his heart for the things of God. He so badly wants to sing in choir - which I absolutely love love love.
Well then our Sundays are usually quiet with the evenings watching football- together - I did that for many years with my mom and dad- of course mom and I would yell at the tv - like that would ever help - LOL- I still yell just not as loud and Marcus can call a penalty before the flag flies ( i think he learned that from Uncle Adam)
This Sunday is not much different except while watching football I am studying- can not wait for this test to be done.
This week is a little busy approaching so I will keep you posted on the days ahead-
Happy Sunday all- get to church it will change your life!!!

Decorating for Christmas

2011-12-10T08:11:00.002-05:00

well most people decorate for Christmas- i like simple things in decroating- I have some lights outside with a reindeer that i have had since i was a sophmore in high school - this year i have my tree up and it is lit with the topper on top- have not put ornaments on it yet- not sure why- just never pulled them out- marcus is cool with it cause he just loves the lights anyway.
my christmas excitement over the last couple of years have been hampered by marcus being in the crisis unit- this year its hampered by mom missing-
i have had some good times but there are times where i want to pick up the phone and say hey mom what about this or that-or her calling and asking what marcus wantes this year-
just a different year again-
however i have not lost sight of what the true meaning of christmas is-the birth of our Savior

Now I am a rockin mom

2011-12-09T12:12:00.002-05:00

ok so this week has been a struggle with marcus and his mouth and just little things that could have been simple he made very difficult - talking back raising his voice etc
well last night was the confrontation when i simply sat on his bed and said what is wrong with you- crocodile tears filled his eyes and he said i don't want to be like grannie - i am afraid to die.
well i said a few things- like you know where you are going when you die right, yes maam he said - i was like good.
i said are you sick- no maam - i said good-
i said you are young and we all do not know when it will be our time to die but we should not be afraid of it. we talked more and by the time we were done he was smiling-

this morning he woke up and said he felt so much better about talking it out- i reminded him whatever is on his mind to talk it out with someone if it helps - it does not have to be me

so rockin around the christmas tree was on the radio on our way to miss valerie's and he grabs me and hugs me and says mommy you are a rockin mommy.

You are such a mean mommy

2011-12-06T06:47:00.003-05:00

I know I know I am- what a difference a day makes- yesterday in my blog I was singing Marcus praise well that back fired-
What happens when a child does not accept no and has anger issues
- screaming
- you are mean
- i am going to hit you in the head
- i will kick you
- i am going to throw my backpack at you
- clinched fists
- no coping skills in this one-
- uncle adam talking him down
- he does not like me
- and this was the morning before school yesterday

afterwards i asked him to leave his shoes off in the car - so as if he decided to get mad i would just be kicked with socks and no shoe- you thought the world had come to and end-

and to top that off when we got home we spent 45 minutes outside because he did not want to come in- i was calm but stewing on the inside- got isaac and began to walk around the block- cause he was running from me with no shoes- I do not chase

- so isaac and i walked and prayed- i was calm but marcus throwing bark i think at me all the while ignoring- but stewing so - i kept walking with isaac and doing my coping skills:)
he finally gave in when he knew there would be no response- he was told to go upstairs and do his homework and I would discuss his behavior later

the reason behind all the ugliness- he did not like what I told him- accepting no is one of his expectations- in which was established before we left manatee palms-

just remember i am a mean mommy cause I do not want tantrums in the car and do not like being screamed at or threatened.

God is surely touching my son

2011-12-05T05:00:00.001-05:00

My son- he amazes me at times- lately it's been those times- i know God is truly touching him more each day. How many of you can say your child is reading the Bible for their reading response journal- or seek out change on the ground for BGMC- or loves to pray - he amazes me and wants to see others be touched by Jesus- he loves being a servant and whatever asked to do (at church) he does it with a willing heart- Marcus over the last several weeks is changing- I believe it is the hand of God ministering to him-
He recently (last week) began reading the Bible -on his own and asking me if its ok- I said of course its ok- read away- so 1 week into reading it and he is on the book of Numbers- asking me questions as he goes- really like mommy why did God have to send the plagues to get the Pharaoh to listen?
I love it
He does not react the way he use to when he did not get his way or when I say no (only when he his tired the ugly comes out) we laugh more we talk more and it is so awesome to enjoy- we sit and watch football together-
He wants to be a missionary and I believe we will see it happen- he wants to help people-I told him you know you are a missionary right now at your school. We pray every morning to let our light shine for Jesus and God to use us where we are.

God has brought us so far in a year- I am truly blessed and as I sit and type this I have a smile on my face- just knowing my son is a special gift to me- wow God you chose me to be his mom and I am honored

Pictures Danielson 2011

2011-12-04T17:11:00.003-05:00

My Isaac- I love love this photo
This is my joe cool son- Marcus- he is growing up too fast-

Another favorites- the day was beautiful- could not have asked for a better day!

sitting by a lake- there were these beautiful ducks there - I think ducks are cool - messy but neat to watch and talk too- yes I talk to the animals

Isaac turned 9 on November 26th

2011-12-04T07:13:00.003-05:00

Oh my where did the 9 years go- he was so tiny when I brought him home- as big as my tennis shoe- now I think that is his head size- he has shown unconditional love- protection- been there when my world seemed to crumble. He is Marcus' first dog- I remember when they met Marcus was so afraid but Isaac just cuddled next to him to let him know it was ok. Isaac was not sure what was going on when Marcus began his rages- He was not sure where he went for so long- but welcomed him home with kisses each time-
Isaac was there when the nights seem long -he jumps on the bed makes sure i was ok and then lays at the top of the stairs to make sure no one harms us- he is protective-
He is a faithful furry friend- My big goofy dog that cocks his head is getting older and slowing down but sure is that companion when i cant sleep and he listens so intently ( more like really mom go back to sleep cause I was just fine )
Love you big Boo Bear Isaac

The Broken Chain- Missing you Mom

2011-12-03T18:18:00.000-05:00

The Broken Chain
Author: Ron Tranmer
We little knew that day,
God was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly,
In death, we do the same.

It broke our hearts to lose you.
You did not go alone.
For part of us went with you,
The day God called you home.

You left us beautiful memories,
Your love is still our guide.
And although we cannot see you,
You are always at our side.

Our family chain is broken,
And nothing seems the same,
But as God calls us one by one,
The chain will link again

ok craziness

2011-12-03T05:35:00.002-05:00

ok so I am studying for an exam that i have to take for work on the 12th of this month- plus work plus keep house- plus getting ready for Christmas- plus make sure Marcus is doing what he needs - what was i thinking taking the test before Christmas- I think just to be done and have it over-
we will keep pressing on with studying-
plus this month marcus is having a few teeth pulled -because his mouth needs to have them removed
today is work and then pictures witha a friend of loris I willpost some when I get them

And the week begins

2011-11-28T19:10:00.002-05:00

but first allow me to summarize the weekend for you-
Thursday worked and then picked up Chip and Marcus to go to mom and dad's for Thanksgiving weekend. We just hung out there and had pizza for dinner- you see we do our Turkey on saturday
Lori and Stacy had to work Friday so it was me dad and the kids
we watched them bike throw the ball etc- we were outside pretty much the entire day

Friday- woke up cleaned some things out and then dad went and played cards while I had all 4 children by myself- we did well- we did mission impossible at Publix and the kids called me crzay - love it- simple dinner of hot dogs for the kids

Saturday the fun began as we all attempted to cook the dinner- how mom did idk- well i do she would kick us all out of the kitchen and say let me be- we told the kids to get out of the kitchen several times and then would laugh- I am a lot like mom- whew I realized it even more this weekend- Lori took a picture of me cooking - and she said woah you look like mom-
we did good with dinner and mom would be proud- we worked together to get things accomplished

Marcus faced his fears with sleeping in a tent- he did very well - made me proud

Sunday 3 of us went off to church and then we returned and ate and tidied up and left around 3
we laughed we had a few quiet moments- and yes it was a bit different (saying it lightly) without mom there - just something missing but she was smilin down and thrilled we were all there together

10 more things I love

2011-11-23T05:42:00.001-05:00

tulips
the color purple
my dog
a cool morning
watching the deer by the lake
sunrises
sunsets
watching horse race across a pasture
the mountains
waterfalls

You are my all in all

2011-11-21T10:45:00.000-05:00

You are my strength when I am weak you are the treasure that I seek you are my all in all- You know I got to thinking yesterday and thought where would I be after the year I had if I did not truly trust in God with my all in all. I would be flopping around like a fish out of water.I am not saying things don't get hard and all - they do - but I know He has my back and I will not allow circumstances to cause me to blame God for it- He helps me through.I get tired of people blaming God and saying they are mad at Him or they want to give up on things- truly - life is not that bad- you allow life to get you to that point- wake up people trust in Him with all your heart - with all your mind with all your strength.Again- I am not saying I did not get down- in the course of this past year- hmm let me just say things for me could have been worse but I know my Redeemer lives- lets see- my son last year at this time was in a crisis unit from October til January - pretty much the entire time- did it rock my world yes- but never blamed God- I had to trust Him even more- I dedicated Marcus to him. In January when I had to admit my son to a residential facility for 5 months- I did not blame God but was thankful that we finally got the help he needed. God opened a door in which no one else could open- that God had changed him-Then most recently with the death of my mom- oh I am not saying it has been easy but I did not go being mad at God- He did the miracle that my mom needed- to make her whole- yes I miss her yes I wish she was here and all that jazz BUT if not for God- where would I be.So for those of you with a negative attitude about life, being mad at him, no one loves me etcYes someone does very much- and He will never let you go- He is our strength when we are weak- He is our source of comfort - He is loving and caring - He provides all that we need. So seek HIM first!Ok I know not my typical blog- but life is short and precious - Trust Him with all you have

Some pictures to share from yesterday and today

2011-11-19T21:14:00.002-05:00

So yesterday we went to Busch Gardens and now my son loves roller coasters - he told me last time we were there he promised to ride Sheikra with me- and he kept his promise- well mom does not like heights but i love roller coasters so going up is not my favorite part of the ride - although i do like looking out and seeing down town Tampa when we are up that high. the boy loves roller coasters and his favorite.... yep Sheikra

Today Lori came over with the kids and we just hung out and then went to wiregrass-saw the light show and had it snow on us- i need to get the boy to see snow the look on his face was priceless. then we laughed so hard on the way back to the car the boy fell down- i love his laugh !!! what a difference a year makes- I am truly thankful

Its Here and I have waited a year

2011-11-18T05:00:00.005-05:00

Well its here again- last year not really a year to celebrate our forever familversary. Last year Marcus was in the crisis unit - pretty much for 3 months straight- we missed a lot of special times together but this year is different- this year I will be able to celebrate our forever familversary with him at home, we will be able to celebrate thanksgiving dinner at church together. I am so thankful that he is home this year- so 6 years ago today on a Friday at 11:30 am in the morning I became a mom to a 4 and half year old 40 lb boy. wow it seems like he was mine from the start. or it feels like it- people tell their stories of labor pains and how long they were in labor- well he may not be born of my body but he is definately my son and that i dare someone to argue with.

we have come so far and still have a ways to go but we are one step closer each day-

in the 6 years he has been my son- we have celebrated first birthdays, first christmases, first bike riding on a 2 wheeler, 1st race winning in track, first soccer goals, first airplane trips (oh that was exciting) we have been through more child care facilities then i would care to think about, more times in the crisis center then i would want anyone to go to, 5 months apart to help heal his mind, time spent talking with one another about God and all that He has planned for Marcus, spent time with our first loss of a loved one and a loved pet.

He is tender hearted and loves God and want to share Jesus with others- he still gets angry and still needs extra help-

I am truly truly blessed that God chose me and knew that Marcus was the one to be my son-and knew that I was the person Marcus needed and vice versa. Marcus has taught me about unconditionally love and how not to give up even when it seems like there is no end.

I know this past year has not been the greatest but we are moving forward and the best is still yet to come-

10 things I LOVE

2011-11-17T05:00:00.002-05:00

1. God's comfort and grace
2. My Awesome Family
3. My Friends- never alone
4. the smell of orange blossoms
5. a praying child
6. the wet kiss of a dog
7. cows eating oranges out of my hands
8. helping parents with special kids
9. quietness
10. a clean house

The Things I am most Thankful for today

2011-11-16T05:00:00.002-05:00

I am thankful for my family- these are my aunts and uncles on both my mom and dad's side of the family - plus my sister and her family and my dad.
what would we do without them- i have come to appreciate family so much more- and miss them all so much- thankful for phones, email, skype, instant messaging, and facebook to stay connected. I love them more then words can say.
holding each one close to my heart-

Love Came Down

2011-11-15T05:53:00.001-05:00

God reminded me that I am His- You are mine You are mine Forever

2011-11-14T19:27:00.002-05:00

so Marcus and I went to Venice this weekend- and had a nice time with dad- that just sounds weird- sorry dad - i will get use to it I guess.- anyway Marcus helped dad clean up the house and all on Saturday and Friday we went to lunch with him - then Marcus and I went and I got a facial from Leah- thanks so much my face feels fabulous and it was so good to talk with Leah-
then I got a haircut- all while Marcus is in tow- he is a trooper- nothing like being dragged with your mom for girly stuff :)
Sunday we went to Lift Church and God is moving - I am so blessed I have Celebration Church and Lift Church in my life- how did I get so fortunate and the amazing thing is they are very similar in all that is done.

today was a good day- busy day and I think it will be an early night- all is quiet for now will write more later- there is more to share but I am waiting for a reply on an email before I do that

hey hey hey its Friday day today

2011-11-10T19:19:00.004-05:00

ok well it will be in a little while- we are off work and school tomorrow - yeah-well its for a good reason- its veteran's day and at this time i would like to thank all those who served in our military - some of my favorite people are veterans- my dad, a few of my uncles- cousins, friends
thank you so much for serving and allowing us to be a apart of a free country-

The Pride of Our Country
by Roger Robicheau

Today as before, our brave do fight
For a land they love, a flag so right

The pride of our country, yes they are
The strength of our nation, best by far

Just as our brave from each war gone by
They march for us proudly, flag held high

From all over this land they come to serve
They’re taught by the best, this they deserve

When troops give their all, the world does see
Whether serving on land, in the air, or at sea

The pride from this country, march through war
With home drawn strength, held deep in their core

Our best are so awesome, their loved ones well know
May God guide their journey where they - for us - go

What these brave must have is support from their own
The love from their people, firm thankfulness shown

Our greatest achievement is that we’re still free
Please take time and ponder who caused this to be

Dear Venice Regional Medical Center

2011-11-09T05:46:00.001-05:00

To whom it may concern at venice regional medical center-
please make sure your records are correct before trying to contact patients you had in your hospital.

Calling my parent's home and asking for my mom is not acceptable especially when she did die in your hospital- someone dropped the ball on this one.

If you would like to get a hold of her, it is a long distance call.

thank you-michele

as thanksgiving approaches

2011-11-06T16:41:00.003-05:00

well i would be lying if i said i am so happy for thanksgiving to be here- well i am and i am not- i am thankful for my family and the new traditions and old traditions that will continue- I am thankful Marcus is home this year consistently - i am thankful for my friends and my family-and that we are getting through- i am not quite sure how the turkey will turn out as mom makes the best - lori and I will fumble over it but we will try :) so any of you readers have any pointers for those of us who never cooked turkey before send them my way.

why i am not looking forward to it- well mom is missing this year and it will not be the same- she was the one who always did all the cooking and loved it- me not so much into the cooking - but we will make the best of it and get through it- and be thankful for the time we did spend with her- we will try our best mom but it will not be the same- thankful for family more so this year then ever

Results of X-ray and today

2011-11-05T17:13:00.003-04:00

(not mine)

Okay so my neck x-rays came back with mild degeneratve disc disease at the C6 and C7 - which means I am just getting older- and it happens- but physcial therapy on my own- antiinflammatories and muscle relaxants should help - maybe a new pillow and a massager too. not too bad just a pain in the neck to deal with (hahaha) Dr said if continues that we may need to do an MRI and see what else is going on-

Anyway - marcus has had some rough rough ams- he is writing what he is feeling and such in the afternoon when he has a clear mind-

he lets me reads what he writes and then we talk and a lot of what I am feeling he is feeling as well he just has some added stuff in there - acting out does not help when he is quite capable of handling and coping - I think this holiday season will pose some rough times around our household but will keep pushing and praying not quitting- just need to rest when I am tired and today I am tired- I did have to go to work this morning for a bit -

tomorrow we can sleep in a little longer falling back 1 hour- yeah!!!!

Its Friday

2011-11-04T11:01:00.002-04:00

yesterday got my neck checked - its been stiff for about a month and was not getting better- appears to be just strained- so pain meds, muscle relaxant, Dr said I need a massage :) and do some therapy on it plus watch how I work on the computer

let me say the pain meds and muscle relaxer helped already- this morning not so stiff and I can actually turn my neck without it being stiff

so what do we have planned in the Danielson household this weekend- I have to work Saturday for a couple hours then not much else is planned- We have our missions convention on Sunday at church but other then that it should be uneventful-
we are pretty boring this weekend :)

The real heros

2011-11-03T10:16:00.002-04:00

What am I talking about- Missionaries- I am amazed at what they go through - all to reach people for Christ.
A lot of people have football players or baseball players as heros- but I am glad I choose to have missionaries as my heros and so glad Marcus looks up to them.

You see many times over the last year Marcus has said he is going to be a missionary and wants to give so much to BGMC- to reach the lost- I am thrilled and will support him- if this is the plan for his life.

Think about all they go through and remember to lift these heros up in prayer- they are truly on the front line.

Thank you Jeff for sharing your heart last night- you are doing amazing things for God

ok now time to post a little

2011-11-02T22:24:00.003-04:00

ok so returned safely from Austin just having some difficulty getting through the week- tired- must be getting old for a trip like that to wear me out-

Learned quite a bit and hopefully will be able to take it what I learn to who needs to know

the weather was beautiful a little cold on saturday but beautiful and a nice change

so what do we have planned this weekend nothing- really- i have to work saturday- we have a short week next week - so 3 day weekend the weekend of the 11th

more posts to come - to share what else is going on - just wanted to share some pictures

gretings from Austinw

2011-10-29T07:36:00.002-04:00

ok well i am a little behind in my post. i am in austin have been since wednesday for a meeting. marcus stayed back in florida. he is being taken care of along with isaasc by the tobias family. love love love those people.awesome to have them in my life.so i leave to come home today and will arrive late tonight. was able to catch up a little with lisa and jeff while i was here and their crew .

been a good time but so looking forward to being home. will post pictures when i get home

Im leaving on a jet plane

2011-10-24T22:58:00.002-04:00

and I will be back on Saturday- going to Austin for work and will actually be able to meet up with my cousins who live there - Marcus will be holding down the fort til I get back- oh no worries the Tobias family will be taking care of him- its been quite I while where I left on a trip with out him- and being so far away- he will be fine and this will be a much needed break from each other since we have been through a bit over the last couple of months- he gets rid of mom for a few days and hangs with Uncle Adam- some guy bonding time.

ok here it is on the line

2011-10-23T17:57:00.002-04:00

having a difficult time right now- I know what is knew- no this has nothing to do with mom and just going to be honest- a year ago this week coming marcus and my life forever changed- and yet i have this uneasy feeling -why because every year at this time we have spent time in the recovery unit for the past 3 years. so hoping we do not go there-

I am praying through it and God has giving me some peace-just taking each day at a time- and plus beginning Wednesday - marcus will get a break from his mom- for a few days- we probably both need it considering we have only been a part briefly since he has been home-

it will be good for both of us and he is in good hands-

just want the uneasy feeling to go away-praying it through- and come Saturday when we make it through I will breathe so much easier :)

life in general

2011-10-22T20:49:00.004-04:00

well- if i said life was all peaches and cream that would be a boldface lie- but things get better each day-and even sometimes during the day has its moments-

i hold on to precious memories right now-and i do write them down when I remember them- and yes smile when i remember them-

marcus has had some difficulty over the last few days- that boy has dealt with so much and still does- he deals with his past and now he has to deal with missing his grannie, he wants to make sure that his papaw is ok, he misses his uncle dave and now he is scared for me to leave to go to austin. well hopefully with me putting skype on my phone we can remedy a few of his concerns.

you know it has been a struggle in which I do not like but there is a light at the end of once again a long tunnel- i read an article about 2 sisters who lost their father unexpectedly and then a couple months later they both lost their husbands from an accident on a river. they asked God why- and i have too - not really got an answer and maybe the why is not so important but knowing God is with us every step of the way during this process- i will be honest turning and relying on God through this was not a source of comfort- why cause i prayed for a miracle- for mom to be healed physically-and she was not - well so I thought- honestly she was healed- no more pain no more suffering - i do not know really how long my mom was sick- it could been for a very long time- only mom really knew. so looking back God did do a miracle- Marcus and I was able to pray with her on many occasions because she was not going anywhere in the hospital and Pastor Gray and Pastor Randy came and prayed for her as well and I truly believe she heard it all -and responded to it all- Marcus was able to spend some alone time with mom and able to sing to her which she loved listening to him and I truly believe she heard every bit of it.

I believe God answered our prayers when we heard that we need to make a decision in 24 hours of what the next step was when she was going down hill quick. we ended up not having to make any difficult decision- I was blessed to be there holding her hand when she did pass away- me and mom -

i miss her - miss talking with her- miss bragging about Marcus with her- miss seeing her at the house- miss calling her and just checking in and yet I know she is not in pain anymore- miss her voice and sometimes i get nervous about not knowing what she sounds like- ( i do have a video thank to my aunt)

I have some amazing pictures of her that i can talk to her face or yell at her if i need to- or just smile-

i know i am just rambling but it helps at times and today at this moment i needed to write

getting things together

2011-10-21T20:10:00.002-04:00

well next week i am off on a trip for work- nothing like figuring it out all the things i need to do before i leave- making sure marcus has all he needs- information for adam and brenda- contact numbers medical relaease-therapist numbers and the list goes on-
hmm- maybe I can get some sleep when i go away
we shall see- i am excited cause i will see more family- i have cousins that live where i am going- God sure is good to provide a trip for my work and being able to see family- hmm wonder if we have any meetings in wyoming , ohio or pennsylvania soon?
i get to go to the university of texas when i am there so that will be fun-our hotel is right on the river -hopeful to have a view :)

no worries though i will take pictures-

What a day of rejoicing it will be

2011-10-20T12:22:00.003-04:00

Ok- I have known this was going to happen since Friday and wanted to post it but I wanted to wait til I have pictures to share-

This is the day of rejoicing- we have come so far so very far- and I am so proud- so instead of tears of sadness and sorrow we had tears of joy falling from my eyes-

Ready-

Marcus was Student of the Month or 9 weeks- and we had Turtle of Honor Celebration today

I am so very proud of him

I heard a song

2011-10-18T18:46:00.002-04:00

I heard a song this morning- and it was a gentle reminder to me-I was praying and telling God I feel alone through all this- I know I am not but know one know what I am feeling but me- well there is one - and I need to Call His Name more

By Third Day

"Call My Name"

It's been so long since you felt like you were loved
So what went wrong
But do you know there's a place where you belong
Here in my arms

When you feel like you're alone in your sadness
And it seems like no one in this whole world cares
And you want to get away from the madness
You just call my name and I'll be there
You just call my name and I'll be there

The pain inside has erased your hope for love
But soon you will find
That I'll give you all that your heart could ever want
And so much more

You just call my name
You just call my name

Call my name, say it now
I want you to never doubt
The love I have for you is so alive

Call my name, say it now
I want you to never doubt
The love I have for you is so alive

You just call my name
You just call my name
You just call my name now

The love I have for you is so alive
The love I have for you is so alive
You just call my name
You just call my name
You just call my name

Sharing good things

2011-10-15T15:26:00.003-04:00

ok well some good things - I will just share one today-so I got some wise counsel from an awesome person in my life- whom I highly respect and appreciate. to help this whole process of grieving - which can I just say stinks

anyway

So he told me to instead of thinking of things mom will not be around for - think of things that we did together and journal it- well I started its separate little journal of just things mom and I did or did as a family- and yes it is therapeutic- it does actually bring more smiles then tears- however the tears still come.

so Pastor Larry thank u for words of wisdom- they have helped-

the hurt is still there but working through it all- day to day , moment to moment-

Aww yes the never ending saga

2011-10-11T16:51:00.003-04:00

ok well yesterday was quite interesting as I am beginning not to like Mondays- can we start the week on Tuesdays- I would think that would work better for me.

Anyway 911 had to be called - no need to panic Marcus was in a violent rage in the morning and I pulled over to see if he would calm down he did not so I got help-this for me is huge cause normally I would work it out - be exhausted - and not know which end was up-well- I still was emotionally drained (story of my life lately- but improving) and he was able to get himself in order so he could go to school and have an excellent day.

So we are making strides- he has come a long way and I as well-

Still working through it everyday- but we will get stronger and gain much knowledge through it all-

Days for me tend to run together however my days are better still emotional at some point in the day but working it all through. this is a journey of which I never had thought to be on at this point in my life. Even through life's tragedy's good things do come out of it- in my next few posts I will begin to share with you.

A lovely Sunday

2011-10-10T05:44:00.003-04:00

Children's Church was good- missing my young man but he came afterwards
Then we came home and watched football all afternoon- just huddled on the couch under a blanket- talked watched football- I did some research on the computer- made dinner together- talked with Papaw and Uncle Dave-

Then we talked some more - I am wondering how old Marcus really is- we had an amazing conversation about God' s plan for his life and how God will help us through-the time we are going through and how we will be stronger from it all- and in his words we will be ok soon mommy.

He is amazing- Thank you God for gifting me

Sharing

2011-10-08T08:45:00.002-04:00

so this week for me has been a bit bumpy- a little hard to stay focused at times and working on that part-so i have come to realize somethings will be changing for us as a family- when you lose someone some things do not not matter anymore-and some other things you need to look at a little closer
somethings are just frivolous stuff what other things matter so much more.
time with family and friends are one of those things that matter so much more to me- however i am slacking in that area right now and I am just working through things- i know I am not making sense and I know I should share with others more- Pastor Larry spoke more on this Wednesday night- I know I am not alone in what I am feeling but I am alone in how I am personally going through- I know all the realms of grief- gone through them several times over and over

I miss my family that live in other states more today then yesterday- hopeful to remedy that over the year-

Marcus is doing fairly well often asking if i am ok- and i am just working through- its a moment to moment process- laugh cry- laugh- angry- laugh cry repeat
Marcus I am thankful for- he often asks mommmy can I am give you a hug - he does and makes sure I am ok-He wants to pray for everyone in the family every morning and every night- and that we are all doing ok

We will be ok - we will get through -day by day- moment by moment - minute by minute-

writing helps-

2011-10-06T18:46:00.002-04:00

this is my awesome child- we have been through a lot since January and I would so like to get off the ride of roller coaster of emotions- but in due time -

I just want to brag on him a little bit - we have had great days at school - 100s every day since the start of school. He has been getting As and Bs on his work. He is reading on a 6th grade level. He loves to read and loves his math. God has truly blessed me with this amazing young man.

We have come so far and have so much farther to go

2 of the favorite men in my life

2011-10-04T19:56:00.004-04:00

here is a picture of 2 of my favorite men in my life- my dad and my Uncle Dave ( love them both so much)

We had mom's celebration of life this past weekend and all of her siblings were able to come- and my dad's brother was there as well

You see my dad's side and my mom's side of the family go way back- my mom went to school with my dad's brother- anyway

so it was a much needed time for me- i think for all- at this point in the road i feel like a little kid lost and not knowing what end is up- for me that is frustrating cause I do not like it

I know we will get though it it will just take time

I am processing the whole weekend and I did not realize how much mom meant to one of the families there- I mean i know they did things for one another but this was so much more then i thought

so thankful for my family - love them all

An Amazing Day in Kidzone today and at Celebration Church

2011-09-25T20:13:00.002-04:00

a full house- I love it-

Before the pie in my face - Anthony brought the most visitors and the boys won over the girls with visitors so he chose me- I feel the love - I really do-

and the after the pie in my face, up my nose, down my back, in my hair.

we had 56 kids in service today- we had a bounce house- a water slide- lots of food- lots of new friends- an amazing time during praise and worship- marcus told me his favorite thing of the day was not the slide or the bounce house but leading praise and worship- HOW AWESOME is THAT?!

Catch Up

2011-09-19T18:09:00.002-04:00

Ok so lets see what have we been up too- well we went to Lakeland Thursday til Saturday-and Experienced God- from the awesome BGMC banquet- our kids in Pen Florida are amazing with their giving to reach other kids in other areas of the world for Jesus. Then Friday went to some breakthrough sessions from kids stuff to mentoring to serving, then had a wonderful time with our Pastors at dinner and went back for an amazing time a life altering service with Robert Morris preaching- God needs you

Saturday we trucked back to Lakeland for another awesome service with Robert Morris- read Luke 6:38 what does that mean to you? Revelation knowledge for me - I was like WOW! then we had some more awesome breakthrough sessions- had lunch with Aunt Bekah - and headed back this way

It was nice to see so many friends there- i love seeing people and catching up-
Marcus was ok until the evenings when he was overtired and turned into a grumble bear- oh not fun- but he was able to get to bed early and have a decent day on Sunday-

So this weekend was worth the trip over can not wait to implement somethings I learned to help reach our kids more effectively

An awesome day yesterday

2011-09-15T12:22:00.002-04:00

Marcus once again has made me proud- he woke up great yesterday- he did all he needed to do yesterday- did all his homework- he was able to work through some anger or what he calls being so furious. we talked on the way home from when I picked him up and he was like ok mommy time to let it all go - let it go into the universe where it will be gone- here it goes 1, 2, 3 gone past jupiter gone past neptune and now past the planet no longer pluto- yes this is what he said - my anger is gone- and then he laughed. I was like amazed and so proud of him - high-fived him gave him kudos and was like wow we are making so much headway

then it happened last night after church we had a moment- a shortlived anger moment- i am so tired i could fall over moment- and you thought it was the end of his world that he could not make the right choices all day - he thought he failed- he failed to keep his promise he said-
so the kind mom i am said do not allow this one brief moment of anger allow you to be defeated- you had an awesome day and you should be so proud of yourself- remember we are going to make mistakes - get up brush yourself off and try tomorrow again- but do not allow this moment to lose sight of the fantastic day you had. I am so very proud of you

he got up got ready for bed and said mommy please pray for me- and thank you- i said but of course and you are so welcome-
I love that young man and all the craziness he has caused in my life- why cause i see who he is becoming-

A for Marcus

2011-09-14T05:52:00.003-04:00

Marcus had his first math test this week and he got an A - yeah for him- He is settling into the school year- had a few bumps with the beginning and still emotionally working on things-
Mornings are improving and in fact right now he is doing his relaxation techniques while playing bop it-
The other day he was like I want to see grannie and I can't- I am like hmm- I need wisdom on this one- so I said close your eyes- think of grannie and get a picture of her in your mind - do u see it? he was like YES i see her- I was like awesome- now anytime you want to see grannie close your eyes and there she is. Something so little was something so big

Morning

2011-09-08T05:43:00.003-04:00

Ok I know I have fallen behind in my writing- just have not really felt like writing that much
mornings have been a little rough with Marcus being hyper and not focused- I guess we will give it time-
Changes in his therapist and such I am sure do not help with his anxiety levels-
Work is going well- I have an awesome floor supervisor in which I work with and she is helping me stay focused- what would I do without her.

Busy weekends ahead- see dad this weekend- we have an awesome service for our church in remembering 9-11 we are honoring the first responders in our area

next weekend I am going to a conference- the following weekend we are having a friends connection for church.

busy month of drs appts too for Marcus-

oh and to top it all i seem not to be able to sleep all night- hopefully that will get in check soon

The week in review

2011-09-03T02:09:00.002-04:00

Well- busy week at work- better behavior in the am and pm- not stellar but better- he sure is cranky when he is tired and hyper- which turns into or can turn into ugly-
but it is the weekend and I have to work Saturday then life coaching then pick up a couch- yes got rid of mine- the one I am getting is smaller and I think will do much better in our house-
so I was cleaning yesterday and got a good cleaning done.
I am so looking forward to sleeping in on Monday for a bit just need to chill out for a couple of days I am worn out from not sleeping all through the night - as you can see this was written early Saturday Morning

Working with Marcus on the death of mom - he has brought so many questions with it and I think I will post about it more in detail- they are awesome questions one's in which I need to look into- he has his days with making sure she is ok and being angry with the Drs and me about the whole thing. He misses her as we all do- there is one picture of the 4 of us that every time I look at it brings tears to my eyes why just that one picture I am not sure.

so this is a process and will continue to be my heart hurts but I am working through it and taking one day at a time

Support Groups

2011-08-30T16:46:00.002-04:00

There are all kinds out there for all types of issues you deal with -and some of the most amazing people are in my circle of friends- I know I have not let them in that much the last few weeks but I am dealing with something I do not know how to deal with and Michele the tough girl is not so tough- I go through a plethora of emotions and to top my emotions off I have to deal with Marcus and what he is going through- in which we have regressed a bit but expected that.

So with the help of friends I contacted Hospice of Pasco County and they have a support group for kids who has had someone die in their life- they will be able to share with other kids who are dealing with the same thing and let's him know he is not alone
My sister is using hospice in Pinellas for her kids-

So I am hoping with Marcus having others to talk too besides me he will work through it the way he needs to- the group meets every Tuesday so I am hoping and believing he will get the help he needs- its tough for all but I can not imagine what his mind is thinking-

Sending Balloons

2011-08-29T18:39:00.003-04:00

Yesterday afternoon we wrote a note to mom and grannie and sent it up to heaven via balloons- an idea from Marcus' therapist- He wrote a note to her and told her how he was feeling and enlisted the Tobias family in writing a note to mom as well. We tied the note to the balloons and sent them on there way until we could no longer see them. I hope this is beneficial for him and if we have to do it a few more times to help him then that is what we will do.
Tomorrow we have a meeting for kids- it is a support group for kids who is dealing with the death of a loved one- I am hoping this will be beneficial -
He is journaling his feelings in which I am thankful for - now if he could work on coping skills and the fact I am simply asking him normal stuff to do we would be in good shape.
As I say one moment one hour one day at a time
Hope you got the balloons mom -Love you

Some pictures of my mom

2011-08-26T18:14:00.003-04:00

February 2000

November 2005

High School 1964

Pennsylvania 1978

Thank you for allowing me to share some of my photos-

the emotions you go through

2011-08-22T20:34:00.002-04:00

when you lose your mom, your life changes forever. i know people all grieve differently but they go through a process of stages- i know this because i have wonderful pastors who have told me that everything i am going through is normal. which is nice to know i am not crazy or losing my mind

it is so true about focus - i tend to lose it easily - it is so true you cry and have no idea why but something triggers it- your heart physically aches cause it is hurting.

i find myself twisting my mom's mother's ring - my sister and I gave it to her- like twisting will change the fact she is gone- although it reminds me of the day we gave it to her- and she said to us you included Doreen's birthstone (my sister who is 6 years older and had died when she was 2 months old) - we were like um yep she is our sister and your daughter - I think she smiled so big from it- i hold it tight and honestly about had a meltdown when left it at the Tobias house yesterday. i know its a material item but my mom loved it and it is special to me.

people often ask if i am ok - my friends ask what can they do and they let me know they are here for me- i appreciate that and yet i do not know what they can do- make the hurt go away- but that is not happening-

this is a process to go through - how long will it last who knows I just know the holidays are coming and i do not like it already - why - cause mom will not be there and she does all the cooking- no one cooks like mom

i know i am rambling and it is ok-

so for those of you who have a mom still alive- tell her how much you love her whenever you can

Prayer and Pancakes

2011-08-20T08:09:00.004-04:00

Usually twice a year our church (Celebration Church of Tampa) sets aside a Friday night from 11 pm-1 am. Yes you read the time correctly. for a prayer time and afterwards we usually invade a place to eat pancakes. Marcus and I did not go to pancakes last night just because of the 2 weeks we had and I was exhausted.

Last night - honestly I did not feel like going - I did not feel like praying I could have easily stayed home in bed- but I did get up and I did go-

My heart has been heavy with sadness - my emotions are a mess at times- ( all of which I have been told is normal) yes at times I feel like I am losing my mind. At times I do feel alone. I walked in to the service not really in the mood to sing praise and worship songs - but the song I will praise you in the storm kept entering in my head-

Here is the chorus to the song in which I am speaking:

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

Heart still heavy - I began to sing and sing from my heart- and the heaviness began to be lifted
then Pastor Larry invited us all to pray for the kids- youth- again one of my favorite things to do - however my thoughts were how can I pray for them when I do not feel I can. Of course God knows and as I began to pray a little more heaviness began to be lifted off. I am truly blessed by how God knows the timing of everything and I believe this time in prayer was just for me- oh I know the emphasis was on the kids and moving forward and declaring what God has for us and I also think it was just a time for me to be in His presence enjoying Him.

My son so blessed me on a multitude of levels in that service- from declaring for God to touch the world to running for Jesus to wanting to receive the Baptism in the Holy Spirit. God is going to use him mightily I can sense that.

I am not saying that my emotions are all in check- please I already had a moment this morning- but some of the heaviness has been lifted. I am still saddened and I know for me it will be a day to day and sometime even hour by hour process. Yet, I am thankful that I did not allow the heaviness I was feeling to keep me from that time in prayer

Dear Mom

2011-08-18T16:36:00.002-04:00

Dear Mom

I miss you more then words can say- I have been thinking of all our times spent together- trips when we were younger to PA and OH. The many swim meets we went to - the early ups for practices- always encouraging us to do our best and like what we do. The giving heart- always welcoming the multitude of friends in the door and treating like all of them apart of the family-
Remembering the time we surprised Uncle Dave and Aunt Cheryl with you coming to Wyoming and coming down the escalator asking for additional snow boots- we got them good. Or the time we surprised the entire Plecko Family at Tom and Karri's wedding.
You always cooked plenty of food even if there was five of us- we always had left overs and when I moved away you always sent them with me- I love me my left overs.
I loved watching you work with your horse Mareish - something you enjoyed doing-it was nice to support you for a change in something you wanted to do.
Thank you for loving Marcus and caring for him-I saw the letter you wrote 6 years ago in regards to him being one of the family and how I have alove for kids and would love him just as much.
I remember my senior year in high school when I had the crazy idea of riding the horse on the field- you supported and even got my outfit handmade to ride- you were there with dad every home came to bring Amber tothe stadium and then leave when we were done.
You have supported me in all I dreamed and when I accomplished those dreams you were my biggest fan.
I love you mom-

Danielson's have lost our momma

2011-08-15T11:36:00.003-04:00

Yesterday at 1:25 the Danielson family lost our mom- she got very ill a little ove a week ago and lost the battle- we are saddened deeply saddened by our loss but we will make it through- thank you to all that have sent their love during this time

Love you mom!

its been a long week-

2011-08-09T10:00:00.002-04:00

well this will be short as i am posting at the hospital from my moms ccu room

u see she was brought in by ambulance on friday had emergency surgery and has been in here ever since. she was stabile until last night and now some things have chage. yet we have awesome people who aresending love prayers and support

well...

2011-07-26T20:18:00.002-04:00

It's been a great time since Marcus has been home- oh we have had a bumps and re looking at things but all in all I so enjoy being his mom- thankful I was chosen
He went to kids camp and had a great time-

This week we started the normal schedule- and so far so good- he was tired tonight so he went to bed early

I am working on a special project can not share anymore for now but can not wait til a couple of weeks - :)

So excited how God is working in our lives - amazing

Update from the Danielson Household

2011-07-19T17:37:00.002-04:00

ok so Marcus has been home for over 2 weeks and doing very well- minor issues but allresolved quickly- coping and working on relaxation and me reiterating all he has learned- meeting expectations and getting rewarded or having consequences
I have really enjoyed our time together the last couple of weeks- I love him more today then when I first adopted him- he is an amazing young man.
He went ot church camp Sunday and doing well- I was able to drive over and see where it was- they are having a blast and will be soo tired when they come home- they do come home tomorrow which is good- I miss him :)

Been dealing with car issues which I really do not like- I think it is electrical which I do not like and hope it will not be expensive to fix. A friend will be looking at it to see for sure- not what I needed considering I went back to school- yes I did you read it correctly- I want to be able to help parents with the same issues as I have had with Marcus but want to be educated in how to help them- this could be a very good thing for us as a family-

ok so we are learning

2011-07-13T10:32:00.002-04:00

ok- so Marcus was having slight moment last night because he was not listening and I had to change my tone of voice to get him to know I meant business- oh he did not get aggressive or such - he just started to shut down and not talk to me- so I sent him to his room- and guess what I did not follow- I remained calm as he stewed- I asked him to come back down and he was still ugly attitude and angry- however- the brilliant person I am (lol) stayed calm and thought - so I sent him to his room to play basketball- small soft ball with a basket on his bathroom door- about 20 minutes later called him down- he was calm- we talked- he was upset with my tone of voice- I said I understand but I had to change my tone so you would get that I wanted you to pay attention- I said I was not angry and that I usually tell him when I am getting angry- He agreed and said he understood that he was not listening-

So needless to say- I am learning to stay calm and watch and help him cope so we do not have outbursts and he is actually following through- So far the eggshell walking is not happening- :)

My new normal

2011-07-11T07:24:00.002-04:00

Well I know it has only been 9 days since he has been home but I like my new normal-I am still learning and growing with how to work with him- but I so love this- I can actually joke with Marcus and not have anger happen- He can lose a card game and not go in meltdown mode- he can accidently break something at church and not get angry about it when questioned. we can review things on how to better handle stuff and he is good with it- this new normal I like-
He talks so much- I love it - his mind has opened up and he is soaking everything in.

Things I am learning this week-

2011-07-09T12:03:00.002-04:00

Ok most importantly most importantly - give meds on time- why because if not giving on time your child is very hyper and not sure what to make of it- know that meds do kick in exactly 1 hour to the minute-we did learn a coping skill in regards how to deal with hyperness- because hyperness turns into anger and anger turned into aggression and we do nto want to go there again:)

I miss my friends horribly-

Consistnecy is a good thing- biking with my son is awesome he asks so many questions about what we see-

I am glad I have a 10 year old and not a 15 year old at this time-

I love my friends and family more today then yesterday-

Happy Bday-and then some

2011-07-06T11:22:00.002-04:00

Happy Bday to my grandpa who would have been 98 today- hope you are proud of your grandkids and all of what they have accomplished-

Ok so I am working on a project in which is a passion of mine, what is it? educating parents-child ministry workers the importance of knowing your children- I can not wait to teach it somewhere- I have learned a lot over the last several months and want others to be educated on what I have learned- it took my child leaving for all this to occur and that is fine- would not want to do it again but I have gained a lot and want to share it and help others- oh i am not perfect and still learning - but hey I have come so far-

We shall see where God leads us to go

Adjustment phase

2011-07-05T17:57:00.002-04:00

Ok I think Marcus is adjusting back to home life just fine- mommy however has to relearn how to be a full time mom again- today was a little hectic with getting him up- breakfast- off to camp- going to school for paperwork and picking him up for Drs appointment- I left the appointment with a headache-
we came home he did school work I took a nap and he is still going-
I have thoughts running through my head- all good just adjusting for me - you know cause he is not the same kid- and that is a good thing- so glad I took 2 weeks of so I could get use to being a full time mom again-
Gotta love this adjustment - it is a good tired- not complaining

God Bless America- thankful for our Freedom

2011-07-04T18:53:00.003-04:00

my life is forever changed

2011-07-03T22:00:00.003-04:00

i never would have realized how my life would have been changed with Marcus leaving for 5 months - well multiple things have changed but i truly realize what a gift it was for him to be gone- oh that may have sound harsh but he needed to leave in order for God to touch us both- He has in many ways - one way he has touched me is the fact I look at being a mom so differently- our children are so precious and i am so blessed to be a mom- to be chosen to be a mom- i love Marcus today more then when he left- unconditional love is amazing and words can not express how a child that was not born from me has so much of an impact on my life- he is my son and I love him so much- he is so precious to me

the joy of having your son home

2011-07-02T19:54:00.002-04:00

he is home and not going anywhere-so glad-we set expectations and goals and conseqences a good and bad- we got all the laundry done and put away- he helped whenever asked- we just chilled and did the normal weekend thing-
now when it comes to Monday - that will be the testing day-

I am so very proud of my son- and so amazed at the transformation in his life- if not but for God- we would not be where we are at today

MY SON IS COMING HOME!

2011-07-01T10:30:00.003-04:00

Today is the day - I have waited for - for 5 months- my child is coming home- I am so blessed and learned a lot over the last 5 months and so glad I am reunited forever with Marcus- our lives will never be the same

EXTRA EXTRA!!!

2011-07-01T06:00:00.001-04:00

So thankful that God heard me

2011-06-30T05:46:00.002-04:00

I know my son did not have leukemia and did not die on the cross for me- but he did suffer and now God is healing him- so thankful God heard me

+ parenting- set expectations

2011-06-28T05:54:00.003-04:00

Expectations- lets child know what behavior is expected and what the consequence are for meeting or not meeting the expectation

Set Expectation
*pick a time- plan the time- when you are calm-away from behavior-convenient - and adequate length of time

*plan the place- quiet-where you will not be interruppted-neutral

*set a positive tone- more then being cheerful-positive statements-

*be specific- I expect you to .... or I want you to...

*acknowledge the negative response from child briefly- be empathetic- for example- It seems like you are frustrated by this

*do only one time

*explain briefly why it is good to do this behavior

*this motivates child to listen

Consequence
Should be positive- giving not taking away- not a threat
reasonable- controllable-non-punishing to you
appropriate to situation

if expectation is not met the child does not earn the positive consequence
past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior

ask child to restate the behaviors and consequences- have child tell you the plan

praise the fact they were able to restate- even if it was with additude or grudgingly

avoid leacturing-arguing or being sarcastic

use emapthy and understanding but be cool and stay on course
if child protests more then 3 times end the discussion
try again later when all are calm

see if things are improving- give it 2 weeks- it may need to be revisited

+ parenting- Redirect and Reinforcement

2011-06-27T19:19:00.004-04:00

When can behavior not be ignored?
when it is harmful to the child, others,property, animals or illegal behavior
when a child does not know a better way of getting attention
when pivoting does not teach the appropriate alternative behavior

You identify behavior that is inappropriate you redirect the behavior to a different positive behavior and then Reinforce the desired behavior when it occurs

Intervene
* stay coole - calm -and collected
* before say anything get close to child
* look at child
* touch child appropriately
* you may need to stay STOP and then specify behavior

Redirect
* make sure the behavior is stopped
* redirect to a + behavior
* say I want you to....
* if child has not started with in 3 sec, use minimal , additional prompts, if necessary

Use Reinforcement
* reinforce the desired behavior-for example - that is the right way to bounce the ball
* use this for social interaction- provide positive consequence within 3 seconds
* say nothing and do nothing about the junk behavior through the process
* stay cool

Positive Parenting- Pivot and Junk Behavior

2011-06-24T08:00:00.001-04:00

Why does junk behavior happen
get attention they need, but do not get as often any other way
get you to comfort them
get you to respond or react
make you angry
make you give into them
make you go away
just a habit
its what they do

Pivot
withholding our attention during the occurrence by turning to someone or something else

When do you pivot?
do another activity when you pivot away from the junk behavior
when there are 2 children and one is doing junk behavior - pivot to another child with more desirable behaviors

Steps to using pivot
1. say nothing about the junk behavior
2. do nothing to react to junk behavior
3. actively attend to another child -person- or activity
4. once behaves appropriately , provide reinforcement for appropriate behavior (use praise, etc) within 10 seconds of recognizing the appropriate behavior
5. stay cool

Positive Parenting Tools - Consequences

2011-06-23T21:28:00.002-04:00

Consequence- what happens right after the behavior

Types of:
natural consequence- pain from kicking the door
man made- move
immediate - push door bell -hear sound
delayed-bruise on foot after kicking door

Effects-
Increase future behaviors-happen more often and faster
decrease future behaviors-make happen less often - slower
have no effect

Consequence can be either positive or negative-

Identify the behaviors you want to strengthen and deliver the appropriate consequences. Identify the behaviors you want to weaken and deliver, or withhold, the appropriate consequence
Use reinforcement

Examples of Appropriate Behavior
child giving another child time to play with a toy
picking up dirty clothes
making bed
keeping hands to self
using manners-
brushing teeth
doing homework
fastening seatbelt
asking permission to do something
asking for help

Type of Reinforcing Consequences
social interaction
verbal praise
appropriate touch
tangible items
appropriate privileges
breaks from tasks or work

Positive Consequences
smiles
hugs
winks
high fives
wow!
awesome
well done
nice job
excellent
stay up late
extra video time
pick a movie
special snack
trip to library, zoo, etc
bike ride

Steps to Using Reinforcement
1. Tell the child what behavior you liked
2. provide consequence for the behavior that matches the value of the behavior
3. provide the consequences within 3 seconds of recognizing the behavior, if possible
4. use sincere and appropriate facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language
5. avoid reacting to junk behavior
6. avoid coercive and punishments

Remember all children in the course of the day, will do or say something that is worth giving a positive consequence

Series (2) Positive Parenting Tools- Staying Close

2011-06-21T22:13:00.004-04:00

I mentioned Stay Close yesterday - so lets go into a little more detail on what this means
-this is the foundation for proactive caregiving

You create a safe, positive environment and establish yourself as a source of caring, empathy, and reinforcement

Stay Close Means:
showing you care
being attentive
listening
"just" talking
matching emotions
being near
touching

Stay Close does not mean:
lecturing
setting the record straight
moralizing
being judgemental
problem solving

Benefits:
you will learn about your child-what they value-likes dislikes
you will have a greater interest in their activities
you will build a foundation for a good relationship
children will care about what you say-your approval and disapproval will be important because you are important to them
children will learn good communication skills
children will listen to your expectations and advice because you are listening to them

When to stay close
routine times during the day- meal times- driving
brief moments between other things
special times you are spending just with them
when you are upset with them or someone else after you calm down
when they are upset with you or someone else
during traumatic event
almost every chance you get to interact with child

The closer you are to children the greater influence you have on them

How to stay close-
get physically close
touch appropriately
match facial expressions
use appropriate tone of voice
use relaxed body language
ask open ended , positive questions
listen while the child speaks
use empathy statements
avoid reacting to junk behavior
stay cool through the whole process

Unless what you are about to say or do has a high probability of making things better, don't say it and don't do it- Latham

Tools for Positive Parenting - Series (1)

2011-06-20T20:30:00.001-04:00

This information came from a training manual that I was taught- from the Power of Positive Parenting Glen Latham
Behavior can be defined as anything a person does that can be observed and measured.

"Junk" Behavior- (this is where I struggle at times- but working on working with my son)- any age-typical behavior that may be annoying, but not harmful to self, others, property, or animals. Examples- whining- stomping feet, mumbling, rolling eyes

Why does junk behavior happen?- to get us parents to respond or react, make you angry or get even, to give in, to get you to comfort them, make you go away, to get you to do it for them, because it is just what they do at their age.

Positive Attention-is the most powerful consequence available to you.

Proactive Approach-
Show child which behavior they like by reinforcing it- recognize inappropriate behavior as a need to teach appropriate behavior (do it this way)-establish them self as a safe person to be around-maintain self control-have a plan- practice tools for positive change

Reactive Approach-
look what child is doing wrong and try to weaken the behavior-recognize negative behavior as need to teach a child a lesson-establish themselves as unsafe persons to be around- allowing caregiving to control their moods-do not have a plan- do not practice tools for positive behavior

Stop Coercion- 12 kinds
questioning-arguing-sarcasm-force-threats-criticism-despair-logic-telling them on others-taking away privileges-one up-silent treatment

Results of Coercion-
try to avoid coercive behavior-try to get even-try to escape-learn coercive behavior-become afraid they will fail-receive attention for in appropriate behavior

Coercion produces only short term compliance followed by long term problems

Proactive Care giving-
must be tailored for each child
what works for one child does not always work for another
what works for one child today may not work with that same child tomorrow

is a journey not a destination

5 tips about behavior:
Your job;
create the most positive environment possible
change the environment and you will change the behavior
identify the behavior you want to strengthen and deliver the appropriate consequences
identify the behavior you want to weaken and withhold the appropriate consequences
provide positive consequences
be patient and consistent. wait 2 weeks and see record behavior- if it works keep it up if not go back to tools and see what to do differently
remember past experience-best predictor of future behavior

Tools-
Stay Close
Use Reinforcement
Pivot
Redirect- Use Reinforcement
Set Expectations
Use a Contract
Use Time Out
Asses Behavior

Happy Father's Day

2011-06-19T07:16:00.004-04:00

Happy Father's Day to my daddy- thank you for all the love and support you give me- you are the best!

What Makes a Dad

God took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle's flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God combined these qualities
, When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so,
He called it ... Dad

There is a song I am not forgotten -Israel Houston

Light over darkness
Strength over weakness
Joy over sadness
He knows my name

Father to the Fatherless
Friend to the friendless
Hope for the hopeless
He knows my name

Always remember if your earthly father is no longer around or you have never have had an earthly father- remember your heavenly father is there for you always-

Its been a week

2011-06-16T20:51:00.002-04:00

so Marcus went back on Tuesday and the week seemed to drag on- but oh well tomorrow is Friday- many thoughts running through my head-
like why do people make statements that stereotype people when they really do not know what is going on-drives me nuts- i will not go into detail just know people be careful what you write on facebook or comment on facebook- let me just say Stop- Think before you write anything and then Choose how will this affect me or others that may read it-
ok off my box

so i am working on something that has been long in the process- will be working on it diligently over the weekend as well- i will let you know later what it will be but it should be beneficial to those who work with special needs kids

tomorrow I pick up Marcus and then we have a lock in to go to for Kidzone and church- the kids keep talking about it- they should have a good time

72 Hour review

2011-06-14T08:54:00.003-04:00

Well- today Marcus returns to Bradenton- so glad we only have to do this 2 more times-
we had a good weekend- from biking a distance on Saturday- for him helping me Children's church and did everything without complaining- to eating lunch Sunday with some of our favorite peeps - he did well he asked when we were leaving and did well when I said in a little while we are talking- his comments hae been hysterical ( about who was talking the most ) - then Monday we had dentist appointments- all good- and case manager was here for 2 hours getting the low down so we can start back with Baycare when he returns-and then Busch Gardens for a couple hours ( coworker's husband got us passes- awesome) - so today we are just chillin til we return to Bradenton today.

We had a little bit of an issue - which not really-yesterday- he was doing something in which I asked him to stop a couple of times and then said to get rid of it- not necessarily throw it away but put it somewhere where he did not have it- he stormed upstairs and that was it- no yelling no kicking the bed no mom following - so I called him down cause it was time to go- and asked him why he was mad and he was cause I asked him to get rid of the item- I asked him what he did to calm himself down- he said I hummed- great- it that was it- I love it- of course we discussed the reason of me asking him to stop and he knew I was right :)
What a difference it makes when a child wants to change and sees himself as a good person and he brings it home with him-love it

No Labels Allowed

2011-06-12T07:35:00.005-04:00

Ok you know when reality sets in and you finally admit it- or you really finally see it- my rambling of a mom-with Marcus being gone for awhile and they were able to get a firm diagnosis and proper treatment- I knew he had issues and such but with a firm diagnosis it was like ok I am not crazy and this is the reality of life- he may be diagnosed with a mental health issue but it does not define him- He is created by God in his image and God does not make any junk- so if you have a disease or a diagnosis do not let that define you-

We often give our kids labels that may have ADHD- PTSD- impulse disorder etc- but seriously are they not made in God's image- God Sees- a loving- happy child- wanting to please - wanting to serve- wanting to be loved -God sees a miracle in the making and do you see God in your child with a special need? You should cause God does and so do I -

Get past the labeling and see God - ask God to show you more then labels ask Him to show you what part of Him is in your child

I do not undersatnd

2011-06-11T18:13:00.003-04:00

Ok if you want your child to get better- with mental health issues or any other health issues- should you not be there for them? I am not understanding why parents - biological- adoptive- foster what ever form you are as a parent would not be there to learn what they are working on with your child - out of 60 children 11 families showed today for family day- I do not get it-

Our therapist said that I was a big part of Marcus turning around because he realized (finally) that I was here for him and not going anywhere-he knows that I will not abandon him-

Getting on my soap box-Your child has needs - he is not perfect it is time you as a parent that may need to change too- aye aye aye-because your child may be getting what he/she needs to do and doing it with the tools they have worked on everyday- so its your turn- I know I have had to change too to help him- and you know what it is a work in progress but I am taking those steps-and it may not work right away but it will work if you keep going with it-

you hit your child and then you tell them not to hit- you curse and tell them not to curse- you raise your voice and they raise their voice- seriously what are you teaching ( some of these I saw today after our family session)- a lot of patience and a lot of work comes with the territory of a traumatized child-

so yes Marcus comes from trauma and a lot of his issues come from that we just have to handle him a little differently and he will be successful - I KNOW IT!!! I BELIEVE IT!

WHY

2011-06-08T23:24:00.003-04:00

do people hold on to the past?- we can not change it - we learn from it- we grow from it we become better from it.

do people have to lose focus of the reality of life and what they are doing

are we so fixated on changing others when really it is ourselves that need to change

can't we let go even though we have been hurt

do people put others down when we need to be picking each other up

are some people living like there is not a care in the world

can't we all just get along

do people think they can trample on lives and think they got awaay with it when really you will reap what you sow.

do people walk away from God when He is our source of life

just some questions i have been asking lately-

I stand in awe

2011-06-05T07:10:00.002-04:00

And I stand, I stand in awe of you
I stand, I stand in awe of you
Holy God to whom all praise is due
I stand in awe of you

Well- I am not really standing in awe- sitting more like it as I watch in amazement the transfromation of my Marcus- I sit and think this is definately not the same boy that left in January- why would I doubt the miraculous change in him- not a matter of doubting just a matter of amazement- sitting with awe- how God would answer the cries of a desperate mom- yes desperate I was cause I was hanging on by a thread-
so I am thankful thankful to a God who hears our cries- thankful for a God with just the touch of His hand can change lives forever. This has truly happened our lives are changed forever.

I noticed yesterday I was a bit cautious with him when we were out for lunch- still a learning curve- I will get it-we talked about expectations and he already knows what type of incentive he gets- it has actually been fun- cause he earns Wii time in the evening and we now have a competition going in who the better one is on the Wii training. so far I was once and he was once- I will change that though :) - yep little competitive and do not believe in throwing a game for a kid to win.

Yes- so

And I stand, I stand in awe of you
I stand, I stand in awe of you
Holy God to whom all praise is due
I stand in awe of you

The countdown begins

2011-06-04T06:45:00.002-04:00

last weekend when i was speaking to Pastor Larry he asked if I could believe it that all this time has past with Marcus being gone- i said it went far faster then i anticipated and now we are weeks away from him coming home for good- my how things change in what will be 5 months- he is home a month earlier then anticipated all because of how he has changed- through God, love, Marcus wanting to change, therapy sessions, med changes, and massive amount of prayers being lifted up for him.

so t minus 27 days- i can not wait- he will be home every weekend until he comes home permanently - 6 years ago the first weekend he spent over night with me was the weekend of July 4th- hmm-

I am proud of him- Miss Carmen his therapist said when ciaos is going on and others are acting impulsive Marcus is focusing on what he needs to be doing and not joining in with the the rest- so proud-

continue to working with him at home when he is here-

we have a semi busy weekend- just normal stuff we would be doing- we have a picnic on Sunday after church- he wants to be baptized again.

Unconditional Love

2011-06-02T22:57:00.003-04:00

is a term that means to love someone regardless of the loved one's qualities or actions. sometimes that is real hard- real hard- over the last view months this has become so evident to me in how much I love Marcus unconditionally. Regardless of all the junk he has said or done- I love him to pieces. I will never give up on him.
Just like God loves us each unconditionally and never gives up on us- where would be if he did give up on us?

God is good

2011-05-31T10:05:00.003-04:00

God you are so good- Marcus and I talked and he told me that he has forgiven his foster parents- and while at the Palms prayed for God to touch his life.
He said once he did this his behaviors began to change. Oh I know God gave us the doctors , therapists, and medication but I also know we serve a God that heals a person to wholeness.
Marcus is proud of his accomplishments and his self esteem is so much improved - I am amazed. - I know I serve a Great Big God and should never doubt the miracles He can do.

Pinch Me - no that would hurt

2011-05-30T07:50:00.004-04:00

I know I know what am I going on and on about the same subject- am I dreaming is this for real- I know there will be days ahead which will not be oh so fun but if the majority of the days are like the last 72 hours this will be awesome- To see such a drastic change in Marcus is a true miracle- he was wrestling and having fun with Sarah yesterday and normally he goes off after a few minutes but no no going off just fun a laughter- again am I dreaming? pinch me no really don't that would hurt-

So Happy Memorial Day everyone- I slept in til 630 - yes that is sleeping in- we are up and about and looking forward to a day with the Tobias family- we hardly hang out anymore with them just because of busy schedules and such so like I said yesterday I had Adam write us in so he would not take any other offers- even if they were better :) Pretty said when you have to be penciled in to one of your BFFs daytimer.

So thank you thank you to all the military men and women who have given their lives for our freedom-thank you dad, my uncles, my cousins, and my grandparents for serving.

More importantly thank you Jesus for dying on the cross for me- for giving me another freedom

Is this how it will be from now on?

2011-05-29T14:40:00.003-04:00

We went to the track meet yesterday and it was very hot but it did not matter- I enjoyed it so much- it was a joy to see Marcus there and just to cheer on his teammates- he wanted to go- this would be a normal thing for us to do over the spring- summer months and we are trying to do normal things during the times he is home on pass- which from now on will be every weekend until discharge date.

So what is with my title- I know you are asking- well I was driving home yesterday from errands and got to thinking is this for real is this the new normal for me- not being in crisis mode (as one of my friends calls it) if this is true I have an adjustment-my thoughts and how I handle things are changing- not reacting or should I say not thinking I have to figure out how to react when meltdowns occur. I have to break apart and check myself to see if it is true normal kid behavior- where as before I had no clue what things would set him off.

it appears that things that use to set him off before he handles quite well- I tested the theory yesterday when he was tired. No reaction- he just gave me a funny face and said mommmmmmmmy (smile)

As I spoke to 2 of my friends who have seen it- Marcus and have helped in crunch time many times- said set expectations (which I am doing) follow through on what they taught him at the Palms and allow him to be a kid- oh and for me to relax a bit-(all of which will be take time and so glad I have weekends to work on) Plus Marcus is showing me what he has learned- so much is follow through and him being responsible-

My miracle child - love it